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Old 05-29-2009, 11:44 PM
 
2,312 posts, read 3,665,184 times
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maybe its because you have all your teeth.........ok bad joke.......
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Old 05-30-2009, 01:21 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
317 posts, read 1,751,227 times
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We are transplants here, and my family and I do get looks, but for different reasons.

My husband has a nerve disease that makes him unable to wear long pants, shoes or socks, and he is wheelchair bound. He is 6'3", and is a bigger man, so he is surprising to see in his big electric wheelchair cruising out and about. Add me with me long black hair, almost black eyes and mismatched Walmart attire and flipflops, and our daughters- one with dyed red hair cut ultra short and brown eyed, and the other with long blond hair and green eyes- and we are a motley crew! Save the milkman jokes- we have heard them all. Neither of the girls look exactly like either one of us! We always get looked at, and try to take the people watching in stride. We have had some great conversations with people about wheelchairs, hair, doctors, etc. with folks who just walked up and started talking to us.

It has taken a while to adjust, but I think people are really friendly here. I sometimes still feel like we don't always fit in- but I think that's what could make friendly curiosity and normal people watching turn into feelings like people still view you as an outsider/transplant and they are staring at you. If that makes any sense. Just my humble two cents.

If for nothing else, give them something to look at- a great smile and a "howdy" should work well anywhere.
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Old 05-30-2009, 08:52 AM
 
Location: NW San Antonio
2,982 posts, read 9,836,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmmjsm View Post
We are transplants here, and my family and I do get looks, but for different reasons.

My husband has a nerve disease that makes him unable to wear long pants, shoes or socks, and he is wheelchair bound. He is 6'3", and is a bigger man, so he is surprising to see in his big electric wheelchair cruising out and about. Add me with me long black hair, almost black eyes and mismatched Walmart attire and flipflops, and our daughters- one with dyed red hair cut ultra short and brown eyed, and the other with long blond hair and green eyes- and we are a motley crew! Save the milkman jokes- we have heard them all. Neither of the girls look exactly like either one of us! We always get looked at, and try to take the people watching in stride. We have had some great conversations with people about wheelchairs, hair, doctors, etc. with folks who just walked up and started talking to us.

It has taken a while to adjust, but I think people are really friendly here. I sometimes still feel like we don't always fit in- but I think that's what could make friendly curiosity and normal people watching turn into feelings like people still view you as an outsider/transplant and they are staring at you. If that makes any sense. Just my humble two cents.

If for nothing else, give them something to look at- a great smile and a "howdy" should work well anywhere.
It's our differences that make us all interesting. Think about it, if your spouse, significant other, had the same type of job, drove the same type of car, liked the same kind of music, the same people, food, grew up right down the street from you, etc, (the odds are, that person wouldn't be your spouse for long) Those kinds of similarities are what makes people boring, in relationships, as well as life.
A married couple been together for 25 years, they hardly talk or communicate at all, (most of them) they are so used to each other, nothing is new. Variety is the spice of life.
I read the other day, A couple needs (3) three things to make a marriage last for a long time, they are:
1. His love for her
2. Her love for him
3. (1) One common passion that they share


Back on topic, I have digressed into Dr. Phil, to the OP, when people look at you, unless the looks are long extended stares, , you have given them something new and interesting in their day, a distraction. Very few people in this world intentionally want to be rude, but it's human nature to look at something/someone that catches your eye, whether it's because of it's beauty or it's difference to us. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so remember, the lookers may be enjoying the beauty of the view.

To dmmjsm, you sound like a normal family, everybody has their idiosyncrasies, characteristics that make them special. There is a reason that fingerprints are different on each and every person in this world, it's because each and every person in this world is different. What one sees as flaws, another sees as color, integrity, strength, ability to stand out and say, I'm able to go where I want, when I want, with whomever I want, and you can take me as I am or not. If you take me as I am, then we can be lifelong friends/comrades and grow, if you can't, then leave me in peace to go on my way, and I will do the same for you, our paths crossed, and what we saw didn't interest us enough to pursue that journey. Vaya con dios. (sic)
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Old 05-30-2009, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Calallen :)
162 posts, read 705,684 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstxcop View Post
omg...if only you knew --- it sickens me when it happens ---

i have heard people in spanish say things ---

i have had 2 ladies at 2 different times in line at wal-mart ask me if they are all my kids --- actually 1 asked if they were all my kids, because they looked so different --- and the other asked if they were all from the same daddy...

1 lady asked my oldest daughter if she and my middle daughter were "blood" sisters --- why ask my daughter that??? seriously...

then i get the stupid "oh, the milkman must have been blond, the plumber had red hair and the cable guy was mexican"...

i am so tired of it i have learned to block it all out...

honestly, if you look really closely, my kids have facial features that resemble eachother, but at first look, they don't look alike...but it never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be...
Funny you should mention this -- yesterday at the salon, a stylist asked me if all three of my sons belonged to me. Of course, I don't think she meant any harm, but it does get repetitve. My oldest and youngest are blonde hair with blue eyes while my middle son has brown, thick wavy hair and brown eyes.

Several years ago, a lady approached me in HEB after I checked out to comment on how "cute" my boys were -- she then proceeded to ask me if they had the same father since they looked so different. I just shrugged and told her I didn't know...
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Old 05-30-2009, 09:48 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
2,260 posts, read 5,617,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deek102 View Post
why don't you guys get dressed up for church??? It's your opportunity to look and feel nice!
I sing in the choir, so when we wear robes I wear dark jeans, a dressy top and heels to church. When we don't wear robes I feel inclined to dress up more so instead of jeans I wear trousers or a skirt.

I LOVE wearing jeans to church b/c I dress up for week all week, and it's nice not to have to dress up quite so much for church.

But I was raised "dressing" for church, so if we aren't wearing choir robes I wear dressier clothes. I'd feel weird wearing flip flops to church, and you won't catch me dead in shorts or capris no matter what the weather!
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Old 05-30-2009, 10:09 AM
 
3,468 posts, read 8,555,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire View Post
A very wise lady on this forum (Ms. Paka!) has the best answer for that. She says to ask them, "Why do you ask?" Puts them on the spot and makes them fumble around for an answer, instead of you having to be uncomfortable. Seriously, people ARE rude and why they think other people's children's parentage is any of their concern is just unbelievable. Again, I am sorry you or anyone has to go through that.

And you shouldn't have to say that anyone needs to look closely at your kids to see they resemble one another. They are not freaks in a circus. You have no reason to be defensive at all--they are your kids!! Even adoptive parents shouldn't have to answer to anyone. Oh, I would come unglued on someone who looked at my kid cross-eyed as if they were questioning ANYTHING about him.
I've recently started adopting Paka's tactic and sometimes it works! With 7 kids and 2 grandkids (and they ALL have their own unique looks), we've received that "are they all yours/do they have the same daddy" type comment a ZILLION times. Wanna hear something worse? I FREQUENTLY get asked some pretty specific questions about my birth control practices, from total and complete strangers! Seriously, some of the questions I hear are so personal, I wouldn't ask my own sister them! And some are so disturbing that they shock even me! (And I don't get shocked at MUCH!) I mean, I know that I'm a FREAK for having so many kids, but does that give a complete stranger the right to ask if we've thought of practicing the wi*****l method?! Ohhhhh, the stories I could tell.....

Back on-topic ~ yes to the OP's question, as a transplant who's been here a little over 10 years now, I've noticed some pretty weird "stares" at times. Not always, and more so in the more rural areas around town (where they know everyone and they KNOW I "ain't frum aroowwnd heaaa"). Eh, no biggie. <shrugs>
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Old 05-30-2009, 10:37 AM
 
5,642 posts, read 15,711,475 times
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This was a very common feeling when I lived in the Rio Grande Valley.
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Old 05-30-2009, 10:43 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
2,260 posts, read 5,617,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasNick View Post
This was a very common feeling when I lived in the Rio Grande Valley.
Yeah, I still notice it there when we visit my husband's family. I just ignore it. I'm a gringa. It's who I am. If people want to stare because I'm married to a Hispanic man, alrighty then. Whatever.
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Old 05-30-2009, 02:02 PM
 
322 posts, read 774,813 times
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I've felt more nervous in Boston than I really have in SA. Drinking by Fenway (Boston Beer Works rules!), Kenmore Square or Faneuil Hall really made me more nervous at times. In Boston, I'm a white guy, they're white guys, and they're drunk with something to prove. There seemed to be a lot of drunken anger when I've been there. I'd go to DC over Boston in less than a heartbeat. My wife loves Boston but she's not the one they want to try to beat up to prove their manliness

My feeling has been in San Antonio that most of the Hispanic guys really don't care about me at all. They probably just think I'm a dumb gringo and that's fine with me
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Old 05-30-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,848 posts, read 4,684,084 times
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Yes, 4-5 years ago when I was dating my husband and visiting from Dallas especially. It was usually because I was "over dressed" though.

I would dress appropriately for dinner and drinks in Dallas, but was both overdressed and too "fashion forward or 'trendy'" for San Antonio. For instance, a style of shoes or dress that had not made it's way down here quite yet.

I find that less though now that we do not really frequent "bars" on Broadway and instead spend 3 hour dinners with friends. I think the stares of crowds just depends on the crowds themselves...now I stare at people who wear scrubs to dinner at Tre Trattoria and people who wear an over sized sports Jersey...well, anywhere but a game.

There was a very interesting article on Texas fashion and it touches on Dallas/Houston/SA trends and style in Texas Monthly. It is fabulously written and filled with good old southern humor - I highly recommend a read when anyone has a chance to do so...The Grand Gesture: Texas Monthly March 2009

Last edited by cr1039; 05-30-2009 at 03:15 PM.. Reason: "it touches on"
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