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Hello,
I'm new to this forum and I feel like I need to talk a little about my experience in San Francisco. I came here from Europe , 16 years ago and I was never able to feel at home. There are many things I don't like in this town but it's not only that. I always feel like a foreigner (I am one!) and I don't belong here. I tried everything, made friends and lost them because I have health problems and people say that they like you until you're not so fun anymore and little by little, with you becoming less and less available because you are not fine, they just disappear...
Since I live in San Francisco, for family reasons, I feel like I'm numb. I can'y feel energy from this town, and every place I go looks depressing to me. I am not a depressed character but here, I don't know, I don't feel any motivation or vibe. Maybe I am in the wrong place. I find the people here often very distant, the housing is terrible and expensive and, except some nice neighborhoods, I don't think that it's that beautiful, especially what is man made; the scenery is quite pretty but the buildings and infrastructure are sometimes the opposite. The smell is often bad too, urine or worse and/or fried, oily stuff from the restaurants. But it is a great place though.
I miss feeling alive and I wish I could move out, but, right now, it's impossible for so many reasons and my family is doing okay here. So. I have to stay. I am sorry it's not that I didn't try but, you know, I suppose that people are different and all places are not okay for everyone. I don't know what I could do to stop feeling so out of place. Plus, I get physically tired so easily.
Antonia, have you consulted a doctor recently about the fatigue and other issues you addressed? You could be suffering from depression and in many cases, that's fixable. San Francisco has never been my favorite place (lived in Sacramento for 20 years) but there are decent, sunnier, less densely crowded and more affordable places within reasonable commuting distance where perhaps you could relocate and whoever has necessary ties to the city could still get there as required.
I absolutely hated working in the east bay, and was always an angry person when I went into the city. I was a recent grad, and had just secured my dream job, but within 2 months of living there I knew I wanted out. I was a very happy person before moving there, but there is something about that lifestyle that just wore me out. Maybe the traffic, the congestion, the people...I couldn't do it anymore. Finally moved away and am way happier. Just wanted to share that you are not alone.
It might be a good idea to explore some other areas to live or work. It can't hurt!
Hello,
I'm new to this forum and I feel like I need to talk a little about my experience in San Francisco. I came here from Europe , 16 years ago and I was never able to feel at home. There are many things I don't like in this town but it's not only that. I always feel like a foreigner (I am one!) and I don't belong here. I tried everything, made friends and lost them because I have health problems and people say that they like you until you're not so fun anymore and little by little, with you becoming less and less available because you are not fine, they just disappear...
Since I live in San Francisco, for family reasons, I feel like I'm numb. I can'y feel energy from this town, and every place I go looks depressing to me. I am not a depressed character but here, I don't know, I don't feel any motivation or vibe. Maybe I am in the wrong place. I find the people here often very distant, the housing is terrible and expensive and, except some nice neighborhoods, I don't think that it's that beautiful, especially what is man made; the scenery is quite pretty but the buildings and infrastructure are sometimes the opposite. The smell is often bad too, urine or worse and/or fried, oily stuff from the restaurants. But it is a great place though.
I miss feeling alive and I wish I could move out, but, right now, it's impossible for so many reasons and my family is doing okay here. So. I have to stay. I am sorry it's not that I didn't try but, you know, I suppose that people are different and all places are not okay for everyone. I don't know what I could do to stop feeling so out of place. Plus, I get physically tired so easily.
It sounds like there are some deeper issues going on here, but you are pushing that thought away by making the city the problem. I've moved 10 times in my life. I went from South Florida to a small town in Alaska and even though I didn't enjoy it, I never felt what you are feeling now. The Bay Area is so diverse and I would even argue the majority of the people here were born overseas that it isn't possible for a mentally healthy person to feel so depressed about living here. If you hate urban living, there are so many places within 10 miles of the city to be surrounded in nature. You really can find any type of living environment in the Bay Area and it gets cheaper the further away from the city you go. You may want to get a mental evaluation and I promise you I don't mean that in a snark way. I think it might make you feel better long-term. I would bet nothing would change if you were to pack your bags tomorrow and move to (insert any city). There are deeper issues, maybe something with your family? You say you can't move because of them, so I take it there are some serious issues going on there. I'm not a big fan of living in San Francisco either, but even so, I can still go hiking in Marin County and feel refreshed (example).
Antonia, I get what you are saying. I think this city is depressing me too. I have lived here 5 years from the midwest. For me, it is several reasons. First is the weather - the overcast, foggy, cold, day in and day out. I have felt cold almost since I stepped foot in this area. Then it's the sun - Sure, it gets sunny during the day between 12-4, but I am at work those times. Most times I experience cold, overcast, grey-ness here. Last, it is the cost - On top of the weather the cost of living makes me feel I have to work, work, work, and I also feel I can never fit in with all the wealthy people here. Thing is, there are so many wonderful things to see, eat, hear, do here, that I actually feel like I am just whining....so then I feel a double edged sword because I feel my feelings are not valid, which only compounds the depression......on and on.....
It sounds like there are some deeper issues going on here, but you are pushing that thought away by making the city the problem.
I think that's just mean spirited of you for insinuating that for anyone to dislike SF, they must have a mental illness. I lived in the city for 4 years and loved it, but there were definitely some things that I didn't care for:
-Not easy to make friends. Some people disagree, but I'll say that people were a lot less willing to let you into their circle than other places I've lived.
-Cost. Tough not to be a drag on anyone.
-Weather. At first, having cool/mild weather is a nice change if you come from a very hot climate. However, you do begin to miss the summers, where you can lie out in shorts and such. That's one of the reasons I left.
-Crowds. It is a very crowded city afterall. That's one of the things I loved, but I did reach a point in life where I wanted something more mellow.
-Homeless problem. Most cities have this, but it is a lot easier to avoid than in SF.
-Liberalism. I love that its a liberal city, but being that I tend to be somewhat fiscally conservative, some of the socialist policies did get old after a while.
My experience in SF was good, not great. I can see how many people would dislike living there. To this day, I love going into the city for day trips, for so many great restaurants, shops, neighborhoods, museums, etc. But, I don't think I'd want to move back there.
I think that's just mean spirited of you for insinuating that for anyone to dislike SF, they must have a mental illness.
Nice cherry picking, you should read through my post in its entirety before making such a blanket statement. I mentioned that I also don't enjoy living in SF either.
Certain things the OP said make me believe there are deeper issues at work. It sounds like the OP is suffering from real depression, so talking with a psychiatrist may be beneficial. Telling yourself, if only I wasn't trapped, if only I could move, then my life would be better, is the wrong mindset to have... SF has tons of problems, but there is no reason unless homeless for someone to have developed depression from living here without other issues at work. Finding out those issues and addressing them would be the most helpful and healing thing to do... or you can just tell him, "yes, yes the city is the reason why you have no energy, if you moved to Denver, you would be dancing in the streets overnight."
"Since I live in San Francisco, for family reasons, I feel like I'm numb."
"I miss feeling alive and I wish I could move out, but, right now, it's impossible for so many reasons and my family is doing okay here."
"I don't know what I could do to stop feeling so out of place. Plus, I get physically tired so easily."
Nice cherry picking, you should read through my post in its entirety before making such a blanket statement. I mentioned that I also don't enjoy living in SF either.
Certain things the OP said make me believe there are deeper issues at work. It sounds like the OP is suffering from real depression, so talking with a psychiatrist may be beneficial. Telling yourself, if only I wasn't trapped, if only I could move, then my life would be better, is the wrong mindset to have... SF has tons of problems, but there is no reason unless homeless for someone to have developed depression from living here without other issues at work. Finding out those issues and addressing them would be the most helpful and healing thing to do.
"Since I live in San Francisco, for family reasons, I feel like I'm numb."
"I miss feeling alive and I wish I could move out, but, right now, it's impossible for so many reasons and my family is doing okay here."
"I don't know what I could do to stop feeling so out of place. Plus, I get physically tired so easily."
Everyone does that to my posts, they just pick out the one part of what I said they disagree with. Get used it, they have a lot of spiteful and stupid people on this site. This site is getting kinda annoying and over run with trolls.
Location: Baghdad by the Bay (San Francisco, California)
3,530 posts, read 5,136,325 times
Reputation: 3145
I can certainly understand not liking SF if some physical ailment keeps you from enjoying the City, surroundings and the outdoor lifestyle. Even daily life and commuting here is physically demanding. I have had 2-3 minor knee and ankle injuries due to slips on the sidewalk/turning my ankle, etc. I have also had two bouts with the Flu in three years, which is certainly attributable to taking public transportation, where I probably only caught the Flu three times in 20+ years in Houston. Each instance was debilitating and disruptive for days/weeks at a time.
I can only imagine how constant fatigue and physical limitations serious enough to cause you to withdraw would hamper your enjoyment and utility of this city. Then, the domino effect of that affecting your mood and ability to have a positive outlook would definitely come into play.
If you're unable to heal or overcome your illness, you should probably look into a move that would only minimally uproot your family, but would offer a less physically demanding lifestyle. Perhaps somewhere more suburban and feasible for assisted mobility and/or having a car, like communities on the Peninsula or the East Bay?
PS on the weather issue....people say it might be mild here in winter compared to other places, but the problem is that it seems to be like this year round in SF, with no real summer and sun that other places get as a nice rest period, one that you can count on coming while you are lamenting in the middle of the winter....
on top of the weather, it is hard to live here.... hard traffic, hard parking, hard paying rent, i can't say people are polite and kind as they are in other parts of the country....the trade off is the wonderful food, beautiful views, world class events.....but those can cost money too.....
And I am not sure moving to another part of the bay is a good solution.....in order to take advantage of SF, you still have to get there to SF.....and that isn't the easiest from the farther reaches of the Bay, it can take 2 hours to get to SF by public transportation from the farther east bay areas (bus to BART to city) or to fight the traffic to get into the city and then find a lucky parking place, or pay pay pay for public parking....
It's sad because from what I see, this city is most positively experienced by people who can afford it, who have the financial means.....not a middle class person....the city and choice areas around the bay are pushing out all but the wealthy
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