How would Seattle be for me? (Tacoma, Starbuck: cheap apartments, renting, lawyers)

[ComfortablyNumb]

Sorry if this is too long-winded.

Due to a combination of very unlikely accidents and misfortunes all somehow combining to strike me throughout this life (and I say this with no self-pity), if I have to live in an area of strong image-and-money-based competition, I will lose again and again and become very unhappy because of it.

For instance, I lived in a "hip" area of Chicago for awhile, and everyone was so incredibly fake, judgmental, and shallow that it just made me feel worthless. You know, the type of people that get behind random causes passionately even though they are just being fake. The type that listen to indie bands they don't actually care about, and so forth and so on. The type of people that despite calling themselves not shallow, are actually the most judgmental and shallow people of all.

From what I've read on here, if Seattle were an adjective, that is what it would mean.

So anyway, I have a college degree from UW-Madison, and because it is in history, I will probably never have that good of a job. I'm kind of introverted - not shy, but just not extroverted. I have good friends, but probably can't make new ones that well. Also, barring some earth-shattering glitch in the fabric of the universe, I will be a single man for the rest of my life, so owning a house or living in an especially nice area isn't even really being considered here. Which is really okay for me, since I've been making plans to fool myself into a semi-serene state of content mediocrity one of these years anyway. Which is what this topic is about.

That being considered, how would Seattle be for me? I'd need hobbies, and I'd really love to get into kayaking (even though no one would invite me/go with me), and I assume that it's possible to do that year-round in Seattle, right? Are areas like Tacoma a very affordable alternative to me so that I can at least own a car (I have one now) to get to and from work, and maybe go camping by myself sometime? Would $4,000 be enough in savings to come there with and try to start something/get a job?

I've posted on this forum quite a few times and gotten some valuable feedback, and I'd appreciate anything you could let me know here as well. Sorry if the question isn't exactly clear.

[shoegal111]

Originally Posted by ComfortablyNumb

Sorry if this is too long-winded.

Due to a combination of very unlikely accidents and misfortunes all somehow combining to strike me throughout this life (and I say this with no self-pity), if I have to live in an area of strong image-and-money-based competition, I will lose again and again and become very unhappy because of it.

For instance, I lived in a "hip" area of Chicago for awhile, and everyone was so incredibly fake, judgmental, and shallow that it just made me feel worthless. You know, the type of people that get behind random causes passionately even though they are just being fake. The type that listen to indie bands they don't actually care about, and so forth and so on. The type of people that despite calling themselves not shallow, are actually the most judgmental and shallow people of all.

From what I've read on here, if Seattle were an adjective, that is what it would mean.

So anyway, I have a college degree from UW-Madison, and because it is in history, I will probably never have that good of a job. I'm kind of introverted - not shy, but just not extroverted. I have good friends, but probably can't make new ones that well. Also, barring some earth-shattering glitch in the fabric of the universe, I will be a single man for the rest of my life, so owning a house or living in an especially nice area isn't even really being considered here. Which is really okay for me, since I've been making plans to fool myself into a semi-serene state of content mediocrity one of these years anyway. Which is what this topic is about.

That being considered, how would Seattle be for me? I'd need hobbies, and I'd really love to get into kayaking (even though no one would invite me/go with me), and I assume that it's possible to do that year-round in Seattle, right? Are areas like Tacoma a very affordable alternative to me so that I can at least own a car (I have one now) to get to and from work, and maybe go camping by myself sometime? Would $4,000 be enough in savings to come there with and try to start something/get a job?

I've posted on this forum quite a few times and gotten some valuable feedback, and I'd appreciate anything you could let me know here as well. Sorry if the question isn't exactly clear.

Not so much.

[jenlion]

You've heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy??? Sounds like you're living it?

That said, where you live makes a huge difference. Certainly Dallas is image/money based, and I was not happy there. Guy friend of mine from there visited last night and remarked that I kept talking about my female friends here, because I NEVER had those in Dallas. Nobody here gives me sh*t about my weight (though some would meet me for gym time if I wanted), they were concerned rather than obnoxious about the ding in my car hood, and folks in general just don't seem to give a damn what other people do. They want to know if you're friendly, interesting, into some of the same things they are, and if so, cool. It's literally that simple.

It is the exact-polar-total-complete-absolute-opposite of Dallas. And, I imagine, of a trendy-part-of-Chicago.

But nobody's going to want to hang out with a guy who talks like that. If you're missing limbs you could become the token-handicapped-dude. If you're burned and scarred you could be the dude-with-the-burned-up-face-wow-that-sucks-yeah-he's-going-kayaking-with-us-wanna-go-on-Saturday dude. I'm going to show up on a weekend in the mountains and go kayaking, hoping like crazy that the kayaks aren't too small to fit me... will suck if they are... but I'm going anyway, I'll just hike if that's the case, and probably somebody will come with me. Because they know I'd do it for them if somebody sneered at them because they were Chinese, or because their husband had a weird job, or because they were... whatever.

I have friends with history degrees. They don't have well-paying jobs. They do have GOOD jobs that they enjoy (part of the time, at least... which really is what most of us settle for). Some are married. Some aren't. Yeah, they live in cheap apartments and not in McMansions, but what history major doesn't know that going in??

OK, scratch that. I have a psych degree. Fortunately I realized halfway through that oh, crap, I'm gonna need to make a LIVING... so I picked up a minor in CS and that has carried me through. So I'll dust it off (even though it's completely irrelevent)... since you ARE reaching out on a public forum... and throw out two cents:

- Drop the attitude of hopelessness. You are who you are where you are and you hope for what you hope for and live with whatever your reality is honestly. Some of it sucks, acknowledge it, and move the h*** on. If there's something that can be done about the sucky-parts, DO it, or don't ever-ever-ever b**** about it again. Get some therapy if need be.
- Move. Seattle's awesome. If you can afford it, get out of the place you're associating with sh***y stuff and people. Try on a different lifestyle for awhile. Can do wonders for abovementioned attitude. Did for me. Try it on for a year. See how it fits, see if it's an improvement. Don't leave for at least a year.
- Kayaking is awesome. It can be cold on the water in the wind in the winter, but not terribly so. I kayaked off the San Juan Islands last Novemeber and it was fine in rain pants and a light rain shell (actually, I was a bit warm). You will not be able to help but meet other people who enjoy it too.
- There are tons of nerds around here. There are tons of people into role playing games. Heck, there's a LIVE ACTION role-playing group that I see in the park nearby on weekends. All-kinds-of-looking-people dressed up in funny costumes hitting each other with rapped-up-sticks. They do not care that people are staring at them -- they're having fun. Dungeons and Dragons and the like, all kinds of groups. You can meet one through meetup.com. Some of the folks will be less-socially-adept, and some will be lawyers. You just never know. If you say in some locales that you play D&D with friends for six hours on saturdays, people will either not believe you or never speak to you again lest you infect them with your geekiness; here, it's just a shrug. At least, on the Eastside, where microsoft has attracted entire legions of ubergeeks.

Economy is crappy. Teacher friends I know are having a very tough time... schools are even laying off. No real idea of what you'd do around here with a history degree. The joke is that around here a history degree will get you a job at Starbucks, if you're lucky. Fortunately, minimum wage in WA is higher than other places, so you actually have half a chance of renting an apartment and paying for gas if you work full time at starbucks.

Seriously, I've lived here a year and a half, and I'm still convinced that there's something magically unreal about it. Either that, or the first thirty years of my life were the unreal ones, and now I'm in a place that IS real with real people and real stuff going on, and the rest of it was a bad dream. But, I was hopeful for that, and despite breaking out in a cold sweat the first few times I did it, I showed up to meetup.com events for other mothers. My life now is 180 from where it was. And waaaaayyy more worth living.

Long answer huh? But like you said, the question isn't quite clear. Lose the negative attitude, it'll drive potential friends away; get your butt out of a place you're unhappy in; find an affordable apt; hit meetup.com to pick and choose from potential groups of friends doing activities you like / might try; get a job doing SOMETHING, and then look for the job you actually WANT; whatever it takes. You only get one shot at this, ya know; you have to decide what you want and then do your best to go get it, because it won't fall in your lap.

I know I'm making a ton of assumptions, so disregard whatever is inappropriate. Best of luck. It really is different here.

[seattlenextyear]

Emo is soooo 2004.

[ComfortablyNumb]

I actually don't have a negative attitude in real life so much. On the inside certainly, but not on the outside. I was just in a weird mood when I wrote this and was thinking about the crappy time I had in Chicago. I probably will be single forever, though. The only thing that can stop that negative record is success and so far I haven't had any. But anyway, I do have a missing limb, though. I even have good friends that don't even know because I haven't told them. But I would hate for any friendships I have to be based on the fact that I'm the "crazy cripple!."

How would Tacoma be for a place to move initially? I'd have a car, so I could still swing into Seattle on the weekends quite easily, right?

[LongDawson]

Sounds like you should move in with your parents, wherever that may be.

[jenlion]

Meh. What's wrong with being the crazy cripple? Sounds like you've never tried it out. I think people don't mind if it's out there. They'd get annoyed if it was all you talked about ("I *wish* could get married but nobody wants a dude missing his third leg"), but nothing wrong with "Crazy dude's already drunk again. He's missing a (whatever you're missing) and the blood volume to go with it. He's a cheap date! You're cut off, man!" You don't just want to be somebody's wingman all the time, but it IS part of your identity. Some people have bright hair. Some people snort when they laugh. Some people had terrible childhood experiences. You're missing a part most of us aren't. You can find a lot of so-the-f-what and just go with it.

I was just telling my husband a couple of weeks ago that I've noticed slowly up here that I see a lot more handicapped people around here than I ever did in TX. My first response was crap, is the rate of Down's syndrome really higher around here, like the rate for MS is higher here? Or are there more people in wheelchairs after skiing injuries? What's the deal? So, while purely anecdotal, I think that there's people with physical and mental handicaps out and about here a whole lot more than I ever noticed anywhere else I lived. Just out working, really, at Starbucks or Fred Meyer or whatever. Would be interesting to know if I'm right or if I'm just noticing more now.

It's an hour from Tacoma to Seattle, really, once you figure getting into and out of neighborhoods. Traffic can be awful. I've driven from Tacoma to Seattle at rush evening and it was a CRAWL the whole way. If you were to live in Tacoma, you'd likely be hanging in Tacoma too.

[obsidian97]

What's on your inside gets through to your outside in some shape or form.

Whatever you do, or wherever you end up... Relax.

[eskercurve]

Before you move here, visit once during the summer (read: between late May/early June and late August) and once during "rain" (read: any other time of the year). Yes there's two seasons here, and if you dislike cloudy skies with mist at 50 degrees, then you will HATE it here. It sounds like you are battling depression right now so that will not help.

Seattle as a city is great. It seems there's something for everyone, incluiding Emo people. There's definitely no shortage of them. But it may just be me speculating here, but I think you're suffering from defeatism and if you go through life iwth a negative outlook from the start, then you will not likely succeed. People have a word for that - sh*t magnets.

I could be totally wrong and you could be totally different in real life, but that's just my impression.

What I would focus on first is meet others who are like you. Saying stuff like "I'll be single forever" and "a series of unfortunate circumstances throughout my life" sounds VERY defeatist. Drop it. What have you done to rectify it? A little heavy, tried losing weight? Don't get out much - tried joining any clubs or groups who enjoy the same things you do, or new ones you don't know? Seriously, get out and enjoy life.

If it means anything, the number of responses who dislike your attitude should tell you something about the character of the city. Since most of the year it is downright depressing people are forced to make due and be happy with themselves. Further, nobody likes a "woe is me" person. The world is literally out there, check it out! SO what if you aren't the hyper, money-crazed, driven person? Not everyone is. Find your niche and live.

No city, person, or region of the world will make you feel happy just living there. You could live in the Bahamas and be depressed. It's up to you to be happy.

[TheTravellers]

Originally Posted by jenlion

Meh. What's wrong with being the crazy cripple? Sounds like you've never tried it out. I think people don't mind if it's out there. They'd get annoyed if it was all you talked about ("I *wish* could get married but nobody wants a dude missing his third leg"), but nothing wrong with "Crazy dude's already drunk again. He's missing a (whatever you're missing) and the blood volume to go with it. He's a cheap date! You're cut off, man!" You don't just want to be somebody's wingman all the time, but it IS part of your identity. Some people have bright hair. Some people snort when they laugh. Some people had terrible childhood experiences. You're missing a part most of us aren't. You can find a lot of so-the-f-what and just go with it.

I was just telling my husband a couple of weeks ago that I've noticed slowly up here that I see a lot more handicapped people around here than I ever did in TX. My first response was crap, is the rate of Down's syndrome really higher around here, like the rate for MS is higher here? Or are there more people in wheelchairs after skiing injuries? What's the deal? So, while purely anecdotal, I think that there's people with physical and mental handicaps out and about here a whole lot more than I ever noticed anywhere else I lived. Just out working, really, at Starbucks or Fred Meyer or whatever. Would be interesting to know if I'm right or if I'm just noticing more now.

It's an hour from Tacoma to Seattle, really, once you figure getting into and out of neighborhoods. Traffic can be awful. I've driven from Tacoma to Seattle at rush evening and it was a CRAWL the whole way. If you were to live in Tacoma, you'd likely be hanging in Tacoma too.

My husband also noticed the great number of disabled people there. Not to be a pessimist, but what if Comfortablynumb moves out there, gets in a skiing accident and loses another limb?