Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a native San Franciscian and I'm just wondering if people notice these things that don't make me happy here anymore and almost make me like la better.
first off I am 27 years old working at a senior center as a caregiver/helper, I have an apartment and I go to church on Sundays and on days off I go to the gym, lift weights and run as I am in good shape and follow a vegan diet during the week and vegetarian on the weekend.. The thing is I have a life and I am making good money and I am from an upper middle class background with parents who help me with my apartment and cost of living. However I feel kind of alone and unhappy and while I know it's up to us individually to do that I feel like it won't happen in the bay area but will in la.
San Francisco seems to be Changing and I would argue not for the better. It seems like wherever you go in there city it's become snobby and pretentious and it's out of owners from other place s who seem to be bringing this with them from other places. I don't hold a grudge against people who are successful and have work for startups or are ambitious. But it seems like there is no room for someone like me anymore in my hometown. ONe of my goals is to meet women and it just seems like sf is no longer a place to meet people who have an open mind, or values that actually consistent. I get out and go to bars even though I don't drink, I go to buy a club soda and meet a woman either to get laid or even just make a friend and hope we hit it off maybe we can become a couple. I am involved also with my parish as I am Catholic and am a Eucharistic minister, reader and involved in other things at my church. Even making Friends with other people my age here seems hard. I am Friendly , outgoing,handsome and in good shape and even though a relationship would be my first priority getting laid even seems hard here.
When I go to la to visit friends, I seem to hit it off with people down there. Even though we up north have an idea of la being superficial,fake,image conscious and not as environmentally friendly. I feel like people in la are Friendlier than sf. I seem to not have to ever exaggerate about my job and pretend I'm something I'm not down there. I have gotten laid in la a bunch of times and to rather hot women , which surprised me because I would have thought I would have had a better chance with the hotter women in sf since I always thought of la as your nothing if you have no money. In sf women seem to want you to be a millionaire, in la attractive women don't care as long as you are happy and yourself and willing to protect and be their man. In sf they want you to work for some law firm, or bank, or startup and be innovative. Since all my Friends have moved away from sf I don't have as many Friends my age. I have tried everything from Catholic groups,to free concerts, to even just making a conversation at a Starbucks or cafe and people both women and men don't even seem to want to talk with you as they would rather stare at their electronic device. In la you can go to a cafe and you can talk and meet interesting people and it's not about getting the WiFi password.
I am not trying to sound sour about my once heard hometown but I feel like it's not the place it used to be. What once was a city that cared about people, and neighbourhoods and community is now a place that pretends t be a progressive city but when it comes down to it is really enacting typical capitalistic policies. I don't have a problem with people who are in the cooperate world or who are venture capitalists, but at least la unlike sf does not need to throw up this whole idea of being a left wing city and than being hypocritical. People in la just don't care as much and put emphasis on other things. I still think sf has this best climate and much Better than la and of course I am a bleeding orange and black giants fan and will be even in la in the sea of dodger blue.
I am liberal/left wing however I am not overly political and I feel sf which was a city of progress and left wing causes is now just left wing theater that yuppies and hipsters like to brag about to make themselves look good instead of it really being about a cause or social justice. In la people do what they want and it's a much more diverse place unfortunately than sf. Also even though there is a grain of truth about la being a vain city. I dont consider that necessarily a bad thing. People seem to look at me crazy because I'm clean shaven and have work short dye haircut and dress semi preppy. It seems like in sf you get more points if you grow a scruffy beard and look like you haven't shaved or showed d in weeks. And another thing about the dating scene seems to be that you have to look hip meaning looking like a hipster etc to be successful with women.
The truth is there is a lot I still love about this place I once called home. And I guess if I was not single, had a techie job and had more of a social circle I could reclaim sf as my home. But I feel like la is better for someone like me and I have more of a chance of succeeding both in work,love and other areas of my life. I just feel that with my depression and feeling of isolation I would feel numbness in this city I once called home and left my heart in.
I never have problems meeting girls for dating or flings. Between tinder and okcupid, you can get a date a few times a week if you have decent charm or flirting skills. However, it makes a big difference if you are attracted to minorities. I find white women in SF to be too strong minded, borderline feminists. A lot of 5's act like they are 10's, while in LA, a lot of 10's act like 5's. I know this is a broad statement, but I think you know what I mean.
I think a lot of your issues here have to do with not having a social group. It's always easier to meet people when you are already part of a group and while most people are very friendly, especially young people, it tends to be tough getting into a close-knit friendship where you don't have to schedule everything. I feel like most people here if you want to grab dinner, you need to schedule it, like "ok how about tomorrow at 8" instead of simply saying, "I'm hungry, you wanna grab something to eat now." I don't like structure when it comes to friendships, I'm more spontaneous, but it is what it is. I do think its a lot easier to meet people in LA, they seem more about having fun instead of career, career, career!
There is a meetup called, "random adventurers" or something like that, it's mostly people in their 20's and 30's... I go to their meetups when they have trampoline dodgeball and everyone who shows up are very nice and eager to make friends, most are new to the city, so maybe check them out.
I've been surprised at how friendly and down-to-earth people can be in LA, contrary to its image.
San Francisco has always been a city where money counts the most, in spite of its liberal pretensions.
It is also quite segregated compared to San Diego where I live now. Yes, San Francisco has diversity, but it's patchwork quilt diversity where different groups see each other but don't really interact.
On the other hand, everywhere I have lived, people relate very superficially for the most part. And it has gotten worse with the internet. You are lucky 1) to have a true friend or two, and 2) to live in the same town with that close friend.
As far as romance goes, I would say that looking for love and looking for hookups just don't go tegether. I would not be interested in a serious relationship with someone who played around, or had numerous successive relationships that only lasted a short time. It just indicates to me that the person is not serious.
Last, cities are cities. Don't expect that big a difference from one to the other. Someone once told me if you want to "get married," move to a smaller town.
OP, you don't sound like you fit in to the "new" SF, neither economically, nor socially. Why have you never considered moving to the East Bay? You might be a lot happier in Berkeley. That would be a lot cheaper than moving to LA, and you could keep your job, plus you might actually be able to afford the rent without needing parental help. I'm kind of floored that your parents would continue supporting you. Most people don't have that option--to get parental help with the rent. But anyway, the East Bay is friendly. You should try it. And if that doesn't work out, then try LA. But just fyi, I've heard from a lot of guys who are originally from LA that it's superficial and it's hard to meet down-to-earth women who don't expect you to be a millionaire or an actor, have a fancy car, etc.
Wherever you go, there you are. You sound like a great guy, though. I think your chances will improve in the East Bay. If you'd been around when I was your age, we never would have met, because I was in Berkeley. You could be missing out. Consider it, at least. Also consider going to school in the evenings to take your caregiver qualification to the next level. You could meet women in classes, too. Nursing is a great field, definitely a growth industry.
But just fyi, I've heard from a lot of guys who are originally from LA that it's superficial and it's hard to meet down-to-earth women who don't expect you to be a millionaire or an actor, have a fancy car, etc.
All of my friends who have lived in SF and LA, literally every single one of them have said it's much easier to find down to earth women in LA. They are much less likely to care about what you drive or how much you make. I think shows like "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach" have given a bad reputation in this regard.
Their opinion on the matter is they moved to LA thinking they would get into modeling, acting, singing, but end up getting torn alive by execs making 10's think they are only 5's. Where as like I said before, there are a lot of 5's that act like they are 10's in SF and expect you to view/treat them as a 10. Granted, you should treat your GF or BF as a 10 always, but when someone expects it before getting to know each other, it really is a buzz kill.
All of my friends who have lived in SF and LA, literally every single one of them have said it's much easier to find down to earth women in LA. They are much less likely to care about what you drive or how much you make. I think shows like "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach" have given a bad reputation in this regard.
Their opinion on the matter is they moved to LA thinking they would get into modeling, acting, singing, but end up getting torn alive by execs making 10's think they are only 5's. Where as like I said before, there are a lot of 5's that act like they are 10's in SF and expect you to view/treat them as a 10. Granted, you should treat your GF or BF as a 10 always, but when someone expects it before getting to know each other, it really is a buzz kill.
Well, like I said, wherever you go, there you are. The OP might run into the same problems in LA, or...not. If he likes LA, that's fine, but I think before he undertakes a big move like that and a job change, he should try the East Bay, where it's very easy to meet down-to-earth women without giving up his job, and the rent's a little more affordable. I'm wondering why that hasn't occurred to him before. It's an easy solution.
OP should also research what his job pays in LA, and see if it matches up with rents down there. The OP may find that his best move could be to up his certification, get a little more education, which would put him in a target-rich environment (women! ).
Well, like I said, wherever you go, there you are. The OP might run into the same problems in LA, or...not. If he likes LA, that's fine, but I think before he undertakes a big move like that and a job change, he should try the East Bay, where it's very easy to meet down-to-earth women without giving up his job, and the rent's a little more affordable. I'm wondering why that hasn't occurred to him before. It's an easy solution.
OP should also research what his job pays in LA, and see if it matches up with rents down there. The OP may find that his best move could be to up his certification, get a little more education, which would put him in a target-rich environment (women! ).
I completely agree with you that most likely his problems here would follow him to LA or anywhere else. Moving to a different city can make a difference when it comes to your social life, but in reality people are generally the same wherever you go, at least from my experience. It can make a difference, but it isn't going to be a complete 180. If you can't make friends here, then it's questionable whether you'll be able to make friends elsewhere. I think the OP lives in El Cerrito too.
Actually I did live in the east bay and I still have el cerrito as my city on here because that's where I lived with my parents after the had moved back from sf. Once I started working I moved back to sf and my income along with my parents help helped me. Yes I like the east bay and that's where I went to school and took classes. The problem is in berkeley I thought making Friends was hard because people at the church connected to uc moved or transferred. I am also an artist and and photographer and I do go to art shows because I want to get out. I will try and explore the east bay a little more.
Actually I did live in the east bay and I still have el cerrito as my city on here because that's where I lived with my parents after the had moved back from sf. Once I started working I moved back to sf and my income along with my parents help helped me. Yes I like the east bay and that's where I went to school and took classes. The problem is in berkeley I thought making Friends was hard because people at the church connected to uc moved or transferred. I am also an artist and and photographer and I do go to art shows because I want to get out. I will try and explore the east bay a little more.
If you're an artist, you are understandably drawn to LA. According to this article, that is where the national art scene is gravitating towards. I grew up in the suburbs of LA, started hanging out in LA city when I got older, and was into that scene for awhile. It's pretty awesome. You've grown up in the Bay Area, why not have a change of scenery and expand your world?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
).
