making friends in San Diego, everyone can't be a flake?! (hotel, home)

[Mach50]

Most of my non-flaky friends are from the East Coast recently, I am another rude East Coaster so we tend to attract our own breed . I would definitely say every long term Cali resident I have met is flaky or really flaked once and I never talk to them again.

My advice to you, would be to join a club, like Yoga, Bike, Books, Music Choir...something where you can be with like minded people regularly. Then you just might get to know someone close.

If someone says "let's hang out" to me, I answer "how about Friday night?", if they say yes and then flake out...I look at that as irresponsible and they are not worth my time from that moment further.

I guess friends are nuisance to some people, I really don't get the CA flake thing.

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by lanina

Please, I am a west coast girl born and raised...not looking to be preached to, simply asking why people seem to be flaky here.
even my cali friends and the one person on here admit to being flaky, so it's a fact...not good or bad, just a fact.
I'm not here to argue back and forth, simply get some insight from san diego people.
I'm too easy going and laid back for this, it's exhausting..lol

Maybe you should get insight from people that don't live in San Diego if you want an even exchange, or an unbiased exchange. Simply put, you're hanging around all the places that 20 year-olds hang around (beaches, bars, etc.). Interestingly enough, you said that you're 37, but look like you're 27; why would the guys think otherwise? Why wouldn't they think that you are looking for the same thing as them? Get involved in things that are going to attract a different kind of man (other than the kind that's looking for a quick lay and a party), and you'll most likely find him or at least some suitable candidates. This holds true for all 50 states. California does not hold the inventory of flakey people by the way; they are everywhere. At this point in time, you are hanging around Flake Central (beaches, bars).

[Mach50]

Originally Posted by Donna7

Maybe you should get insight from people that don't live in San Diego if you want an even exchange, or an unbiased exchange. Simply put, you're hanging around all the places that 20 year-olds hang around (beaches, bars, etc.). Interestingly enough, you said that you're 37, but look like you're 27; why would the guys think otherwise? Why wouldn't they think that you are looking for the same thing as them? Get involved in things that are going to attract a different kind of man (other than the kind that's looking for a quick lay and a party), and you'll most likely find him or at least some suitable candidates. This holds true for all 50 states. California does not hold the inventory of flakey people by the way; they are everywhere. At this point in time, you are hanging around Flake Central (beaches, bars).

I have lived all over the world, I have never witnessed so many people who say "let's hang out" and then don't, until I get to CA. Sure it happens in other states and countries, but it does seem to be a reoccurring alert for many that come here, including myself and my wife.

Actually our East Coast friends and us laugh about this all the time, because it is always our California friends that don't show up to the dinner arrangements or get togethers. I guess friends are not that important here.

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by Mach50

I have lived all over the world, I have never witnessed so many people who say "let's hang out" and then don't, until I get to CA. Sure it happens in other states and countries, but it does seem to be a reoccurring theme for many that come here, including myself and my wife.

Actually our East Coast friends and us laugh about all the time, because it is always our California friends that don't show up to the dinner arrangements or get togethers. I guess friends are not that important here.

Some of my closest IRL friends live in San Diego. Of course, we're all women, in our 40's and 50's. I live in NE OH. We all have families, we have friendships based on that. We work together in business as well and communicate frequently. I've flown to San Diego and we've rented limos, gone to dinner, etc. They call and e-mail me regularly and I do the same.

I can't speak about the East Coast because I don't live there/have never lived there. You said that you are from the East Coast in your earlier post above and that we attract our friends...I agree wholeheartedly with that. I agree that we attract the kind of people we hang around with. Sometimes, it's not the other people, it's us (referring to the original post). This is not to say that certain areas of the country don't attract a transient type crowd.

On the other hand, there are also certain areas of the country where people will NEVER get close to you because you're not from the area, never grew up in the area, and so on.

[Mach50]

Ah yes the "Locals Only" rule, the only problem with that is most act friendly and say let's hang out, get your details then never call or email. Oh well you can only do so much.

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by Mach50

Ah yes the "Locals Only" rule, the only problem with that is most act friendly and say let's hang out, get your details then never call or email. Oh well you can only do so much.

Yes, definitely true.

[sav858]

I really don't know why people in CA are more flakey than other places, it doesn't mean we're bad people or don't value friendships at all. We have good friends and close friendships here just like everywhere else, just with a little flakiness added. Even close friends flake out on each other and I guess it just doesn't bother many of us or we don't take it personally, probably b/c the rest of us flake at sometime or another; I try not to now that I am more aware of it but still do occasionally. And if it's something important or that I'm serious about I'll just straight up tell the person don't flake out on me beforehand or ask them "you're not gonna flake on me right?" Or if they do flake out on something I'll call them out on it afterwards in a jokingly way. I've found saying stuff like that gets people to flake out less.

I recently planned a huge trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans for my birthday back in Feb and brought 9 of my friends from San Diego and the Bay Area and made sure to plan it with the "flake factor" in mind. Made sure those who were down to go actually we're gonna go for sure at least 2 months ahead and got on their case and made sure they wouldn't flake at the last minute, mainly b/c I has to prepay for the hotels and didn't want to be stuck with empty rooms and higher costs for everyone. So that weeded out the flakes and I had a solid group that was for sure going about 2 months before we went and nobody flaked out at the last minute.

Also I've found plenty of east coast transplants to be flakes as well so I wouldn't say they aren't flakes either at all. SD is a city full of transplants and people aren't rooted with friends and family here as much as more established places so that could be a factor. Funny story, when my friend who I grew up with in the Bay Area and went to college down here, she moved to Chicago last summer and when I first asked her about the people there one of the first things she said is how when they say they'll call you and want to hang out they actually mean it by calling or showing up. She was one of my flakier friends so it was just funny to me that's one of the first things she noticed.

[breeze823]

Funny that I've never noticed this "I'll call you then don't" thing. I guess all my friendships have been established in natural settings.
I mean, yeah, if I'm at a party hanging out, next week sounds awesome to get together, with all these "new friends" I just met, but then I get back home, back into my routine and responsibilities and the idea of hanging with a bunch of partiers that I just met isn't high on my schedule.
I've never even thought that anyone in SD are flakes when trying to make friends. Interesting to read all these different perceptions from transplants.

[ManOfSteel]

Originally Posted by lanina

OMFG, I have not insulted anyone...if you take time to read it you will see that I am simply responding to their caddy and insulting responses. YOu think a stranger telling me that i go out to hook up is called for? they don't know me.

many good people have given helpful information on here, but there are the couple that just have to have themselves be heard cuz they love the sound of their own 'voice'

like you,,,,,,if it doesn't refer to what the original post is in a helpful way, then just shut the f&&k up...
it's simple...

about the blog thing...sorry i don't live online...thought i would give it a shot but obviously a bunch of flakes are on here too...lol there's no escape.

and I don't mean that towards those that helped me on here...i'm only refering to the FLAKES...

cheers

Well, after reading this thread I think its pretty clear that you have come onto this forum asking for help and promptly started throwing insults around...If Canada is so great, it should be simple...GO BACK. Another thing, something tells me that if its so hard for you to meet people maybe its because you're a condescending, egotistical, thin-skinned b***h and PERHAPS you're not as young-looking , friendly, great person, etc as you seem to think you are...wipe off your mirror, take a GOOD look, maybe you should reassess that whole"37 look 27" thing and re-adjust your attitude and maybe you wouldn't have to ask total strangers on a forum to help you meet people....freak.

[Drowningintherain2]

Originally Posted by ManOfSteel

Well, after reading this thread I think its pretty clear that you have come onto this forum asking for help and promptly started throwing insults around...If Canada is so great, it should be simple...GO BACK. Another thing, something tells me that if its so hard for you to meet people maybe its because you're a condescending, egotistical, thin-skinned b***h and PERHAPS you're not as young-looking , friendly, great person, etc as you seem to think you are...wipe off your mirror, take a GOOD look, maybe you should reassess that whole"37 look 27" thing and re-adjust your attitude and maybe you wouldn't have to ask total strangers on a forum to help you meet people....freak.

Ouch! You signed up to city-data just so you could post that nasty message? Calm down.