Moved to PeeDee - Big Mistake? (Columbia, Charleston: fit in, sales, real estate market)

[marx404]

Hi to all. I just stumbled upon this forum via Google. My wife, myself and her family have moved from WPB, FL to Hartsville, SC. We thought we had carefully researched everything from shopping to demographics. I was working for a very reputable and successful auto dealership back in FL. 3 Hurricanes in 2 yrs , the high selling real estate market and Dr. Greys doom and gloom predictions for 2006 set the wheels in motion for us to move. Her family is from CT, I am a native from So. FL. I was promised by a similar dealer in Florence that I was making a wise move and made an "irresistible" offer to join his team straight from moving from FL. What a horrible horrible mistake. Two days from moving to Hartsville, I began my new job in Florence. I lasted 3 weeks, there was a stabbing at work, much racial strife and I was constantly criticized for "being a fancy bo" and "talkin funny". How can I be a Yankee if I am a FL native? I quit that job and went to work at another place in Darlington, SC. Another mistake. Demographically and morally, what a bankrupt town. Drugs, crime and probably the lowest education rate in the US. And the violence...it seems thats all these poor people have. I have tried everything I can to fit in here, but every time I turn around, I am confronted by poor people who embrace violence, ignorance or racism. I came here with no chip on my shoulder, as a Southerner myself, I expected to leave the overcrowded So. FL scene and encounter rich SC heritage and pride, instead I have been confronted by the latter described. Wages are despicable here, thus enforcing the poverty level here, I found that out the hard way. Hartsville however a wonderful town, that is if you are already retired as most of our family is. If you are among the working class, you are in for a surprise when you will encounter the general public as I found out.
We thought that Florence would also share the same growing pains as WPB, FL did, but it is stagnated in indecision and politics, too much to grow as FL does. Drugs are rampant in the PeeDee, paraphernalia is sold at any local gas station. Columbia was immediately ruled out as we wanted the country life. Hartsville seems to be the lesser of the evils, but now I wonder if we should have been more patient. I wonder if I made a huge mistake moving here. Per Capita, the PeeDee seems just as crowded as WPB and I would take back the hurricanes, high insurance and traffic jams rather than enduring a poverty stricken area.

Before I totally sound like a jerk, let me say I have met many nice people here, but I am scared silly after the things I have seen in the 8 months here. So much that I am scared to be too involved with anyone I meet. Seems everyone I know here has had one or more family members who have been or are in jail or have committed a major crime. Our family is catholic and jewish , I am compelled to hide the jewish side due to so many racist comments I have heard from co-workers confiding in me. I feel very alone here and wonder if I have made a huge mistake. Sorry to sound so negative, maybe its my luck or maybe its the area? Im sure there are nice ppl here and no insult intended to anyone, just stating my personal experience.

[Nausikaa]

Well, I don't think you did your research. Really, for a person who is Jewish/Catholic, who dresses probably in the SFL way, who has a S Florida type northern accent, to transplant himself to a VERY small southern town, sorta in the middle of nowhere, and expect to "quickly fit in" is stretching it a bit. I think you know that now. It would be a like a good ole Southern Baptist boy moving up to Camden, NJ, and trying to sell cars and fit in. Lord, that wouldn't last 5 minutes, right? When a person buys a car, they are looking for someone who fits in, who knows the area, who is local - someone they can trust. That has to be built up over time.

If you had done your research, you would have moved to Greenville, Columbia, Charleston, or Beaufort. You probably would have fit right in, and people aren't expecting to "know" the car salesman.

Most people from South FL have a northern accent - because that's who lives there. How else would you be jewish/catholic? yr family moved down there. People in north FL have southern accents. Why didn't you go to Tallahassee?

I'm not from the North or the South, but I have lived in a couple of small southern towns, because of my husband's job. I always "fit right in" because I am adaptable, and I didn't want to act like "they were stupid and uneducated," which they most certainly weren't.

Just admit you made a mistake "for you," pick up and move on. Nothing wrong with that. I have lived in FL, GA and SC, and everywhere is a bit different.

Bad schools - yes, you can find them anywhere. But you can find excellent schools too. You research first, move second.

Good luck - this happens to loads of people.

[anonymous]

I completely agree with what Nausikaa said. I do feel sympathy for you, you made a bad life decision. But, there are many things in your post that just don't make sense to me. I've read your post a few times, and there seem to be some things in your post that I just don't understand. Don't take my questions the wrong way, I realize you aren't trying to be a jerk, and I'm not either. But I have to ask:

1. What made you think, as a South Floridian, that you would be considered a southerner? Had you ever visited the rural Pee Dee of SC before you moved there? I've been to S. Florida, and the people and places are shockingly different.

2. Why would Florence be growing like West Palm Beach, FL?

3. Why would you choose to be around drugs and violence? I've lived in the general area you're referring to most of my life, and there are good areas and people - why choose to associate with the bad ones?

4. Do you really think that the wages cause the poverty, or do you think, looking at the 'big picture', that it may be the other way around?

5. With respect to the area being "Morally bankrupt", did you ever think that maybe it's because you work at a car dealership? My extended family is in the same business, and I can personally attest that you will be working with and selling to the bottom 25% in terms of education and poverty.

6. When driving into Darlington, and you saw the big trashy sign that says, "DARLINGTON: TOO TOUGH TO TAME!" , did that not raise red flags?

You don't have to answer these, I really do feel bad for you, and I hope that you find somewhere that you feel comfortable. But I am offended at a handful of things in your posts, and since you wanted to give your .02, I thought I'd give mine too.

Good luck.

[marx404]

First, my apologies for posting after a few drinks, and again for such a long ignorant post. You both are right and "I" should have checked things out more thoroughly before making the leap. I had let my wife's family do the research for me. As said before they are retired, I am working, ergo, I am the one who is suffering.

Personally, I researched the internet, called police departments and real estate offices. I got sold a bill of goods. Our realtor convinced my wife and her mother (btw- who owns the house, ergo, I really had no say) that Hartsville is a great town, which it is, but failed to mention the outlying towns and areas in Darlington County. I work 12 hr days and didn't take the trip up here with them when they decided to shop. They all made hasty decisions, getting triple our property values in FL and moving away from flood and hurricane prone areas was our main motive, we did accomplish that.

We have a beautiful 4 bdrm 2 car garage ranch house in town. Hartsville is a more affluent town. Coker College is here and attracts many ppl from all over, ergo it is actually the more eclectic of the townships. However, step outside of H'ville and you are in for a shock if you have never seen extreme poverty or met those who grew up with it.

I am not from the city of Miami, but from a small town near Homestead. As a child, natives used to call it "Miamah" and actually spoke with a deep Southern dialect. Farms were more prevalent than the now existing developments. As decades went by, Northerners and Cubans changed the life and landscape. Yes, I have enjoyed and adapted to all of these changes and more. Crime was on TV unless you were involved where you shouldn't be. Crumbling old unsafe houses were torn down, not left up for decades as in SC.

With my working schedule in FL, I had to trust my wife that she made the right decision on where to live. We decided either Florence or Columbia. I contacted both stores and was offered a transfer to either. I was doing very well working for that "different car company" in FL. My customers were middle and upper-middle class, I had an excellent reputation there.

It's like the old adage, everyone's nice if they want something. Ergo, everyone I spoke with, employers, realtors, police chiefs, told me what I wanted to hear. Do they do that in FL or any other town? Yes, they do. Caveat Emptor, I should know. Anyways, the family had made their minds up and here I am.

Until I moved here, I never saw such staggering poverty. It is like Liberty City in the '80's times two. Driving down back streets, one can encounter houses that look like Katrina had hit, yet there are people living inside. I witnessed a stabbing at work my 3rd week and was told to keep quiet about it. The second job I took, in Darlington, had a black/white staff. My 1st day there my black manager yelled the "N-word" at me 7 times in a meeting just to see my reaction. I did nothing to provoke this. The common jocular gesture amongst the poor here is "I'm gonna cut you up".

The cost of living is not as low as some think. Wages are extremely low here, forcing many to live by credit. Nearly 85% of the local population has extreme bad credit and/or a lean against them, thus vicariously declining the local market. Columbia is almost a 2 hour drive from here, add that to a 12 hr workday, no fun. State taxes and utilities can be expensive here. Gas is cheaper but food and clothing is the same as in FL.

I have been trying to revert to my accent I had as a FL child in the '70's. I never did dress fancy, I am a jeans and t-shirt kinda guy. I shop at WallMart. I drive an inexpensive used car. I don't talk down to anyone. I am outgoing and I listen so I can learn. I have been told on numerous occasions that I am different, so people here will react hostile towards me until they get to know me.

Yet, I have never seen ppl who are so mistrusting of each other. It hurts me to see ppl like this. and yes, there are many here who just cannot let go of the past, racially and economically. Again, please no insult intended, but the vernacular amongst the poor is either that reminiscent of a Lil Abner or Opie and Anthony cartoon strip. Im no english major myself, but it can be overwhelming to an outsider.

What I have learned from here is that all the glee is extracurricular, especially if there is a motive. Candor is secondary to congeniality (and I'm not talking about car biz).

My wife and family are happy here and thats important to me. But then again, they haven't experienced what I have. With family, does it really matter where you live? I'm just having a very hard time adjusting, rather I should say from observation that the locals are not that accepting of outsiders which makes it harder to adjust.

Moving out is not an option right now. As negative as my post sounds, I am open to any constructive suggestions to get along here, I need help!!!!!

[scjj]

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make light of your situation but I laughed out loud at "I'm gonna cut you up" is that from the same era as "I'm gonna get you sucka"?

Ok back to being serious now. *chuckle* Have you thought about changing jobs? You're in sales right? So look for a sales position doing something else. Not to belittle your profession, but the old car salesman stigma thing, you know what I mean? People usually think you are automatically trying to rip them off and have a distrust for them. Dissociate yourself from this class of people, especially if you are working in Bubba's car lot which it sounds like you are. Car Salesmen hop around to dealerships all the time, so it's not like you can't fall back on it if you had to. You sound like a reasonable and likable guy. See if there is something else out there. You could take some real estate classes maybe? Just a thought. Seriously, I feel for you and hope it works out.

[marx404]

scjj, you are right on the money about auto dealers, they are a dime a dozen here and not all that reputable here, (let alone anywhere else). Just about every dealership here is a bubba's used car lot kinda place, albeit a brand name. and yes, this whole place is from a different era long ago left behind while the rest of the world moved on it seems. My long term plans are to get out of the business, I have an IT degree with over 15 yrs experience, which should open some doors here for me. I am looking into that. Meanwhile, The orig. place I came to SC to work at has had a change of guard and has made me an offer to return (and a stabbing-free environment, I hope). I jumped on the opportunity as it is the company that I love to work for and it is in Florence not in Darlington. and yes, my story does sound quite surreal, doesn't it? I wake every morning thinking it's just a silly dream.... if I had to pick a town in the PeeDee it would be Hartsville. If I had any previous knowledge, I would have avoided the PeeDee region all together.

[anonymous]

Well, welcome to the "I-95 corridor" of South Carolina. That's really all I can say. There is a pretty big gap between the poverty/lower class and the middle/upper classes, and it sounds like you learned that the hard way. You moved to an area that's been economically stagnant since the Civil War. I cannot possibly imagine someone that doesn't hunt, fish, play golf, and go to church regularly would enjoy living in the pee dee. (Not that you do/don't participate in these things)

I really think your post is important to this message board, b/c many of the false assumptions that you had are the same ones that other people moving here have. It's hard to fathom how poor these areas are, and it's even harder to understand why they are that way. You mentioned people "letting go of the past," like they have some other option, or some other way of living. I think if you spent more time here, you'd develop a different perspective and begin to understand that it's just not that simple. Like I said, I've lived in the area most of my life, and I'm still struggling to understand what causes it all, and how it can be fixed. But I digress..

If I were you, I'd find a new line of work. You weren't real clear on what you actually do, so I don't really know what to recommend. But I know that's where I'd start. If it meant moving to Columbia, Charlotte, or Greenville in order to find new work, then that's what I'd do.

[Nausikaa]

The OP said he was called a "fancy boy." I presumed he was differently dressed that his coworkers. I was just trying to interprete what he meant. My only point was, that he thought he had researched, but apparently did not research enough. I think the OP sees that now.

I hope Marx goes back to his original place of employment, and does well. Perhaps later on, he can move on to somewhere he likes better. It is hard to fit in to a completely different environment.

SC is similar to Georgia in many ways. It's said that there are 2 Georgia's - Atlanta and the rest of the state. SC is very similar - the big cities in SC are very much different that the small rural towns of the Pee Dee and the Low Country. That's why this forum is helpful - it can guide people to the environment in which they are looking for.

Anonymous and I are trying to be helpful.

Moderator cut: removed references to a deleted post

[marx404]

Moderator cut: removed references to a deleted post

In closing, yes there is alot of mis-information out there and forums like this are helpful. I did my best researching the area before the move, alas, there are many many things that one just won't learn about indigenous ppl until one has actually lived amongst them. It IS my duty to try and fit in wherever I go. It is NOT anyones right to be disrespectful to me because I am different and that has been my outlook on the PeeDee region's lower class. Just as well, I have also encountered many "well vested" ppl in the PeeDee who feel the necessity to show thier a** wherever they go, which IMHO makes them even worse than the lower class. It seems that although there is a definitive gap seperating classes and races here, ignorance in the PeeDee is unfortunately a common denominator.

[SClady]

I guess I should get out more often because I don't recognize my SC by some of your descriptions. I have never had any problems here and I have lived in many states. My husband was with the Corp of Army Engineers so we moved alot. I have made friends every where I have lived and would not say bad things about where they live or their beliefs. You can find something good in everyone if you just take the time to look inside them. Some of my best friends are rednecks and they are good to have as friends if you know what I mean. God loves them so why shouldn't you. Besides having a home here, I have one in Maui and one in the Virgin Islands. I wear flip flops, jeans, and drive a Tahoe so I can haul my dogs around( I have 5). I have a sawed off shot gun and a switchblade....never had to use either. If you can take your mind off of yourself long enough to see what you can do for others and how you can make their lives easier you will find out there are many good people that have just had alot of tough breaks in life. We are here for such a short time dont take yourself to serious. Just be kind to others and follow God's directions. You will be blessed