San Francisco v. New York (or other options) for African-American female (Los Angeles: find a job, luxury)

[trueblueshea]

I have spent a while in New York, therefore, I am aware of the culture. I was raised in a suburban area of Southern California where I wouldn't say people were vehemently racist, but they were extremely narrow-minded (but this narrow-mindedness wasn't restricted to race). I have since then lived in different urban areas, and I don't see it as an option to live anywhere else, until I settle down.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I need to spend this summer in San Francisco for a software internship and will contemplate whether or not to extend my stay. I went up to SF last summer and there were probably about 10 black people I counted in the city (not including myself) which seemed "off". The difference is in New York, if I was in China Town or Little Italy, or in the middle of Wall St I wouldn't feel that weird or weird at all. Even in Boston (apparently the most racist city) I didn't feel uncomfortable being black. I don't know what to make of San Francisco anymore. I had friends who just visited this past week and have commented the city has turned into "bro"grammers and self-righteous UX designers who think they are "making a difference"...all the while contributing to the mass gentrification (although Brooklyn and now Harlem are not much different in this regard). That San Francisco is "not what it used to be." I want to be surrounded my people who are extremely passionate in what they do and focus more on actually making a difference instead bragging and claiming they do.

I do not have the luxury of not thinking about race when moving to San Francisco. I am concerned about dating options. I know I am very physically attractive; in New York, Boston, Seattle, Los Angeles I never had any problems. However, I have heard from friends that the guys really only like Asian women and white women. Also, I don't want to be known as "the black friend."

At this point, I am wondering if there any other cities people can recommend for software, besides the ones I have mentioned.

[ohhwanderlust]

I work at a company in SF, as one of the software engineers. Every single one of them is a white (Anglo) or Asian dude...and I'm a Middle Eastern female.

At first it felt like they were wondering what I was even doing there, but I think they're getting used to me now.

As for dating, you'll be fine as long as you're open to dating outside your race. There really aren't too many black people in the Bay Area.

All the guys I dated were white or Asian, and ended up marrying a white guy who's also in tech.

So basically, it depends on if you look around and like the selection.

[04kL4nD]

Oakland is right across the Bay and there are plenty of black people. I would check it out way before I would write off the entire Bay Area/SF

[SyCo]

Just pick and chose good friends like anywhere else and live in the eastbay where ethnicity is more varied. Personally, I would just try to look for hotspots with young adults and go from there.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust

I work at a company in SF, as one of the software engineers. Every single one of them is a white (Anglo) or Asian dude...and I'm a Middle Eastern female.

At first it felt like they were wondering what I was even doing there, but I think they're getting used to me now.

As for dating, you'll be fine as long as you're open to dating outside your race. There really aren't too many black people in the Bay Area.

All the guys I dated were white or Asian, and ended up marrying a white guy who's also in tech.

So basically, it depends on if you look around and like the selection.

Here is someone who doesn't know the Bay Area well, at all.

OP, Berkeley or Oakland would be a good fit for you. It's an easy commute to SF on rapid transit. Your housing money will go farther in the East Bay, too.

[likealady]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

At this point, I am wondering if there any other cities people can recommend for software, besides the ones I have mentioned.

Have you considered Atlanta? I've been hearing it's up-and-coming for tech startups. There's definitely a large African American community there.

[kttam186290]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

I do not have the luxury of not thinking about race when moving to San Francisco. I am concerned about dating options. I know I am very physically attractive; in New York, Boston, Seattle, Los Angeles I never had any problems. However, I have heard from friends that the guys really only like Asian women and white women. Also, I don't want to be known as "the black friend."

The tech world is dominated by whites and Asians because whites and Asians are the primary engineers, designers and minds behind all that is tech. Granted, I don't know you, but you sound like you've got a bit of an inferiority complex about being black and being in tech and being in places where there aren't lots of other blacks. The cold, hard truth is that you will be "the black friend" because...well...you are...black! Just like a white guy on a mostly-black basketball team will be...well..."the white guy" on the team and said white guy wondering why there weren't more people who look like him in the sport and hoping not to be referred to by black players as "the white guy" is futile, to say the least. In short, if you want to be in a black-oriented and black-run career field, tech isn't it.

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

At this point, I am wondering if there any other cities people can recommend for software, besides the ones I have mentioned.

If I were in your shoes and worried about the things you're worried about, which seem to be racial in nature, then I would look into Austin, TX; Houston, TX or Atlanta, GA -- all cities where you will find decent-sized black populations and emerging tech industries. If you insist on staying in the SF Bay Area, then maybe you'd be comfortable living in Oakland (the black parts) or Richmond, where you can be around other black people, and then commute across the Bay into the City for work.

Otherwise, I can't help you. We can't always have our cake and eat it too.

[ohhwanderlust]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Here is someone who doesn't know the Bay Area well, at all.

OP, Berkeley or Oakland would be a good fit for you. It's an easy commute to SF on rapid transit. Your housing money will go farther in the East Bay, too.

Those are two cities in the Bay Area out of many more. Compared to the LA area, NYC, Chicago, DC, any city in the South, etc, there is a much lower percentage of black people in the SF Bay Area. Especially in SF proper.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust

Those are two cities in the Bay Area out of many more. Compared to the LA area, NYC, Chicago, DC, any city in the South, etc, there is a much lower percentage of black people in the SF Bay Area. Especially in SF proper.

So what? There's a completely different demographic in Berkeley/Oakland, and the OP can find friends there, and colleagues in the tech field, as well. If she doesn't feel "at home" in the office, she can at least live where she has a community to socialize in. Though that situation may not be ideal. But after settling in, the OP may find a job in the Oakland tech scene.

[roadwarrior101]

As others have said, Oakland has a large black population. The thing is that there aren't a plethora of highly educated African Americans in the Bay Area. Yes, there are some but nothing like you'll find back east. So, you may find that while SF has fewer people of your color, it has a lot more folks of similar educational background. Even the wealthier parts of Oakland tend to be more white.

On the other hand, the Bay Area tends to be very welcoming of different races. Also, I don't think you'll have trouble in the dating scene, as long as you're open to white or
Asian guys. Attractive is attractive. Also, the Bay Area singles scene tends to favor women, whereas in NYC, it favors men.