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Old 01-20-2010, 12:46 AM
 
12 posts, read 42,435 times
Reputation: 40

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lifeshadower View Post
Sounds like my experiences when I lived in NYC, but since I was 14 years old, the combination of testosterone and the confrontational attitude of many New Yorkers got me in a lot of trouble. I got into way too many shouting matches and fights in NYC.

So you're right; if you can't beat them, join em and them beat them

Now, the Bay Area. For the most part, people here are pretty nice in a really fake way. Still, that's preferable than outright hostility to complete strangers. However, I think its foolish to conflate 'being nice' with 'laid back' because the Bay has to be amongst the hardest working/overworked region of the country.

In the end though, I think its better to judge people on an individual by individual basis than pigeonholing people. Yeah..all 7.3 million people here are soft. All 21 million people in the NY Metro area are jerks. I don't believe that for a second.

Haha sounds like New York alright!

Btw I'm not saying that everyone in the Bay Area is soft (or everyone in New York is a tough guy or gal) however that seems to be the overall prevailing culture. Very passive aggressive, introverted and low-confidence. There also seems to be some sort of disdain for professional, business suit types? I tell you its almost like bizarro world here because its so different and lower energy.

I'm not saying this to rag on the Bay Area but they are just my honest observations being from such a high-energy, high-confidence environment. I have yet to visit other places in California. Maybe all of California is like this, who knows.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:49 AM
 
334 posts, read 1,063,587 times
Reputation: 236
I'm a 3rd generation Californian, and my mother always said that California is like a bowl of cereal, "the land of the fruits, nuts, and flakes".

I can also recall my dad saying that if everyone in the country was bolted down to where they lived, and the country was tilted left, all the people who had a "screw loose" would roll to California and get stuck here...since the only other place you could end up would be the pacific ocean.
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Old 01-20-2010, 07:35 AM
 
Location: West Coast
1,310 posts, read 4,121,367 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Donald342 View Post
Very interesting observations.

First I'd like to say that your right about differences in "liberality" (new word haha) between east coast and west coast. Liberals from the east coast, are more rational, more pragmatic and less obsessed with radical environtalism or preachyness. More live and let live.

Also our liberalism is often misinterpreted. As the recent Massachusetts elections demonstrate. We have a strong independant streak and don't blindly or idealogically vote along party lines. Though we have long held egalitarian ideals (concern for the poor etc), east coasters have a strong sense of patriotism, a strong sense of being "American" while the liberals on the west coast (mainly California) seem to have some sort of thinly veiled contempt for America. Its very different.

So a good percentage of Bay Area-ites from from the NE? Did'nt know that before. Thats interesting.

Very true observations though overall and I agree its been a topic thats fascinated me this whole time.
I'm so happy for Massachusetts. We really didn't need to keep one party in control the whole way through this "reform."
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:21 PM
 
Location: San Diego, California Republic
16,573 posts, read 27,283,382 times
Reputation: 9007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Donald342 View Post
Haha sounds like New York alright!

Btw I'm not saying that everyone in the Bay Area is soft (or everyone in New York is a tough guy or gal) however that seems to be the overall prevailing culture. Very passive aggressive, introverted and low-confidence. There also seems to be some sort of disdain for professional, business suit types? I tell you its almost like bizarro world here because its so different and lower energy.

I'm not saying this to rag on the Bay Area but they are just my honest observations being from such a high-energy, high-confidence environment. I have yet to visit other places in California. Maybe all of California is like this, who knows.
If this is your perception of the Bay Area, San Diego would drive you insane.
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:22 PM
 
1,658 posts, read 3,536,868 times
Reputation: 1710
Quote:
"Sarcasm" seems to be lost on most people here. They all look at me with blank stares when I make a sarcastic joke or comment.
Really? SF is just about the only place where people actually get my sarcasm.

Quote:
Say "thats gay" your called out as a homophobe.
Good, you shouldn't be saying that any more than you should be saying "that's black," etc to refer to something stupid.

Quote:
People give you stares of disaproval if your the type of person that looks like to have somewhere to go, commitments to make, likes to dress up for business etc. Just no sense of working to "get ahead". What gives? Do people here just prefer others to be as miserable, non-goal oriented, aim-less and broke as they are?
Haven't noticed that.

Quote:
Overall the people in this area seem to lack alot of aspects of character
"alot of aspects of character" is vague

Quote:
and tend to be very introverted and quiet. I also see theres less of an energy here. Everything from major stores to mom and pop shops to restaurants closes early and people don't seem to care. Even nightclubs close early (WTF?).
I agree about the introverted and quiet thing, but that's one(two?) things I like about SF'ans. I don't like being surrounded by loud and extroverted people 24/7 (whom often times I find speak a lot but say little), and wouldn't want to live in NYC though I love visiting that place.

The closing early thing I agree is pretty annoying, but I have still found enough things open late, esp. restaurants. Nightclubs close early because they have to follow CA's closing time. (2 AM) - though I will agree the End Up sucks.

Quote:
Anyways I was just venting. Personally I think the weather is great here, but I like the east coast better in terms of the relationships, people and the overall attitude of most people. I just gel well with folks who are more honest about themselves and know how to stick up for themselves without complaining or crying. Those types are usually laughed out of New York City. Its very soft.
That's NYC. Everywhere is soft compared, especially the further west you go.

Last edited by Radical347; 01-20-2010 at 06:02 PM..
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:25 PM
 
1,658 posts, read 3,536,868 times
Reputation: 1710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post
If this is your perception of the Bay Area, San Diego would drive you insane.
LOL! So true.
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
858 posts, read 2,230,415 times
Reputation: 368
I like soft people because they are nicer to talk to and easier to work with.
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:39 PM
 
12 posts, read 42,435 times
Reputation: 40
I'm back, its been a while everyone. This thread has really blown up to over 10 pages.

Quote:
Really? SF is just about the only place where people actually get my sarcasm.
You mean the only place in the the Bay Area?

Quote:
ood, you shouldn't be saying that any more than you should be saying "that's black," etc to refer to something stupid.
The point is, its not conveyed in a "mean-spirited", hateful way. Its almost a figure of speech. Most "gay" people in NYC don't seem to have a problem, only in SF were people super-sensitive to it.

Quote:
alot of aspects of character" is vague
Less personality, interestingness, less "energy" if you know what I mean. People also don't seem believe in deadlines or time schedules, they just show up late, flaky personalities, etc and so on and so forth. Character, interesting traits (storytelling ability, eye contact, outgoing personality etc) and integrity are what seem to be missing in alot of people its seems to be a cultural thing here.

Quote:
I agree about the introverted and quiet thing, but that's one(two?) things I like about SF'ans. I don't like being surrounded by loud and extroverted people 24/7 (whom often times I find speak a lot but say little), and wouldn't want to live in NYC though I love visiting that place.

The closing early thing I agree is pretty annoying, but I have still found enough things open late, esp. restaurants. Nightclubs close early because they have to follow CA's closing time. (2 AM) - though I will agree the End Up sucks.
You get used to it after living in NYC. Humans are social creatures and we need interaction. I think people who put walls up and suppress it are denying an aspect of their humanity and experience of life.

But on the nightclub issue, yeah the liquor laws say o drinks after 2pm but why do clubs still close? I don't get it, you just can't serve drinks. Its a dumb law anyway. Is this how it is in LA too?

I might be moving to SJ for a new job over there but don't know if its at all the same as SF or not. I don't get along in cities that are too introverted.
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Location: California
37,056 posts, read 42,020,339 times
Reputation: 34872
I agree with the feigned offence people throw around. It's almost like they go around LOOKING for things to be offended by so they can talk themselves up and feel good. I dont' know. I'm a 3rd gen Bay Area resident and my entire family gets funny looks sometimes for the things we say outloud and in public. Nothing mean spirited but sarcasm runs deep, and black humor too, and those who don't get that usually think we are freaks. My daughter goes to a CSU and has run into that problem many times, and has even had people cry because they think she said something mean. She just tells them to shut up and deal or stop hanging out with her. LOL.
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Old 03-06-2010, 10:37 PM
 
30,870 posts, read 36,793,970 times
Reputation: 34444
Quote:
Originally Posted by coyoteskye View Post
The east coast ... particularly the northeast and specifically NYC and its large surrounding area, Boston and much of MA, etc., (actually, all of Bos-wash -- the "corridor" from Boston all the way down to D.C.) ... has an edge, a sharpness, a quickness of speech and movement (and sharp intellect, depending), a toughness, a hardness, cynicism and sarcasm, defensiveness, etc., etc.. and if someone has been conditioned there (grew up there with that m.o.) and doesn't feel any need or desire to transform out of that agro / hyper ambitious way of being, then he/she will tend to have a difficult time in California and will have judgmental attitudes about other people being "soft".

It's a defensive posture because there is an awareness (consciously or not, usually not) of a deficiency ... that he/she doesn't know how to slow down, relax, open, "live and let live", be a bit more easy and at ease, "go with the flow", etc..
If he/she has been conditioned to be hard and constantly in a revved up and defensive posture and if he/she is used to living in a hyper stimulated environment where people are constantly running on adrenaline (which is mistaken for lots of energy) and are basically in a fight or flight mode, living in a new environment where people are more relaxed and less hyper and aggressive, can actually be very threatening.

It's a new and unknown world ... and unknown system that is radically different from the one he/she is familiar with and he/she doesn't know how to relate (sarcasm falls flat, cynical attitudes aren't welcome, etc.) ... doesn't know how to get into a new flow of things and so he/she will feel vulnerable, fearful (won't admit it of course ... isn't even conscious that it's so) and that's when anger comes up ... and venting and dissing people for being "soft".

Also, as driven and hyper as the northeast is, it's actually very conventional and though it's hugely populated and congested and impacted, it's somewhat stayed.
California (much of it), on the other hand, is very chaotic ... unstable, not as dug in and rooted in history, not as "old", not so certain and set in its ways, etc..
That chaos, combined with a more easy, "live and let live" approach to being in the world, can be very difficult for someone like the o.p..
That's just my take.
I grew up on the East Coast and I agree with your assessment. Very well said . I'd rep you but it wouldn't let me.

Although I do think California is not as laid back as it appears on the surface. And in some ways, I think we've gotten rigid in our thinking as well. Just a different kind of rigid than what they have back East. Not as bad, yet, and hopefully it won't get that way.
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