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Old 02-08-2013, 01:59 PM
 
159 posts, read 245,811 times
Reputation: 161
Default Best Way to Convince Wife to move out of Bay Area?

There is really no upside to us living in the Bay Area. On a combined income of about 100k, we are basically lower class. Buying a home or having kids is a non-starter. And we aren't getting any younger (both of us are in early 30s). Plus we don't work in the tech industry.

Plus the QOL imo isn't superior enough to justify the price premium over Los Angeles or San Diego (I've lived in both).

I've wanted to move for the last 2-3 years.

But the big snag is my wife. She grew up here and lived here all her life, has family here, etc. She enjoys her job despite the meager pay.

I even asked her the million dollar question: "If you could live in the Bay Area but choose not to have kids, would you do it?" My wife REALLY wants kids, and yet she answered that that would be a tough choice, which goes to show how much she likes it here.

That being said, I can't imagine spending the rest of our lives renting mediocre 1 br apartments and not raising a family and all that stuff that's just not going to happen here in the Bay Area.

So any suggestions for convincing the wife? Divorce is NOT an option, although I may be open to the East Bay.
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Old 02-08-2013, 02:16 PM
 
Location: San Jose, CA
6,769 posts, read 16,476,195 times
Reputation: 2526
My sister is raising her son in Sunnyvale on a single, lower than yours, income in a 1-bedroom apartment. He was born in the apartment with a midwife, and they're still there 5 years later. (They still have the hospital debt, too, but that's a different story.) I know they struggle at times, but they seem happy and the kid is doing great. They have an excellent school system to look forward to as well.

Apartment renters having kids is the reality here, and, I've found, much more the norm than the exception.
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Old 02-08-2013, 02:20 PM
 
159 posts, read 245,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sonarrat View Post
My sister is raising her son in Sunnyvale on a single, lower than yours, income in a 1-bedroom apartment. He was born in the apartment with a midwife, and they're still there 5 years later. (They still have the hospital debt, too, but that's a different story.) I know they struggle at times, but they seem happy and the kid is doing great. They have an excellent school system to look forward to as well.

Apartment renters having kids is the reality here, and, I've found, much more the norm than the exception.
On a side note, if we do end up staying in the Bay Area (probably will because the wife wins all the time anyways), we'll probably move to Sunnyvale. I really like the place.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:29 PM
 
166 posts, read 99,761 times
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Look into where you would be able to get jobs, and where there is affordable housing. Then call a real estate agent in the area, and set up an appointment to see homes you can afford while you are on a romantic weekend there. The real live three bedroom, two bath house with the picket might sway her.

I lived in California my whole life. I knew intellectually that living elsewhere could get me a better quality of life for what I could afford. It took just one house hunting trip in a more affordable area to really bring that point home.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:03 PM
 
159 posts, read 245,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed59 View Post
Look into where you would be able to get jobs, and where there is affordable housing. Then call a real estate agent in the area, and set up an appointment to see homes you can afford while you are on a romantic weekend there. The real live three bedroom, two bath house with the picket might sway her.

I lived in California my whole life. I knew intellectually that living elsewhere could get me a better quality of life for what I could afford. It took just one house hunting trip in a more affordable area to really bring that point home.
Great idea!
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:18 PM
 
1,030 posts, read 1,539,809 times
Reputation: 759
Quote:
Originally Posted by thechoson View Post
There is really no upside to us living in the Bay Area. On a combined income of about 100k, we are basically lower class. Buying a home or having kids is a non-starter. And we aren't getting any younger (both of us are in early 30s). Plus we don't work in the tech industry.

Plus the QOL imo isn't superior enough to justify the price premium over Los Angeles or San Diego (I've lived in both).

I've wanted to move for the last 2-3 years.

But the big snag is my wife. She grew up here and lived here all her life, has family here, etc. She enjoys her job despite the meager pay.

I even asked her the million dollar question: "If you could live in the Bay Area but choose not to have kids, would you do it?" My wife REALLY wants kids, and yet she answered that that would be a tough choice, which goes to show how much she likes it here.

That being said, I can't imagine spending the rest of our lives renting mediocre 1 br apartments and not raising a family and all that stuff that's just not going to happen here in the Bay Area.

So any suggestions for convincing the wife? Divorce is NOT an option, although I may be open to the East Bay.
Pick an area with a similar vibe to the Bay Area but much cheaper (Seattle, Portland, Austin, etc). Show your wife the type of money you'd be making there and the type of house you'd be able to afford. Even plan a trip out there to check out the area. Make sure you factor in regular flights back to the Bay Area into your budget.

My wife and I are going to do a little house exploring when we visit Denver in a couple months. We're not looking into an immediate move, but may consider something like this when our kids reach school age and we'll need to trade up to a larger house. We may consider moving, unless we're able to see significant income gains in the next 3-4 years.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Studio City, CA 91604
1,076 posts, read 799,816 times
Reputation: 1146
Why don't you simply move out to Livermore or Vacaville? Both are nice places and exurbs to the Bay Area. You'll be able to have kids and stay in the area, both.

Your trade off will be a commute, but it's not that bad.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:26 PM
 
159 posts, read 245,811 times
Reputation: 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by kttam186290 View Post
Why don't you simply move out to Livermore or Vacaville? Both are nice places and exurbs to the Bay Area. You'll be able to have kids and stay in the area, both.
This would actually not be a bad idea, and my wife may be amenable to this.

Our commutes would be absolute murder though, and since neither of us are in the tech industry, don't know if we can arrange telecommuting.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:46 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 1,213,767 times
Reputation: 1911
Move to the east bay then.

Try roses, then chocolates, then pearls, then diamonds.

In other news I called some friends who work in Burlingame and SF and make about what you do and they seem to be ok, happy and well adjusted.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:49 PM
 
4 posts, read 2,988 times
Reputation: 10
As others have mentioned, I think the best way is to actually visit another city and set up a house hunting trip (combining with a vacation). It's important to note that you could likely buy a home and a flight back once per month to the Bay to visit family, and your monthly payment would still be lower than a 1 br apartment here. Having lived in Plano (Dallas), traveled extensively throughout the Southeast, and grown up in WI, I'm having the opposite problem as you. I can't get my wife to like this area even though she loves her job and the scenery.
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