Any bad things about San Diego other than living cost? (Lincoln: appointed, sales)

[Nick682]

[quote=Sampaguita;3122627]I don't deny that the people you come across exist... Look - there's plenty wrong with San Diego and its populous - but the circle of people we choose to associate with are salt-of-the-earth. The snooty people? They're on our periphery and we really have no need to be around or associate with them. We just don't let them get under our skin or give their presence around us any energy.



I notice you said "we", and you also agreed with the last poster about much of the superficial stuff that goes on around you. You said: "we just ignore it".

I find that the positive threads about SD and it's people, many times are from people who have been in, or are either in a marriage, or a long term relationship.

Many were in the relationship when they came here and met that person somewhere else, they moved together. Keep in mind that when you are with some one it is much easier to shut out allot of the bad social behavior around you and focus on each other.

When you are single, it is much more important to feel a social connection and be plugged into the scene, you become much more sensitive and perceptive to it. You are more likely to notice when the opposite sex treats you badly, or if they are acting judgmental or lacking substance, etc.

I have great, "down to earth" friends and family, but they don't make up for what you call "we". I think it is easy to forget how hard any singles scene can be, once your in a committed relationship for a while. Let alone SD's singles scene or La Costa for that matter?

Oh, and I lived in La Costa, by the resort, liked it for the weather and proximity to the beach. Felt like it was a little white flight pocket along the beach (most are, but I thought it was more so). I even found people at the Vons to be very snobby, and conservative. My sister worked at Vons in San Marcos and in La Costa and she too said that the people were very snotty there.

Seemed trendy, like every one there was trying to dress in the latest Hollywood getup. To me it seems like a little white rich folks club, where noses are held high and luxury vehicles are flaunted by many. I met lot's of people there who had $600 car payments yet they were renting a condo or house (backwards priorities). For the record I'm white, but I like a little diversity too.

Funny story: I traveled allot, then came back here, because my family is here and most of my childhood friends. I had a decent job but changed careers, when I first came back to SD, I was driving a nice 5 series BMW, I drove allot for my previous job so it was nice to have. I didn't have allot of money at the time because I hadn't found another job yet, so I was planning on getting another cheaper car to ease the burden. It was nice at first but after a while it started to feel uncomfortable with how many looks I would get from the ladies, driving around SD.
If I pulled up to a coffee shop in the morning, I felt eyes on me immediately and uncomfortable stares. Sometimes I felt like not even getting out of the car, because I knew they would size me up when I got out. I had several women comment to me about my car just in casual conversations, in fact I had a group of girls in their twenties, role down their windows on the freeway, screaming across lanes, asking me if it was my car, smiling/giggling. Like I said, sometimes it was nice I won't lie, I am a heterosexual guy, I like attention from the ladies, but it seemed like they cared way to much. I felt like they were interested in the car not me.

It made me wonder if they would like me without it? Either way, I needed something cheaper, so I bought a Honda Accord. Immediately there was a very noticeable drop in interest/looks I got 1/4 the attention if that. Now, I drive a truck, and I own a pool business so I have a bunch of ugly stuff in the back of the truck. And frankly, "it's a cold day in''''''''''''" when any girl looks in my direction. Now it's only if I'm in her way and she's changing lanes or something. For some weird reason they never see me anymore, it's as if the truck and pool equipment made me invisible? Every so often I will get a look from a nice girl, but rarely. Many times it's kinda nice because I don't feel the pressure that came with the nice car. My truck is nice, but it's no BMW, and with the pool stuff it doesn't look as nice. Ironically I am making better money than before and have a greater future earning potential with this business than any other business I've ever been in. I don't want the expense of a luxury car again, I would rather put away in a IRA, or my savings (something that appreciates not depreciates). Also I do not want to be valued on my car like I was before, in fact I would avoid buying another nice BMW as long as I live here, mainly because I feel there is so much emphasis placed on it.

I have never had women, take so much notice of material things in any other state I've lived in. Not even close and It's such a turnoff, really sad that they would act so shallow (Disclaimer: not all women just a high percentage). So thats my story, maybe now, you understand a little better how I feel about the scene you describe as "being like everywhere" I don't feel that way at all. Yes, I have experienced that in other places, but not even close to how it was here, not even close, in fact it would be nice, because I would be able to own something like that and not get gawked at all the time. In other states it was easy for me to write it off like you do, as you do, because it was much more limited, so it didn't bother me as much. I am not saying everyone is like that, I know there are good people here, or at least I think. It's hard for me to imagine why anyone that was a genuinely nice person would want to deal with that kind of behavior for long (maybe they are staying to finish school like me).

Also, I am a guy, so yes this was about the ladies, but I see guys doing similar things. I just don't care as much, don't notice it, just like the previous poster doesn't notice the superficiality as much because he's in a relationship, (my assumption really, I don't know that about him). So I wasn't trying to bash just the ladies, it was just a story, I know every one isn't like that, I should say it again, because I know some one will say "not every one is like that, your generalizing".
I'm sure their will be someone that calls me a bragger, or pretentious or something for writing this, it's happened in the past when I shared similar experiences. Or they will say, "why don't you leave" and I will say, "I said why in my story", I'm finishing school. I'm just responding to an interesting post with a story of my experiences, he told his story; I just told mine in allot more detail.

[songgirl]

[quote=Nick682;3135040]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

I don't deny that the people you come across exist... Look - there's plenty wrong with San Diego and its populous - but the circle of people we choose to associate with are salt-of-the-earth. The snooty people? They're on our periphery and we really have no need to be around or associate with them. We just don't let them get under our skin or give their presence around us any energy.



I notice you said "we", and you also agreed with the last poster about much of the superficial stuff that goes on around you. You said: "we just ignore it".

I find that the positive threads about SD and it's people, many times are from people who have been in, or are either in a marriage, or a long term relationship.

Many were in the relationship when they came here and met that person somewhere else, they moved together. Keep in mind that when you are with some one it is much easier to shut out allot of the bad social behavior around you and focus on each other.

When you are single, it is much more important to feel a social connection and be plugged into the scene, you become much more sensitive and perceptive to it. You are more likely to notice when the opposite sex treats you badly, or if they are acting judgmental or lacking substance, etc.

I have great, "down to earth" friends and family, but they don't make up for what you call "we". I think it is easy to forget how hard any singles scene can be, once your in a committed relationship for a while. Let alone SD's singles scene or La Costa for that matter?

Oh, and I lived in La Costa, by the resort, liked it for the weather and proximity to the beach. Felt like it was a little white flight pocket along the beach (most are, but I thought it was more so). I even found people at the Vons to be very snobby, and conservative. My sister worked at Vons in San Marcos and in La Costa and she too said that the people were very snotty there.

Seemed trendy, like every one there was trying to dress in the latest Hollywood getup. To me it seems like a little white rich folks club, where noses are held high and luxury vehicles are flaunted by many. I met lot's of people there who had $600 car payments yet they were renting a condo or house (backwards priorities). For the record I'm white, but I like a little diversity too.

Funny story: I traveled allot, then came back here, because my family is here and most of my childhood friends. I had a decent job but changed careers, when I first came back to SD, I was driving a nice 5 series BMW, I drove allot for my previous job so it was nice to have. I didn't have allot of money at the time because I hadn't found another job yet, so I was planning on getting another cheaper car to ease the burden. It was nice at first but after a while it started to feel uncomfortable with how many looks I would get from the ladies, driving around SD.
If I pulled up to a coffee shop in the morning, I felt eyes on me immediately and uncomfortable stares. Sometimes I felt like not even getting out of the car, because I knew they would size me up when I got out. I had several women comment to me about my car just in casual conversations, in fact I had a group of girls in their twenties, role down their windows on the freeway, screaming across lanes, asking me if it was my car, smiling/giggling. Like I said, sometimes it was nice I won't lie, I am a heterosexual guy, I like attention from the ladies, but it seemed like they cared way to much. I felt like they were interested in the car not me.

It made me wonder if they would like me without it? Either way, I needed something cheaper, so I bought a Honda Accord. Immediately there was a very noticeable drop in interest/looks I got 1/4 the attention if that. Now, I drive a truck, and I own a pool business so I have a bunch of ugly stuff in the back of the truck. And frankly, "it's a cold day in''''''''''''" when any girl looks in my direction. Now it's only if I'm in her way and she's changing lanes or something. For some weird reason they never see me anymore, it's as if the truck and pool equipment made me invisible? Every so often I will get a look from a nice girl, but rarely. Many times it's kinda nice because I don't feel the pressure that came with the nice car. My truck is nice, but it's no BMW, and with the pool stuff it doesn't look as nice. Ironically I am making better money than before and have a greater future earning potential with this business than any other business I've ever been in. I don't want the expense of a luxury car again, I would rather put away in a IRA, or my savings (something that appreciates not depreciates). Also I do not want to be valued on my car like I was before, in fact I would avoid buying another nice BMW as long as I live here, mainly because I feel there is so much emphasis placed on it.

I have never had women, take so much notice of material things in any other state I've lived in. Not even close and It's such a turnoff, really sad that they would act so shallow (Disclaimer: not all women just a high percentage). So thats my story, maybe now, you understand a little better how I feel about the scene you describe as "being like everywhere" I don't feel that way at all. Yes, I have experienced that in other places, but not even close to how it was here, not even close, in fact it would be nice, because I would be able to own something like that and not get gawked at all the time. In other states it was easy for me to write it off like you do, as you do, because it was much more limited, so it didn't bother me as much. I am not saying everyone is like that, I know there are good people here, or at least I think. It's hard for me to imagine why anyone that was a genuinely nice person would want to deal with that kind of behavior for long (maybe they are staying to finish school like me).

Also, I am a guy, so yes this was about the ladies, but I see guys doing similar things. I just don't care as much, don't notice it, just like the previous poster doesn't notice the superficiality as much because he's in a relationship, (my assumption really, I don't know that about him). So I wasn't trying to bash just the ladies, it was just a story, I know every one isn't like that, I should say it again, because I know some one will say "not every one is like that, your generalizing".
I'm sure their will be someone that calls me a bragger, or pretentious or something for writing this, it's happened in the past when I shared similar experiences. Or they will say, "why don't you leave" and I will say, "I said why in my story", I'm finishing school. I'm just responding to an interesting post with a story of my experiences, he told his story; I just told mine in allot more detail.

Great post. I felt the same way you did when I lived in SD. I was a pretty young 25 year old who worked with abused children at Hillcrest Receiving Home. Loved my job but made very little money. So I didn't dress trendy and I drove around in a Hyundai with 100,000 mls

At first glance, however I looked like I belonged in that climate out there, with long blond hair and all, so everyone was all smiles when they met me. Then they would see my car and you should of seen the baffled expressions on their faces! Priceless.

Lots of places in the U.S. have just as many materialistic, status-driven people, but you're right when you said not ALL places are like that. My roots are in Pittsburgh and believe me, people get beat up for acting that way. Now I live in Northern Florida (you'd never find me in Boca!) and you would be laughed at here for the behaviors you described.

So stay true to yourself and I'm sure you'll find authentic people to surround yourself with. Here I am now years later still wearing the same old jeans I wore then and now I drive an old Volkwagon with about 100,000 mls. but by choice now.

San Diego didn't change me a bit, but if I stayed it might have rubbed off some. I also have a little girl now and if I had stayed and she started to exhibit those shallow qualities that I can't stand it would make me sick to my stomach. She would get all her jeans from WalMart from that day forward and I'd make her volunteer at Hillcrest Receiving home for a dose of reality!

San Diego is a beautiful place and I had some fun there, but the prevailing culture was too much (or was it too little?) for me to handle. I know there are also cool people everywhere, but I didn't find enough of them.

[macchiato]

[quote=Nick682;3135040]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

I notice you said "we", and you also agreed with the last poster about much of the superficial stuff that goes on around you. You said: "we just ignore it".

I find that the positive threads about SD and it's people, many times are from people who have been in, or are either in a marriage, or a long term relationship.

Many were in the relationship when they came here and met that person somewhere else, they moved together. Keep in mind that when you are with some one it is much easier to shut out allot of the bad social behavior around you and focus on each other.

When you are single, it is much more important to feel a social connection and be plugged into the scene, you become much more sensitive and perceptive to it. You are more likely to notice when the opposite sex treats you badly, or if they are acting judgmental or lacking substance, etc.

You sound like a smart guy, you just stay on task and keep taking care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. Having a positive outlook often requires a positive philosophy on life. The comments on owning a luxury car are contradictory. The market segment was fabricated to cater to those who want percisely that kind of attention. There's nothing wrong with that and I can appreciate nice cars without making assuptions about the owner. At the same time I know with certainty A Bently is not a better car than a Honda Accord just like I know a 135 million dollar piece of art work by Gustav Klimt is no better than a painting done by my 3yr. old.

[LookingtoLeave]

[quote=Nick682;3135040]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

I'm sure their will be someone that calls me a bragger, or pretentious or something for writing this, it's happened in the past when I shared similar experiences. Or they will say, "why don't you leave" and I will say, "I said why in my story", I'm finishing school. I'm just responding to an interesting post with a story of my experiences, he told his story; I just told mine in allot more detail.

Quite the contrary. I think your post was very good. I'm one to say just let it roll off your back b/c shallow people aren't worth the time, but I can understand how it could get to you after awhile. It's really a shame and I hope you have better luck in the future.

As a single woman myself hopefully I won't meet to many men out there like that. It sounds like a lot of it is coming from the girls, no?

[Nick682]

[quote=LookingtoLeave;3139595]

Originally Posted by Nick682

Quite the contrary. I think your post was very good. I'm one to say just let it roll off your back b/c shallow people aren't worth the time, but I can understand how it could get to you after awhile. It's really a shame and I hope you have better luck in the future.

As a single woman myself hopefully I won't meet to many men out there like that. It sounds like a lot of it is coming from the girls, no?

My experience has been that many of the women give a standoffish vibe not all, but with so many doing it, it can definitely color your attitude (again, some don't see it). For me part of meeting people is feeling comfortable in my surroundings and this makes me uncomfortable and withdrawn.

I think that allot of women who come to California, especially alone, have a very independent attitude, sometimes a little to independent. I have had women tell me on first dates how they have a great career and how they take great care of themselves (drink a glass of red wine every night). They have emphasized to me how financially independent they are. I have felt like they are trying to let me know they don't really need me or something, thats fine, because it's just a first date.

The second girl I met, just gave me the run around and never called me back, she acted like her job and schedule were more important. To this day, I'm not sure if she was doing that to try to make it seem like she was busy or if she was really that busy. Regardless it ended up in me getting tired of here flakiness so I stopped calling. But those are only a couple of hundreds of similar experiences. When I first got here, (this was LA), I had a girl make fun of me for holding her hand when we were walking on the beach at night.

I don't see allot of public intimacy out here at all. I find myself surprised if I see a couple holding hands or just being affectionate with each other in public. I notice it when I do see it because it makes me happy to see people who are showing each other affection and don't care. It makes me feel like there is something thats still good in this world, something to look forward to besides endless work. I think that people are afraid what others will think about it. In a way, I don't blame them, there are so many people alone here that it seems like they gawk at things like that, making people uncomfortable.

I always see women/men, alone in there cars driving, even on the weekends and Sundays, no smile, no one to talk to. Not nearly as many families, husband and wives talking, kids in the back laughing. I am very attuned to these things and immediately notice them. It just can't help but put a smile on my face when I see a scene like that, just makes me happy. Unfortunately lots of times when I see families together in cars or anywhere, there not acting like this, they look disconnected and like they are not talking at all, no smiles.

I met a really nice girl a couple years ago at school, she was from eastern WA state, I knew she wasn't from here when I first met her because she was so nice. We had a great open long conversation one night after school in the parking lot, I was amazed that she was willing to stand in the school parking lot and talk for so long with out having to go somewhere. She said she felt the same way I did, she said she thought the kids out here were not really acting like happy kids, not laughing, not playing, not really getting along with each other. Sometimes after being here a while you forget what thats like, (happy kids) she made me remember.

To answer your question about the guys, yes, I never believe it's a one way street. I must admit, I think every one wants to try fit into their surroundings when they move. Every one wants to get along with people and make new friends. So you try to fit in by adjusting your style a little so you don't look as much like a outsider. I don't really care now but I did then.

I notice a chauvinistic attitude from the guys allot, a kinda tough guy vibe. Feels like they are in competition allot, I don't see allot of comradery amongst the men. Surfings not a team sport, it's very competitive, it's individualistic, battle for the waves, friends go together sometimes but their not helping each other, no team. Thats a generalization surfing doesn't affect everything, there is much more out here than that, but it does have an affect, a trickle down affect into the public. I feel like I'm dominating this thread so I'm going to tune out for a while, thanks for the compliment and the good advice Macchiato.

[Sampaguita]

Originally Posted by Nick682

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampaguita

I'm sure their will be someone that calls me a bragger, or pretentious or something for writing this, it's happened in the past when I shared similar experiences. Or they will say, "why don't you leave" and I will say, "I said why in my story", I'm finishing school. I'm just responding to an interesting post with a story of my experiences, he told his story; I just told mine in allot more detail.

[quote=LookingtoLeave;3139595]

Originally Posted by Nick682

Quite the contrary. I think your post was very good. I'm one to say just let it roll off your back b/c shallow people aren't worth the time, but I can understand how it could get to you after awhile. It's really a shame and I hope you have better luck in the future.

As a single woman myself hopefully I won't meet to many men out there like that. It sounds like a lot of it is coming from the girls, no?

To be clear - I didn't write the above, but for some reason it's attributed to me. LOL - I've been "quoted" 3 times but none of those words were actually mine.

Nick - "We" does refer to me & my husband and our experiences. We are in our 40s, soon-to-be brand new parents (as of this coming Monday!!!) and have little interest in the singles scene. So that is the perspective from which I write.

I guess we're lucky to have had a positive experience here and find our surroundings to be a good place to raise our family.

ETA: FWIW, I really didn't realize this thread was slanted more towards the "singles" scene. I have nothing to offer on that level as I was never single in San Diego.

[Nick682]

[quote=Sampaguita;3144540]

Originally Posted by LookingtoLeave

To be clear - I didn't write the above, but for some reason it's attributed to me. LOL - I've been "quoted" 3 times but none of those words were actually mine.

Nick - "We" does refer to me & my husband and our experiences. We are in our 40s, soon-to-be brand new parents (as of this coming Monday!!!) and have little interest in the singles scene. So that is the perspective from which I write.

I guess we're lucky to have had a positive experience here and find our surroundings to be a good place to raise our family.

ETA: FWIW, I really didn't realize this thread was slanted more towards the "singles" scene. I have nothing to offer on that level as I was never single in San Diego.

Congratulations on the baby, I'm sure you two are very happy. I don't think it is a singles thread, it's just general negatives on SD. Unfortunately I fit into that category. Yes, it's true, not having a real relationship here for the last six years can give you some negative experiences to report.

I'm glad you are happy here, I was commenting on the fact that many people who say that they are happy here. Are usually with someone or have been with some one here for a long time. I suspected that was the case for you, and I guess I was right. As you said you moved here with the person you are with now.

When I lived in Seattle I spent time in SD with my girlfriend then from Seattle. I remember having a good time with her here then, "no negatives".
I just have always found the singles scene here to be very ostentatious. Again congrats on the baby sounds like you are excited....Take care.

[Sampaguita]

Believe it or not, I was thinking about the "singles scene" this morning. When I lived in NYC, San Antonio, Buffalo & Santa Barbara, the singles scene was indeed full of pretentious, how-can-I-impress-you types. First question out of anyone's mouth was always along the lines of "So, what do you do?" (but really asking - how much money do you make...how important is your position...what are you worth?)

So, just not San Diego.

Truly, I hope you find your bliss wherever that may be.

[CrissCT]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

Believe it or not, I was thinking about the "singles scene" this morning. When I lived in NYC, San Antonio, Buffalo & Santa Barbara, the singles scene was indeed full of pretentious, how-can-I-impress-you types. First question out of anyone's mouth was always along the lines of "So, what do you do?" (but really asking - how much money do you make...how important is your position...what are you worth?)

So, just not San Diego.

Truly, I hope you find your bliss wherever that may be.

I agree, I have a single sister in her 20's who encounters the same problems and she lives in a rural area outside of Buffalo. It is sadly, everywhere.

[Txelis]

this is one of the worst run cities i have ever experienced (in CA at least). The lack of funding to infrastructure is absolutely unacceptable for a county with as much money as this one has. Retired military people, it would seem, don't want to pay taxes so as a result the road conditions of this city are pitiful, especially considering that the weather basically never changes. There is essentially no worthwhile public transportation to speak of. A large system like BART would dramatically improve this whole county. The police and fire departments are drastically understaffed and the police that we do have spend most of their time harassing homeless people. The entire redevelopment that happened "downtown" turned the area into what feels like a giant frat party, like some kind of extension of PB. Neighborhoods like North Park, South Park and Golden Hill have a lot of potential but unfortunately they are in San Diego. Oh, and not to mention that the city has been in court for years now wasting more tax payer money because of the pension scandal. As long as the military has such a strong presence here i don't see anything changing. Its unfortunate too because, like i said, there is a lot of potential in some areas. If you are going to come to Southern California move to LA, there are good things happening there and you can live close enough to work that the traffic doesn't have to be an issue.