How easy (or hard) is it for new transplants to make friends in SF / East Bay? (Vacaville: unemployment, buying)

[gnomatic]

Originally Posted by legal_eagle

These statements, however, are not mutually exclusive and really address two different aspects of life here. Of course, if you work at it, you will have people in your life you can call "friends." But in many cases that means you will have snobbish, "what's in it for me" people as friends.

If those are the people that you have/had as "friends" that is the choice YOU made to surround yourself with those people at that age. So it's not surprising that YOU will have to live with the consequences later in life.

I don't subscribe to your definition of what one should go about doing at what age group. I am not done "creating" my life just because I reached my thirties. I hope I continue to adapt, evolve and learn, and do so till the day I die.

Community for me isn't a physical place, nor is it static. So I suppose I can be happy to "settle down" anywhere including SF. There are friends in my "community" who do live here, and there are those who moved elsewhere. There are friends who are seriously considering moving here.

I do know this much from my shorter life experience (just 30 some odd years)...real friends are the ones that you don't have be physical near or see everyday. You can not see each other for months or even years, but can pick up as if no time has past at all. Their experiences have diverge from your own, but it's just more for you to learn from (and vice versa)...if you chose to do so.

Anyways, I don't find it particularly hard to make or keep real friends in the bay area.

But to each their own..life is what one choose to make out of it.

[fakeplastictrees]

Maybe come visit here to get an idea for yourself. I grew up here so I'm biased. Some of the other posters have had problems, but that won't be true for everyone. You never know what it will be like for YOU.
When my family moved from SF to Philadelphia when I was a little girl, my parents had trouble making friends for 2 years. My mom was seriously depressed and hated our neighbors because they were rude.
I think you could have issues making friends if you live in San Francisco. If you live in the East Bay I truly think it will be easier. I know a lot of single people who have had no trouble finding friends.

[UrbanAdventurer]

True friends aren't easy to aquire anywhere, if that's what we're talking about. That happens more often than not by accident or serendipity. Like love, it just has to happen on it's own to a certain extent and can't usually be forced. It's also easier for some than others, of course.

Most people that hit their later 20's and 30's are in their little rut and are pretty damn content about it, if most of the people I know are any indication. It's a major sea change that happens to most people. New priorities become work, spouses and children...friends and good-timing go by the wayside a bit. Meeting new people and seeking novelty/new experiences are a happy extra when they happen, rather than the main focus, at least until much later in life when it comes back around full circle to being all about fun and good times again

[mayorhaggar]

I bet if you went on every single board on city-data you'd find people complaining that they can't make any friends.

[HockeyMac18]

Originally Posted by greenmountainex-pat

That's the difference, I think. SFans don't like people. They're anti-social by nature. They like their tech toys better than people. They prefer contact-via-FB/Twitter/text to real, eye-to-eye, warm, human, personal contact.

Are you sure it's not generational, though? I'm from back east too, and I feel like the "schism" is more between generations, then it is a regional thing. People my age (late 20's) or younger love their toys (particularly iphone or other smartphones) and prefer internet/facebook/text interaction sometimes over face-to-face no matter where they're living. I found this to be very true back east where I was living and spent a lot of time (Rochester, Boston, NYC) before moving out here last year. I've noticed that SF is a very young city (particularly in certain neighborhoods), so I wonder if that's part of it? Being surrounded by so many tech companies also might play a role...maybe it's a little worse here, but I don't know if it's that different...maybe I'm missing it, though.

Regardless, I've been able to make A LOT of friends in the city and the greater bay area (although I live in San Mateo), but I admittedly am very involved in many different things...people here (particularly those with families) are very busy, so it can definitely be hard to make friends at times. I'm probably the exception, not the rule, but I really don't know...


And also, for whatever it's worth, so many people (probably the majority of the people I meet!) are from somewhere else...Are there A-holes here? Yes, of course. Are there flakey people? Absolutely...But I avoid them, and don't associate with. I find the people that want to hang out, are good people from top to bottom, and choose these people as my friends. In my experiences in Boston/NY, there were just as many A-holes blocking the street on the way to the bar with their "houlier than thou attitude" (ever hang out around Boston College/BU in boston on a Friday night?). You can find crappy people anywhere...and you can find good people here too (they exist, trust me).

Life can be hard sometimes, but it's definitely what you make of it. but again...maybe i'm the exception in this area (?).

[mayorhaggar]

Yeah lol @ anyone acting like only people in SF have iphones, yes people here are early adopters of any new technology but those things are everywhere now. It is irritating how people constantly use them (especially when you're trying to talk to them or they're crossing the street or driving...argh) but that is definitely not a Bay Area-exclusive thing. People using phones in any capacity have been annoying since Alexander Graham Bell's day.

[gnomatic]

Originally Posted by mayorhaggar

Yeah lol @ anyone acting like only people in SF have iphones, yes people here are early adopters of any new technology but those things are everywhere now. It is irritating how people constantly use them (especially when you're trying to talk to them or they're crossing the street or driving...argh) but that is definitely not a Bay Area-exclusive thing. People using phones in any capacity have been annoying since Alexander Graham Bell's day.

So true... I have on numerous occasion wanted to whip out my camera (not a camera phone!) when I was waiting for the light to change in NYC, London, etc. Everyone stopped at the light was on their mobile devices.

Oh..and I tell my brother (a Manhattan dweller) that if he tripped while walking because he was on his iPhone, I am not going to help him back up.

Anyways, the bay area is behind compared to Asia (Korea, Japan, Hong Kong) when it comes to adopting mobile technology.

[gone down south]

Quite frankly, the entire concept behind this thread is flawed. Interesting, dynamic, outgoing people who have something to offer will be able to make friends no matter where they are. Others will have trouble meeting people under the exact same circumstances, and I think it's silly to try to label such a large diverse region based on such a personal set of characteristics.

[bigdumbgod]

Originally Posted by mayorhaggar

I bet if you went on every single board on city-data you'd find people complaining that they can't make any friends.

Maybe because they're spending way too much time on the 'net.

[mayorhaggar]

http://www.google.com/search?q=hard+...w=1176&bih=615

Minnesota, DC, Denver, Toronto, San Diego get the same types of topics. Must be that Bay Area snobbery!