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Old 12-01-2010, 03:18 AM
Location: central Oregon
1,865 posts, read 2,110,441 times
Reputation: 2390


Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
Sure, some of the rules are illogical. However, your error is that "the rules" is not the issue-- "following the rules" is the issue.
Whether or not they make sense, societal rules apply. That's not negotiable. So a kid with Asperger's (or an adult with Asperger's) has two choices: follow the rules and get the results you expect 99% of the time, or don't follow the rules and take your chances. Many/most Aspies are fond of predictable results and routines. You'll get more compliance if you agree that yes, the rules may look stupid but they need to be followed anyway because if you don't you'll get grounded/lose privileges/get fined/go to jail.
Example: thank you notes. Yes, Grandma knows you got your gift. Yes, she knows you found it acceptable. However, you still have to write a convincing thank you note of more than three sentences because you will not get a birthday present next year if you don't.
After a couple of birthdays/Christmases/what have you of the same mantra, thank you notes now are a habit.

Asking politely: same thing. Use a nice voice, even if you have to fake it, your chances of getting results are better. Rudeness equals an automatic "no", even if the question is "I'm on fire, can you give me a bucket of water?"

Even the most obnoxiously "logical" of children can figure the value of politeness under the above circumstances.
You are quite right. I did forget to add the part about following the rules.

While I can agree that some rules are stupid, I have always stressed that rules MUST be followed or suffer the consequences. I SO hear you about rudeness - that is my second biggest no-no after whining - I hear the rudeness and respond with a "no" or no answer at all. My son can't read people very well, but he can read me like a book. It's nice being able to just use "that look" to get him to rethink what he just said.
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Old 12-01-2010, 04:14 AM
18,853 posts, read 31,647,356 times
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Children with disabilities do not automatically equal rude, disreepectful chidlren without manners. The issue is that parents are not consistent, and that is the problem. With "normal" kids, you can let things slide once in awhile, not so with children who have a disorder. And at his age, things have gone on so long...that it will take alot of work to change things. Start at school, discuss these issues with his teacher, and address them at the IEP meeting, remember YOU drive the goals and objectives on the IEP, if you state that this year, you want the focus to be on social behavior, and social skills, that will be the focus of learning at school. And address the very things you just discussed. Make a plan with the teacher regarding behaviors that need to change, and make a plan for addressing these skills at school, and at home, and the behavior plan for expectations. Special eduation teachers work during the kdis lunch, that is alot of the time where we do alot of work with kids, when I taught special ed, I made our lunch to ba about an hour and a half, because all of my kids needed to work on eating behaviors, and I expected appropriate eating behaviors. Let me tell you, that was one of the hardest, toughest times for being a teacher, but those are the sort of things that differentiate a child with a disability who can at some point, gain competitive employment, and one that will be on Social Security, in a group home for life. Social skills...those issues are the ones that are the hardest for teachers to work on...they would much rather work on math and english, believe me.
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:52 AM
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I have a 15 yo son with Aspergers and Oppositional Defiant. He is very high functioning but is about 5 yeary behind emotionally. The games are a problem for us a well. I have always limited them and used them as a positive behavioral tool (reward) but he has become obsessive over them lately. I have completaly taken them away form him. I also shut off the cable and the internet. I unplug it whenn he is home but I told him I could not pay the bill and it was shut off. We go to the Library and rent movies. Thing get very bad before they get better. I have holes in the walls that I have to patch. He called the police on me, thank God for good understanding police officers. It has calmed down. I have found that my son loves pipe cleaners. He makes people out of them and uses his time with them and has 1 friend he is spending more time with now.
Pick your battles. I would work on the games then worry about the food.

Good luck
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