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Old 04-28-2011, 04:55 PM
 
144 posts, read 150,864 times
Reputation: 151

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I hear lots of transplants from the North say that they cannot make friends down here or that people are not friendly and I think it may be a legitimate gripe but is more than likely just some communication differences.

While Southerns may be more courteous and be more willing to small talk on a first meeting, I find that southern people especially older southern people and southern women in particular are very particular about who they let into a circle of friends. So I could see how it might be very hard for transplants from up north to crack into whatever clique has developed in a group over who knows how many years.

While someone from New York might not hold the door open for you or give you the time of day if they are in a hurry, I have found northerners to be much more inviting and open beyond the surface level. Much more willing to get to know a stranger and make them part of whatever is going on.

Unless you are blessed with outgoing neighbors which is a pretty rare thing these days its going to require a little bit of effort to squeeze into what is an already established group.

I do find that when Yankees attempt to be friendly, to southerners it often comes across as gregarious and a little loud. This is more of a NYC and surrounding areas thing but with men especially its just part of conversation to talk about yourself, who you know, what you do, what you have done, even how much money you have. To me it sounds like bragging or chest beating but its just part of the conversation and there is nothing unseemly about it but its something you would rarely here a southern man do and can can be a big negative to someone who is not used to talking about themselves or their own exploits.

For Older men in particular I would recommend just showing up at a golf course and being asked to be put with someone. 18 holes and few beers is a great way to make some long term friends.
On most occasions however its going to be up to the transplant to do the work.
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Old 04-28-2011, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Pure Michigan!
3,040 posts, read 3,650,873 times
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I think that natives of the NYC/NJ area get a bad rap based partly on reality but mostly on media stereotypes that aren't fair. "Jersey Shore" has done more to hurt people from NJ's chances of being accepted in other places than just about anything. How many people think that everyone from Jersey is a loud, amoral "guido" whose only goal in life is to get drunk and act obnoxious? Of course that's ridiculous, but that's how it goes, once a stereotype gets started, good luck trying to convince people otherwise, and I have met many very nice people from the NJ area whose only goal is to acclimate and make friends, not to take over or drag everyone in the South down the path to hell.

Same with NYers. You know the old stereotype--"Yo, Vinnie, youse wanna go play some pool and knock back a coupla cold ones then go home and beat up our old ladies?" Ridiculous, but you gotta realize how NYers have been portrayed in movies and TV ever since those mediums have been around.

Anyway, I feel sad for people who are nice, decent people and who get judged immediately wherever they go based on where they're from and how they talk. I'm not saying that none of the NY/NJ hype is true, but honestly, don't you think that most people, no matter where they're from, only want a good life, and to be happy and surrounded by people that they love, just like anyone else? Southerners get labeled and equally stereotyped in other parts of the country, and that's not fair either. And even though I'm from the Upper Midwest and have no discernable accent or obvious ethnic background upon which to form a stereotype, I get to hear about how my entire state (Michigan) is obviously Detroit, and that we're all a bunch of depressed, unemployed auto workers living in a ghetto, when the reality is that the vast majority of our beautiful state is rural and filled with decent, hardworking people.

Life is short. We should judge people not on where they're from or how they talk but on how they treat others and how they live their lives. If they're rude and obnoxious or condescending, then they won't make friends and they won't be welcomed wherever they end up. If they are nice and polite and considerate of others' feelings, they will be liked. At least, that's how it should be, dontcha think?
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Old 04-29-2011, 10:22 AM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,125,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canudigit View Post
I think that natives of the NYC/NJ area get a bad rap based partly on reality but mostly on media stereotypes that aren't fair. "Jersey Shore" has done more to hurt people from NJ's chances of being accepted in other places than just about anything.
The "Jersey shore" stereotypes existed before that TV show. Myrtle Beach was crawling with them, over the summer, when I was in high school. They were pretty common when I went to college in Columbia, too. They are not "just something from TV." Television simply brought the culture of young, blue collar Jersey tourists to the rest of the world.

Last edited by le roi; 04-29-2011 at 10:41 AM..
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Old 04-30-2011, 01:31 AM
 
Location: Pure Michigan!
3,040 posts, read 3,650,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
The "Jersey shore" stereotypes existed before that TV show. Myrtle Beach was crawling with them, over the summer, when I was in high school. They were pretty common when I went to college in Columbia, too. They are not "just something from TV." Television simply brought the culture of young, blue collar Jersey tourists to the rest of the world.
I think I worded my post incorrectly if I gave the impression that the "Jersey Shore" type doesn't exist and is just a figment of the media. I have no doubt whatsoever that people like Snooki and The Situation, et el do exist (unfortunately), but what I was trying to convey was that for people who are decent and moral and family oriented and happen to be from NJ, that show has done them a great disservice. It leads people who watch it or just hear about it and get bits and pieces of how the characters live (which would be me, since I've never watched it but can't seem to avoid hearing about it and seeing those overly tanned little gremlins every time I get online or turn on the TV) to assume that everyone in NJ lives like them. Before that show came along, many of us from other parts of the country didn't realize that those folks existed, to tell you the truth.

I read a thread in the Charleston forum recently where a guy from NJ was asking some questions about Mount Pleasant and his entire post was like one big apology for being from NJ and how they have three daughters but that they're honestly not like the "Jersey Shore" stereotype, that they are actually good students, athletes, etc., etc., etc. and I thought how depressing it is to have to defend yourself before anyone has even met you just based on what state you come from and a stupid TV show about that state.

I have been exposed to my share of loud, bossy people from the NY/NJ area who fit the "Yo, Vinnie" stereotype, especially when we have visited places like Hershey Park in Hershey, PA when our kids were younger, which is a place that seems to be overrun with them. I know where you and the other people who posted to this thread are coming from. My point was just that not everyone from that area is like that and that the broad stereotype isn't fair to those folks, just as the stereotype that people from that area have of Southerners isn't fair to Southerners and is largely inaccurate. Personally, I am partial to Southerners because here in Michigan I am surrounded by Southerners who relocated for work in the auto industry years ago and their kids and grandkids and they are mostly terrific, down to earth people that I enjoy being around, not to mention that my dh is a second generation Southern transplant himself. I have to watch myself that I don't make assumptions about people from NY/NJ/New England, because I tend to stereotype them too, and I don't want to do that. There are too many nice ones who don't deserve that. Nobody can help where they were born and raised. If I ever moved to the Southeast, I would honestly hope that the locals wouldn't automatically base their opinion of me on the fact that I'm from Michigan but on how I behave and treat them. If, once they took the time to know me, they decided that they didn't like me, then okay, but don't dislike me without knowing me just because of where I'm from. This would apply to moving anywhere in the country too, not just the Southeast. I would hope to get a fair shake no matter where I moved, whether it be South Carolina, California, or Maine.

Last edited by canudigit; 04-30-2011 at 01:46 AM..
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Old 04-30-2011, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Carolina on the banks of the Savannah
456 posts, read 684,703 times
Reputation: 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttown View Post
I hear lots of transplants from the North say that they cannot make friends down here or that people are not friendly and I think it may be a legitimate gripe but is more than likely just some communication differences.

While Southerns may be more courteous and be more willing to small talk on a first meeting, I find that southern people especially older southern people and southern women in particular are very particular about who they let into a circle of friends. So I could see how it might be very hard for transplants from up north to crack into whatever clique has developed in a group over who knows how many years.

While someone from New York might not hold the door open for you or give you the time of day if they are in a hurry, I have found northerners to be much more inviting and open beyond the surface level. Much more willing to get to know a stranger and make them part of whatever is going on.

Unless you are blessed with outgoing neighbors which is a pretty rare thing these days its going to require a little bit of effort to squeeze into what is an already established group.

I do find that when Yankees attempt to be friendly, to southerners it often comes across as gregarious and a little loud. This is more of a NYC and surrounding areas thing but with men especially its just part of conversation to talk about yourself, who you know, what you do, what you have done, even how much money you have. To me it sounds like bragging or chest beating but its just part of the conversation and there is nothing unseemly about it but its something you would rarely here a southern man do and can can be a big negative to someone who is not used to talking about themselves or their own exploits.

For Older men in particular I would recommend just showing up at a golf course and being asked to be put with someone. 18 holes and few beers is a great way to make some long term friends.
On most occasions however its going to be up to the transplant to do the work.
OK, folks we also need to look at this from a SC point of view. Check the SC topic page and also the individual region pages in SC. Just eyeballin' but maybe 75% of topics have to do with inquiry from someone that's moving to the area or wanting to move to the area, and lots of 'em are from up north. Now, I went to the NY and NJ sections (for the very first time, I might add) and scanned the front page topics and guess what ?? There aint a lot of inquiry as to peoples from down here wanting to move to any areas up there. I remember when I was working on the road, 'youse guys' up north were tickled when this hick opened his mouth. (Heck, yall dont even put sugar in the tea, much less serve grits).

The hard facts are that in the last two census' SC has doubled in population. That means that OUR lifestyles have changed, OUR little podunk towns with the one traffic light has grown, the traffic has absolutely overloaded the roads, the shopping, the job market, the beaches, the schools, every angle of living has changed to accomodate 4.8 million instead of the 2.5 million I grew up with.

What has the census figures done up yonder ? It's not so much that we are not accepting of new folks and differences; it's a constant adjustment though.
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Old 05-03-2011, 05:22 PM
 
190 posts, read 231,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burr View Post
What has the census figures done up yonder ? It's not so much that we are not accepting of new folks and differences; it's a constant adjustment though.
A large part of that equation is the hispanic boom in the country. Those census numbers are astounding! You make it sound as if Nobody ever moves to the NE. I grew up in Boston metro and lived 1.5 hours north in Portland, ME for a while. Most of my friends were out of State-ers. EIther way you look at it, there is much less resistance to a changing community until you travel to rural northern areas. The attitude in those parts are not unlike rural areas here in SC - which is a lot.
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Old 05-03-2011, 07:27 PM
 
5,523 posts, read 4,351,515 times
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Then you dear Stac, do not have the "New York Attitude"

I think that both the NE and the SE have some degree of biased thinking about the other...we all know the stereotypes of each region. Speaking only about what I have seen myself (NC) and heard from SE posters is this:

SOME from the NE and NY/NJ in particular, come to the southern areas and WANT IT TO BE LIKE BACK HOME. It is not like your home....it is different, it is to be respected (just as your home area is)....most urban SE areas are just that, urban, but with a Southern flair that is quite endearing. More friendly. Yes, we do hold the doors open for strangers, I am glad to admit it!! How very kind.

Just be pleasant! NOT demanding, loud, snobbish or rude....don't be critical of an area because it is not like where YOU came from....try to find the diversity, what is different and lovely, and appreciate it.

Then, we will welcome you!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Stac2007 View Post
I can't tell you how much nonsense I have heard from my neighbors here in New York when I tell them I want to move to South Carolina. Many truly believe that the world does not exist out side the north east. Even more crazy is that I will not find work as a teacher in a southern school because they will always hate me as a Yankee. I want to get away from the very feeling that exists up in New York. If you like to hunt and fish you are a red neck. Well I do enjoy both but here in the bastions of materialism itís not what you do but what you have. I have heard from many southerners that a lot of New York retirees do move down south and bring their New York attitude with them. It is probably the reason why many do wish they would go back north. Well I have family in the south and have never been disrespected in any way, shape or form during my travels through the south. Still I am a private person and donít mind others peopleís business.
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Old 05-08-2011, 12:10 PM
 
Location: NY
792 posts, read 1,631,653 times
Reputation: 485
My advice to NY'ers(mostly the urban areas) DON'T try to make this place like the place you all left! That's why YOU DID LEAVE! Don't expect the locals to change to your way of life-you change to the place. Enjoy the new area-meet new people-be friendly! It's not going to be like NY at all. Period.

As a Upstate NY'er who is the only DamnedYankee in the family-I much prefer being south than up in NY these days. I want a nice quite life-I am tired of the Keeping up with the Jones mentality that goes on here-it's why we have McMansions all over the place(and that are in foreclosure these days). I like neighbors that are friendly-if you are-then so are they. They put their clothes on the same way you do.

Buy the way-the ONLY way to have tea(as least for me) is with freshly grown mint from our garden-YUM! (My Mom brought the mint from her home in Eden,NC back in 53 and it thrives here) And grits every morning for breakfast is better than a bagel!
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Old 05-15-2011, 09:36 AM
 
3,387 posts, read 8,026,721 times
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My daughter's in-laws are from Upstate New York. Whenever I meet, we get to hear how the only good in this world comes from Upstate New York. Apples, for God's sake, Apples from the NC mountains are no good. We also get to hear how people from the South are stupid hicks.

They are rude. They interrupt. They know all. The are very unpleasant. The irony is that they have far less education and world experience than either myself or my husband.
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Old 06-03-2011, 04:52 PM
 
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I'm from upstate NY... we do hold doors and say thank you and your welcome as an everyday trait. We lend tools and offer help. We have the same upbringing that you have had here in the South. We all bleed.. we all have feelings. Is it so hard to believe that someone thinks this is our country and we should live where we would like to? My hubby was in the marines and fought for you to have that right as well as us. And yes, you will find right now people want to move south.. cost of fuel to heat homes and as people get older they can't shovel snow anymore, or maybe your health? I can remember when NY was crowded because of the construction jobs, the factorys, paper mills..ect.. see things change now its SC that is getting the influx of people. And don't know of anyone that wants to change this beautiful state. Oh gosh no!! I love SC as if I was born here..(I was born in Houston TX). As a retired couple we aren't taking jobs.. we help support your jobs. We spent alot moving, repairing and building on our home. Not bragging but explaining what we do bring to SC. We love the beach, the lakes, the sunshine, and yes I have met some really nice people here. But I can't say I have met a friend. We have been here 2 years.. I'm thinking if there was a club for people that have moved here from another state it would be nice.. thats all. I wish I had known some of the things I know now, it would be helpful for others that follow. One more thing.. I can't imagine thinking something about a person because of where they are from, how silly is that. Do you have so many friends that you can discount someone because of that??
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