Northern Va./DC vs. Silicon Valley (San Diego, San Jose: apartment, crime rate, attorney)

[InVaForNow]

Hello. I've been impressed with the quality and thoughtfulness of the posts here, so thought I'd hopefully get some advice from the anonymous strangers.

I am 30 single female working at a tech company in Northern Va. I really like my job, but I am becoming increasingly dissatisfied/depressed with my personal life in D.C. area (I live in Arlington). My company is HQ'd in Silicon Valley and I've been daydreaming for over a year about transferring there. The things I dislike most about my current situation are: (1) crime rate in D.C. makes me uncomfortable to do things like go for a jog alone, walk alone at night, go to the "cool" bars/clubs in D.C. and I feel like my neighborhood in Arlington is going downhill, too; (2) lack of romantic prospects - virtually ALL of my friends and I have been single for YEARS on end and the guys I have gone out with have been ridiculously awful; (3) traffic/road rage; (4) the competitive, very political overtones of the social scene (i.e., social rank based on which political party you belong to, who you know, where you went to school, etc.). I feel increasingly unable to "connect" with anyone around here, including friends I've had for years.

I think the appeal of Silicon Valley is (1) all my colleagues out there have been uniformly nice, friendly and welcoming to me and always invite me out to dinner/happy hour/etc. when I'm out on business; (2) people seem to be very fit and active and just more fun; (3) this weird and nice feeling that I "connect" with other people when I'm out there. And, perhaps if I were totally honest, a major part of the allure is that a shockingly large number of the men I've genuinely cared for in the past 7 years have originally been from CA. (I guess "California Cool" works on me... )

Anyway, it's not guaranteed that I could transfer, and part of me wonders if I just need an attitude adjustment to appreciate the good things about my life here, and a reality check that SV has competitive people, crime, and traffic, too, so I should just try to bloom where I'm planted, as it were.

Any thoughts on DC vs. Silicon Valley appreciated.

Thanks.

[Sassberto]

It's a tough one. If like dating Indian men you will love the scene in Silicon Valley. Most of the action is in San Francisco which is well known for "Alternative Lifestyles". :-)

To me it really depends on what kind of tech you do. SV is really the big leagues for product companies. I would only move there to work for a big name at this point.

If you are talking about IT / web / bizapps I think NoVA looks better in terms of salary and cost of living, esp with clearance. There is more corporate stuff and lots of games / media stuff in LA.

CA is a great place to live, there are plenty of hot night spots all over the place. LA and San Diego are where the girls are.

Good luck.

[krudmonk]

If you've been here and like it, why not?
-I originally missed the part where you said you were female, so I wouldn't have recommended coming here to find a mate. Nevertheless, the ratio will actually work for you.
-San Jose is one of the safest big cities in the nation (people here will always boast that) so you don't have to worry about crime much. The surrounding towns will be even safer.
-Nobody brags much about their school because it's an engineering climate, not a political one (ugh). People went to all kinds of schools, not just Ivy League ones.
-No snow!
-The real downside would be the cost.

[Alexus]

Originally Posted by InVaForNow

Hello. I've been impressed with the quality and thoughtfulness of the posts here, so thought I'd hopefully get some advice from the anonymous strangers.

I am 30 single female working at a tech company in Northern Va. I really like my job, but I am becoming increasingly dissatisfied/depressed with my personal life in D.C. area (I live in Arlington). My company is HQ'd in Silicon Valley and I've been daydreaming for over a year about transferring there. The things I dislike most about my current situation are: (1) crime rate in D.C. makes me uncomfortable to do things like go for a jog alone, walk alone at night, go to the "cool" bars/clubs in D.C. and I feel like my neighborhood in Arlington is going downhill, too; (2) lack of romantic prospects - virtually ALL of my friends and I have been single for YEARS on end and the guys I have gone out with have been ridiculously awful; (3) traffic/road rage; (4) the competitive, very political overtones of the social scene (i.e., social rank based on which political party you belong to, who you know, where you went to school, etc.). I feel increasingly unable to "connect" with anyone around here, including friends I've had for years.

I think the appeal of Silicon Valley is (1) all my colleagues out there have been uniformly nice, friendly and welcoming to me and always invite me out to dinner/happy hour/etc. when I'm out on business; (2) people seem to be very fit and active and just more fun; (3) this weird and nice feeling that I "connect" with other people when I'm out there. And, perhaps if I were totally honest, a major part of the allure is that a shockingly large number of the men I've genuinely cared for in the past 7 years have originally been from CA. (I guess "California Cool" works on me... )

Anyway, it's not guaranteed that I could transfer, and part of me wonders if I just need an attitude adjustment to appreciate the good things about my life here, and a reality check that SV has competitive people, crime, and traffic, too, so I should just try to bloom where I'm planted, as it were.

Any thoughts on DC vs. Silicon Valley appreciated.

Thanks.

I can relate to what you're going through. We used to live in northern VA (Oakton) before we moved to SV. We were actually married in Georgetown. We met in PA. My financee at the time was working in Falls Church and I was commuting to Rockville. Commuting each day to Rockville was pretty bad way to go through life and I hated it. I took 66 which was always backed up. This led to the beltway which you know about. I remember it taking me two hours to get home at times because of an accident on Cabin John bridge. Drivers were rude. I can't remember the number of times I was thrown the finger, or cut off, or tailed by some stressed-out person with a stone face or an enraged nerd. Beltway was frequently a parking lot. When the weekend came around, I didn't even want to leave my apartment because I was so frazzled. It seemed like I could never wind down. We'd go into DC, lines for everything, more sitting in the car and waiting. I got tired of it. I will say though that the entire area was beautiful to me. Outside of the negatives, I really cherished being in the Nation's Capital. There is lots to do there, and as a man, it was easier for me to meet people. I loved being able to get to NYC too. I estimate that I was in NY four times/month for 3 years for business and pleasure. I miss being near NYC.

The commuting problems were compounded by the fact that work was more stressful that it needed to be. Very long hours, aggressive deadlines, openly competitive co-workers. I hated it at the time, but later found out that it was a far better working environment than what I experienced in SV. It's true though that one can get tired of the "power" meetings, conversation, dress, and so forth. Stuff gets old pretty fast.

Moved to SV and didn't know what to expect. I interviewed with a company before I came out and everyone smiled and made me feel as though I had the job. I never heard from them. I ended up transferring into the area. Big difference in work attire. There it was more formal and professional, here more laid back and relaxed. Depends on the industry though because now I wear a suit and tie to work again. I love this, but I can see the other side too. Sometimes, it is nice not to have to worry about what to wear. Just throw something on and go to work. I found very nice interesting people, backstabbers, sharks in both places. Both have highly intelligent populations. It's probably a nationwide trend now where people are very self-absorbed. I find that more the case here in SV. Cost of living very different although DC can also get expensive. Housing ridiculous here, more reasonable in DC area. Weather is better here, although DC is not that bad.

I wanted to leave because I suspected that the more stressful, energy-sapping environment that was the DC area would be a harder place for me to grow in. It was as though I would have to stay a software engineer for life there, one profession with increasing responsibilities until I was all used up. Visiting CA, I got the feeling that the environment here was open to whatever direction my increasing maturity and greater clarity took me. This turned out to be correct and now I am becoming an attorney. There is a thread currently running that talks about why I think San Francisco is a great city. Check the San Fran room on this board. My statement in that thread is the best articulation of the virtues of living here as I continue to experience them.

I would say go with your hunch. Understand what you're getting yourself into though. The weather is great, but the housing prices shock many people into leaving the area. Tech companies lay off as a first resort here. Plenty of outsourcing here as well and probably a greater percentage of immigrants than DC. Also, I hear many single women out here complain about their inability to find compatible men, so this is a nationwide problem.

Good luck in your decision. If you're tired of where you are, I can't think of a better place to try than here.

[InVaForNow]

Thanks for the responses. It seems like the two places are on pretty equal footing - slightly better weather and more expensive to live in CA, more crime and boring, stressed political wonks in DC. I think my game plan is to try to re-energize my life here for the next couple months (join some new clubs, hang out with different friends, take up a new hobby) and see if that makes me happier.

Meanwhile, I'm also going to extend an upcoming CA business trip for a couple days and just hang out by myself/be a fly on the wall of everyday life in SV to see if I can absorb any more information that will give my "gut" more information to work with. All the side-trips to gorgeous tourist spots might be skewing my perspective...

Thanks again!

[NewToCA]

I lived in the DC area for 13 years myself, and would take Silicon Valley any day of the week. The areas are exceptionally different, and practically all of the things you dislike about NoVA will not be a problem in California.

I couldn't stand the politics being factored into every single decision either. The folks there eat and drink politics, and climbing the ladder. It is an obsession, and certainly could impact your social life.

[rdhbs93]

Go for it!! Spread your wings and fly! Life's too short to live in one place especially if you are young...you can always move back to DC/N VA area if things should not work out for you.
I left DC area almost nine years ago and live now in NYC and haven't really looked back. I do miss it at times, but not bad enough to move back and settle down there.