Please help single mom wanting to move to San diego (Encinitas: lease, condo)

[Cantdecide]

Thank you, I will look into that as well

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Cantdecide

Part of the reason I considered this was the huge increase in pay, better benefits and better retirement. The place I was looking at to live was a 3br apartment in rancho Bernardo for 2000/month. I know how expensive it can be which is why I came here. I did ask for an increase in salary and they came back with 91k, 9k sign on bonus, and some shift differentials. Compared to 40k here. However, I can see now that even this is not enough by all the comments Beera I would definitely like to see the links you have, I will try to pm you. Again, thanks for all advice!

See, now why can't you look at two bedroom, to save some money? Even if the 3 and 8yr old are boy and girl, they're still young enough to share a room for the time being. Or even at one point put a divider up.

One of things about living in Southern CA is you have to find a way to compromise. That's why you will see two professionals living in a two bed/two bath unit. To cut costs. If you want the weather, the scenery, etc. You sometimes have to find other ways to cut back.

Originally Posted by 1AngryTaxPayer

We have a program that's called something like "late catch up" that allows older workers to dump more of their pay into their 401K. They still have the first 10% put in so it would be a way to get rolling late.

That's great, I worked for a company that at age 35 if you put in 5% of your salary they doubled the match. But a person has to be in the financial position to put the money in every month.

[Cantdecide]

So I thought I would update my situation for some last minute opinions/advice and a quick resummary of my situation before I accept or decline this job offer. I am a single mother, in my early 40's with a 3 and 8 year old, we live in Chicago suburbs. After my divorce I am left with nothing but my kids and my car. My child's father is toxic to us all, extremely verbally abusive. He has given me permission to leave state. I have been trying for years to get a job in San Diego. I am a nurse. I finally got my job offer and I am now torn if I should move. I want my decision to be what's best for my kids. I make 35-45k a year here. I was offered a job as a nurse a government hospital. I would take home 4800/month (91k per year + differentials), I would get about 1200/month from father for childcare and child support. Also my x mother in law is willing to give me 1200 a month for two years because she thinks moving away from father is only thing to save my kids from becoming screwed up. After the two years my 3yo would be in kindergarten and I estimate my pay to be at 95-97k per year. My worries are, I will always have to rent vs own (which I guess is not the end of the worldi I guess), is this best to take kids from family, and I will be working 12 hour shifts 6a-6p and every other weekend, so I estimate sitter costs to be around 2500/month. With this job I will double my retirement (which I do not have right now) after 20 years. I found a condo in rancho penesquitos for 1700/month. After I total all expenses (gas, groceries, rent, utilities, student loan, sitter, preschool) I will have 400-600 left over every month, which I imagine a lot would go towards kids clothes, sports, entertainment. I will also be getting a 9k$ sign on bonus receiving 1/2 at 6 and 12 months that I thought would be my emergency funds. What is your opinion on us taking this chance and moving? We are not getting ahead here either with rent and childcare costs. However we do have family here. Also my mother in law will be paying all moving costs. Thank you so much in advance for your time and help!!! Hope to hear from you soon!

[RosieSD]

Strangers on the internet can't tell you if this is the right choice for your family. Only you can answer that question. However, here are a few thoughts that pop into my mind in reading your last post.

Could you use that signing bonus to pay down your student loans? That might give you more disposable income every month and make it a little easier in the long run. However, I agree that it would be smart to have some emergency cash for unforeseen events like your car breaking down. http://www.city-data.com/forum/editp...ost&p=40652528

My main concern with your plan is that you'll be cutting things very close to the edge if you'll only have $400 a month left over. That's $100 a week. It's do-able for one person, but kids will have school expenses besides clothes so that is going to be tight and not give you much room to save or deal with the unexpected, such as a sudden spike in gasoline or utilities. Are you currently able to get by with just $400 a month for the discretionary items you listed in Illinois?

Also, could you tell us what you are estimating for gas and utilities so we could give you some feedback on whether your numbers are realistic. Currently, gas is going for around $4.00 a gallon here. In Rancho P. you won't have heating bills, but it gets hot there during the summer months so you may sometimes want to run the AC. Anyhow, give us some additional insight into what you're budgeting.

You may have already included these items in your estimates, but just in case, don't forget to factor in these costs: registering your car here in California (this cost is often a surprise to people moving from other parts of the country), the cost of auto insurance here in California (call your auto insurer to get an estimate), and renters insurance (highly recommended). If you haven't met with a tax preparer, you might want to do so to get a good estimate on what your take home will be after California state income taxes.

If your ex mother in law is going to pay moving costs, will that include giving you the two months plus security deposit most rentals require or will that come out of the signing bonus? Do the relocation costs she'll pay include the cost of registering your car here? Or, just the cost of a u-haul to move your stuff? If you get here and decide in six months or a year that you were better off in Illinois, will she also pay your moving expenses to return or move somewhere else? Similarly, if you decide to move to a different place after you move here, will she help you with the deposit on that too?

Finally, you've mentioned several times that your son is seeing a counselor. Since you're a nurse youve probably already thought through this, but I'll ask anyhow: how will you find a new counselor for him here in San Diego? When will your health insurance kick in on the new job and will it cover his counseling, and what will your co-pay be for it?

Can this work? Yes. Will it be easy to move across country with two young children with no support network in the area? No. But, it sounds like you have already decided that doing so is the right thing for your children and there's nothing stronger than a momma determined to give her kids a better chance.

[moved]

Try to find an apartment close to your job, because that would cut down on your commuting time and gas usage, plus you may have better luck lining up childcare that way.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by moved

Try to find an apartment close to your job, because that would cut down on your commuting time and gas usage, plus you may have better luck lining up childcare that way.

Excellent suggestion. But if I recall correctly, she's going to be working at the VA Hospital in La Jolla, so Rancho P. might be the closest place that's affordable within her budget.

Again, it's do-able but won't be easy. The OP seems convinced however that the move will be best for her children. As I mom myself, I totally understand that instinct.

[moved]

Which hospital will you be working at? There are some child care providers that offer late hours and overnights, but you'll have to do some searching to find them.

[loveautumn]

$91k is a pretty big income here for most people. I've worked with single moms who made a heck of a lot less than that and were able to make it.

[nightlysparrow]

Originally Posted by Cantdecide

I will be working 12 hour shifts 6a-6p and every other weekend, so I estimate sitter costs to be around 2500/month

Have you considered getting a 3-bedroom and offering the extra room for a live-in sitter in exchange for free room and board?

[Cantdecide]

I know strangers can't give me my answers, but getting other people's experiences and thoughts helps to make a more realistic decision IMO. I do appreciate everyone's feedback!!! I chose the area I did because of cost and schools. Anything closer to work that I could afford did not have great schools. Not that I could find anyway. I was estimating gas 200-300$/month, we pay around 4$ here too, utilities I estimate at 300, also have in my budget for student loan, phone, car insurance, groceries. I did not think of car registration, I will check into that. I will also have no lapse in health insurance for my kids. I have also considered a live in nanny which was part of the reason I'm going with a 3bedroom, but I have not had any luck finding one yet. My problem with childcare is my 12 hour shifts The hospitals childcare has a wait list and does not accommodate the 12 hour shifts. The 400-600 every month was left over from all expenses except childrens clothes, sports, etc. I would like to come, I have not decided yet, which is why ask for more opinions. I don't know for sure if my estimations/budget are accurate. I'm ok living frugally, however I want to make it enjoyable for kids. I don't want to have to tell them no all of the time, especially when it comes to being involved in sports or whatever program they would choose. I want this enough to check every angle or option to make it work with it being good for my boys. However, if it ends up not looking like its best for my boys, I will not come. I have one more day to make final decision. Thanks again for input!