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some people (myself included) can only learn this by experiencing it directly. You might have to live in each of the areas in order to figure out if it matches you.
also, when you're new to an area and you don't know too many people, it can be tempting to write them off as unfriendly or brusque. you'll need to remember that it is you who is the newcomer to the area and that groups, in general, will always be weary of outsiders trying to break into their tribes.
and some people just don't give an area a chance. general rule of thumb i follow is: if something is very easy to get, it's probably not worth getting. the only places where I made friends really quickly were in areas with a highly transient populace. people were coming and going all the time, so few lasting friendships were made. in places where people stick around longer, it may take awhile to form bonds and connections, but they'll probably be stronger in the long run.
no place will truly feel like home until you take the first step in treating it like one.
The truth is San Diego is a very transient place. Many people move here and then soon move away. Most of the time it's because they were military or they were young and wanted to move back home or they couldn't afford the san diego lifestyle.
Places like San Fran, NYC, LA, etc are filled with many people who hope to make it big. Whether it's wall street, advertising, acting, technology, it's all the same story. There is this hope that one day you'll become rich or famous or what not. So you stick it out. You work hard. You sacrifice a lot for that dream or career. Most never do wind up making it, but they spend years trying to in places that can be very very expensive.
San diego doesn't have the dreamers or career minded crowd. Nobody comes to San diego because it's the place to "make it." And honestly the biotech industry is filled with many Asians or Europeans who don't seem to stick around long. My ex lives over near UCSD and most of her neighbors are young families. Most are from someplace in Europe or Asian. Most have PhDs or even MDs and work in biotech. Most have very young children. And most have no plans to stay here longer than a few years. Some move to other states to buy a bigger nicer home. Some plan on moving back to Europe because they are home sick. Quite a few already left San Diego in the few years she's lived over there.
It was eye opening for me because these are all super intelligent people with PhDs and work in Biotech. A field that San Diego actually is known for. But many of them don't think about staying in San diego long term. The conversation always turns to more affordable places to live and better career opportunities elsewhere. They seem to start out in SD, get some experience, and then jet for better pastures someplace else. Is it everybody? No, but the reality is many people leave San Diego because they find better jobs and a better COL elsewhere. At some point having a bunch of roommates in a small place or living away from work in an area with crappy schools is just not worth it.
Just wanted to chime in and say I feel your pain, although I think for different reasons. I am from NE originally but lived most of my adult life in NYC, in SD for 3. I have gotten used to the driving anywhere more than 20 feet away (although I'm still scared of the freeways, honestly -- who'd have thought I'd miss the subway!), the non-weather with the tyranically sunny days and no rain, and the flatness (polite but vacant, mildly creepy) of the residents -- but I still DONT like it and am counting my days. I just feel no connection to either the people (like I did in NYC, love my NYers) or the land itself (as I do with New England), apart from the Pacific. I hate the desert, which feels inhospitable to all creatures with neither shell nor spine. There is NO culture here, outside of the mexi-cali one I should say -- nothing beyond the regional, and it seems people come here mainly for the sun (weird) or to surf (I can swim!) or run around in flip-flops (which hurt my feet -- and why, why, why when there are so many beautiful slingbacks in the world?). Above all, and the one reason my dh will consider leaving -- it is so expensive, and we want a house (and not in knuckle-dragging, desert, dusty inland areas; and not one that matches every other house in the county), and good schools eventually. And I miss the greenery! Christmas with snow too! Anyway, I wanted to say to you if you dont like SD now, you wont in the future trust me -- you will get used to it, as we are adaptable whether we want to be or not. But trust your gut and GO.
All these responses are very therapeutic for me to read I am thinking about moving to SD and the date is coming closer. At first I thought what a magical idea but then I started seeing the weak links :
International Travel
DUI Checkpoints
Smoking Laws
Price Of Gas
* Quality of apartment rentals (in desirable areas) are low end in both construction and occupancy. Anybody with the ability to own a home buys. Apartments are for college kids downtown transient business types and financially strapped people. It's almost a punishment to live in an apartment in SD.
Unlike other NY'ers on this thread I actually welcome the laid back vibe and friendly people. I think I'd fit in very well in that regard. I also planned on renting a room in Tijuana (been going down for 14 years). It would be a great opportunity to keep on improving my spanish (been studying it for years).
I like many many things about SD but I can't deny the issues as well. When comparing the pluses and minuses of both NYC and SD I feel just about the same. Both have positives and negatives and neither place is utopia. I feel I would just be shifting to another set of problems that would get just as bad (in time) as the ones I face in NYC albeit different but still ISSUES.
Who wants to rot in NYC but also who wants to rot in SD !
To be honest I'd love to leave America for a few years and live in South America. That would be an easy decision for me...just give me time to pack my bags !
I'll tell you NY'ers something though. This city isn't getting better anytime soon. If you think SD is expensive and stressed out multiply that by 100%. The sidewalks in Manhattan are so crowded you run into people everyday. People are texting while walking and couldn't give a crap about you or anyone else. The transplants and europeans coming in are all about themselves and many are rude inconsiderate and selfish. You won't get that good ol NYC vibe anymore. Those people are long gone or stuck in jersey somewhere. A lot of them moved out WEST !
NYC is BAD real bad. America is a dump at the moment. Don't think you will find happiness coming back to NYC.
All these responses are very therapeutic for me to read I am thinking about moving to SD and the date is coming closer. At first I thought what a magical idea but then I started seeing the weak links :
International Travel
DUI Checkpoints
Smoking Laws
Price Of Gas
* Quality of apartment rentals (in desirable areas) are low end in both construction and occupancy. Anybody with the ability to own a home buys. Apartments are for college kids downtown transient business types and financially strapped people. It's almost a punishment to live in an apartment in SD.
Unlike other NY'ers on this thread I actually welcome the laid back vibe and friendly people. I think I'd fit in very well in that regard. I also planned on renting a room in Tijuana (been going down for 14 years). It would be a great opportunity to keep on improving my spanish (been studying it for years).
I like many many things about SD but I can't deny the issues as well. When comparing the pluses and minuses of both NYC and SD I feel just about the same. Both have positives and negatives and neither place is utopia. I feel I would just be shifting to another set of problems that would get just as bad (in time) as the ones I face in NYC albeit different but still ISSUES.
Who wants to rot in NYC but also who wants to rot in SD !
To be honest I'd love to leave America for a few years and live in South America. That would be an easy decision for me...just give me time to pack my bags !
I'll tell you NY'ers something though. This city isn't getting better anytime soon. If you think SD is expensive and stressed out multiply that by 100%. The sidewalks in Manhattan are so crowded you run into people everyday. People are texting while walking and couldn't give a crap about you or anyone else. The transplants and europeans coming in are all about themselves and many are rude inconsiderate and selfish. You won't get that good ol NYC vibe anymore. Those people are long gone or stuck in jersey somewhere. A lot of them moved out WEST !
NYC is BAD real bad. America is a dump at the moment. Don't think you will find happiness coming back to NYC.
This is so true...I am here in NYC and looking for rentals out in LA has got me thinking twice....it seems unaffordable for regular, middle class people. I'm not giving up though...
The truth is San Diego is a very transient place. Many people move here and then soon move away. Most of the time it's because they were military or they were young and wanted to move back home or they couldn't afford the san diego lifestyle.
Places like San Fran, NYC, LA, etc are filled with many people who hope to make it big. Whether it's wall street, advertising, acting, technology, it's all the same story. There is this hope that one day you'll become rich or famous or what not. So you stick it out. You work hard. You sacrifice a lot for that dream or career. Most never do wind up making it, but they spend years trying to in places that can be very very expensive.
San diego doesn't have the dreamers or career minded crowd. Nobody comes to San diego because it's the place to "make it." And honestly the biotech industry is filled with many Asians or Europeans who don't seem to stick around long. My ex lives over near UCSD and most of her neighbors are young families. Most are from someplace in Europe or Asian. Most have PhDs or even MDs and work in biotech. Most have very young children. And most have no plans to stay here longer than a few years. Some move to other states to buy a bigger nicer home. Some plan on moving back to Europe because they are home sick. Quite a few already left San Diego in the few years she's lived over there.
It was eye opening for me because these are all super intelligent people with PhDs and work in Biotech. A field that San Diego actually is known for. But many of them don't think about staying in San diego long term. The conversation always turns to more affordable places to live and better career opportunities elsewhere. They seem to start out in SD, get some experience, and then jet for better pastures someplace else. Is it everybody? No, but the reality is many people leave San Diego because they find better jobs and a better COL elsewhere. At some point having a bunch of roommates in a small place or living away from work in an area with crappy schools is just not worth it.
I think with San Diego, you really have to want to be there to stay or feel like it is home. The job market isn't the best and people don't come to SD with the intentions of "making it" but with the proper skills and in the right field, I think you can make a nice life for yourself. It's not the 7th largest city for no reason.
I for one moved up to SF to go back to go school to make a career change and while it's a fun city and I have some good friends here, the reality of making it is so slim that the negatives far outweigh the positives imo. I think what I plan to do for work, I'll make the same whether in SF, SD, LA etc that I couldn't imagine living in SF any longer than I have to tbh.
OP...if you have a problem with DUI checkpoints, please don't move here and make our streets more unsafe.
As far as the smoking laws...please explain.
I think you were referring to my comments but I am not the OP. I have no problem with DUI checkpoints as far as traffic safety goes. My issues have to do with being a medical MMJ patient. I obviously wouldn't smoke then get in a car right away but what if I hit a checkpoint 3 hours later and a cop smelled it on my shirt ? After three hours most people who smoke would tell you they are fine to drive. A DUI checkpoint is allowed for traffic safety reasons but at the same time you cannot deny that it is also a standard "SEARCH". They detain you for whatever time to ask you questions they shouldn't be asking and they look inside your car for ANY evidence of criminal activity. It's a search plain and simple. Luckily it isn't something I have deal with living in NYC. I'd have to get used to it. I don't plan on partying in PB or the Gaslamp so I wonder if I stayed off the roads Fri/Sat would it make a difference ?
You guys may be used to these things but to an outsider who has never experienced it......
As far as smoking goes. I enjoy the pleasure of smoking at home but unfortunately I will need to rent. If a no smoking in shared living spaces becomes law I am screwed. Do I really want to put effort into moving someplace like this ?
I think you were referring to my comments but I am not the OP. I have no problem with DUI checkpoints as far as traffic safety goes. My issues have to do with being a medical MMJ patient. I obviously wouldn't smoke then get in a car right away but what if I hit a checkpoint 3 hours later and a cop smelled it on my shirt ? After three hours most people who smoke would tell you they are fine to drive. A DUI checkpoint is allowed for traffic safety reasons but at the same time you cannot deny that it is also a standard "SEARCH". They detain you for whatever time to ask you questions they shouldn't be asking and they look inside your car for ANY evidence of criminal activity. It's a search plain and simple. Luckily it isn't something I have deal with living in NYC. I'd have to get used to it. I don't plan on partying in PB or the Gaslamp so I wonder if I stayed off the roads Fri/Sat would it make a difference ?
You guys may be used to these things but to an outsider who has never experienced it......
As far as smoking goes. I enjoy the pleasure of smoking at home but unfortunately I will need to rent. If a no smoking in shared living spaces becomes law I am screwed. Do I really want to put effort into moving someplace like this ?
These are a few of my concerns.
Well in places like Del Mar you are't even allowed to smoke on the sidewalks. When my brother visited recently he was pissed off about this. I actually prefer it this way though.
Well in places like Del Mar you are't even allowed to smoke on the sidewalks. When my brother visited recently he was pissed off about this. I actually prefer it this way though.
Some people do and I understand it. As a smoker nothing is worse than walking behind another smoker with the wind blowing in your direction. In that case I just move. A ban on sidewalks though is absurd.
We haven't gotten to that point in NYC and I hope we never do. I won't argue or debate it anymore but I wouldn't put myself in an uncomfortable position. For people considering a move to SD from anywhere this is something you need to consider along with random searches when you drive.
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