Official "Seattle Freeze" Discussion Thread (safer, farm)

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by Topaz

Uh, when discussing life-and-death situations, I would think there is a happy middle way between "lack of appropriate empathy and concern" and "state of psychotic emotional frenzy." For some reason, people keep jumping to the extremes in defending Seattle reserve.

Again, there is this low-keyed British way of reacting to a problem.

[Ira500]

Oh, so they care about keeping the planet habitable for future generations, I see.
This is a problem?

No, not at all. I recycle pretty religiously and bury my food waste. The bigger problem is alack of sense of humor.

[cobolt]

Originally Posted by Topaz

Uh, when discussing life-and-death situations, I would think there is a happy middle way between "lack of appropriate empathy and concern" and "state of psychotic emotional frenzy." For some reason, people keep jumping to the extremes in defending Seattle reserve.

Exactly. You get it.

[seattlerain]

Not only is it a low-keyed British way, it is also very much a part of the culture in central and northern Europe, Japan and much of the rest of Asia.

I'd venture to day that many of the people who feel Seattleites are passionless, etc have not spent much time in countries where being reserved in public is expected and too much deviation is frowned upon.

I’m all for discussing negative aspects of Seattle, however I find it almost insulting when Seattleites are accused of being non-empathetic…not caring for anybody but themselves. That is simply not true.

Anybody that dares defend the culture of Seattle is accused of talking in circles, and invalidating the feelings of others. The same could be said of the people on the other side of the argument

[kcda]

Well, we just returned from Seattle and I have to say, while the people aren't as sunny as San Diegans they seemed "nice enough". On the hiking trails, many said "hello" first and some even made small talk. My in-laws say part of that was "hiking etiquette" and that they are nice "on the surface". She agreed Seattleites are very reserved but "not as cold as northeasterners".

No way to know if these were in fact locals but maybe Seattle is warming up with all the transplants? Maybe it was because summer is here and that makes the locals happy? This was just an observation (our last visit was 3-4 years ago) and understand this is not the same as living there year-round. Anyway, we had a great time and enjoyed visiting Seattle.

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by kcda

Maybe it was because summer is here and that makes the locals happy?

Yep, I think you are on to something. My company works with Seattleites and all week they were telling me what a great mood they were in because the weather changed and the sun came out.

[cobolt]

Yep. Never had so many people say hello in passing as the past few sunny days. Weather is key.

[goldengrain]

Originally Posted by seattlerain

Not only is it a low-keyed British way, it is also very much a part of the culture in central and northern Europe, Japan and much of the rest of Asia.

I'd venture to day that many of the people who feel Seattleites are passionless, etc have not spent much time in countries where being reserved in public is expected and too much deviation is frowned upon.

I’m all for discussing negative aspects of Seattle, however I find it almost insulting when Seattleites are accused of being non-empathetic…not caring for anybody but themselves. That is simply not true.

Anybody that dares defend the culture of Seattle is accused of talking in circles, and invalidating the feelings of others. The same could be said of the people on the other side of the argument

When your mama told you never to speak to strangers, there was probably more than one reason for it.

I remember being polite to people in school which was taken as an invitation for some leach to sap both my time and my energy until I told the person to back off. Subtle hints just would not do.

Most of us have had that happen, polite conversation to pass the time turning into an 'in your face' buddy who is hard to shake loose.

It's best to move slowly into this sort of thing, this way there is always room to graciously back away without either party taking offense.
People often give 'signals' to each other when they are inviting the next step in a relationship.

Generally, people ignore each other, then they may smile, followed by a head nod, then a 'good morning' in passing, etc. I think it is not unlike the ritual of other animals. This progresses to a small conversation and then perhaps meeting for coffee or something. This usually takes place over several chance 'passings'.

If they find they are religious or political opposites or one breeds dogs and large numbers of children and the other has an allergy or aversion - any number of things - people can back away or at least not further the relationship with no hurt feelings.

It is silly and superficial to greet and befriend on the spot and later find the person irritating or the spouse and kids smelly and horrid. It is best to tread lightly. This is why most people meet friends during repetitive exposure, at church, school, book clubs, work, etc. We size each other up over time.

Sometimes we see each other often and friendships are never made. People sometimes have troubles or jobs or schooling in their lives that encompass much of their thinking and there is just no room for social niceties. We are mentally not at the same place at all times.

I think it is wise to respect each other's space and give the other guy room.

Not to bring up Ted Bundy, preying on those who would lower their boundaries for a stranger.

I also consider this: when we are very young, we have few life experiences, we have few opinions and our opinions change often as our experiences gather. Most people who we meet of our own age group are in the same situation. It is easy to befriend someone like yourself.

The older we get and the more cerebral, often the more solid are our opinions, the more varied are our experiences, the more unique is our character, and the harder it is to find good buddies.

Hopefully, with advancing age, also comes tolerance, insight and the knowledge that others must walk down that path of 'being right' and then changing, just as we did. That talk will not always substitute for experience. That we must give each other rope to 'be me'. I suppose this is a form of spiritual maturity, and I wish churches taught it, for it is reasonable that towards the end of life, although we've moved a notch up on the spiral of life, we find our selves at the same place where we started in a manner of speaking, feeling a kinship with all.

[Katiana]

Originally Posted by kcda

Well, we just returned from Seattle and I have to say, while the people aren't as sunny as San Diegans they seemed "nice enough". On the hiking trails, many said "hello" first and some even made small talk. My in-laws say part of that was "hiking etiquette" and that they are nice "on the surface". She agreed Seattleites are very reserved but "not as cold as northeasterners".

I thought we northeasterners were the "in your face" types. I do know that when we visited NYC, people were very nice. We were trying to read a subway map, and several people asked us where we were going and told us where to get off. And I don't mean that in a bad way! In Pittsburgh and Albany, NY, where I have lived, people will strike up spontaneous conversations in the grocery stores and malls, ask your opinons about clothes to buy, etc.

[kcda]

Originally Posted by Katiana

I thought we northeasterners were the "in your face" types. I do know that when we visited NYC, people were very nice. We were trying to read a subway map, and several people asked us where we were going and told us where to get off. And I don't mean that in a bad way! In Pittsburgh and Albany, NY, where I have lived, people will strike up spontaneous conversations in the grocery stores and malls, ask your opinons about clothes to buy, etc.

Hmmm, I honestly don't know. My sister-in-law (from Seattle) was the one who said that. She has been to NY several times. Maybe she is talking about people in Manhatten. We have friends from Long Island that live here in San Diego and they are direct but wonderful people.