behavioral issues with son... (university, military, floor)

[sapphire]

What if you gave him 2 or 3 things he could control? Such as his watch, or a certain toy? Make it so that you have no say so in it (within reason, I mean something that is not harmful, of course) and let him always "be in charge" of that thing.

[momof2dfw]

LOL!!!! I Love it!

Yes, it sounds like you have "one of those". They are lots of fun, really are. Just that darn stubborn strong willed streak in them. Hey, I sent my kid to school in kindergarten in her PJ's as she thought she was "in control" and was taking her time getting ready. From that day on I never had another issue of her not getting ready in time. I told her she was going to be on time no matter what she had on pj's or real clothes. You just gotta learn which battles to pick with them. I'm just glad my kid had on decent pj's that time

Anyway, no you are FAR from alone. Oh gosh, wish you were up here as our school district does have the magnet schools starting in kindergarten for them. My oldest has been in it since then. LOVE IT!!! She is now 13 and at the middle school they even call themselves "nerds". LOL!!! It really is funny as to them they are "normal". Any other "mainstream" school and they would be outcasts or made fun of. Sometimes they don't have a lick of common sense and us moms/dads will just stand there and look at each other and one parent will always pipe up, "I have one too". This is when it is really nice for them to be in a setting w/ like minded kids as the parents are facing the same things you are. We can get along with each other GREAT and to us all of our kids are "normal".

Call your local school district NOW and ask if they have any kind of program for gifted students. In ours the testing starts in November for the next year so you have to be on top of it. Also look up to see if any of the local PTA's have a gifted support group (here is the link to ours: Garland Area Parent Association for Gifted and Talented). It can be a HUGE BLESSING!!!!

You might also look around at private schools to see what science fairs they have. The one in Dallas with the coolest that my daughter participates in is The Winston School, Winston Science
At her school they never did a "true" science fair project. They did TONS of in school hands on projects so it was the kids doing the work and NOT the parents. Now in middle school they do the science fair thru The Winston School. It really is cool. Try and find something close by to take him to even though he might be too young to participate maybe he can be a spectator. There are all kinds of books on his level for him to have that can get him all kinds of info on cool things to do. But, he will need to learn to read. This is how you get him into reading. In order for him to read the books to learn to do these experiements and build things he has to know how to read the instructions

So, hit your nearest teacher supply store (even Mardel's has a lot of teacher supply inventory) and find anything that interests him and get him going.

Then, also put him in a sport. These kids are amazingly well at sports. My child is taking up pole vaulting now after years of soccer and dance. Scares the crap out of me but she is really good at it. She was also good at soccer and on the field I was able to see lots of good ballet moves

[wCat]

Originally Posted by sapphire

WCat....my oldest son is also brilliant, and he owns and still reads and cherishes his Calvin and Hobbes books. I wonder what it is about them? My mom is actually the one that got him interested in them, and he was never a "bad" kid--in fact, eerily well-behaved! He always read at much higher grade levels than the grade he was actually in.

You would think the opposite! The comic is about a kid who loves to get into mischief..........and drives his parents nuts in the process, so most people would say, "Hey, don't give him any ideas!" But I think they are a great outlet, and they really are quite endearing books.

(we even extended the love to our cats.........Callie and Hobbes)

.

Sapphire....my initial reaction to "Calvin" was exactly the same....OMgosh....I'm giving him ideas! But oddly enough....mine is not a risk taker. He likes jokes and having a blast and even being mischievous, but knows where to draw the line. C&H was sort of that "imaginary" place he could go.....have fun, be silly, experiment and even catch a little mischief ....but nothing serious. But I could not pry it out of his hands. We still have ALL of them.

MOJ.....you may get lucky, but be prepared to do battle with the school. These types of gifted kids don't fit their model. I tried to get my son in a gifted program but they found some way to disqualify him. He is brilliant doing work, or creative writing, but on his own time schedule. He does not do well with timed tests and that is how they measure everything. Thankfully he's out of that system and on his own schedule.....I'm seeing him really spread his wings and it makes me cry happy tears.

Yes...there are a lot of us....and our kids are just fine. It's the dang "system" that needs something to place blame on what's broken.

I was affectionately called ....well..never mind.

[catriona]

Originally Posted by mojokitty

I feel like I was just given a breath of fresh air! People understand me, they can relate to what I'm going through, and aren't judging me as a mama. I understand what you guys are saying and YES I do think he is a gifted child. I even asked awhile back how I could get him tested and most said that he couldn't until he was older. I didn't realize that along with having a gifted child he could be SO strong willed too! He is VERY intelligent, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mama. I've been told that by strangers too. I can tell by the way he talks (using words that he can barely pronounce, but insisting he use them such as- describing a cartoon as "disturbing" ). He also LOVES gears. I mean, LOVES them so much that he asked for them for his birthday and they are his favorite toys. Along with legos, blocks, etc. He loves to see how things work and what makes things go. We took him to the Leonardo DaVinci exhibit and it was like he'd never seen anything that cool before. He was just running from thing to thing with wide eyes! He LOVED it! He also loves water and pipes and likes to see how things go in pipes and how they work. It has been like this since he was probably a year old. No joke. He does do math too. He can add and subtract. He just does not want to learn those darn letters and numbers.

I just don't feel like I'm being supported by the teacher in this name thing. I KNOW it's a control thing, and he's actually been doing this since he was about 2 or so. He insists that he be called by MN when he's in trouble or is being "controlled" in some way. It's just his way of keeping SOME sort of control. I just wish that the teacher would TRY to make him learn how to spell FN first. GEEZ!

Thank you for all of the advice. I think we should start a strong willed child support group in this town! I have run into more parents that have SWC than I can believe! I mean, when the teacher after week 2 is telling you that your child has a strong personality...then you know you aren't nuts and he must actually be this little fireball! I'm happy to know that someday (god willing) he will be a leader and won't take crap from anyone! I know he doesn't take it from me!!!! Thanks guys for giving me hope!

My son was a lot like yours when he was that age. He was very strongwilled and definitely a handful. I remember reading a book called The Strongwilled Child It gave me some ideas to help deal with him, but for the most part, it took a lot of patience and discipline. Just like your son, he loved gears, legos, anything along those lines. He must have had 200 Hot Wheels cars and each one of them had a name. You mentioned the water pipes. Ditto. Have you taken him to the Witte to see the water wheel that is outside by the Treehouse? My son was fascinated with that contraption. He has never been much for reading, but he loves science and math and music.

I think it is a phase they go through because they are bored with just the normal things at school or preschool. In pre-k, he and his cohorts stuffed toiletpaper down the commodes to see what would happen. They were holy terrors until they got out of kindergarten. (ha ha ha - Terror in Pooh shoes. Yes, the only shoes he would wear were his Pooh shoes! He absolutely LOVED POOH. Go figure!) His big control thing with us was what he ate. He would get so mad about *whatever* he was told to do that he would pitch a tantrum so bad he would throw up. Yep, either at school or at home, that was his method of getting 'control'. All of that went away after kindergarten. Involving him in organized sports was a big help, and getting him a video game system (although I hate to admit it) helped, too. And lots of patience and guidance and discipline. I think I used the 'how would you like it if someone did that to you' or 'do you think what you did was right' or 'look what happened when you did *whatever*. Are you happy with the outcome?" type of reasoning with him. Made him think and eventually helped change his behavior.

We started him playing T-ball when he was 4 or 5, whenever they are old enough to play. He has played team basketball since he was 5, even played a little soccer and golf. The sports helped him a lot.

He became an achiever once he hit 1st grade, where he was the only one that had 100% on his Bible memory verses and times tables. In 4th grade, he started playing the trombone. In 5th and 6th grade, he placed 2nd in the school science fair. He went to speech meets, and math competitions and placed high, even won several awards in art competition! He spent the last summer at PREP at UTSA (PreFreshman Engineering Program) and wants to go the next two summers, too. Now in 8th grade, he has grown in to a strong leader in his school and stands up for what is right and what he believes in. He is also very responsible, very organized and very neat with his papers. He considers himself a nerd. Still loves his legos, bionicles, knex, and of course, the all hallowed video game.

I think that if you take your son and find as many ways to keep him not just entertained, but always learning, you will find that he will turn into a young man that is a leader, who stands up for what he believes in, and will achieve great things. If there are magnet schools for him to attend when he gets older, check them out. Get the computer games he can play -- we used Jumpstart. Organized sports help teach discipline, too.

Good luck, and know that you are definitely not alone!

[svg210]

Originally Posted by mojokitty

I am having some minor behavioral issues with my 4 yr old son. I don't know where else to turn for help or suggestions on how to handle his strong will. He's not a bad child, but we do battle with him every day, multiple times a day. His teachers at school have told me every day of things that he is doing in school . Does anyone know of any resources around SA that might be able to help me? We are military, so I am trying to get an appt with his dr. to discuss some things too. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks!

Well I dont have any kids, but one of my nephews is a pain in the arse! My sister spanks him, but when hes really out of control like sometimes he'll have some really bad temper tantrums. One time when I visited He broke one of my sister's vase and when my sister sent him to his room he started having a tantrum He's only 5yrs old. So my sister picked him up and sat him on his little brother's high chair as a time out. That shut him up. Sometimes a little humiliation will work. Its better to punish them now than let the judicial system handle it.

[millie61]

My youngest started learning the drums at 5 !!! yes but it took the edge off of the boredom. We just kept him busy all the time, school was too easy for him.
We were fortunate in that we lived in UK and all the kids would play on the green in the street, golf, soccer you name it they played it kept them occupied. He is now 18 just gone off to college but will still voice his opinion now though he is meeting challenges that he hasnt bfore.
My Mum always told me don't worry about the small stuff and that is so right.

[momof2dfw]

Originally Posted by svg210

Well I dont have any kids, but one of my nephews is a pain in the arse! My sister spanks him, but when hes really out of control like sometimes he'll have some really bad temper tantrums. One time when I visited He broke one of my sister's vase and when my sister sent him to his room he started having a tantrum He's only 5yrs old. So my sister picked him up and sat him on his little brother's high chair as a time out. That shut him up. Sometimes a little humiliation will work. Its better to punish them now than let the judicial system handle it.

Spanking my gifted child was a NIGHTMARE!!!!! It was worse than the crime. I found that figuring out the thing (item) that she LOVED most and taking it away was the best form of punishment for her. When she was younger it was her American Girl doll.

[mojokitty]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

Spanking my gifted child was a NIGHTMARE!!!!! It was worse than the crime. I found that figuring out the thing (item) that she LOVED most and taking it away was the best form of punishment for her. When she was younger it was her American Girl doll.

I couldn't agree more!!! Spanking OR yelling with my son would throw him into a whirlwind of furry! I mean, if you yell, he yells back louder. Sort of "I'm going to get the last word" type of thing with him. I try to tell people who are taking care of him that we don't yell at him, we try to talk sternly. It REALLY works. Also, he needs you to EXPLAIN why what he did was wrong and how to correct the behavior. He wants to know why why why. We also do the taking away his things, especially when he says "NO! you pick them up" when it's clean up time. He knows mama will pick them up and he won't get them back for some time. I think the oldschool way of thinking (spanking/yelling) is NOT the right way to deal with strong willed kids. I know what happens and now his grandparents are finding that out too. Haha, his grandpa got the brunt of it last week when he yelled at my son, but we'll save that story for another day.

Thanks again guys, this is all so helpful!

[mojokitty]

Originally Posted by millie61

My youngest started learning the drums at 5 !!! yes but it took the edge off of the boredom. We just kept him busy all the time, school was too easy for him.
We were fortunate in that we lived in UK and all the kids would play on the green in the street, golf, soccer you name it they played it kept them occupied. He is now 18 just gone off to college but will still voice his opinion now though he is meeting challenges that he hasnt bfore.
My Mum always told me don't worry about the small stuff and that is so right.

My son is begging to play piano! I don't know why but he wants to learn so bad! I'm also thinking of putting him in Tae Kwon Do, I think it might help him learn dicipline and get him to get some activity too. He is also starting to ask to play sports...so we'll see! Thanks!

[momof2dfw]

Originally Posted by mojokitty

I couldn't agree more!!! Spanking OR yelling with my son would throw him into a whirlwind of furry! I mean, if you yell, he yells back louder. Sort of "I'm going to get the last word" type of thing with him. I try to tell people who are taking care of him that we don't yell at him, we try to talk sternly. It REALLY works. Also, he needs you to EXPLAIN why what he did was wrong and how to correct the behavior. He wants to know why why why. We also do the taking away his things, especially when he says "NO! you pick them up" when it's clean up time. He knows mama will pick them up and he won't get them back for some time. I think the oldschool way of thinking (spanking/yelling) is NOT the right way to deal with strong willed kids. I know what happens and now his grandparents are finding that out too. Haha, his grandpa got the brunt of it last week when he yelled at my son, but we'll save that story for another day.

Thanks again guys, this is all so helpful!

LOL!!!! My husband was always telling me "why are you trying to reason with her". YOU HAD TO!!! Oh, and the "why". I swear I used to answer at least a couple dozen "why" questions every hour. Especially in the car and they would see things and want to know "why". Oh, and if you tell your strong willed gifted child "the sky is blue"......... DO NOT DARE SAY IT IS GRAY THE NEXT DAY!!!!

You mentioned Hot Wheels. My husband collects them. The old redline ones. So our girls got into it. Find a local Hot Wheels Collectors Club and look up to see if one of the national conventions is going to be somewhere you might be able to take a trip to. I'm not kidding........these groups exist. My daughter LOVED going to them (shaking my head and still don't understand that one). I grew up w/ some Hot Wheels and the old Fisher-Price Little People houses and stuff. So I got a ton of those on Ebay and the kids LOVE playing with them. It got their minds to imagine their own world. Same with the Hot Wheels. They sat up entire "cities". Fortunately we had a spare bedroom that does not have a bed in it for them to do this and leave it up for a week at a time. I also like their toys being in a different room than their beds. If they refused to clean up messes (not the "cities" but total messes) I simply closed the door and that room was off limits for x number of days. But check out the Hot Wheels clubs in the area and take him to the shows. Then you can also see if he is into the real cars and find the local car shows to take him to as well. There are all kinds of things like this that the kids really get into that are fun for them and keep their mind active.

I also loved this when my oldest asked me a few years ago. We were digging thru their old toys for my sisters new baby. Found the youngest ones Glow Worm. The oldest wanted to know why we did not have hers. Thought we did not like her and did not save it or something, lol. I turned around and told her, "you took yours apart and put it back together soooo many times that it finally stopped working". She cracked up.

Another good set of books for the 5-6 year old is the Frog and Toad series.