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Old 08-20-2009, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Playin' with me dingy!
60 posts, read 60,046 times
Reputation: 15

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I am a 38 years old male, married with two young children. I have lived in Indiana for my entire life, only being able to travel as time and budget allows. I have spent a great deal of time in Florida throughout the years, twice this summer. It is clear that it is a place I would feel right at home. I cannot stand it here anymore. When I am in Florida, I feel like a different person.

A person that is happy.

My dilemma is that my wife is adamant about not moving away from Indiana. Her family lives here, and she is close to them.
My family still lives here, and I am close to them, but I would still move on down the road, if that is where I think I will be happiest.

I tried the diplomatic approach, and it didn't work.

My wife has more or less given me a choice. Move to Florida by myself, or stay in Indiana with my family. I am about 70% decided that I am heading south. This has been the part that is tearing me up. I don't want to leave my family AT ALL, especially my kids, but my heart tells me to do this. (Sometimes I wonder if she would really stay here if I said I was going.)

If I end up coming alone, I will be bringing just a few things along, and will likely start my life all over. I have a home business that I can run from here. It looks as if I will be renting, if and when I arrive. I will be looking around the Sarasota/Siesta Key area. Give or take 20 miles. It would be my goal to buy a nice place on SK, live on it, and rent out the rest. I have my eyes on a couple of places. I know a realtor there, so she can help me get started in the right direction.

I have weighed the pros and cons of this move and have concluded that:

Indiana: I hate it here.
Florida: I love it there.

I am anxious to hear opinions and questions. I really need to talk about this to someone other than my family or my wife.

 
Old 08-20-2009, 10:53 AM
 
Location: sittin happy in the sun :-)
3,645 posts, read 7,150,786 times
Reputation: 1877
one rule.
its your life
you only get one shot
never get to the end with regrets
do it and you will know if you were right or wrong
dont do it and you will never know
 
Old 08-20-2009, 11:04 AM
 
141 posts, read 453,705 times
Reputation: 63
So you're just going to leave your wife and kids behind? What kind of father would that make you? You have an obligation to your children and your family. I dont see how it would work out with you being that far away from your wife and kids. Why don't you try to convince your wife to take an extended vacation (1-2 months) to florida, maybe she will change her mind or maybe you will.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 11:06 AM
 
51 posts, read 222,824 times
Reputation: 40
Whatever is making you so miserable in IN is very likely to follow you to FL, because you can't run away from yourself. Your happiness is important, but it seems unlikely that you will be happy doing something that makes your spouse, children, in-laws and others you love unhappy. You made promises to your spouse and your children, and only you can determine if you can be happy being the sort of person who breaks his promises to people he loves. In short, I don't know you but I doubt IN is really the reason you are unhappy, and I don't think FL will make you happy.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 11:14 AM
 
17,534 posts, read 39,131,539 times
Reputation: 24289
If you are willing to leave your family behind, something tells me there are problems there, and it is NOT all about Indiana. I would try to get some counseling. Leaving a spouse is one thing, but leaving your kids is another.

Good luck to you.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 01:38 PM
 
Location: North Port
325 posts, read 1,024,263 times
Reputation: 101
Yeah, think this through, do not believe the grass is greener on the other side. Think this through, talk with your Pastor if you have one or some type of counseler. Good Luck!
 
Old 08-20-2009, 01:40 PM
 
Location: PORT CHARLOTTE FL
55 posts, read 133,495 times
Reputation: 20
Were moving down to Port Charlotte from NJ I can't stand the cold any more and can't stand N.J. if my wife said I want to move to Alaska come with me or go to Fl by yourself I'll be shopping for a coat and boots that night that's for sure. you need to ask your self what do you want more FL or your family I.M.O.I if you pick FL over your family there better off with out you.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,895 posts, read 14,140,308 times
Reputation: 2329
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixonCox View Post
I am a 38 years old male, married with two young children. I have lived in Indiana for my entire life, only being able to travel as time and budget allows. I have spent a great deal of time in Florida throughout the years, twice this summer. It is clear that it is a place I would feel right at home. I cannot stand it here anymore. When I am in Florida, I feel like a different person.

A person that is happy.
You need to understand what about Florida makes you happy. Living here is much different from vacationing here. Was your family with you when you were here?

My dilemma is that my wife is adamant about not moving away from Indiana. Her family lives here, and she is close to them.
My family still lives here, and I am close to them, but I would still move on down the road, if that is where I think I will be happiest.

I tried the diplomatic approach, and it didn't work.
IMO, your wife should want to move with you, not against you; obvious issues that have nothing to do with Florida.

It's hard to leave family behind, but you have a family of your own to consider, not just the grandparents...


My wife has more or less given me a choice. Move to Florida by myself, or stay in Indiana with my family. I am about 70% decided that I am heading south. This has been the part that is tearing me up. I don't want to leave my family AT ALL, especially my kids, but my heart tells me to do this. (Sometimes I wonder if she would really stay here if I said I was going.)

You will miss your children more than anything in the world.

If I end up coming alone, I will be bringing just a few things along, and will likely start my life all over. I have a home business that I can run from here. It looks as if I will be renting, if and when I arrive. I will be looking around the Sarasota/Siesta Key area. Give or take 20 miles. It would be my goal to buy a nice place on SK, live on it, and rent out the rest. I have my eyes on a couple of places. I know a realtor there, so she can help me get started in the right direction.

I have weighed the pros and cons of this move and have concluded that:

Indiana: I hate it here.
Florida: I love it there.

I am anxious to hear opinions and questions. I really need to talk about this to someone other than my family or my wife.
Why won't your wife come with you????
 
Old 08-20-2009, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Playin' with me dingy!
60 posts, read 60,046 times
Reputation: 15
Ahhh...thanks to some of you for the Moderator cut: offensive language removed

replies. I knew that was coming. It's not a moral decision. It is a life decision.

It is the hardest decision I have ever had to dwell on. I don't want to leave my kids, but I am so unhappy here, that I will lose them anyway when my wife leaves me because I am making her miserable.

Leaving my kids is the LAST thing I want to do. I love my family more than anything, and this is something I wish for them to share too, but my wife is being firm about not leaving her family behind. She is set in her way of as long as she has a job and her baby, she doesn't need anything else. She doesn't like change.

My wife came with me in June for a week, but seldom ventured out to see what was available. My kids went everywhere with me.

I am not running from anything other than 6 months of frozen hell, a bunch of whiny liberal neighbors, and 40 years of the same old crap.

I went back by myself the first of August to do some more exploring of the less touristy areas, some soul searching, and it sold me. I understand it wouldn't be a vacation, and that's not what I am in search of. I usually go on vacation in the Caribbean anyway.

I like Florida for the abundance of yearlong outdoor recreational activities, and the constant beautiful weather. The cold, clammy, rainy, gray days here in Indiana put me into a tailspin depression that is hard to right.

Last edited by nancy thereader; 08-21-2009 at 12:44 PM..
 
Old 08-20-2009, 03:12 PM
 
Location: PORT CHARLOTTE FL
55 posts, read 133,495 times
Reputation: 20
I am not running from anything other than 6 months of frozen hell, a bunch of whiny liberal neighbors, and 40 years of the same old crap.

If that's the reason to pick up and leave your family then you are the Moderator cut: language removed go back and rethink what you are saying you would leave your kid's for your own selfish reasons i love FL but my kids and my wife come first over any thing in this world including any selfish reason i might have 12 months of sun with out your kids vs 6 months of cold with your kids wake up

Last edited by nancy thereader; 08-21-2009 at 12:46 PM..
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