Which one is more important, earning a good living for your family or stability?? (Buffalo: how much, house) - City-Data Forum

Tony1790 · 07-28-2007, 05:00 PM

Howdy all,

I'm getting stressed out and need some advice. I'm a recent military retiree, been moving for 20 years once every 2 years. I just started on with the railroad, a good paying job of $52k per year. I'm in Kansas City for a 6 month training program, my family is in Seattle, I don't know where I'll be stationed after this and I can expect to be moved every 2-3 years with this job.

My question is, which one is more important, providing a good living for my family or settling down in one location (SC,NC or TN) and making far less money ($25k - $35k), but being more stable??

I've chosen the route of providing more money to the family with the potential of making $70k - 85k in 5 years with this job.

My other option is to move to the SE, be closer to family (mom, sis, granny) but make way less money with less of a future earnings potential.

Currently I get about $20k per year in retirement in addition to my employment and if I choose to go to college, I'd get about $13k per year for college for 3 years of full time school.

Anyway, I'm leaning toward throwing in the towel with this job, but I don't want to pee away a great opportunity just because I'm not man enough to take it on the chin to help provide for my wife and 14 yo son.

Any advice is appreciated.

Tony

rrufast · 07-28-2007, 07:54 PM

You should always put family first, no matter what, especially when you have kids. Do what YOU feel will best suit your family in the long run.

That said, as long as your family is content where you are now, so be it. If you can make a little more money and still maintain a healthy home environment for the wife and son, all the better. If the marriage begins to suffer, or the son doesn't adjust in school, the money may very well not be worth it...

Good luck...

lowcountry · 07-29-2007, 08:35 AM

Go for it!
And dont forget how much better your retirement will be with a larger 401k etc. You will be a better provider which includes COLLEGE for your kids. You will all be less stressed out , living in a more comfotable house, safer better community, and no crappy jobs for the spouse. Better care for the kids (Mom at home)
We moved several times for advancement . It was an adventure. In fact we are moving next month. What is so great about staying in one place? Dont go stale now! Move on! It is a great interesting country. Yes put the family first, and live well. Stability comes from Dad being there for them, spending time and raising them as a family, not from their locale.

brightcopperkettles · 07-29-2007, 09:26 AM

NOT money! I would give everything if my husband would move so I could be closer to my parents and children, who are in the Carolinas! We live up here in the Pacific NW, and yes, I make a good salary, but it is so danged expensive, we can't "get ahead." We would be so much better off if DH would let us move to the South. The housing prices are sooooo much better, and nothing is as important as being close to family. Therein lies the rub for me, however, as DH's father is 90 and lives up here and his children (who are in their 30s) are both up here as well.

For your situation, I would first of all--TALK TO YOUR WIFE....A lot of times, that little voice that women seem to have can tell you all you need to know about what will be best for your family. Talk to her and tell her your concerns, then listen to hers.

From my perspective (being a woman), I can tell you that no amount of money equals the time lost being close to and interacting with your family. If your family is split in both places, my best advice is to live closest to the family that you will interact the most with. If this is equal, then comes the best tool of all--PRAY about it....wait for the divine answer...it will come. Then do whatever your gut tells you to do. I have found that that is where God speaks to you--in your gut.

Good luck; I am praying for you!

RoadBoss · 07-29-2007, 10:27 AM

Money should be your last consideration. As long as you can give your family a good quality life, thats what is important. I moved and traveled everytime my company asked me to. In the end they didn't care what was best for me, tell no one time and see how fast they forget all you did. I know i sound bitter and I am, I gave up things I can not replace vacations birthdays proms,all the time telling myself it was for a better future for my family. What about today. Life is too short to give any of it away, screw corporate America
and the almighty dollar. Family first because in the end they are all you have.

brightcopperkettles · 07-29-2007, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoadBoss

Money should be your last consideration. As long as you can give your family a good quality life, thats what is important. I moved and traveled everytime my company asked me to. In the end they didn't care what was best for me, tell no one time and see how fast they forget all you did. I know i sound bitter and I am, I gave up things I can not replace vacations birthdays proms,all the time telling myself it was for a better future for my family. What about today. Life is too short to give any of it away, screw corporate America
and the almighty dollar. Family first because in the end they are all you have.

Amen, brother, amen!

Dave O · 07-29-2007, 11:11 AM

Stability. Moving every 2 or 3 years is no kind of life for your children.

jenn02674 · 07-29-2007, 01:49 PM

Actually, it is going to completely depend on you and your family. Some people and their children handle it really well and others have a very hard time. I would have a long discussion with your wife and kids, if they are old enough. If you were saying the pay cut would be going from $100K to $70K it would be a different story, but going to $25-30K is barely scraping by in this day and age even in the south. You won't have any money left over for vacations, for fun, to save for college, etc. Unless of course your wife gets a higher paying job as well.

The military life is hard. I was a pilot's wife for many years so we moved around but without the job security that you had. At least you know you'll have a job 5 years from now!!

Talk to your family. I would personally deal with the moving around and take the higher salery but again that is just me. It does sound like you are getting burned out.

Dave O · 07-29-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenn02674

Some people and their children handle it really well and others have a very hard time. I would have a long discussion with your wife and kids, if they are old enough.

Adults may hanndle it well but I can't imagine any child wanting to constantly be the new kid in school.

lowcountry · 07-29-2007, 05:52 PM

Some others seem to think you will be away from the family. I dont think you said that.
The best way for the family is for you (and them) to be all you can be.
You have been there , if your sick of it, you may have done enough. If not set a goal like a beach house on the coast and go for it.
I would never bud in to your life like this but I did it , noone complained and we had a blast... even in Cleveland and Buffalo, which are great areas. Now we have a home in Paradise.