Why do I feel lonely in a sunny happy city like San Diego? (houses, neighborhood)

[lrmsd]

Originally Posted by revelated

Do you want the straight answer?

Americans are not inclined or open to building strong relationships with people in general; where you come from has nothing to do with it. I agree with Sass in that as you grow older, the number of people you consider "Friends" drops significantly. I had so many friends as a teenager I couldn't remember their names. Now, I have two I consider friends; the rest are acquaintances, mostly work acquaintances.

I learned a long time ago that the people I meet have two faces: The one they let select few see, and the one they use to hide who they really are. America's society, because of our economy primarily, is dog-eat-dog. Now that's not to say you can't meet good people. But it'll be hard to find the type of relationship you seem to be trying to find, because even if you find people who seem on the up and up, there's always something. The means test is whether that something can be tolerated.

Sad, I know.

Huh, I don't agree with anything you'd said. This is not my experience or tendancy, as an American. I'll leave it at that-but I wouldn't call what you said 'the truth', as though you are divulging some big, dark secret, or pink elephant that noone talks about.

And, I have lived in the NE, CO, MT, No and So CA, and the NW.
It does vary by region, and by how one's personality fits with a given region, as well as the lifestyle desired.

You know what else?
You can find two different people, of the same age group, gender, country, interests, etc and they can have two totally different experiences in the same city/location. There is an individual chemistry to this that cannot really be explained.

Maybe the OP should try a different city. I TOTALLY agree with the reply that said SD is NOT the place for learning American work ethics.

[Oakland Uptown]

Originally Posted by Oerdin

Wow, so many Debbie Downers in this thread. I humbly suggest that the problem might not be everyone else but the attitude and approach some people are taking. If you meet someone and all you do is whine about how it is different from where you came from and then rag on their home town then don't be surprised when their response is "Yeah... Cool... See you later. (walks out)". That's my $0.02.

I've noticed most city forums have this same post. It's always the person not the city.This pops up in the SF forum once a month.

[Davante]

Not that I been tere or anything, but how could you possibly feel lonely or bored in the San Diego area? I mean the place got the Pacific Ocean, the palm trees, the beautiful downtown, the beautiful streets, the sexiness in it in and of itself. Man, I wish I was there. Don't get cold (cold as in 10-20 degrees, 0-10 Degrees, and 0-minus 30) I mean come on, you got people in other areas of the U.S whose dream is to come to such a place.

[Oerdin]

Originally Posted by Oakland Uptown

I've noticed most city forums have this same post. It's always the person not the city.This pops up in the SF forum once a month.

Good point.

[ARAH]

I was very lonely in my twenties when I moved here too. My opinion is that the San Diego twenty-something crowd is very transient and people don't want to invest time/effort in friendships, many don't plan to stay long term. Most of the people I knew when I was working my way through school in the hotel restaurant business are long gone, back to where they came from.

[pll]

Originally Posted by gemma84

Hello San Diegans!

I will introduce myself a little bit and explain the reasons for my topic question.

I am a 25 year old girl from Barcelona, Spain. As an European I wanted to come to the States to work for a while in here with a J-1 visa (allows to work in the hospitality industry or others for a maximum of 18 months). I wanted to do this to learn about the way Americans work, cause I had been told you are the most disciplined ones and that the experience would benefit my personal and professional life.

For the moment I love the city and all it has to offer, as well as trying to be patient with the job because, you know, it is never exactly as you expect. They tell you you are going to be trained to be a Manager, and well, for the moment I haven't seen anything like that. I work in a hotel (won't say the name or position for privacy) and I hope things get better as months go by and the high season approaches.

The thing is I feel extremely lonely here. People are nice, but they don't go further than the normal courtesy between colleagues at work. I also have a roommate but we have very different schedules at work and we barely coincide to be able to do things together. So basically my question is how is this happening? Do you think the fact that I am a foreigner (European!) doesn't help? Do you think you Americans are not very inclined or open to build strong relationships with us? Or is it just that I am VERY impatient?

Advices on where or how to try to meet new people will be very welcomed too!

Thanks a lot those who have stood to read the entire thing haha! and have a great day in beautiful San Diego!

Gemma

You probably won't feel truly at "home" until you are back in Spain. You grew up there and I bet you left some family behind. You will feel like a visitor every other place you live-- even if you're in the most wonderful city with kind people. Try to make the best of your situation. Try not to compare cities just appreciate the differences. You may not be in SD forever so just appreciate it while you're there.

[BacktoBlue]

Originally Posted by Oakland Uptown

I've noticed most city forums have this same post. It's always the person not the city.This pops up in the SF forum once a month.

exactly! I agree!

[mrmanz]

actually i dont think its the people.. san diego has a way of making u feel lonely.. im extremely social, ive lived in different countries, and san diego has the flakiest bunch ive ever seen..

there was a girl i was cool with.. we talked everyday, all of a sudden she disappears, and ive seen this pattern repeat itself.. people are just unreliable here.. (im 24yrs so im talking about people my age range)

[htnspz]

I've been here for almost 20 years and I have found San Diego to be a little lonely. It is somewhat of a transient sort of city, where people come here for a little while and leave. It probably has to do with how expensive it is to live here. Still, I'm here with my husband and that's all I really need.

When I want to connect to other San Diegans, I can converse with the San Diego peeps here

[RobinsonCrusoe]

I flew in 2 days ago for a weeklong vacation here and cannot understand how anybody can NOT make friends here. The first day here, my buddies and I went to a pub around 1 pm and stayed till 10 just talking and making friends with all the other people there - bartenders/waitresses included. last night i called up a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and so we went over to his place in la jolla where he was having a get-together and we made friends with all of his friends there as well.

honestly, it's not hard. just turn to the person next to you and say hi.

if they say "f*** you" or something similar, just stop talking to them.
if they seem friendly and open, you're good to go.

c'mon ppl. i've only been here 2 days.