Random Thoughts on a Rude Neighbor (Poway: houses, neighborhood, subdivision)

[earlyretirement]

Originally Posted by shmoov_groovzsd

^^ this is great advice and with lots of experience. Kill the guy with kindness is a great tactic but not sure if that bridge has been crossed already based on your posts?

Plan for the worst , hope for the best. If the olive branch doesn't work, then you have the tools to move forward

Yep. That's the basic idea to "kill him with kindness". But the thing is you really have to be genuine and sincere about it. This really only works if you sincerely want to bury the hatchet, so to speak.

Now, I don't know what all transpired. Or after he asked you to pitch in for the fence if you said, "Let me talk to my husband". And then you just totally ignored him and the type where every time you saw him, you hurried into your garage and shut the garage door, avoid him type of thingy.

Don't get me wrong..I do NOT think you should have had to contributed to the fence. But if you just totally ignored him, that probably fueled his anger. Again, I have no idea what went down. But if you said, "get an estimate and let me talk to my husband" and then you genuinely told him that it's tough times as you just moved here and can't afford it or just ignored him.

I totally believe you aren't in the wrong. But you know what? Many times with neighbors like this it doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. If you want to continue living there unmolested then it makes sense to at least follow my approach.

I've done it literally dozens and dozens of times with problematic neighbors and there are only a few times it didn't work. The key and trick is to be genuine about it, and really make him understand you are passionate about the property/neighborhood and you really want to bury the hatchet.

And then it's not just one of those things you do one time. What I'd do is try to find out when their birthday is. Send over a birthday card or small gift on their birthday, on father's day a card, Christmas a nice box of chocolates, etc. You are NOT talking about any significant money here. It's just the thought and I know you think I'm crazy but you might even become friends with him. I had neighbors who I swear I'd be sitting in a court room with but I personally did these things and some of them believe it or not I'd become friends with.

It's almost like planting a seed and growing a beautiful rose bush. It might not be the easiest at first but once you successfully take the time to do it, you can admire the beautiful "roses" for many years to come. And even if you get pricked by a thorn a time or two growing those rose bushes.....ultimately it's worth it. I look at something like this the same way.

Good luck.

[jwblue]

It is so funny because the biggest trouble makers in our neighborhood are two old women that are sisters.

Old people cause so many problems. They get a free pass because they are old.

I wonder if this is a normal part of aging to become annoying when turning old. It sure seems that way.

[moved]

Originally Posted by skeke

Try code compliance. It's illegal to block even your own drive way much less someone else's. Their number is 619 236-5800.

Code Compliance doesn't take care of cars parked in driveways. All you have to do is call SDPD, they'll send out an officer to assess the situation, and try to resolve it. If the officer can't get the problem resolved, they'll have the car towed.

I was towed twice where I live, because I accidentally parked in front of driveways. I came in at night, and the parking and lighting is bad, so I didn't see it the driveway entrance. It cost me close to $400 to get my car out each time.

[earlyretirement]

Originally Posted by moved

Code Compliance doesn't take care of cars parked in driveways. All you have to do is call SDPD, they'll send out an officer to assess the situation, and try to resolve it. If the officer can't get the problem resolved, they'll have the car towed.

I was towed twice where I live, because I accidentally parked in front of driveways. I came in at night, and the parking and lighting is bad, so I didn't see it the driveway entrance. It cost me close to $400 to get my car out each time.

But ultimately this doesn't solve the problem. Not if the OP wants to live here peacefully for many years to come. Trust me on this..... old farts like this guy have more time to deal with things like this and you do NOT want to get into some battle with these types.

My friend and several of his neighbors had to end up selling properties they loved. Their old neighbor didn't even sound too bad until they called the police and that just fueled his anger. I can't see too many times when calling the police is going to make things more civil and friendly and improve relations between neighbors and sometimes it even becomes violent to the point of having to worry about something happening or your car getting keyed or nails in your tires.

At least give my way a try. I KNOW it's difficult to be the bigger person. For me it was VERY difficult to do this until I saw the type of results it had. Now the first thing I do when I encounter a problem is do this. In fact, the first thing I do when I buy an investment property for myself or a client is buy all the immediate neighbors a nice bottle of wine and a nice card with letter describing myself (or I have my clients write a letter), why I bought in that area and that house. How I love it, blah blah blah.

It personalizes you and really makes it more difficult for people to be jerks. Even when you will NOT live in the property you can say it's a second home or vacation property and your friends and family will use it, etc. It just totally personalizes you and turns you into John Doe homeowner into a person.

[moved]

Calling authorities would be a last resort. In my neighborhood, they just plain don't care.

[jwblue]

What surprises me is this garbage the OP is talking about is occurring in an affluent neighborhood.

Usually, people with a little money have a little class. I guess not.

Originally Posted by moved

Code Compliance doesn't take care of cars parked in driveways. All you have to do is call SDPD, they'll send out an officer to assess the situation, and try to resolve it. If the officer can't get the problem resolved, they'll have the car towed.

I was towed twice where I live, because I accidentally parked in front of driveways. I came in at night, and the parking and lighting is bad, so I didn't see it the driveway entrance. It cost me close to $400 to get my car out each time.

You have got to be kidding me? The neighbors called a tow for parking in front of their driveway? Was it directly in front blocking their exit?

[shmoov_groovzsd]

Originally Posted by jwblue

What surprises me is this garbage the OP is talking about is occurring in an affluent neighborhood.

Usually, people with a little money have a little class. I guess not.



You have got to be kidding me? The neighbors called a tow for parking in front of their driveway?

I thought my neighbors were horrible.

jwblue,

Neighbors come in all shapes and sizes.

My surrounding neighbors right now are the most chill and kindest neighbors I have had in a long time. Whereas other places I have lived, more affluent, some of the neighbors would just go on all day about the slightest things.

However, most affluent areas I have lived, you have educated, respectable neighbors that are very approachable if you have an issue. All it takes is one PITA lol

[earlyretirement]

Originally Posted by jwblue

What surprises me is this garbage the OP is talking about is occurring in an affluent neighborhood.

Usually, people with a little money have a little class. I guess not.



You have got to be kidding me? The neighbors called a tow for parking in front of their driveway? Was it directly in front blocking their exit?

Just out of curiosity to the OP? Which affluent neighborhood do you live in?

I've mostly lived in affluent neighborhoods in the cities that I've lived in and there are jerks and low life people even in more affluent areas. But I agree typically the people are more educated, more respectful and more courteous but in these examples above that I mentioned, it was all in affluent areas.

[jwblue]

Originally Posted by shmoov_groovzsd

jwblue,

Neighbors come in all shapes and sizes.

My surrounding neighbors right now are the most chill and kindest neighbors I have had in a long time. Whereas other places I have lived, more affluent, some of the neighbors would just go on all day about the slightest things.

However, most affluent areas I have lived, you have educated, respectable neighbors that are very approachable if you have an issue. All it takes is one PITA lol

Our neighbors are the biggest POS on the planet. It is comical.

There are really the only two troublemakers. We call these two sisters the "San Marcos Hillbillies".

What makes it unbelievable is they are hypocritical. They criticize, criticize, criticize yet their driveways are junk yards, their husbands left them, and they couldn't even have children. It is unreal. It is so funny.

I could go on and on about these two court jesters.

[JanND]

I would park my car in front of my driveway....in short blocking their ability to park there. I'd also make sure to have my law enforcement relatives, in their squad cars become frequent visitors.

It sounds like you're dealing w/ a hornets next of dysfunctional people. I have experienced similar behavior years ago and it is not pleasant to live next to people that behave that way. I'd keep a close eye on my children, these cranky type often think they can yell at others kids too.

And, personally I'd just call the cops every time. Or...get into your car and lay on the horn....That way all the neighbors can see they are blocking you. Maybe it will embarass them enough they'll think twice about blocking you out of meanness, which is exactly what they are doing. And, never open your door to him again....He sounds like a nut job.

You've already tried the good neighbor route by asking politely for them to move. If you ever had an emergency every moment counts. And, blocking your driveway should be considered a hazard HOA or not.