What is the dating scene in San Diego like compared to the NYC area? (San Francisco: quality of life, live)

[kayla12]

Hi everyone,

I'm 28, female, originally from southeastern Europe but came to the US as a child. I own a cake decorating/sweets company and a cosmetics company. Currently my businesses are growing very quickly, and I have the opportunity to re-locate or to stay in this area. My cosmetics company can be relocated anywhere and my cake/sweets company is partly based online, so I am very lucky in the fact that I can relocate almost anywhere. I have also saved quite a bit of money..

I have visited San Diego in the past and absolutely loved it. I love the lifestyle, weather and the quality of life seems to be so much better than here.

I spend most of my time working, or doing creative hobbies like painting, photography or drawing, and I enjoy yoga, swimming and running. I also love the outdoors and I love to be outside, especially the mountains and the beach. I never go to clubs and I rarely ever go to bars. I don't smoke, I only drink lightly socially, I don't smoke weed or do drugs, I have social skills, I have ambitions in life. I don't have kids. I don't have an ex lurking in the background or a fwb. Honestly, I can say I have no physical, emotional or mental baggage, my only problem is that I am introverted and don't go out much, or meet new people.

I tried online dating in the NYC area and it was awful for me. Most of the guys here want a non-committed relationship with someone who is ok with being used like an unpaid prostitute, basically a no strings attached type relationship. Enough women do this here that the guys have gotten used to it and assume all women will do it.

I just want a normal guy who is attractive to me, is stable, has morals, values his family, has some ambition in life, is compatible with me, makes me laugh, is honest and doesn't do drugs or have issues with an ex, etc. I also want him to be easy to get along with, and not one of these aggressive rude guys, who are so common around here.

I look really cute, I get called beautiful and pretty quite often, I'm slim/athletic, I have a baby face and am told I look 21-25 and not 28. I used to be chubby when I was younger but I lost weight in my early 20s because I got into running and swimming. I am not that superficial but yes it's important for me to be attracted to the guy I'm with. I find the guys here to be extremely superficial and very picky about looks. There are just so many gorgeous women in this area (and many of them are smart and ambitious), that guys here are quite frankly very spoiled. On top of that I come from a more traditional southeast European background and I do consider myself to be open-minded to different lifestyles, but I just can't get along with people who are so driven by money and status. I am tired of the rat race type of lifestyle/mentality that people have here. I am also tired of the "the world revolves around NYC" mentality that people have here, because it so arrogant and untrue.

So anyway, I am just wondering if the dating scene is any better in San Diego? What are the guys there like? Is there any real difference from NYC men? I would rather not move to San Diego if the dating scene is anything like NYC.

I would appreciate your feedback. Thanks a lot.

[The Flying Dutchman]

Keep being your own person. It does not matter where you are in this world, the only person you need to concern yourself with is you. Is this selfish? Yes, of course, but not in the way that we normally attribute to selfishness. It means being all the things you desire to attract into your life, which is 100% natural and coincidentally, universal law.

As for San Diego, I can't tell you you won't find anyone here but not everyone is like what you've heard or described, I guarantee it. Yet, if you continue to seek these things (by only focusing on them), you might only be shorting yourself.

Some practical advice: It is usually good for introverted people to challenge their comfort zones in the same way extroverted people find wisdom in introspection. Good luck to you.

[Butterflies & Hurricanes]

Hi I'm not sure about the dating scene in San Diego since I don't live there (moving there soon though) but, when I was there for a week not too long ago people seemed very friendly. There seemed to be an overall positive vibe which I really liked. As mentioned before, just be yourself, the right guy will come along soon

[Ms_Intrepid]

My single girlfriends here have just as much trouble dating here as the ones in NYC.

Keep in mind that there's more of a surfer dude scene here than a professional eligible yuppie scene here. I knew a girl who moved to San Francisco to rev up her love life..it sure was not happening in San Diego.

The best bet is to find someone then move to San Diego as it is very family friendly.

[planetelle]

If you can't surf, take it up as soon as you get here.

I'm sure there are many great men here, in the age range that you desire (I'm looking for someone a little older), but there is a much more laid-back mentality here than on the East Coast, IMO. If you're seeking someone active and fit, (((sweeping generalization alert))) it's likely that he surfs. You may meet some guys this way, you may not, but it will be appealing to any guy you meet who does surf.

[ltrrtl218]

I think the dating scene in SD is what you make of it just like it would be in most other major cities. Dating in general is tough if you have standards and don't just settle.

I will say you wont find nearly as many of those NYC type guys that are looking to conquer wall street and be the next big time investor or make it big in general. SD is obviously big enough to attract all types of people so I'm not saying ambitious people don't live there but it isn't the type of city you go to to make it big.

Still I think SD has plenty to offer dating wise and if you just put yourself out there I'm sure you meet someone.

[Compuhi]

I can only speak form my experiences:

NYC dating in general is really tough. I have done it in the past and it's not fun. SD dating can be tough as well, but i have found it's easier to make connections in SD than NYC. I have found far more interested women in SD than i ever did in NYC. People appear more open to meet here - but it doesn't mean it'll work out long term.

SD has the HUGE benefit of good weather year-round, which means there are a TON of free social outdoor activities to meet people and plenty of amateur sports, dance classes, etc to meet people. NYC has these too, obviously, but SD benefits from the 'active lifestyle' perception that most people have.

Which online dating service(s) have you tried? They all tend to cater to different aspects of dating.

Also, check out this thread: http://www.city-data.com/forum/san-d...ad-dating.html

[HonestOne1]

Originally Posted by kayla12

I tried online dating in the NYC area and it was awful for me. Most of the guys here want a non-committed relationship with someone who is ok with being used like an unpaid prostitute, basically a no strings attached type relationship. Enough women do this here that the guys have gotten used to it and assume all women will do it.

There are just so many gorgeous women in this area (and many of them are smart and ambitious), that guys here are quite frankly very spoiled.

Hi Kayla, What you are describing is exactly, precisely, what happens in a dating scene when the gender ratio is completely unbalanced. NYC is a single man's paradise. Yes they are spoiled. No they won't settle down.

Here in Phoenix, which has a similar ratio to San Diego (check the numbers on Match.com) the ratio is the complete opposite of NYC. Wayyyy too many single men, and very few attractive single women. In cities like Phoenix, 28 year old men not only heavily pursue women for marriage...but they will marry women who are older and women who have kids. I have seen it for 20+ years.

Women here are horrifically spoiled. A 42 year old with two kids will (not making this up) demand a guy who is 32 or younger and has no kids, and then demand a ring on her finger within a couple months. I had several women tell me "you are the first guy I have dated longer than 2 months who has not proposed". That is horrific. Talk about spoiled. I can only imaging what guys are like when the ratio is reversed.

Being on the right side of the dating equation is everything. And I mean. Everything.

Move.

[Pedro2000]

I don't really know what you're looking for, but some of what you complain about in NYC, is going to be the same in SD. There are also more flakey people here on top of the fact many young people come here to party for a few years and then move elsewhere once they "grow up" and need to find a real job. It also is a military town and with that you have many already with families or many who won't be here that long.

All I'm saying is that if you think NYC dating stinks because everything is about the short term and Now, well, SD is a great place for young people to meet other young people. But I'm not sure it's the place where most people meet their future husband/wife. The dating scene is kind of like what you dislike in NYC. A lot of young people don't even live here for more than 5 years. Which makes it hard on the "looking for my future spouse."

[elchevere]

you won't have to worry about the 'driven by money and status types' here in SD--(LA/OC might be a different story)--you're almost looking at the complete opposite for a noticeable portion of the male population--not saying they don't exist, just in far fewer numbers....if you're not looking to play the field or hook up and to meet someone successful for a possible long term relationship, then your best bet would be to focus on La Jolla and all points north--though you might have to adjust your standards to meeting someone considerably older than you.....as Pedro stated, SD is more geared for young people looking to party for several years before waking up (with limited career building options here, especially v. NYC) OR older, established men who have moved here after beginning and establishing their careers elsewhere.....also, if urban/city life turns you on you can forget about that here. The vast majority of SD (especially La Jolla and north) is suburbia and a car culture. Downtown San Diego does not in any sense come close to resembling Manhattan (more like Garden City, Long Island except on a smaller scale).

If you want warm SoCal weather/vibe, are you also considering Santa Monica?....might be an easier transition from Europe and NYC.

What part of SE Europe are you from?