How do you deal with the pervasive flakiness here? (Seattle: live, shop)

[Rcsligar]

Originally Posted by FromChicagotoSeattle

Befriend South Seattleites and eastsiders? I dunno. All of my friends are from those areas and none of them have ever flaked on me. As a person who moved here 5 months ago, I have several people who I know would drop everything to help me if I ever had an emergency. I have 2 girl friends, specifically, who if I were bored I could call up spontaneously and they'd be ready to go do something. And I don't think I've had one weekend, since August, where I didn't have plans with friends. To the point where I'm the one to decline occasionally, so I can have a dating life. So perhaps expanding your befriending area might help.

I don't get it.

[Inkpoe]

Generally speaking, people are more real, more friendly the further away from Seattle.

I don't know why a PP suggested befriending only the transplants. There's enough transplants around that are pretty unsocial and rigid. The natives and long timers are not only real friendly but they tend to have *huge* social network which a newbie can benefit from.

[Arushan]

I've been spending time in Southern Oregon and am shocked at how much more friendly people are here compared to Seattle. People even said "hello" to me on the park trails. Rarely ever happened in Seattle. Much more small talk at stores too.

Flakiness in Seattle - I have seen my fair share of it. Can't say if there's any more of it compared to other cities I've lived in.

[RotseCherut]

Anyone ever hear of the phenomenon the Seattle Freeze? Oooopps.. I know I was suppose to keep quiet..

[flyingsaucermom]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

Anyone ever hear of the phenomenon the Seattle Freeze? Oooopps.. I know I was suppose to keep quiet..

Nope, you're perfectly fine. This wouldn't be the Seattle forum without at least one Seattle Freeze thread circulating.

[shaylahc]

I've noticed Seattlites tend to be SUPER laid back. My teen daughter has several friends who have lived here their whole lives, and they do tend to be a little rough around the edges. Even getting them to show up on time was hard....they'd say, "I'll be over in about 30 min" and show up 2 hours later. I also have a teen friend of my DD that practically lives at my house (eats here, sleeps here, etc) and her mom makes ZERO effort to reciprocate. She was even asking me to drive her kid around until I put the kibosh on that. I would personally feel guilty if my kid was practically living at someone's house, but apparently the same is not to be said about this child's mother.

I definitely think the attitude here is VERY laid back. Social norms seem more fluid.

[Gentoo]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

Honestly, it's a West Coast thing.... doesn't make it any less annoying though.

The fact that you're not gregarious isn't going to help-- that's definitely a key trait to have. Personally, I find that the more "exposure" they have to me, the more easily they warm up to the idea of developing a friendship. In a way, Seattle's a small town where I'll bump into somebody often enough in some event, club, whatever. I'll chat with them for a bit, then go on way way-- it'll build up from there. Seeing somebody only at work or school doesn't really give enough of an impression or inclination.

Everything about this post is spot on! West coast is flaky. I have friends in the Seattle area and when I was there, made plans to meet up. Never happened. When I came back to San Diego, I have made at least a dozen plans with people I have known for years. Only 3 actually happened so even when you get to know people, this behavior doesn't really go away. Inkpoe is also correct in saying that friendships develope from being around certain people often enough and long enough. Work and school is the fastest way to do it. If not, frequenting the same hang-outs is the other way. One of my favorite places to eat in San Diego, I have known the people working there for years and only now am I beginning to develop friendships there. Overall, I think Seattle may be just a bit easier only because people are a bit friendlier overall believe it or not.

[RotseCherut]

I haven't noticed people in Seattle being particularly friendly.. What I have notice is they are considerably more polite than people in other places.. Although, sometimes they can be rude, but in a passive aggressive manner, rather than outwardly assertive one. I find them to be reserved and guarded and actually think people in California are easier to have a normal conversation. On the other hand, a Californian is more likely to give you the finger and honk at you when driving down the road. A Seattle person is more likely to let you into the lane you desperately need to get into to make that crucial turn. However, a Californian person is more likely to strike up a random conversation with you in a bar or coffeeshop, whereas a Seattle person will most likely retreat to a corner, put in ear buds, hide behind their laptop or phone and try to avoid any interaction with you.

Of course, these are generalizations and there are various types of people all over. I just notice that people in Seattle are more anti-social than any other place I have been.

I find that I have to take the initiative in almost all social interactions and that people here are shy and seem to treat strangers with contempt, like they have ulterior motives in any conversation. My theory is easily tested just walking down the street. Sometimes I just go out of my way to smile and say hello to people, especially girls, when walking by.. The reaction is more times than not a cold stare and they straight ignore me as if at any moment I will attempt to rape them. I've never encountered such reactions anywhere I have lived or visited until I moved here. One example I had of Seattle's coldness and mistrust was one day I was at a park in Queen Anne. I am big into fitness and saw these two ladies working out in the park. So, as I was walking by I just politely asked them what kind of exercise they were doing as it looked interesting. The woman stared at me for a few seconds like she was very annoyed at me for daring to try to interact with her. She looked at me like I was going to rape her or try to take advantage of her.. So, she and her friend just decide to ignore me and pretend I am not here, despite asking the question. I can say being treated like that could make my blood boil, but I am getting use to the behavior of Seattle people now and just smiled and said out loud "have a nice day" and moved on. I've never met such cold and unfriendly people anywhere I have been and I have traveled three continents.

Even when I was in Holland and interacting with the Dutch, who are known to be reserved people, they would stop and always hear me out and respond to a question, even if it is was "I don't know". In Seattle it is perfectly acceptable to just ignore a person who is standing right next to you like they don't exist if you don't want to go to the effort of interacting with them.

[Salmonista]

You said you've only been in town for 2 months? I think you need to be patient with yourself and give it time. If you moved to attend SU, are you trying to befriend your classmates? One thing could be (if they're grad students) that they already have established connections in the area and aren't looking for new friendships as much as you are.

Moving to a new place is tough. I'd recommend trying to meet people who share your interests. Maybe volunteer for a cause you support. That can be a good way to get to know people. A lot of Seattleites are passionate about their various causes/crusades. You just might find a kindred spirit.

Hang in there! I moved away from Seattle 5 months ago to the South where I'm also having a heck of a time making friends. I think I became too introverted while living in Seattle and all these friendly Southerners kind of freak me out

[Gentoo]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

I haven't noticed people in Seattle being particularly friendly.. What I have notice is they are considerably more polite than people in other places.. Although, sometimes they can be rude, but in a passive aggressive manner, rather than outwardly assertive one. I find them to be reserved and guarded and actually think people in California are easier to have a normal conversation. On the other hand, a Californian is more likely to give you the finger and honk at you when driving down the road. A Seattle person is more likely to let you into the lane you desperately need to get into to make that crucial turn. However, a Californian person is more likely to strike up a random conversation with you in a bar or coffeeshop, whereas a Seattle person will most likely retreat to a corner, put in ear buds, hide behind their laptop or phone and try to avoid any interaction with you.
.

Sounds like you've only been to LA as that's the only place in CA that's as you've described. I guess when I said friendly, I meant more polite. People in Seattle are also more likely to just show common courtesy. Not just with the lane change situation but I found that people will hold doors open for those behind them more often and tend to thank those who do for them more often. Trust me, the Bay Area and San Diego aren't all that different from Seattle when it comes to some of the issues people complain about. This is why I had always been so dismissive of those who talked about Seattle being hard to make friends in. Everything you guys are saying just seem so normal to me. Perhaps once I take a trip to the Midwest or east coast my views will change.