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Old 10-28-2007, 07:31 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,087,136 times
Reputation: 55549

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MadScientistDan View Post
I've been a bit frustrated the last few months. I'm an east coast transplant and moved out here to improve my surfing performance and for a new job.

I'm 26.. pretty easy going and easy to get along with but having a hard time making friends to go out at night with. Do people have any advice, places to go, groups in San Diego that are all about meeting new people?

All the friends ive made at work are married, older than me, or have gfs

-Dan

dsurfer21@yahoo.com
MySpace
my uncle in memphis says livin in california is like livin with a beautiful woman that has a headache all the time.

stephen s
san diego ca
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:33 PM
 
9,522 posts, read 30,352,038 times
Reputation: 6434
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddball26 View Post
ok Sasberto, but what aobut the church scene? And understand I was born and raised in east county all of my life. Its all I know pretty much. But also, I see a lot of people in their 20's here in el cajon/east county, espeically at the mall- parkway plaza. so tell me what you think about that?
Thanks,

Jason
No idea, I do not go to church. Teenagers hang out at malls, not grownups. What do you like to do in your spare time? (aside from the computer)
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:38 PM
 
39 posts, read 259,709 times
Reputation: 40
watch football, go to the mall, eat out, go to church, etc etc. I dont drive either, so that might be a problem for me getting around too as well.

Jason
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:39 PM
 
39 posts, read 259,709 times
Reputation: 40
OH, I like going to the casinos too as well.

Jason
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:39 PM
 
9,522 posts, read 30,352,038 times
Reputation: 6434
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddball26 View Post
I dont drive either, so that might be a problem for me getting around too as well.
I'd say it's a big problem. Any reason you can't drive or get a car?
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:40 PM
 
39 posts, read 259,709 times
Reputation: 40
Im not able to drive at al because I have low vision.

Jason
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:48 PM
 
9,522 posts, read 30,352,038 times
Reputation: 6434
I don't know what to tell ya. You have to get out and about, go places where people your age are and do things people your age too. I understand you might have physical reasons that make it difficult for you, but you need to keep trying and not get caught up in front of the computer all the time.

My cousin Joe has a lot of problems, he also cannot drive due to his vision, however he has tons of friends, is always working on art projects and riding skateboards and doing stuff other kids do. It is not easy for him but he does not give up.

It's not going to happen all at once or right away. You meet one person and then another and over time you know lots of people. I will say this, when you get a bit older, and especially when you are married, you tend to have very few close friends other than your spouse.
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Old 10-28-2007, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Ocean Beach
2 posts, read 13,960 times
Reputation: 11
Hey guys,

its great to see some responses to my original post.

I'm 26 and I live in Ocean Beach (very close to the ocean ~75 ft). I'm an avid surfer (but who isn't around here)..

The problem I'm having is not knowing a single person to go out with at night... The only friends I have made are through work and a couple who surf but they are married too!!!

I'm stuck on getting the courage to go out alone and make friends with complete strangers.. It seemed way easier in the college days!!!
I'm not even sure where to go, etc.... but I know I need to get out of this cycle of staying in on Fri and Sat nights!
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Old 10-29-2007, 03:58 AM
 
Location: 'America's Finest City'
102 posts, read 235,559 times
Reputation: 25
Hmm...interesting post and kudos to you both for having the courage to post your frustrations.

You know I'm in a similar situation as well. I'm an east coast transplant myself. I've been here over 6 months now and here are my impressions of the city and the people thus far.

I believe IMO that the people here are much friendlier overall. Anywhere I find myself at times I'm usually able to start a convo with just any random stranger. Old, young, male, female it doesn't matter. We talk, we laugh, we share a moment, we give each other advice, we sometimes exchange numbers and then nothing. That's it, I usually never see or hear from these people again. Although, SD city is pretty compact especially in the beach towns you're more than likely to run into these people again but why should you have to wait.

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is that it seems like you're able to meet people out here fine but it's just establishing real relationships that's difficult and that was the whole point of me coming over here.

Example - I partied with some "friends" on the beach pretty much all summer long on and off, in fact our last little hurrah was last Sunday before all this god awful fire mess started. But unless there's something going on like that, I never really hear from them. Don't get me wrong they're a nice click to chill with but other than that they're not the type of people you can really connect and become real friends with.

I always hear people down here mention to me that there's always stuff going on but you just have to know the right people or be in the right click, whatever that means. It seems like San Diego is a real underground kind of city and unless people have known you for like years or you grew up with them, they may trust you enough to say hi but not enough to hang out with on a regular basis. Case in point, the beach click I hang out with all know each other from high school.

I'm getting that same apathetic, isolated vibe here. I've heard people say that San Diego is laid back but not apathetic, I disagree it seems very apathetic and somewhat self absorbed. Quite a number of people seem to just keep to themselves and are happy being loners. Like one of my neighbors. Cute young girl. Describes herself as a loner. She does like to go out for runs though and I like running on the beach myself, so I invited her to go out for a run sometime, didn't seem like she was very receptive to it.

Where does a guy go to find that hip pseudo intellectual crowd down here that's not too stuck up and snobbish and that's welcoming of new people. If you tell me it's only the hippies in OB or the gays in Hillcrest(which I highly doubt) or that it doesn't exist here at all then that would be a bit depressing indeed.

In other words, to sum it all up, where does one go to meet real down to earth people that are looking to make real friends?

I dunno, but I would think it would have to be a place where everyone is for the most part sober and not drunk or high, so at least they're be able to remember you afterwards.

I think it was a member of this board who summed it up pretty nicely by saying "San Diego is such a beautiful city with lots of people but why does it feel so empty". I'm starting to understand more and more what he meant by that.
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Old 10-29-2007, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
317 posts, read 1,752,121 times
Reputation: 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moondogger View Post
Hmm...interesting post and kudos to you both for having the courage to post your frustrations.

You know I'm in a similar situation as well. I'm an east coast transplant myself. I've been here over 6 months now and here are my impressions of the city and the people thus far.

I believe IMO that the people here are much friendlier overall. Anywhere I find myself at times I'm usually able to start a convo with just any random stranger. Old, young, male, female it doesn't matter. We talk, we laugh, we share a moment, we give each other advice, we sometimes exchange numbers and then nothing. That's it, I usually never see or hear from these people again. Although, SD city is pretty compact especially in the beach towns you're more than likely to run into these people again but why should you have to wait.

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is that it seems like you're able to meet people out here fine but it's just establishing real relationships that's difficult and that was the whole point of me coming over here.

Example - I partied with some "friends" on the beach pretty much all summer long on and off, in fact our last little hurrah was last Sunday before all this god awful fire mess started. But unless there's something going on like that, I never really hear from them. Don't get me wrong they're a nice click to chill with but other than that they're not the type of people you can really connect and become real friends with.

I always hear people down here mention to me that there's always stuff going on but you just have to know the right people or be in the right click, whatever that means. It seems like San Diego is a real underground kind of city and unless people have known you for like years or you grew up with them, they may trust you enough to say hi but not enough to hang out with on a regular basis. Case in point, the beach click I hang out with all know each other from high school.

I'm getting that same apathetic, isolated vibe here. I've heard people say that San Diego is laid back but not apathetic, I disagree it seems very apathetic and somewhat self absorbed. Quite a number of people seem to just keep to themselves and are happy being loners. Like one of my neighbors. Cute young girl. Describes herself as a loner. She does like to go out for runs though and I like running on the beach myself, so I invited her to go out for a run sometime, didn't seem like she was very receptive to it.

Where does a guy go to find that hip pseudo intellectual crowd down here that's not too stuck up and snobbish and that's welcoming of new people. If you tell me it's only the hippies in OB or the gays in Hillcrest(which I highly doubt) or that it doesn't exist here at all then that would be a bit depressing indeed.

In other words, to sum it all up, where does one go to meet real down to earth people that are looking to make real friends?

I dunno, but I would think it would have to be a place where everyone is for the most part sober and not drunk or high, so at least they're be able to remember you afterwards.

I think it was a member of this board who summed it up pretty nicely by saying "San Diego is such a beautiful city with lots of people but why does it feel so empty". I'm starting to understand more and more what he meant by that.



Moondogger, what a well thought out and relevant post. I have much of the feelings you mentioned. I moved from New Jersey to Irvine/Newport Beach area in Orange County in March of this past year (7 months ago). Originally I was set on moving in the downtown area of San Diego but changed my mind on a few factors- city traits (crime, homeless, break-ins, theft, vandalism, less scenic views/palm trees, open air, minorities, etc.) to moving to a bit more of a suburban area like something I'm used to.

The one issue I was terribly concerned about while I was making my move across the United States was the highly broadcasted negative reviews of the people and their personalities in Orange County. Well It's safe to say that after 7 months I believe it's true. Those tv shows that portray Orange County as people filled with emptiness, concerns of wealth, status, power, important roles, name brands, and concerned with how to get ahead, are very much alive and true. It's quite sickening.

I know this is an SD post so I will tie in the relevance here. I have family in LA who my Aunt was born and raised in NJ but moved out here about the same age as me (26). She met a guy and got married and they've been here their whole life. Very successful people, thriving business, retired at 55 and 58. Impressive. They although 'yuppie's as most would consider them, are more down to earth than most. Anyway, I had a convo with them and pretty much their take on the thoughts I posted above and these thoughts: "all the girls I meet out here wanna know what car I drive, what zip code I live in, how much money I make, what I do for a living, and who I know" is that "IT'S A SO-CAL THING."

I am not so sure though because I just had a lengthy discussion with a buddy I met out here who is originally from New Hampshire then moved out here a while ago and lived in SD and OC for a fair number of years. He truely believes that SD is not even close to Orange County in regards to the items I mentioned above. Possibly because there is a variation in social and economic classes spread throughout SD County, unlike OC where most people are in the upper class with some middle-upper class thrown in, and the rest just renters trying to get by.

I too have had issues where I thought I met a real nice guy friend that I could see myself hanging with and going out to places with and watching football, etc. and just being a friend. We would have a couple weeks romp with him and his friends and go out partying, etc. then all of a sudden nothing. They vanished. Very bizarre. I can relate to the above user's post regarding how you can meet someone and they are nice or whatever but it is very hard to establish anything relating to an ongoing relationship/friendship with them. Many people I meet seem to only continue a discussion or contemplate a friendship based on their needs and wants and if you can help them out somehow. i.e. (hidden agenda) that many have spoke about on this forum.

So many people I meet have an excuse of "I'm too busy" "I'm soooo busy with work" etc. Come on, if you can't control your work and what you have going on in your life, something doesn't add up. People are so absorbed in things it almost seems like they do it for a distraction away from reality. People I meet out here seem to be afraid to confront reality and would prefer living in a fictitious fantasy land that they create in their mind. I know that sounds very strange but if you've been out here you may know what I mean.

So to get back on track, where do we go to meet people who can start a real friendship? Where does one go to meet people with some kind of balance in their life and priorities in order? How do you meet people who want to befriend you without knowing your net worth? Where does one go to meet a member of the opposite sex and know they he/she has themself together and there's no drama/issues behind them? Well I think this is a question guys and gals ask across the world but for some reason there are certain problems in this area we live in that are escalated much more than anywhere else I've ever been.

Where I've met some guy friends that turned into actual friends and not just a 2 week romp of going out to clubs meeting girls and then falling off the face of the earth:
playing golf asking to get joined up with a group of people you don't know.
going to a club/lounge (usually this is not ideal of course) but I actually ran into a guy I went to college with who I now hang out with. I also met a real nice guy from the east coast who I became friends with and now pal up with.
You would think Church, but in my experience church is no better out here. 3/4 of the people are screwed up and are more concerned about what heels or dress they wear to the service then going there and getting on track.

I sense the frustration of the above users and I completely understand as I have the concerns as well. In SD I was told that Little Italy is a cool spot to live and chill b/c the people apparently are a bit more friendly/down to earth and mostly single professionals. Lot of coffee shops and street-side restaurants that you can hang at and mingle. The gaslamp is really fun but again it's a club scene and you will meet a lot of people there just to show off and look good but can't discuss anything more with you than what's the hottest car or fashion designer to date lol.

Another thing I notice out here in OC (not sure if it's like that in SD) but most of the guys who have lived her their whole life are little prisses. They act tough and like a tough guy but when it comes down to it they are worse than girls in most aspects. Very spoiled and given everything so I guess they expect people to bend over backwards for them. I will not even discuss the girls in that regard wow.

I know most of what I wrote with a confirmation of the above user's posts but hopefully some of it was useful. I plan on coming down to San Diego more and researching the areas again as I'm not 100% happy up here where I live in Orange County. I come from a down to earth family and middle class neighborhood of good hard working people and now live in yuppyville where I feel like it is absolutely beautiful but that is it the place I live is beautiful but the people make it so damn ugly it's disgusting! Plus everything you have to drive to do and places close so early it's not the most happening spot for a late 20's single guy!

Let's expand more on SD and some of the best spots in your experience where you met quality people and maybe tell some stories about it and offer up some suggestions for other users.

Last edited by dakicka; 10-29-2007 at 11:43 AM..
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