How to make friends in the Silicon Valley? (San Diego, Berkeley: house, to buy) - San Jose - California (CA) - City-Data Forum

roadwarrior101 · 07-03-2011, 11:00 AM

My wife and I moved down from the city a couple years ago, mainly to be closer to my job. We love the weather down here, the outdoor activities, the plethora of great restaurants (a rarity for a suburban area), the job opportunities, etc.

The only drawback is that it has been exceptionally difficult for me to meet new friends. I'm in my mid-30s and married, with no kids. Most of my co-workers are family centric and don't socialize much outside of work. I'm definitely not religious, so I wouldn't be intrigued by church events. I find that as a white male, I may be at a disadvantage for making new friends here (I'm not racist, but I do find that most Asians/Indians I've met here mainly hang out with their own groups). I like outdoor activities and keeping fit but am not really into team sports. I've heard volunteering can be great to meet friends. I'm a little involved in volunteer activities and do enjoy giving back, but haven't met any friends that way. I also heard that most people in the Silicon Valley make friends through their kids. I'm sure we'll have that in a couple years, but we're not there yet.

My wife and I have gone to some social events through mutual contacts as well as things such as MeetUp. Every time we meet someone cool, we exchange numbers, but when we follow up, it seems that they are so busy with work that we never really establish a friendship.

I should also say that I had some friends here from grad school, but they relocated after being here for a couple years, due to the high cost of living.

Any other suggestions?

80skeys · 07-05-2011, 01:18 PM

It's kind of tough. We moved here last year from Colorado. We're about the same age as you. We have a few friends, but one of them is a couple with a young kid and the kid always has to go along when we get together and it always interrupting and whining and stuff. So I guess couples with kids aren't real compatible to couples without kids.

I wouldn't mind being friends with some of the East Indians because they always seem to have so much fun when you see them hanging out together, but like you said they almost never hang out with any other groups.

The problem with meetup is I think the people just want to use it for planned activities, but not for being friends.

If you find a cool way to meet some friends, let me know.

roadwarrior101 · 07-05-2011, 01:41 PM

Maybe a city-data Silicon Valley meetup? Haha.

Seriously, I think I need to put myself out there a lot more than I've been doing. It seems that here, people met their friends one of two ways:

1. Went to school together - Be it growing up here or going to college/grad school here or relocating here together
2. Work together

In general, I've lived in other places and I do think people here are more cliquish and less interested in meeting friends outside of their circles.

zitsky · 07-05-2011, 02:26 PM

I'm surprised no one has talked about neighbors. Do you know yours, and are they outgoing and friendly? Most of the friends I made were neighbors or friends of friends. If you don't know your neighbors maybe introducing yourself and inviting them somewhere might help.

Ohs · 07-05-2011, 06:29 PM

My husband and I are in the same boat you and your wife are. We have lived here 5 years and have not made any real connections. It's really bad, I've been a little depressed over it and now we are putting effort into moving back down to southern california even though I will probably make a lot less money it's worth it to me. I need to feel apart of something community or friends anything plus I want to be able to own a house and out here it just seems impossible. I have a few work friends but they are only that work friends. I hope it works out for you and your wife. As for my husband and I we give up. We can't get out of here fast enough.

roadwarrior101 · 07-05-2011, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ohs

My husband and I are in the same boat you and your wife are. We have lived here 5 years and have not made any real connections. It's really bad, I've been a little depressed over it and now we are putting effort into moving back down to southern california even though I will probably make a lot less money it's worth it to me. I need to feel apart of something community or friends anything plus I want to be able to own a house and out here it just seems impossible. I have a few work friends but they are only that work friends. I hope it works out for you and your wife. As for my husband and I we give up. We can't get out of here fast enough.

Yeah, can't say that I blame you. However, our families are mainly in NorCal, so we do have more ties here. We've been fortunate enough to have good jobs to able to afford to buy pretty nice place to live. What is frustrating to me is that this area hits the mark for me on so many other levels, but not in terms of social connections. I have lived in both San Diego and Phoenix and found it much easier to make connections there. I have tried to meet neighbors. Some are cool and others are anti-social. The cool ones I'll see by the pool and chat with from time to time when taking the dog for walks, but it seems like our busy schedules get in the way of really becoming good friends.

hsw · 07-05-2011, 10:18 PM

SV is much like Manhattan...lots of workaholics; in SV, tech and finance (VCs, HFs, and PE) dominate both careers and social relationships; and in Manhattan it's all finance (HF and PE)

Only friends, if any, are found amongst one's colleagues...who are often those who attended same colleges and/or worked at same major employers post-grad...in either SV/NYC, people have same small circle of friends drawn from those early yrs of career, rather than random mtgs in other settings (though some do meet others from industry through kids at their schools, since most of certain socio-economics self-segregate to same 2-3 suburbs)

And even among Indians have observed more educated, more successful ones are less "ethnic" in their choice of suburbs/social pals, perhaps b/c they are often Stanford/Berkeley alums and top engineering ranks of any major tech co. are hardly monolithic...

ggcd951 · 07-06-2011, 02:02 AM

recently moved here i am about 30, next after next weekend, i am going to capitola beach for some photo shoot up with online game buddy i havent met yet.

). kinda feeling hesitated coz i am night owl and he wants to shoot sunrise i am more inclined to shoot sunset. if u wanna join us we can meet there

))

Cgirl22 · 07-06-2011, 02:01 PM

Check out Meetup.com. Social gatherings with people of similar interests in your area.

roadwarrior101 · 07-06-2011, 02:41 PM

Yeah, have done a few meetup events. They seem to be more geared towards singles, but I would consider going to more of these.

Agreed about people being ultra-focused on what school others attending. It seems that many of these folks only want to hang out with others if they went to Cal/Stanford/Ivys. I went to very good state schools and have comparable jobs, but I guess I'm not as good as they are. WTF????