Is "Seattle Freeze" tempered by shared commonalities like being a parent? (best cities, neighborhoods)

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by stuckinseattle

People who grew up in Seattle just don't see you, you don't exist.

Yeah, baby, the "freeze" is there indeed. This is so true. Of all the people I met in Seattle that were receptive, most were transplants. And I don't even kick them up to friend level. I did befriend someone at work who was a native, but the only reason that even occurred is because we were both free spirited travelers and his father was actually foreign.

I will never forget one event indicating how frozen Seattle is. My parents have some friends up there. They have children my age who were born in Seattle. Only once did they contact me. However, I would call their parents once every 4 months and drive over there (15 or 20 miles) to have a cup of coffee with them. It turns out that someone in their extended family died and I went to the funeral. I was dressed in work attire, in a suit. One of their kids, the older son, asked me where I was living. I told him "Bellevue." He scoffs "Oh, Bellevue, the air's a little too thin for me out there." So, where do you want me to live, a-hole, in Tukwila?

The freeze is indeed there. And if you take a personality that starts up conversations on transit or while getting an oil change to Seattle, you will see that such an approach is not well received. It is viewed with suspicion. And it doesn't matter if you're a clean cut, attractive male or female. That's why people romanticize Seattle (it is beautiful), move there, and then move away.

I used to think "God, I'd rather be a waiter in Portugal."

[skidamarink]

You shouldn't have any problems finding a woman in Seattle, so long as you're not another one of these humpback, mouth-breathing neckbeards (and there are a lot of those here due to the tech industries). Seattle women aren't supermodels for three big reasons: 1. it's not hot & sunny, so what's the incentive for tanning & walking around in a bikini? this isn't Cali, dummy. 2. that organic, all-natural fad is taken seriously, and many women here don't want to wear makeup, tan, or put chemical in their hair. some are the extreme of this and don't shave their legs n pits. think of them as what you would see if women didn't wear cosmetics & fake hair. au naturel is what you get. 3. as pointed out, women here aren't desperate for men as they are in other cities. there's plenty of men to go around in this city, so you are nothing special. we don't have to try hard to get a man.

hopefully those of you who are whining about it are over 6'0" with six pack abs, otherwise you shouldn't be talking. in most parts of the country, it may be common to see men with women high and out of their league but here you can only get a woman on the same level as you. consider it a reality check. if you really need a woman, there are plenty of trailer trash single moms here desperate for male attention since their stock dropped after the baby came.

[415_s2k]

Originally Posted by skidamarink

You shouldn't have any problems finding a woman in Seattle, so long as you're not another one of these humpback, mouth-breathing neckbeards (and there are a lot of those here due to the tech industries). Seattle women aren't supermodels for three big reasons: 1. it's not hot & sunny, so what's the incentive for tanning & walking around in a bikini? this isn't Cali, dummy. 2. that organic, all-natural fad is taken seriously, and many women here don't want to wear makeup, tan, or put chemical in their hair. some are the extreme of this and don't shave their legs n pits. think of them as what you would see if women didn't wear cosmetics & fake hair. au naturel is what you get. 3. as pointed out, women here aren't desperate for men as they are in other cities. there's plenty of men to go around in this city, so you are nothing special. we don't have to try hard to get a man.

hopefully those of you who are whining about it are over 6'0" with six pack abs, otherwise you shouldn't be talking. in most parts of the country, it may be common to see men with women high and out of their league but here you can only get a woman on the same level as you. consider it a reality check. if you really need a woman, there are plenty of trailer trash single moms here desperate for male attention since their stock dropped after the baby came.

What a rosy and pleasant way to typify dating in Seattle

[kaday]

Originally Posted by stuckinseattle

Well it's possible that I just smell, of course.

Where are you from?

Everywhere...I have lived in 10 states in the US. Most recently Atlanta.

[stuckinseattle]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

And if you take a personality that starts up conversations on transit or while getting an oil change to Seattle, you will see that such an approach is not well received. It is viewed with suspicion.

This is exactly what the OP is asking - is this phenomenon ameliorated by being a parent? And it was my experience that yes it was, although God help you if you wanted to make friends outside of your identity as mommy.

[stuckinseattle]

Originally Posted by kaday

Everywhere...I have lived in 10 states in the US. Most recently Atlanta.

But where did you grow up? Where were your formative experiences? And what's your ethnic background?

Again, one of the major unmentioned aspects of the freeze is how much more it affects nonwhite people, or people who are perceived as weird or foreign.

One of the really, really noticeable features of the PNW as a whole is inability to handle surprise, diversity, anything slightly out of what the locals consider ordinary. It's a particular bite in the ass in Seattle because Seattle presents itself as a sophisticated city. I live in Eugene now and it's easier to tailor my social expectations to reality, but the provincialness of Seattle constantly threw me. And I think this is one of the things that makes the freeze happen - you try to talk to a local, their self-imposed internal judgements and feelings of inferiority get triggered by contact with someone who's seen the Atlantic, they freeze you out, you feel you like you've done something wrong, you try to act nicer to make the other person comfortable, but they're having an internal drama that has *nothing to do with you,* and you end up walking away feeling immensely confused and creeped out. But all of this gets a runaround if you have parent shop to talk about - particularly since there are myriad ways in Seattle to go play reindeer games about who's a better mom. Anyone who is content to just raise their kids and not slap a label on their parenting and have special email lists to fap about how awesome they are (yes, I am looking at you, Seattle AP list) is going to be more stable and normal and socially acceptable anyway.

[dfdfsdfsdfs]

I've been here ONE day, and had 2 separate total strangers go out of their way to bend over backwards to help me out. So far so good.
Looking to meet some people in their mid-late 20's like myself, but not really a scenester, any tips?

[xcalgal]

Strangers are very friendly and helpful because you are still in their comfort zone. (Just kidding)

[dfdfsdfsdfs]

I had considered that, but these were both people to volunteered totally selflessly to stop what they were doing and spend some time helping me out, and chatted with me during and afterward. I even exchanged contact info with one. I have always been a very open and friendly person , and never shy about making conversation with strangers. So maybe the "freeze" has more to do with the social awkwardness of the people who think they are experiencing it?

[NewtoSD?]

Originally Posted by skidamarink

You shouldn't have any problems finding a woman in Seattle, so long as you're not another one of these humpback, mouth-breathing neckbeards (and there are a lot of those here due to the tech industries). Seattle women aren't supermodels for three big reasons: 1. it's not hot & sunny, so what's the incentive for tanning & walking around in a bikini? this isn't Cali, dummy. 2. that organic, all-natural fad is taken seriously, and many women here don't want to wear makeup, tan, or put chemical in their hair. some are the extreme of this and don't shave their legs n pits. think of them as what you would see if women didn't wear cosmetics & fake hair. au naturel is what you get. 3. as pointed out, women here aren't desperate for men as they are in other cities. there's plenty of men to go around in this city, so you are nothing special. we don't have to try hard to get a man.

hopefully those of you who are whining about it are over 6'0" with six pack abs, otherwise you shouldn't be talking. in most parts of the country, it may be common to see men with women high and out of their league but here you can only get a woman on the same level as you. consider it a reality check. if you really need a woman, there are plenty of trailer trash single moms here desperate for male attention since their stock dropped after the baby came.

Who is equating beauty with died hair, makeup, tans, and dresses? Plenty of men don't go for the look you are describing. My personal preference is T-shirt, jeans, and a more dressed down look. And unless you're watching an old Van-Halen video, most women in California don't walk around with fake tans and bikinis.