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Okay, well I noticed something weird today. I was walking downtown today four guys approached me--all with the same initial pick-up line. What followed was different though. So I asked the second guy, "are you guys part of a non-profit?, are you a religious organization?, is this an older men's fraternity?" I thought it was silly. It made me laugh. But he told me that apparently multiple groups of guys will go out with friends, choose a few streets and try to pick up women with that initial line. Is this a known approach here?
The pick-up line is "Hey! can I tell you something? you look nice today [...]"--at that point maybe I would prefer Tinder. I ignored the last two.
According to years of posting on the Relationships forum, btw, white guys are lame and are intimidated by beautiful women. They also believe that women like yourself must already be taken, so there's no point in approaching. You're dealing with some weird attitudes if you want to date those guys. Frankly, I'm surprised they're able to reproduce much at all.
CD Relationship Forum is run by broads for broads. Men who are posting there for relationship advise are beta males.
Okay, well I noticed something weird today. I was walking downtown today four guys approached me--all with the same initial pick-up line. What followed was different though. So I asked the second guy, "are you guys part of a non-profit?, are you a religious organization?, is this an older men's fraternity?" I thought it was silly. It made me laugh. But he told me that apparently multiple groups of guys will go out with friends, choose a few streets and try to pick up women with that initial line. Is this a known approach here?
The pick-up line is "Hey! can I tell you something? you look nice today [...]"--at that point maybe I would prefer Tinder. I ignored the last two.
"I know, spent three hours today making myself beautiful just for you, honey"
Why are these guys using this one line, are they having a contest?
Why, these stereotypes are live and well, in the heads of many men, and no amount of liberal kool aid can change this fact. Just go to some places in Bay area and observe White-Asian couples that all look cloned.
And actually, it's good for OP to get men's opinions on her question....why don't they approach. She's not looking for women to approach her, I'm afraid.
Listen... I'm half Asian. My mom is Asian. My stepmother is Asian. Much of my extended family live in Hawaii and live a culturally Chinese and Korean way. I grew up in San Francisco with plenty of Asian classmates/friends. We are not all the same. I don't need to observe Asian/white couples because I'm actually married to a white person. I've dated many guys in the past (mostly white, but I've dated black men, and others as well). Not one was ever under the impression that I was less intimidating or submissive.
Not to lecture you (really!), but even saying "Asian" is a very vague word. Do you mean Korean? Japanese? Chinese? Taiwanese? All very different! My Asian mother (Chinese/Korean) is NOTHING culturally like my step-mom (Japanese). I guess my dad likes Asians, but certainly not because of that silly stereotype!
Most Asian American women are highly educated and driven (that IS cultural thing, however). Yes, many white men date Asian women but if THEY were in any way intelligent or educated, they'd already know that Asian women are individuals...just like any other race/nationality!
Asian American women don't generally go for men that ogle them or act lecherous. We have standards--and if we didn't we'd hear about it from our families at some stage.
I'm sure there are men that still hold on to these outdated images about us, but they'll be promptly reminded that whatever they thought about Asian women are not true at all.
Of course, I have no experience being a black woman in the Bay Area---not sure why some new poster would assume that there's a problem after getting drunk one night and not having someone try to pick her up. I struck out sometimes too "back in the day" and didn't make into or even consider it a racial issue at all...ever. Sounds more like an insecurity especially if you have to bring up the nationality/looks of other women and try to sell us on your own looks.
Listen... I'm half Asian. My mom is Asian. My stepmother is Asian. Much of my extended family live in Hawaii and live a culturally Chinese and Korean way. I grew up in San Francisco with plenty of Asian classmates/friends. We are not all the same. I don't need to observe Asian/white couples because I'm actually married to a white person. I've dated many guys in the past (mostly white, but I've dated black men, and others as well). Not one was ever under the impression that I was less intimidated or submissive. In fact, many said they were intimidated to even approach me.
Not to lecture you, but even saying "Asian" is a very vague word. Do you mean Korean? Japanese? Chinese? Taiwanese? All very different! My Asian mother (Chinese/Korean) is NOTHING culturally like my step-mom (Japanese). I guess my white dad likes Asians, but certainly not because of that silly stereotype!
Most Asian American women are highly educated and driven (that IS cultural thing, however). Yes, many white men date Asian women but if THEY were in any way intelligent or educated, they'd already know that Asian women are individuals...just like any other race/nationality!
Asian American women don't generally go for men that ogle them or act lecherous. We have standards--and if we didn't we'd hear about it from our families at some stage.
I'm sure there are men that still hold on to these outdated images about us, but they'll be promptly reminded that whatever they thought about Asian women are not true at all.
Of course, I have no experience being a black woman in the Bay Area---not sure why some new poster would assume that there's a problem after getting drunk one night and not having someone try to pick her up. I struck out sometimes too "back in the day" and didn't make into or even consider it a racial issue at all...ever. Sounds more like an insecurity especially if you have to bring up the nationality/looks of other women and try to sell us on your own looks.
Listen....I ain't not all-White myself and ain't no American by birth. Yes, don't lecture me. Asian woman stereotypes exist in the minds of plenty of men and you won't change this fact, not matter what you say, sorry. Apparently, these men aren't "promptly reminded" at all. As to "which Asian"....just as in "Asian girl", like the word these men use towards some women.
Okay, well I noticed something weird today. I was walking downtown today four guys approached me--all with the same initial pick-up line. What followed was different though. So I asked the second guy, "are you guys part of a non-profit?, are you a religious organization?, is this an older men's fraternity?" I thought it was silly. It made me laugh. But he told me that apparently multiple groups of guys will go out with friends, choose a few streets and try to pick up women with that initial line. Is this a known approach here?
The pick-up line is "Hey! can I tell you something? you look nice today [...]"--at that point maybe I would prefer Tinder. I ignored the last two.
No. That's not how decent, quality, educated men pick up/meet women.
Op--have you tried to maintain extended eye contact with guys when you're out and about? If Bay area guys are more shy/insecure about approaching, they may feel more confident if you make more/longer eye contact. I noticed a few guys in Bay area do stare at women like a deer in headlights--they obviously would like to approach but seems like not feeling confident enough. I think in places like large gyms it might be easier, as people can make up a reason to approach someone without obviously hitting on them right away, like ask how long they're going to be using the space, etc.
Look @clongirl: no need to get hostile. I understand the intracacies and the varying Asian cultures (also obviously we are referring to East Asians when we say 'Asians') and I KNOW some Taiwanese do NOT want to be called Chinese. Same with Koreans and Japanese. I didn't make that comment about Asian women--the Uber driver did nor did I imply Asian women are submissive--the responders did.
So please calm down.
Oh, and they did try to pick me up I just hated HAVING to make the initial approach. What do you expect me to think? This is what I was given: blonde friends, Asian girls, any non-black girl getting approached + me standing there doing whatever I was doing until I was too drunk to care + the Uber driver's comment. What kind of conclusion should I have made? Please, let me know. The conlcusion I made was that there is a hesitancy in approaching women who look like me
So this was my first time going out in San Francisco. I made a note to say San Francisco and not East Bay. Also, I am open to dating any race.
Anyways, I had never gone out before last night. I was just kind of confused and wondered if there is a crystal clear racial hierarchy in dating in SF? No, I am not ignorant and ridiculous I know there is--with black women at the bottom. However, I didn't think it would be so obvious in a touted "liberal" place like San Francisco. But I am a 23 year old woman in tech/computer science, graduated from Ivy etc. One thing I noticed was "I" had to approach guys, they would stare but none would actually approach me. So I approached them. I understand the dating game is polarized in women's favor so it wasn't much of a disservice for me to go out of my way. But I notice my much older blonde friends were always getting approached. After I had talked to them they responded "yeah I've seen you at *such and such* before" and my first thought was "Well, if you've seen me for this long why didn't you approach?" And then they would go on and say "you're the prettiest girl here, you're so beautiful etc." I know I'm very attractive--even by Los Angeles standards (I am 5'7'', thin, look like Zoe Saldana with a smaller nose and much bigger boobs). However, I have lived in Seattle, New York, Los Angeles, and even San Diego (which isn't anywhere as self-proclaimed liberal) and guys approach me all of the time. To be fair, I think I have much more to offer than my looks, like my passion, generosity, cooking ability, curiosity and empathy.
I took an UBER last night, intoxicated to say the least, and I was asking him and even he said "black women seemed *insert past tense of f word here*" I responded "why is the dating game easier for Asian women?" He responded with generalizations about how Asians are perceived as smart. But then he said "you are obviously really smart and beautiful but tbh I probably wouldn't approach you if I saw you at a bar." And I said "this city markets itself as 'open-minded' --so how are people small-minded to not understand the world offers a variety of people that extend beyond generalizations?"
So....should I just move back to those other cities?...or maybe Chicago? I don't know
How can you be 23 and lived in all those places? Unless you're a military brat. Regardless you certainly at 23 didn't live in all those places as an adult.
So living in San Diego at say age 14, doesn't give you the perspective of what it's like to live in that city as a twenty something or older.
You don't have the experience as an adult in those cities.
You're thinking of moving to another city because no one hit on you in a bar?
For someone who says she went to an Ivy League school you don't sound too bright. You're drinking to the point that you're barely able to stand up and than getting in a cab with a stranger? Brilliant.
You need to spend less time tallying up if white or Asian women are getting more attention than you, and worry about your own safety.
You don't know who is going to show up to be your Uber driver, and you getting in a car in your "I was intoxicated to say the least" state could end badly if you're not more careful.
Listen....I ain't not all-White myself and ain't no American by birth. Yes, don't lecture me. Asian woman stereotypes exist in the minds of plenty of men and you won't change this fact, not matter what you say, sorry. Apparently, these men aren't "promptly reminded" at all. As to "which Asian"....just as in "Asian girl", like the word these men use towards some women.
Yeah..but THOSE men are usually people that Asian American women wouldn't be caught dead with to begin with. We do generally have standards.
Also, FYI... using "'ain't not-all White myself" and a double negative like "Yes, don't lecture me" is not classy sounding or educated/intelligent sounding. That's usually something we can see through fairly quickly, fairly early on.
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