For the Ladies (Columbia, Charleston, Greenville: fit in, transplants, renting)

[trinkit]

I've just been reading a thread in the general forum regarding differences between the culture in the north vs the south and it got me to thinking about a conversation I had with a female coworker the other day who is a native South Carolinian. I moved to South Carolina by choice with several factors figuring into my decision: employment (jobs in Michigan are few and far between, no guarantee of longevity), retirement (Michigan winters can be brutal for this 61-year-old), weather (summer heat may take some getting used to, but I'm willing), no "real" ties that were keeping me in Michigan.

Not wanting to be considered a "damn Yankee", I want to assimilate as much as possible into the culture here around Aiken. (I mention that city because it is my belief that the life style in Aiken would be far different than one of the larger cities, such as Charleston, Columbia or Greenville.) For fear of being considered "fake" (and I HATE phonies) I am looking for traits, mannerisms, speech patterns, social activities (beyond church, which I regularly attend), manners of dress, general attitudes, choices of food, etc. that will help me be welcome in my new locale.

One point of particular interest is the diplomacy of you Southern Ladies that you all (ya'll?) seem to be born with: the ability to tell someone to go to hell and not only make them look forward to the trip but make them think that it was their idea in the first place. (That is NOT a put-down, but a compliment, BTW.) How can I be direct in an indirect way, if that makes any sense. How do you ladies take a stand without appearing overbearing or pushy?

[g-man430]

I'm confused. LOL.

[waccamatt]

I vote this as the funniest post of the month.

[trinkit]

Originally Posted by waccamatt

I vote this as the funniest post of the month.

Which part do you find so funny? The part where I want to feel welcome in this area. Or where I would like to learn how So'thern Ladies are so adept at diplomacy?

[Racelady88]

LOL Trinkit!

As a southerner you MUST always order sweet tea. You must learn to say "well bless your heart". You must learn the difference between y'all and all y'all. Above all else, slow down (especially when you speak).

Aiken has so many things you can get involved in. If you appreciate the Hitchcock Woods you can volunteer to help at the horse show. If you are into gardening there is The Aiken Garden Club, which gets to meet at Hopeland Gardens. Poke around. One thing I never was in Aiken was bored or lonesome.

You must attend the Chitlin' Strut in Salley.

Being direct in an indirect way? Hmmmm, never was much indirect about me so I don't think I can help you with that.

[trinkit]

Racelady, the slowing down part I think I can handle -- especially at almost 61 years YOUNG. And I always order sweet tea -- even learned how to make it. I had never even heard of sweet tea until I came here, then found out that it makes a BIG difference when the sugar is added while it's brewing, rather than the northern way of adding it to already cold tea.

Hitchcock Woods sounds fabulous, I'll have to check it out. Ever since I've been here (Oct) I've wanted to take my dog there, but she needs to learn better manners first. She's coming a long way, but at 90 lbs and a Rottweiler to boot, I don't want anyone frightened -- especially a 2 ton horse!

Thank you so much.

[waccamatt]

Originally Posted by trinkit

Which part do you find so funny? The part where I want to feel welcome in this area. Or where I would like to learn how So'thern Ladies are so adept at diplomacy?

Just be yourself and I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.

[guestposter24]

Waccamatt, do you not like the South or do you not like the fact that she's trying to fit into the South?

I'm just asking seriously.

[waccamatt]

Originally Posted by guestposter24

Waccamatt, do you not like the South or do you not like the fact that she's trying to fit into the South?

I'm just asking seriously.

It has nothing to do with "fitting in". I believe people should be themselves, whoever that is, and not try to be something else in order to "fit in". People are much more fun to be around when they are themselves. There will be a niche for everyone. It has nothing to do with liking or not liking the South. There are things I like and things I don't like in any area.

[trinkit]

So far, I've had no problem "fitting in" -- the people I've met are very friendly, some natives but mostly "transplants" who are in the same position as I am. I guess there will always be hard-core southerners who hate newcomers (no matter WHERE they come from) and I've been fortunate to not have run across any of them.

What I'm trying to accomplish here is developing some of the southern skills and habits while not appearing to be phony. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

I've made some tremendous friends during my short tenure here, which has truly been a blessing being that my husband is still in Michigan (selling our home). What I don't want to do is be one of those Yanks that every other sentence has the words "we did it THIS way in Michigan". If I had loved Michigan so much, I would still be there. I was looking for a change and knew full well that there would be a certain amount of culture shock when I moved here. I find the culture here to be a refreshing change from the big city. We will be purchasing the home that we are presently renting, so plan to be here for the long run.

I have been filling my time with hobbies that I haven't done in about 30 years: sewing curtains for not only my home, but also friends, and sewing.

The biggest thing that I miss from Michigan is a dog park, where dogs could run off-leash. They socialize themselves very well and helps in their development.

Thank you for all the replies, it's been a great help.