Official "Seattle Freeze" Discussion Thread (living in, housing)

[Synergy3k]

I honestly think you'll find a freeze wherever you go. I'm originally from a small city in Wisconsin. I moved to Rhode Island 2 years ago, and found the same thing. In my hometown people would smile and say hello, but then be gossiping about you behind your back. Everyone was always in everyone else's business. Newcomers were speculated about for ages, and not always let in. I worked at a tv station and made it a point to be welcoming, because I knew what all the new people would be up against. In Rhode Island I have discovered that people are not as apt to be friendly while out and about as they were back home, but you also don't find as many busybodies, if that makes sense. It also takes time here to make friends and be let in. I think what it really comes down to is being respectful of the differences in regional cultures and not being pushy. I'm hoping to move to Seattle this spring to join my sister, and I'm excited about getting to know a new place. Making friends is difficult no matter where you go! I've learned a lot just from reading this forum, and I'm hoping to make a few friends in real time that will be willing to teach me more!

[St.Croix to Seattle]

When I was growing up I was always told don't talk to strangers for whatever reason,since 2005 I have made many trips to Seattle and have actually made a few friends that I keep in contact with just from meeting people on the street or Ferry.One thing that kept happening was I would ask someone how to find a certain street and they would stand there and we would have a laugh because there were just there themselves looking around the city to se if it fits....

[_Charles_]

Sure you're going to meet "Friendly" people. It's trying to make meaningful connections that will have you stumped after you move out here. YOU will be the one initiating get togethers all the time. YOU will be the one reaching out. It won't work the other way. A one-sided relationship gets really old really quick.

This poster gets an award for most succinct and accurate assessment of Seattle freeze.

One becomes worn out from dealing with social one sidedness of the passive aggressive types in Seattle that are the rule not the exception. I have lived here six years and it is as difficult as it was the first month I arrived here in 2001. Hermetically sealed cliques abound and I find the whole thing quite boorish.

I have had enough and now I'm done I am working on getting out!

[l.wilson]

Does anyone feel "The Freeze" when it comes to your childrens playdates? Playdates are always one sided at our house. RARELY is there an invite the other way. I don't mind the playdates in my home however maybe every tenth time it could be in your home. And this isn't just with one friend it's with most.

[ginger44]

Originally Posted by Synergy3k

I honestly think you'll find a freeze wherever you go. I'm originally from a small city in Wisconsin. I moved to Rhode Island 2 years ago, and found the same thing. In my hometown people would smile and say hello, but then be gossiping about you behind your back. Everyone was always in everyone else's business. Newcomers were speculated about for ages, and not always let in. I worked at a tv station and made it a point to be welcoming, because I knew what all the new people would be up against. In Rhode Island I have discovered that people are not as apt to be friendly while out and about as they were back home, but you also don't find as many busybodies, if that makes sense. It also takes time here to make friends and be let in. I think what it really comes down to is being respectful of the differences in regional cultures and not being pushy. I'm hoping to move to Seattle this spring to join my sister, and I'm excited about getting to know a new place. Making friends is difficult no matter where you go! I've learned a lot just from reading this forum, and I'm hoping to make a few friends in real time that will be willing to teach me more!

I'd have to agree with this, too. I've lived in cities in 7 states (soon to be 8) and have traveled for business in many more. I currently reside in the oh, so friendly 'South', which out of all the places I've lived is the furthest from the friendliest. To the newcomer, people here are very phony and pretend to be nice AT FIRST and in your business all the time (gossip is the #1 past time in this town). Then, after you get to know them, their true colors (and racial prejudices) come out.
We moved here for a job transfer, when our company set up a new center and employed around 1000 people from the area. Every other person who transferred here for the company noticed the same things as we did and had the same remarks, e.g., "They were so friendly when we came to visit, but now...". Funny thing is that the company's home office was out of Seattle, and when visiting that office (or when meeting with them at a different location), it's the employees from that location who were people who were truly welcoming and who became our friends.

Anyway, long story short, I've made friends everywhere I've lived and have heard people complain about the people of the area in every place I've lived. I just try to avoid the permanently negative/paranoid people who will never be happy in any place they live and who take no responsibility for their own happiness or lack thereof.

Life's too short to waste time complaining about a place you don't like - maybe it's not for you, but it doesn't mean it's not for someone else. I don't like where I live now, but I know that there are plenty of people who have different tastes than mine who would love it.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by pittnurse70

I suppose I'll play the devil's advocate here, because the other side is not represented.

I owned a multiple dwelling building. If you think of what motivated the neighbor who went directly to the landlord with her complaint, that is exactly what I asked my peeps to do.

Today, you never really know what is on the other side of the door if you compain, so you may as well tell the person who gets paid for handling such matters.

I certainly agree with that approach. If you re-read my post, you will see that I was suggesting the OP talk with his landlady, who is the one who received the complaints. It is my opinion that she should have shared this information with the renter after two or so complaints, instead of making a note in his "rental history".

Yes. It is a strange action of the landlady, not first checking. I have only heard of this when there is a plan to try to get a person out of the building or when the people in charge of the building are lazy. Not checking on the fairness of the complaint before making a notation may just start 'complaint wars' amongst the tenants, and so may telling one tenant who is complaining about them.

People are funny. There are tenants who actually try to befriend the landlord, thinking their complaints against a disliked neighbor will be acted on without verification. I hate butt-kissers (please pardon the crudity) almost as much as I dislike people with some authority being susceptible to such actions. People who surround themselves with fawners get a very skewered idea of their own self-worth.

I was not projecting any criticism of your post, just keeping the issue going by adding to the latest posting. Posting to the precipitatihng message is unwise unless one has read the umpteen that may have followed, not wanting to repeat information. By that time, the original thread is sometimes lost way back on many pages previous. Sorry if my solution is clumsy.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by ginger44

We moved here for a job transfer, when our company set up a new center and employed around 1000 people from the area. Every other person who transferred here for the company noticed the same things as we did and had the same remarks, e.g., "They were so friendly when we came to visit, but now...". .

I have met a handful of people who retired to the south, and all came back. THey have made the same observation. Real nice on a superficial level but it never progresses beyond that.

Southerners often say that those from the north are 'in your face' with their opinions and that is just rude and lacking in manners.

There may be nuances in polite conversation and reactions that southerners look for before opening up. Conversation and manners become a dance of sorts.

Up north people just think that they are direct and honest. They are also happy to be opinionated and probably don't want to waste time with people who think very differently than they, so the sooner they find that out, the better.

Sometimes, in small groups of people, there is a pecking order or a power structure that builds up and each person knows his place in it. When a new guy is introduced, he can be resented and rejected because it upsets the order and forces a repositioning of individual 'places' in the order.

It's a thing some animals do, when in groups, and when thought of in this way, the rejection of strangers is probably easier to understand.

[Rage]

Goldengrain............mind if I ask about your credentials in describing southerns other than the 'hearsay' from those you say moved here and all went back.............because the housing sales from Florida all the way up to Tennessee would refuted that statement. Personally I could present affidavits from northerns that would say they would never go back...............mind you I could care less one way or another, I just want the facts to be straight. But possibly that is the 'opinionated' aspect your talking about.

[Rage]

After another cup of coffee and a bit reflection I felt compelled to come back to this thread with another comment. As I stated in another post on this same thread I'm amazed that this subject hasn't died yet. I can hear the peasants in the background with torches in hand crying 'die monster die'........(just a bit of jest mind you, I wouldn't want anyone making statements that southerners have positive symptoms of disorganized Schizophrenia either) But seriously folks..........Seattle freeze or not does it really matter? People are people, every geographical location has it's predominate culture. Whether it be the gross view that 'northerners' are opinionated and loud, Californianers are laid back and stoned, Mid-westerners are all Mormons, and yes even that southerners are hayseeds, does it really matter? The USA has just invested billions of dollars and the lives of thousands of people in an attempt to change attitudes in the middle east........I'll leave the decision as to whether that has been beneficial to you and your point of view. But I do think that by large the general population (based on opinion polls) would agree that it's debatable at best.

So again I state, regardless of whether the condition exist or not, this thread isn't going to change anything. So instead of pontificating on the empirical aspect of cultural diversities, let's turn our attention to condition that affect everyone in a more broader more concrete way..................How's the snow up there, did the city shut down or what?

[MissingAll4Seasons]

Well, I'm one of those "socially inept" people because I have Aspergers Syndrome (autism). I don't have any problem at all with the Seattle Freeze... i.e. not being open and social isn't the problem; but I do have a major problem with the Seattle attitude. Everyone is so blatantly fake with their politeness and pleasantness. Seattlites embrace diversity, just as long as you think and believe what they do - otherwise, they will correct you. It's like living in cloneville where everyone is afraid to be even the least bit different... very Stepford Wives.

I've lived lots of places, and I have to say that the "rudeness" and "coldness" I've experienced in places like New York and New England are sooooo much more genuine and less disturbing than the fake "nice-nice-now-go-away" schizophrenic crap here in Seattle. At least in those places, people are honest about telling you to leave them alone; they're not all passive-aggressive about it. And if they don't like you, they leave you the hell alone... they don't try to fix you like they do in Seattle. Being left alone isn't the problem, it's the overwhelming pressure to "get along" on surface and "not make waves" that bugs the crap out of me.

Someone earlier mentioned that Seattle is like a gristmill, and I have to agree... stay here long enough and you will be ground down into a flavorless, textureless smear of psychic oatmeal because this place doesn't tolerate difference or true individuality at all. Sure they embrace diversity -- and suffocate it to death!