San Antonio Off Topic Thread (Post, Blanco: to live, enclosure, steel)

[sapphire]

Speaking of Maytag Neptune washers and dryers. I have a friend who has a set for sale--DM me if you want the info.

She also has a couple of cats for free........just thought I'd throw that out there, not that anyone will ask about them! One is a big orange boy, the other is a brown tabby without stripes, and they are both very affectionate and cute.

Anyone?

[rd2007]

Originally Posted by PopsGuysRule

Ditto... and ... for RD, a $5 alarm clock wouldn't do the trick????
an alarm setting on your watch?? the BUZZER THAT'S BUILT INTO THE DRYER???? (well, okay, I know, sometimes we're too far away from the dryer to hear the buzzer, but.....) you get the picture.....

a $5 alarm clock just doesn't satisfy the gadget lover inside me

I'm not going to buy one though. My resolution for this year is to stop/cut back on toy buying and concentrate on finance building.. My habits can get kinda expensive if I don't keep them in check

[rd2007]

early morning joke time..

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a Pocket Taser Stun Gun for their anniversary submitted this as a 'short' story for his alumni newsletter.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.??
AWESOME!!!?
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave!
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !??
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fr a ction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ?
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'??
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dumbass,' reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the sidedoor, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, 'Do it again, stupid, do it again!'
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.
That hurt like !!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid

[sapphire]

LOL, if you're like most married men, she's got them in her purse.

(what you're looking for, I mean.)

[rd2007]

Everyone I work with (all females) found this VERY hilarious. I found it slightly painful.. and in more ways than one

[rd2007]

These political threads that keep popping up in here are getting pretty annoying.. I posted it once before about how I hang out here to avoid that stuff, but I guess I didn't get through to some..

[sapphire]

The Dream Team one should not even be in this forum, IMO.

[rd2007]

none of them should, they belong in the politics and conspiracy theory thread, or the election 2008 thread. I could see a mayoral race or city council election in this section, because that actually deals with SA. All that other garbage belongs in its own section so people like me can escape it..
my opinion only and I figured this OT section is a good place to rant

[Steel Man]

Originally Posted by rd2007

none of them should, they belong in the politics and conspiracy theory thread, or the election 2008 thread. I could see a mayoral race or city council election in this section, because that actually deals with SA. All that other garbage belongs in its own section so people like me can escape it..
my opinion only and I figured this OT section is a good place to rant

Boy rd2007, 50 posts just in this thread (only 5 more to go and you're #1)...that's a lot of ranting!

[sapphire]

Originally Posted by Steel Man

Boy rd2007, 50 posts just in this thread (only 5 more to go and you're #1)...that's a lot of ranting!

Wow, you're counting?



*we got ourselves a stalker*

j/k steel man