What to do? DH doesn't like WA, and I HATE AZ (Seattle: crime, houses)

[kashleen]

Hi there.. we sold our house around 3 years ago in the Seattle area, made a move to AZ..
We don't have to relay on an area to survive, as we work out of the house.

I want to come home, and my DH loves AZ. I hate AZ for any number of reasons, state income tax, houses look all the same, too dang hot, more expensive than we thought.

now, we are expecting our second grand-child in the SEattle area, and I just want to move home... and stay.. my family, my ancestors help settle WA and some areas of OR. I am such a fish out of water in AZ.

My DH blames me, sorta for the decision to move, but I figured it was worth a try.. and when we thought about backing out, we couldn't get our deposit money back. So, at that point, we looked at it as an adventure, and thought we could handle it for awhile.. but I am sad and depressed to live there. Now the housing prices are depressed in AZ, and the prices are good to buy here again, at least where I have been checking out.

I have tried to involve myself in volunteering locally, but it's not working..

How to bring my husband to his senses?? He works out of state.. so it really doesn't matter where we live, but I would think that happiness would be the most important thing.

I love WA, and my husband doesn't. Is that grounds for divorce?? J/K

[tortoisegirl]

Hopefully you two can take a vacation somewhere and both fall in love with it...other than that, are there any places near Seattle that he likes?

[Ultrarunner]

Only if it is an irreconcilable difference.

How about a compromise? You head to WA in July of August each year... absence makes the heart grow fonder... or is it... out of sight, out of mind

[kashleen]

I have shown him a bit of WA, other than just the Seattle area.. but to be honest, family is of the utmost importance and they are all in Western WA.

I dunno. We will have a chance to hopefully really speak in the upcoming weeks about it.. it's a little about the money, but more than that, I made the mistake in making the original move.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll see what we can do.

[LongDawson]

Sounds like Oregon is calling...

[CityGirl72]

I have been in your problem. I'm from Calif. I moved to Seattle to get married. Even though we both are from So Cal, he had lived 14 years in Seattle.

I thought I'd be fine and it was worth a try. But I HATE SEATTLE. I lived there for 5 years and seriously feel like I lost 5 years of my life. Finally after battling with depression (which I never had before) and battling with my husband we are moving. I am in Calif now while he's with the kids and selling the house, til they move.

Now this has put my marriage through the wringer. Seriously it's in threads. But the reason I stayed in Seattle for so long was that I knew it would rip us up t move.

We are finally on the same page, but in the end he's not happy to move. He's moving for me. But I could not handle it there anymore, to where I was ready to destry a 20 year friendship/marriage over it.

I'm happy, and I hope that with us building a new life together from scratch really helps us get closer. It has been lately luckily.

But I have alot of guilt - alot of guilt!

[lyzzard]

Tell him that AZ's schools are 49th in the nation, and I personally wouldn't be surprised if they fell to the lowest. I don't know where WA stands exactly, but I know they aren't nearly as bad. It's one reason we're looking to move up to WA (it's move or homeschool), the other is the weather. Sure, in most of AZ it's a dry heat, until monsoon season comes around. It's perfect right now, but in a month or so that will be gone, if not less, and 90+ weather will be here. Crime seems to be picking up a lot more too, in Phoenix anyhow. I've waited 6 years for my husband to even consider moving out of state, and he's finally sick of it here (he was born here).

AZ can be nice, the northern mountain areas are a lot better weather wise, and the houses don't all look the same (just the cookie cutter areas). If you like year round outdoor sports, it's perfect here. There are bad aspects though. I guess it would mainly depend on where in AZ you would live. Go check out the AZ forums if you haven't and do some research on Flagstaff areas (northern AZ).

[kashleen]

CityGirl 72, you certainly understand where I'm coming from. I know WA isn't for everyone, but for some, it's everything..

We are done raising kids, I want to be the nana that is so close, they can drop by to see me and grandpa.. that kind of nuclear family.
We went on a five year plan, but even that is too long.

Hubby doesn't ski, he golfs, and when a person works in AK for five, six months out of the year, AZ is a godsend. Which leaves me alone.. and like I said, I have tried to become involved, by volunteering, and getting to know my neighbors, but it's not what I had hoped it would be.
It would be easier if it weren't for the grandkids..

And yeah, I lived outside of Newport OR for about a year, and liked it.

To be honest, the only place for me, almost wherever the kids are, my heart is.

I have seen Northern AZ and when we move, it won't be anywhere in AZ.

[mikec34]

Originally Posted by lyzzard

Tell him that AZ's schools are 49th in the nation, and I personally wouldn't be surprised if they fell to the lowest. I don't know where WA stands exactly, but I know they aren't nearly as bad. It's one reason we're looking to move up to WA (it's move or homeschool), the other is the weather. Sure, in most of AZ it's a dry heat, until monsoon season comes around. It's perfect right now, but in a month or so that will be gone, if not less, and 90+ weather will be here. Crime seems to be picking up a lot more too, in Phoenix anyhow. I've waited 6 years for my husband to even consider moving out of state, and he's finally sick of it here (he was born here).

AZ can be nice, the northern mountain areas are a lot better weather wise, and the houses don't all look the same (just the cookie cutter areas). If you like year round outdoor sports, it's perfect here. There are bad aspects though. I guess it would mainly depend on where in AZ you would live. Go check out the AZ forums if you haven't and do some research on Flagstaff areas (northern AZ).

I really never feel that much humidty in Phoenix, Arizona, even in the summer months whent he monsoon comes, so it's really amazing to hear some people even mention it (you're not the first I've seen on this board). Just a couple days here and there and for me it's most welcome because it's usually due to rain coming or having just rained....yay! Maybe I just like rain no matter the conditions.


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OP: I feel for ya. I guess a compromise for you two would be to find who is the most unhappy and try to solve that person's problem.

Flag can be pretty warm during the day due to the sun (not so much temps) and cold at night. The winters can be brutal and are far worse than winter in Seattle. I guess the only similiarity really is that there are tall pines and such. If you live in Phoenix/Tucson, then it's somewhere you will want to visit if you like green nature.

See weather here for Flag:
Average Weather for Flagstaff, AZ - Temperature and Precipitation

See weather for Seattle:
Average Weather for Seattle, WA - Temperature and Precipitation

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by kashleen

I have shown him a bit of WA, other than just the Seattle area.. but to be honest, family is of the utmost importance and they are all in Western WA.

Your FAMILY is your husband. And he should be of the utmost importance. You will never be happy with your loyalties so divided. You need to make your own life, with your husband, in your OWN PLACE.

Arizona is just like anywhere else. It is what you make of it. You have made up your mind to be unhappy there so that is what you are. People have been HAPPY living in Siberia, Tibet, the jungles of Viet Nam. With nothing except the clothes on their back and a grass hovel to shelter them. I hardly think that Arizona is that bad. In fact, I have lived there myself and I didn't mind it a bit. Well, once I got rid of the car with black vinyl interior, I didn't mind it a bit.

20yrsinBranson