Dating life for black women in San Francisco (Los Angeles, San Diego: living in, shop)
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So this was my first time going out in San Francisco. I made a note to say San Francisco and not East Bay. Also, I am open to dating any race.
Anyways, I had never gone out before last night. I was just kind of confused and wondered if there is a crystal clear racial hierarchy in dating in SF? No, I am not ignorant and ridiculous I know there is--with black women at the bottom. However, I didn't think it would be so obvious in a touted "liberal" place like San Francisco. But I am a 23 year old woman in tech/computer science, graduated from Ivy etc. One thing I noticed was "I" had to approach guys, they would stare but none would actually approach me. So I approached them. I understand the dating game is polarized in women's favor so it wasn't much of a disservice for me to go out of my way. But I notice my much older blonde friends were always getting approached. After I had talked to them they responded "yeah I've seen you at *such and such* before" and my first thought was "Well, if you've seen me for this long why didn't you approach?" And then they would go on and say "you're the prettiest girl here, you're so beautiful etc." I know I'm very attractive--even by Los Angeles standards (I am 5'7'', thin, look like Zoe Saldana with a smaller nose and much bigger boobs). However, I have lived in Seattle, New York, Los Angeles, and even San Diego (which isn't anywhere as self-proclaimed liberal) and guys approach me all of the time. To be fair, I think I have much more to offer than my looks, like my passion, generosity, cooking ability, curiosity and empathy.
I took an UBER last night, intoxicated to say the least, and I was asking him and even he said "black women seemed *insert past tense of f word here*" I responded "why is the dating game easier for Asian women?" He responded with generalizations about how Asians are perceived as smart. But then he said "you are obviously really smart and beautiful but tbh I probably wouldn't approach you if I saw you at a bar." And I said "this city markets itself as 'open-minded' --so how are people small-minded to not understand the world offers a variety of people that extend beyond generalizations?"
So....should I just move back to those other cities?...or maybe Chicago? I don't know
If you are as hot as you say you are then guys should be approaching you all the time. But that can only be confirmed with a photo...feel free to post one or PM me one.
I took an UBER last night, intoxicated to say the least....
So....should I just move back to those other cities?...or maybe Chicago? I don't know
Wow, be careful out there. Bars aren't good places to meet anyone anyway.
Yes to the last question. If you can find an ok-paying job in your field, almost any place is better than anything in Bay area--from the "dating", financial, housing, less stress standpoint. For someone junior-level, it may make sense to work for some time in Bay area, though, if one can get a position with a big known employer, just to land a big name on the resume before taking off for good.
As to why dating is (supposedly) easier for Asian women in the Bay area: it's not because they're "perceived as smart", I assure you--it's because they're perceived as more submissive and therefore less intimidating (in part because of shorter height, in part because of perceived patriarchal "culture") to insecure "nerdy" men which fill Bay area. Black women are often perceived as "strong", as ones having opinions not fitting the mainstream social brainwash, and this is the reason for the approach difference you see.
If you go swimming and the water feels too cold all the time...it's probably the wrong pond.
I think it's best to wait for Jade (or another female AA poster) to answer. She has FAR more experience and insight into this issue. It's seems quite silly for men to add their 2cents. Also, and adding in tired, old, stereotypes of Asian women are just ridiculous and pathetic.
I do recall this OP posting the same scenario/content under a different name a while back however, so that's a tad odd to me.
So this was my first time going out in San Francisco. I made a note to say San Francisco and not East Bay. Also, I am open to dating any race.
Anyways, I had never gone out before last night. I was just kind of confused and wondered if there is a crystal clear racial hierarchy in dating in SF? No, I am not ignorant and ridiculous I know there is--with black women at the bottom. However, I didn't think it would be so obvious in a touted "liberal" place like San Francisco. But I am a 23 year old woman in tech/computer science, graduated from Ivy etc. One thing I noticed was "I" had to approach guys, they would stare but none would actually approach me. So I approached them. I understand the dating game is polarized in women's favor so it wasn't much of a disservice for me to go out of my way. But I notice my much older blonde friends were always getting approached. After I had talked to them they responded "yeah I've seen you at *such and such* before" and my first thought was "Well, if you've seen me for this long why didn't you approach?" And then they would go on and say "you're the prettiest girl here, you're so beautiful etc." I know I'm very attractive--even by Los Angeles standards (I am 5'7'', thin, look like Zoe Saldana with a smaller nose and much bigger boobs). However, I have lived in Seattle, New York, Los Angeles, and even San Diego (which isn't anywhere as self-proclaimed liberal) and guys approach me all of the time. To be fair, I think I have much more to offer than my looks, like my passion, generosity, cooking ability, curiosity and empathy.
So....should I just move back to those other cities?...or maybe Chicago? I don't know
This, actually, is par for the course around the Bay Area. San Francisco magazine ran a long article a few years ago about how guys no longer approach women, and women prefer to socialize with their friends at home, or go out with their gf's.
According to years of posting on the Relationships forum, btw, white guys are lame and are intimidated by beautiful women. They also believe that women like yourself must already be taken, so there's no point in approaching. You're dealing with some weird attitudes if you want to date those guys. Frankly, I'm surprised they're able to reproduce much at all. But yeah, Jade will have something to say about it.
I think it's best to wait for Jade (or another female AA poster) to answer. She has FAR more experience and insight into this issue. It's seems quite silly for men to add their 2cents. Also, and adding in tired, old, stereotypes of Asian women are just ridiculous and pathetic.
I do recall this OP posting the same scenario/content under a different name a while back however, so that's a tad odd to me.
Why, these stereotypes are live and well, in the heads of many men, and no amount of liberal kool aid can change this fact. Just go to some places in Bay area and observe White-Asian couples that all look cloned... or, perhaps look at some stats, including harassment of Asian women on OKC.
And actually, it's good for OP to get men's opinions on her question....why don't they approach. She's not looking for women to approach her, I'm afraid.
This, actually, is par for the course around the Bay Area. San Francisco magazine ran a long article a few years ago about how guys no longer approach women, and women prefer to socialize with their friends at home, or go out with their gf's.
According to years of posting on the Relationships forum, btw, white guys are lame and are intimidated by beautiful women. They also believe that women like yourself must already be taken, so there's no point in approaching. You're dealing with some weird attitudes if you want to date those guys. Frankly, I'm surprised they're able to reproduce much at all. But yeah, Jade will have something to say about it.
I think there's also a mentality of being able to just "shop on Tinder" instead of bothering with taking a risk of coming up to someone. However, OP mentioned that her friends do get approached, so there's an additional factor here, obviously, and it's not "her"...since she was approached a lot outside of Bay Area. If they see a lady hanging out at a bar late, without a guy, I think it's safe to assume she's not taken...From own experiences of living in NYC and LA, people act a lot more outgoing there and are less intimidated in general.
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