House divided: when spouses disagree over guns (coyote, cow, good)
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I think I am posting in the correct forum? Looking for couples who are divided on gun ownership. I know this is often due to children, one parent does not want a gun in the house for fear the kids will play with it. And who wants it locked up, or not loaded, when you may need it quickly in the middle of the night. But I'd like to hear from others where children are not the issue. I am assuming the one who wants a gun gets one anyway and the other just has to deal with it. Thanks
I'm lucky, both the wife and I hunt as did our parents and their parents back to when both of our families came to the new world in the 1600s.
Guns have always been one thing there's never been any argument about. That said, any major points of contention between spouses where both have strong feelings need to be addressed to find middle ground, or you'll be living alone with your opinion and your guns instead of your kids.
There are quick open gun safes available, so you could simply get one of them to make her feel better, and be able to get a firearm for home protection.
Float that idea and see what she says. There may be deeper issues, but until you identify them, you can't address them.
I think I am posting in the correct forum? Looking for couples who are divided on gun ownership. I know this is often due to children, one parent does not want a gun in the house for fear the kids will play with it. And who wants it locked up, or not loaded, when you may need it quickly in the middle of the night. But I'd like to hear from others where children are not the issue. I am assuming the one who wants a gun gets one anyway and the other just has to deal with it. Thanks
I would not assume any spouse should just override their spouse's wishes and get one anyway - not if they want a successful marriage!
If your spouse is willing at all to participate, I would recommend a good newbie-friendly gun safety and self-defense class taught by someone who 'gets' you both. Sometimes there are classes just for women that maybe she would take alone, but the idea I like the best is a couples class you could take as a couple. Make it fun, make it a date night with dinner out and lots of talking and *listening*, and let the reluctant spouse learn about different guns and voice concerns and learn how to be safe and learn to load, unload, and SHOOT a few types of guns.
I have taught many friends who were not gun people to safely shoot and every single one of them had a really good time and felt better about them when we were done. It can be done well but it needs to be done by someone who is good at really talking about safety so there is no fear.
You never know... maybe if the class goes well you'll need to get two guns instead of one.
When I traded in a small handgun for one with more firepower (after we got burglarized), my husband insisted I buy a lock for the trigger. To shut him up, I bought it (waste of my money, since we did not have kids). I do not actually use the lock, of course. The gun is for self-defense, so the lock would be a time-wasting obstacle for me in an emergency.
I thought he was totally illogical, since he kept his rifle loaded and standing propped up in plain sight in a room. Idiotic.
I had done a little target practice and taken an NRA basic pistol class. His training: whatever big bro had shown him, and big bro did a VERY dangerous thing when looking at my gun inside our house. I will never, ever let that guy near it again, nor tell either of them where the gun is. Fed up with the mindset that just because they are men they are automatically more competent.
So, even though this is not a divided house the way the OP is asking, there a definite split in mindset regarding what constitutes real safety. BTW, I intend to take more training because it has been wayyyy too long since then. Also, it could take a long time before sheriffs respond to a call; can’t count on getting help soon enough.
Typically the main reason for fear is the unknown. Its being fearful of something you don't understand and haven't been exposed to.
There has been an immense amount of anti gun propoganda in the news and pop culture and even in subliminal ways you may not realize.
I'm a first time gun owner myself. I never grew up with guns or around guns but in the past few years decided I needed them so I took the time to learn and educate myself. Once I did I realized many of my previous ideas were wrong and mis information.
Explain that responsible gun ownership and usage is safe. Go to a shooting range, go to training/new shooter classes. There are entire classes specifically for "new women shooters"
Once the partner with little gun experience or knowledge and a negative view of guns gains more experience and familiarity chances are their opinions will change. I've seen it first hand where anti gun people who know nothing about guns get exposed to it and change their mind.
Make it a hobby or activity to do together. Explain logically the ways guns can make your family safer. When seconds matter 911 is only minutes away.
I am the female and what most of you are talking about is what happened to me. I did not want a gun but I finally took a lesson with a certified NRA trainer and now I want one. However this issue applies to my coworker too (male) who wants a gun and his wife does not.
What his wife and my husband have in common is strong religious faith and the knowledge that owning a gun for safety often backfires and you are the one who ends up getting shot or worse. So, it's not that they are afraid of guns, they just feel safer WITHOUT them. I do know it's crucial to know all the gun laws in my state before making the decision to get one.
I suspected there was a reason you were being cryptic about gender and which one was the reluctant party. My advice applies either way.... do it as a couple.
I don't honestly understand the religious argument, as if religious people are never victims of crimes.
I think the backfiring fear only makes sense if they fail to learn to use it skillfully. That's what taking a good class, and spending good time practicing is supposed to cure. They need to have confidence in themselves, not be subject to the whims of some bad guy. That takes practice, and a mindset that they can take care of themselves in a crisis.
Bad guys/girls do bad things. They don't care how good of a person you are or how religious you are.
To make a religious analogy....
Have faith, but also have faith in yourself. God needs sheepdogs who will defend his flock. There are many who cannot defend themselves from wolves and you can be on the side of good. Being the best parent/spouse possible is also being a protector.
owning a gun for safety often backfires and you are the one who ends up getting shot or worse.
I’ve heard this before and I really don’t understand it.
If you’re approached from the front by a threatening human or animal, you start shooting, accurately and not hysterically, before the human gets close enough to you to get your weapon away from you, or when the animal approaches menacingly. I was approached by a black bear, also a very bold coyote, and I did a lot of yelling and stomping, then cautiously returned the way I came, no shooting necessary.
If stalked from behind, if we’re talking about a mountain lion, you won’t even know what hit you, they are silent, quick and powerful. People make noise, but you still have to keep an eye on your surroundings, all around you, all the time.
If you’re confronted in your home, you really have no choice, you need to protect yourself and your loved ones.
I am the female and what most of you are talking about is what happened to me. I did not want a gun but I finally took a lesson with a certified NRA trainer and now I want one. However this issue applies to my coworker too (male) who wants a gun and his wife does not.
What his wife and my husband have in common is strong religious faith and the knowledge that owning a gun for safety often backfires and you are the one who ends up getting shot or worse. So, it's not that they are afraid of guns, they just feel safer WITHOUT them. I do know it's crucial to know all the gun laws in my state before making the decision to get one.
They may feel safer, but their feelings are not supported by the facts.
From a 2013 CDC report on gun violence:
"Almost all national survey estimates indicate that defensive gun uses by victims are at least as common as offensive uses by criminals, with estimates of annual uses ranging from about 500,000 to more than 3 million"
and
"Studies that directly assessed the effect of actual defensive uses of guns (i.e., incidents in which a gun was “used” by the crime victim in the sense of attacking or threatening an offender) have found consistently lower injury rates among gun-using crime victims compared with victims who used other self-protective strategies"
And also from the CDC, there were 38,658 firearm-related deaths in 2016, of which fewer than 5% were accidental. I'm having a hard time finding numbers for non-fatal firearm injuries, but the best estimate I located suggested around 100,000 per year, which includes both intentional and unintentional injuries. At any rate, your chance of successfully using a firearm to defend against an attack is far higher than your chance of being injured, let alone killed, by having a firearm in the home.
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