making friends in San Diego, everyone can't be a flake?! (transplants, condo)

[lanina]

Hey All,

I have vacationed in SD for years now and finally got my visa and moved here. I am finding it very disheartning that it is so hard to meet people.

I am extremely outgoing, smart, love to party, beach, hike, whatever is on the agenda.

I'm an attractive woman of 37, however, I look 27 and have stopped correcting everyone so shhhh, haha, it gets too tiring to have to correct everyone.

anyways, i find guys only seem to want one thing and it sucks cuz my best friends back home are men...not gay men either...and we talk about everything and share everything, it's kind of like sex and the city but with me and 4 men friends, the women i am friends with back home have the same easy going attitude I have as well.

we look at people as they are, people, good or bad, takes time to determine that. it seems men here look at women as something to do for the night...and women! wow, could they be more insecure or stand offish?

I go out alone all the time, cuz i am extremely outgoing. I don't sit at home and sulk, i hang by the pool, go out in ocean beach, PB, downtown, etc... i will talk up the bartenders, I have met men online with being clear i am looking for friends only, and i always get the same thing...your so cool, i get a great vibe from you, lets hang again, but then nothing....

whatever, I like the wavehouse, and I have spent two days there alone....

All I want is some people to go to the beach with, party with, movies, drink, etc.

from all my trips here and my dream to live here, I never dreamt that San Diego people were so flaky. I had a friend born and raised here that told me that but I thought he was referring to women he was trying to date, turns out it's everyone.

this really sucks....

i don't understand why no one enjoys meeting new people and finding out about them.. i guess with all my travels my mind is more open than most.

I always have people open up to me fast cuz i am so easy to get along with and to talk to.

but to meet up again and hang out is impossible.

sooo frustrating...

[homie01]

What about men/women in their 40's or 50's? They seem pretty friendly in north San Diego.

[sav858]

That's not just a San Diego thing at all, but more of a CA thing in general from what I gather. And after thinking about it ,it's kind of true and even some of my friends will admit we are flakes, including myself. But it's a two way street here, you gotta put in the effort too. If says lets hang out sometime or I'll call you but they don't, then just call them up. Just b/c someone flakes doesn't mean they dislike you or anything but many times if you put in the effort people do come around. SD is very diverse in the types of people it has IMO so it might take some trial and error to find some you truly want to be good friends with. Not sure how long you've been here but just give it some time and don't be afraid to put in some effort to contact people you meet again. There's a lot of transplants in this city and I'm sure there are plenty like you in the same boat. Someone recently started a thread to see if people wanted to meet up, so maybe something can come of that : http://www.city-data.com/forum/san-d...bies-natives.h

[mttec23]

I know exactly what you mean. I don't know you, but you sound like a completely normal person, looking to connect with some really good people and start a circle of truly close friends to enjoy San Diego with....I wish you good luck...I'm not saying it's not possible...without a doubt it is....but it's not the easiest place to meet the kind of people you're looking for....

In my brief two years spent there, I met lots of friends, but never the type I'd give a spare key to my front door...never the type I'd let borrow my car...never the type I'd leave alone with my girlfriend...

If you come from a smaller town, you know what I'm talking about. I moved back home to the East Coast because I missed having friends who look out for me...I missed having friends who cared about me more than the "coolness" factor of where we live. Lots of people are just stoked to be living it up in "Cali" that they kinda just don't care about much else...they finally made it now they just wanna have fun...

But it can happen, and it does happen. I have friends who are still out there who have made really close friends. It just takes time. You have to just give it time.

[lanina]

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't generally hang with people much older than me, I date 23-30...it's not my decision, it's the age range that asks me out.
Someone in their late 40's - 50's is not into partying all night, hiking early the next morning, hanging with surfers in the OC, etc. (I do have a few friends spread out here). We would not be a good match...again, my age is irrelevant to the situation, due to the circumstances, if you knew me you would understand, but I just wouldn't be comfortable with people much older than myself.

I have gone up to complete strangers and talked to them. get their info and call / text them many times after. it's like, "ya, we'll see" or " not sure yet", or even worse. "sure, sounds good, see you soon" then they call you 3 hours late cuz something came up.

I guess because I am very conscience of people's time and feelings I would never dream of doing such a thing to someone unless the situation was serious and I couldn't make it. my time is no more important than the next person, and I respect that and them. I wish they would respect mine as well.

I have travelled extensively, Europe, Australia, Asia, africa and never have I ever been stood up or someone has not jumped at the chance to hang... I guess maybe it should be an ego check for me..LOL jk, I'm not stuck up, quite the opposite.
I find my openess actually makes people suspicious in the USA. Still trying to figure that one out.. missing out on a lot with that outlook.

thanks so much for the link, i will check it out for sure.

[breeze823]

Maybe you are coming off as too pushy?

[lanina]

Well I am far from pushy, but if that is what friendly is interpretted as here then so be it.
if saying hi, and simple converstation is pushy then I have absolutely no hope at all....
LOL

seriously, I think people just need to broaden their horizons, and open up. the people and connections I have made world wide would amaze you, free condo's in Ibiza Spain, and actual camel ranch owner in Morocco (camel ride anyone? lol) ....maybe more americans should view being friendly in that way and just enjoy life and the people that come into it.

[breeze823]

Originally Posted by lanina

Well I am far from pushy, but if that is what friendly is interpretted as here then so be it.
if saying hi, and simple converstation is pushy then I have absolutely no hope at all....
LOL

seriously, I think people just need to broaden their horizons, and open up. the people and connections I have made world wide would amaze you, free condo's in Ibiza Spain, and actual camel ranch owner in Morocco (camel ride anyone? lol) ....maybe more americans should view being friendly in that way and just enjoy life and the people that come into it.

Hey, I'm probably about the friendliest person you would meet, BUT, we also enjoy our personal space, more so than the east coast.

[lanina]

Please, I am a west coast girl born and raised...not looking to be preached to, simply asking why people seem to be flaky here.
even my cali friends and the one person on here admit to being flaky, so it's a fact...not good or bad, just a fact.
I'm not here to argue back and forth, simply get some insight from san diego people.
I'm too easy going and laid back for this, it's exhausting..lol

[breeze823]

Originally Posted by lanina

Please, I am a west coast girl born and raised...not looking to be preached to, simply asking why people seem to be flaky here.
even my cali friends and the one person on here admit to being flaky, so it's a fact...not good or bad, just a fact.
I'm not here to argue back and forth, simply get some insight from san diego people.
I'm too easy going and laid back for this, it's exhausting..lol

I thought I read somewhere that you are from Canada and just got your visa? My bad?