Help for Young Adult with Moderate Asperger's

[Donna McGuire]

I am new on here and have a 27 year old Asperger son. He has his own car and can drive but still lives at home with me. I am a Divorced single parent and it is so hard to take care of everything alone. We are trying hard to find him a job though help with Arc of San Diego. I really have tried to treat him like a normal person all of his life and have had to push him to do anything normal all of his life. I get so fustrated and I appreciate reading all of your comments. It helps me to see that I'm not alone. We are having a hard time getting help through the San Diego Regional center because his IQ is just a few points over the required amount excepted for help. My son could get a job through the Navy driving a fork lift if he was concidered handy caped. I can't believe the rules!!!

[johnnyboyg]

It has been 4 years since your post, but i just now discovered it....i have a 21 year old daughter that sounds so much like yours and i am at my wits end. Psychologoists and shrinks do no good for her Aspergers, they are just someone for her to talk to. Her underlying issues are never addressed. Do you have any more ideas to address the social awkwardness and isolation of Aspergers? Also, can you give me mor information on the online courses you mentioned? She has no ambition and i am looking for something, ANYTHING to get her motivated and give her some confidence!!
Thanks in advance!

Originally Posted by mimijo

been awhile since your post, how are things going? I hope you don't mind me sharing even if someone else can benefit its worth it.

I am a mother of a 22 year old daughter with Asbergers- ADHD- mentally delayed- OCD. I have seen remarkable changes and would be glad to share , i stopped all negative tv and music (only allow christian rock or rapand christian tv, or any thing educational even wheel of fortune, millionaire reruns etc) bought DVD with positive young adult messages, online- thefifthservice.com is amazing, have a great DVD,watch live sunday nights all young adults christian rock and worship band, all positive

When speaking negative, i come back with the exact opposite with encouragement always, set up rewards for good behavior. Write goals on fridge can be daily and check off, he will feel accomplished,(even as an adult, we all make lists)

When I sense anger(which is fear of something, maybe failing) or rebellion, I speak what i want in positive affirmations and scriptures, go to blueletterbible.org type in a word and scriptures come up, speak the ones that will bring what your looking for, like Peace, Joy (Neh.8:10 the joy of the lord is your strength, ability-You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you- philipians 4, I write them down and ask what time can you pray them to him like 6pm or 7, give 2 choices, i never tell - but ask her to choose.

When you pray put your hand on his head or heart, touch is powerful, Well I have so many more ideas if you want them--- but never stop, it might take a month or more,and don't be surprised if he throws a fit ,mine did at first, I just tell her: it will help you, and do it anyway while she screamed. try it for a month, and do it for yourself too to stay strong, it will make a difference. when i first started with my daughter she screamed and ran . I started with 2 scriptures, then 4 then more. now we're up to an hour and we pray for her friends, the president, and she gets to choose, it calms her for the rest of the day and now begs to do it.
I always reward if i feel it might be a rough day emotionally, we like lemon ice at culvers,set up a reward that he wants and put the goal on the fridge and work up to a daily reward at first then every 3 days then weekly.
There is a great computer training course online that might help him feel accomplished, i bought 2 courses for my daughter one was how to sell books online at amazon($17) and now just bought one on how to be an amazon affiliate, She feels so accomplished, if you want the exact course names I can give the url's. one is $17 one is $47. a job coach will be needed to do either but both have simple data entry- it would be a great for quality time together and a chance for giving alot of praise of how great and smart he is, or for a job coach that he wants to be with, ( I have a job coach 2-3 days week they enter books ISBN #'s) She loves it and loves the college student i hired)It could be a way to make a little money, for more money the affiliate course is better but more involved for the job coach, once set up its easy repetive setting up back links to the amazon products.

Sorry so long, but I feel your pain and any one else who is or will be going through behavior issues, and it took me years to figure out what works, hope it helps,

PS google: special needs dance or community programs in your city, check out( Amys cardinal nest) online to get idea for socializing in your city (its in MN but may help you look for something like it
Whew! I just may write a book

[johnnyboyg]

Yoiur post was fantastic...i have a 21 year old daughter with Aspergers and i am lost. She went through special ed throughout school but the Aspergers was never mentioned....We jsut this year found out about it and she seems to be getting worse....no ambition, no friends, sad, lonely, depressed, alienates everyone, bad personal hygiene.....WHERE DO I START? She has seen a shrink and a psychologist and niether seems to be addressing her aspergers, just throwing money away...the meds dont work or help, WHAT CAN I DO??? HELP please!

Originally Posted by aspiesmom

For depression: Fluoxetine (generic Prozac)
For rage: Abilify (it's a miracle drug, and officially recognized by FDA for Asperger's)

Your son needs a Psychiatrist. He is suffering, and the above meds will alleviate very MUCH of his suffering.

I am not saying it will be a bed of roses and that he will become independent (he may not, mine isn't).
Asperger's is officially recognized (finally) as an Autism Spectrum Disorder (it is not a mental illness, it is a PDD > pervasive developmental disability)
This may be the time for you and spouse and family to seek family counselling to deal with this fact.

There are lots of organizations for Asperger's and Autism families, google Autism Society of America for your local branch. There are also universities that have Centers for Autism and Related Disorders (CARD in Florida's university system). He needs social activities more than anything.

Just so you'll know, my son is graduating with AA from Community College this semester (after his last class). It took 11 years, he took all the Gen Ed courses, minus the Math Requirement which he substituted two classes through their committee (with assistance of Students with Disabilities Office), and the rest were Fine Arts electives . Many courses were repeats due to his withdrawals from the courses. I did not balk if he was doing poorly, I would let him withdraw BEFORE withdrawal deadline and try again. I tried to stand my ground if he was doing well and wanted to withdraw, then I would bribe him I learned that it is the college process that keeps him busy, the goal is not the real issue. After this, he will work for an AS in Graphic Art Design, that will keep him busy, then maybe a BS degree.

Books Temple Grandin (world famous Asperger's woman) writes emphasize that people with Asperger's can be kept busy in college with majors that interest them (in many cases it is the art or computer fields). It is also important for them to build up to a college degree because it is better for their career options (if they are capable of fulltime careers) someday.

As I stated before, my son is dependent, always will be, so he has SSI, Medicaid, FoodStamps, and local AccessLynx (he qualified for front door pickup service.) i have a Durable Power of Attorney on him, and Special Needs Trust. Florida has made it easier with recent laws for parents to do Guardianship Advocacy without a lawyer (still a lot of paperwork, but much cheaper than before.) I am looking into this, I will be having his girlfriend's parents as his guardian should I pass away (she is Asperger's and dependent as well). It is recommended to have three or four backup guardians.

These are all things that you may have to look into someday. I know it is a reality check, so I apologize if I overwhelmed you.

The most urgent matter is to get him to a psychiatrist and get him healthy.
Of course please try to take him to a Psychiatrist experienced with Asperger's and autistic people.

PS the door is not an option for a disabled adult child

[shaylahc]

I believe depression is a huge problem for people with Aspergers. My DD wasn't diagnosed with autism until she was 12, and started threatening to kill herself Once she was on anti-depressants her behavior got 90% better (including tantrums). She was just really depressed and because of her autism, didn't really know how to express it.

My DD is almost 15, and I have noticed many kids on the spectrum seem to lag years behind in maturity. My daughter still likes playing with dolls and barbies. I'd say developmentally she's about 2-3 years behind her peers.

My daughter responds well to a reward system. Is that an option? I could see setting up a reward system for steps towards independence. There are also a wealth of books out there about raising teens and handling adults on the autism spectrum. It's possible a group home might be helpful for those who are more severely affected.

I am fortunate that my daughter is a very self-motivated girl who does well in school. Aside from being an extremely messy and disorganized person (I suspect she will always need help in this area) I think her future looks bright.