Is SF really bad for straight single men? (Oakland, Fremont: 2015, professionals)

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by Bushrod Oak

The premise of this thread seems to be attractive = Blond , Blue eyed , tall semi tanned white women. For those of us who are not attracted to that find plenty of good looking Asian, Latina , Persian , Black and other women around the bay area. If you're looking for those hair twirling half naked bimbo types yeah LA has more of what you're looking for.

Maybe 20 years ago... now, LA has more Asian, Latina, Persian, and Black women hair-twirling and going "oh my gaaaaaawd" than blonde white women.

[the topper]

Those beautiful blonds in SF will never give you the night or day to meet them or they just never smile at you there. You'll always strike out there. Go to Santa Monica, and that's more like it. They're mostly friendly there.

[neutrino78x]

Originally Posted by ttocs99

I then realized that it's really important to me that anyone I date, has to have some of those qualities that she had. I don't care about "Is she hot ?" Sometimes people losing their shallowness comes later in life, other times they learn it early in life. And believe me, I know women are the same way (shallow) sometimes. But once you meet that person who is so hot because of their personality, you learn to be less shallow.

I've never been shallow. But the problem I've always had is that the people for whom I have romantic feelings don't feel the same way. Others can develop feelings for someone who is in their life as a platonic aquintance, but if I do it, it is somehow unacceptable or makes me a stalker or creep.

After 25 years of heartbreak after heartbreak -- since finding the first girl I liked at age 13 (we were both 13) -- at times I think that maybe I should give up on losing my virginity with someone for whom I have romantic feelings and instead embrace my perversions and start meeting people to have casual sex. I feel like that's not who I am, though. I want to care about the person and I want them to care about me.

I do have a friend I've been talking to online for a couple years. It seems we have a good friendship together. She is a lesbian, and actually semi-famous in the LGBT community, so I don't want to say anything more specific lol. But she told me in private that if I find myself in Los Angeles and she is still single at the time, she would be interested. We wouldn't be in a relationship; she would still be looking for a woman to be in a romantic relationship with, and would expect me to still be looking for women as well. She said although she occasionally sleeps with men, she doesn't want anyone to know it was her because she has a reputation as a skirt chaser (she's a top/butch like Shane on The L Word) and the community might be upset. So I feel like there's a light in the tunnel there. I think it would be meaningful because we have become friends. So it might get me what I'm looking for, finally. Or at least part of it.

[BodegaHead]

Originally Posted by neutrino78x

I've never been shallow. But the problem I've always had is that the people for whom I have romantic feelings don't feel the same way. Others can develop feelings for someone who is in their life as a platonic aquintance, but if I do it, it is somehow unacceptable or makes me a stalker or creep.

After 25 years of heartbreak after heartbreak -- since finding the first girl I liked at age 13 (we were both 13) -- at times I think that maybe I should give up on losing my virginity with someone for whom I have romantic feelings and instead embrace my perversions and start meeting people to have casual sex. I feel like that's not who I am, though. I want to care about the person and I want them to care about me.

I do have a friend I've been talking to online for a couple years. It seems we have a good friendship together. She is a lesbian, and actually semi-famous in the LGBT community, so I don't want to say anything more specific lol. But she told me in private that if I find myself in Los Angeles and she is still single at the time, she would be interested. We wouldn't be in a relationship; she would still be looking for a woman to be in a romantic relationship with, and would expect me to still be looking for women as well. She said although she occasionally sleeps with men, she doesn't want anyone to know it was her because she has a reputation as a skirt chaser (she's a top/butch like Shane on The L Word) and the community might be upset. So I feel like there's a light in the tunnel there. I think it would be meaningful because we have become friends. So it might get me what I'm looking for, finally. Or at least part of it.

Bro, you need to just a meet and date as many women as possible and learn more about women and yourself. You're expecting too much from these girls you idolize and fall in love with and the truth is women don't like that, they have to want you more for it to work and then you can get to know each other and fall in love eventually if it works out. Usually when you just are super into a girl right away she will find it repulsive and it will be too easy for her; she will friend zone you and start dating other guys that don't care as much.

Really, don't go get hookers or embrace perversions or anything nasty that could compromise your health or morals but stop being a p*ssy and just let go of your past and ask out 1000 girls and you will find one you click with eventually. Also don't forget that you have to work on yourself to be attractive to others, stay in shape, good hygiene, dress in style and not like some goober, work hard on your hobbies and at your job to make more money,etc. push yourself to your potential and then girls will come to you. If you sit around crying and feeling like your life is one big heartbreak and nobody likes you then you will NEVER attract women or meet a girl that will respect you! You have to let all that go and realize that you are worth being loved.

For now just try to get to meet as many girls as possible and ask them out on dates directly so your not their new gay buddy or creepy stalker. Say, I wanna take you out this weekend to wherever(resteraunt,bar,concert,movie,park,museum, city,,etc) let me get your phone number and then they will know you are down to be a potential boyfriend and to have fun. Women need to know that you don't "need" them but that you are attracted to them and man enough to ask them out and kiss them and show them a good time. Sitting at home crying is never gonna get you laid and I don't wanna hear this I only want true love Disney crap. That happens on rare occasions but 9 out of 10 people met their wife just going on a date, hooking up with no expectations and then it went from there after they had some fun together and slept together a few times. Example, I've been with my current gf for a couple of years and we just met after breaking up with others that didn't work out. We went on a couple of awkward dates together, accidentally had sex the 2nd night and then here we are 2 years later, she is beautiful, I love her and she is my best friend. Initially I had no expectations and didn't know what to expect. Oh, that one girl I was soooooo in love with at 13 and couldn't let go, she never worked out and never will for any of us. That girl is just another girl but you have to meet many women to figure that out and realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way and that the girl at 13 has dated tons of guys while you sat around crying over something you thought was love that wasn't even real, just a one sided crush. Time lost that you could have been out dating or trying to meet 100s of other women that will actually like you and be your girl. I figured this out at 17, it sounds like you're a bit older but it's never to late to change and grow as an individual and meet new people!

I don't mean to go off on you and rant but I've read a couple of your posts and you're killing me man. Sack up and go ask 100 women out this weekend and just try to get to know girls through your friends and places you go. The Bay Area does kind of suck for single guys pretty hard though so it's gonna be tough but don't be scared, for every 95 rejections and girls that think you're a creep, 2 will go out with you and date you. I would also suggest traveling a little bit to other areas of CA or the US or world for that matter and see if you don't hit it off with women elsewhere better. For example SoCal women love me but Bay Area women not so much and it is much harder for me to meet a girl of my standards here so definitely understand that the girls can vary from region to region. Anyways I wanna see a post in 2 weeks that you got a date with a girl and you had fun and you don't care what happens next and when you can do that you might find your true love or at least you will find a girlfriend.

[Losangeleslover87]

Im a bay area native i can tell you sf sucks for dating.

[West of Encino]

Originally Posted by mushroomhunter

Depends on a lot of things. Your looks and how hot women think you are. If you are hot no it's not bad. If you are White, you are mostly good to go since there are so many Asian women who exclusively date White men. So an average White guy is fine as well up here.

If you are Asian or Indian you are screwed as the White women mostly behave quite poorly with men of those backgrounds and most Asian and Indian women exclusively date White men here due to the social conditioning and brainwashing, no idea about the African American women since I haven't seen too many of them in San Francisco yet. If you are African American and have a good job etc you are good to go since both White and Black women mostly date you. Not too many Asian women go for Black men since Asians worship White skin but then there are some exceptions.

So depends on your race/looks(that includes height), wealth, status etc. SF women are all about status if you got it they like you if not you are invisible to them.

I was about to say the same thing.

[Bryan1001]

I really appreciate the honest posts in this thread. I'm in a similar boat as the original poster and I'm mulling over making a move to SF.

Currently I'm in NYC. I'm 37, Jewish, white straight male, and on the "Legal" side of "Legal Tech". I make a decent living for NYC, but I need to really kill myself at the office and do a ton of Domestic / International travel to hit my numbers.

Currently have an offer pending in SF that is more on the "Tech" side of my industry, with a sizeable bump in pay without so much travel. With bonus I'll likely make under 200K.

I've made moves for career advancement before with mixed results. I moved to NYC from Miami, which I didn't like due to the party culture. Too many 20 something people with regrettable tattoos/piercings, life choices and drug problems. I'm pretty comfortable going on a Saturday night dressed like Don Draper, so despite growing up in Miami I never fit in with the Ed Hardy crowd.

I left NYC for Nashville for 1 year, and totally didn't fit in "The South". Being called a Yankee at work is cute the 1st time it happens. When you find out that your boss hates the "Cocky NY City Boy" and is going to torpedo your bonus, it's not as much fun. Being surrounded by beautiful southern Carrie Underwood types is great, but then you'll notice that mostly everyone is married and off the market at 26. Plus religion is a huge barrier for dating.

New York, however, has been very good to me. While there are plenty of things I don't like about dating here, generally I love women in NYC vs the other places I've lived. I'd describe them as intelligent, well dressed, in shape and really seem to have their lives together. While there is a huge superficial streak that focuses on Height, Income, Zip Code, where you spend your summers in The Hamptons and so on... I do pretty good here when it comes to dating. The worst aspect is simply that everyone (men & women) have a million options when it comes to finding someone, which makes people a bit jaded. Why settle for someone who is 8/10 things on your "Must Have" list if there is another batch of people just a few "swipes" away?

So looking at this San Fran move... housing costs & cost of living seem to be the same. Weather is better. General Quality of Life and things to do around town looks to be roughly on par. And it's a great career move. But I'm worried that I just won't fit in socially, I know zero people in the area, and there aren't going to be as many "dating" options for my ideal type of girl.

Plus, just going by what I see on the news, I'm worried as a Techy Transplant I'm going to have to dodge angry protestors and poop on the sidewalk on my way to work every day. That might be a bit of an exaggeration but all those types of stereotypes seem to have a small grain of truth to them.

[04kL4nD]

I mean you already have a pretty good idea of what to expect. So there's that.

[WizardOfRadical]

Originally Posted by 415_s2k

Maybe 20 years ago... now, LA has more Asian, Latina, Persian, and Black women hair-twirling and going "oh my gaaaaaawd" than blonde white women.

The average bay arean thinks San Fernando Valley of 1983 is modern day LA.

[njbiodude]

Lots of hot women in SF late 20s and up. And lots of gay men that are out of the running means you can do well.