Upstairs Neighbor Issues (San Diego, Orange: apartments, renter, HOA)

[MAK802]

I'll try to make this as short as I can. We got new neighbors upstairs a couple of months ago. Background on our place...8 units, 6 are owned, 2 rented. We rent and so do the people upstairs. Every single night since they have moved in ( I am not exaggerating) at promptly 1:30am ( I swear, they have a timer or something) they have the loudest, most obnoxious sex ever. I swear, it feels like I'm living in a porno. There haven't been any issues here until they moved in.

Now I know you probably want to laugh, but when you are woken up at 1:30, then 4, then 6, you seriously just want to pull your hair out. We contacted the HOA president, who then contacted their landlord and she said there is nothing she can do and it can't possibly be them making all that noise. We have tried and tried to resolve this to no end and quite frankly, I am exhausted! I can hear every word of the conversation and actually heard the entire convo guy upstairs had with their landlord regarding this, basically saying I'm making this up! If this was a once a week thing, it would be different. But I am not exaggerating when I say it is every single night.

As I type, they are going at it again. The HOA will not deal with this and says it is their landlord's issue, but their landlord is totally unresponsive since moving to Orange County. The tenants know about this issue and emails have been sent (with us copied on them) regarding this. It has not improved. Now, I don't care what you do in your apartment behind closed doors, but when it is the middle of the night, have some courtesy for your fellow neighbors. Again, this is a nightly thing and I am exhausted from the lack of sleep. Is there anything we can do to resolve this, short of leaving a gag on their doorstep and encouraging them to use it?

[NYSD1995]

short answer is move or get earplugs.

I don't get the impression you've spoken to the upstairs neighbor? If not, that's a good place to start. If you've got the will and patience to persevere, eventually you will usually win, but it could take months or more.

Good luck. This is why I will never again live in an apartment.

[sms1967]

I'd call the police department and ask about a noise ordinance or disturbing the peace. I doubt it'll help but it's worth a shot. If they don't care about others... I doubt it'll change soon. Unless all that sex produces a pregnancy. I can verify, first hand, a child puts a stop to all that.

If nothing else, maybe continued calls to the landlord and continued notes or letters to the renter will eventually wear them down. Having said that, I don't think you have much recourse... this kind of b.s. goes with renting and sharing walls.

[Encinitan]

Originally Posted by sms1967

Unless all that sex produces a pregnancy. I can verify, first hand, a child puts a stop to all that.

I was just going to say the same thing, as I, too, can attest to the mood-killing power of a newborn.

[MAK802]

Unfortunately, she is past the child-brearing stage. She looks to be in her mid to late 40s, and he can be as old as early 50s. I'd almost rather have a screaming newborn than this!

[MAK802]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

I don't get the impression you've spoken to the upstairs neighbor? If not, that's a good place to start. If you've got the will and patience to persevere, eventually you will usually win, but it could take months or more.

We were told not to speak to them directly and let their landlord deal with it. We still have copies of all the emails that were sent to them, with them denying making any kind of noise. Many emails were sent, but nothing was resolved. They are very aware of this issue, but it seems like they are doing it out of spite at this point. We are the only ones who could hear them unfortunately so they are not quick to fix this issue.

[NYSD1995]

Originally Posted by MAK802

We were told not to speak to them directly and let their landlord deal with it

As a veteran of many neighbor disputes I have found that an old fashioned handshake and a conversation solves the majority of issues. The problem with going the route that you did is it automatically sets up an adversarial situation.

[MAK802]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

As a veteran of many neighbor disputes I have found that an old fashioned handshake and a conversation solves the majority of issues. The problem with going the route that you did is it automatically sets up an adversarial situation.

Ok, so I am more than willing to take your advice. Since they are already very well aware of that the noise they make can be hear, how would you approach them? The other day, they had people over. She was talking to them and said something to the effect of the a$$holes downstairs are complaining about the noise we make in our bedroom and how they have a right to do whatever they want, whenever they want since it's their place. So this is who we are dealing with. They acknowledge the noise, even to friends. I do see them every single day, since they have a dog that they take out and the mailboxes are in front of our place, so I'm more than willing to confront them, even though I doubt it will do any good.

[Jenkay]

Originally Posted by MAK802

Ok, so I am more than willing to take your advice. Since they are already very well aware of that the noise they make can be hear, how would you approach them? The other day, they had people over. She was talking to them and said something to the effect of the a$$holes downstairs are complaining about the noise we make in our bedroom and how they have a right to do whatever they want, whenever they want since it's their place. So this is who we are dealing with. They acknowledge the noise, even to friends. I do see them every single day, since they have a dog that they take out and the mailboxes are in front of our place, so I'm more than willing to confront them, even though I doubt it will do any good.

They may very well be pissed that you went to the "authorities" instead of talking to them first. Personally, I'd write them a note, saying you wished it hadn't gotten to this point, you should have talked to them first, but you were advised not to... And see if you can go from there.

Even if you're not feeling the conciliatory vibe, it can go a looooong ways towards getting the situation back down to where you can talk to them.

If it turns out they're just jerks, move. I tried *everything* with some upstairs neighbors a few years back, and ended up moving out- and I've never llived in a downstairs apartment since

[NYSD1995]

Originally Posted by MAK802

The other day, they had people over. She was talking to them and said something to the effect of the a$$holes downstairs are complaining about the noise we make in our bedroom and how they have a right to do whatever they want, whenever they want since it's their place.

See, the problem is you're already the "a$$hole downstairs". If you had approached them earlier, they might have been embarrassed by their behavior. At this point, not much you can do to repair that, but I would not write any notes, I would approach personally with a handshake and do what you can to try and be conciliatory.

If they truly don't care and the HOA and landlord won't help, you might be just SoL. We have used some pretty successful and severe techniques to deal with some trashy renters, but that was in a cohesive single-family neighborhood setting where we were able to rally the whole block together. Maybe threatening to move out and break your lease for cause (noise issues) could motivate your landlord into helping out. You can go the "nickle and dime" route, where you call the cops for noise complaints (and document all your calls with an incident number), report every code and HOA violation (no matter how insignificant). This usually works over the long haul for more serious problems, but not so sure it will work in your case.

In your case it might just be easier to move. It sounds like you are in a shoddily-built apartment anyway given you are hearing conversations through walls. In general, you never want a downstairs unit. Try to find an end-unit upstairs or townhome where you have minimal shared walls. In general, apartments are second-class housing in San Diego, and you really want to live in a house if you can afford it.