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Old 09-27-2011, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Arizona
6 posts, read 4,407 times
Reputation: 14
Default How can I reason with her?

I'm 22 years old and my mom treats me like I am five. I mean yeah, I know I'm autistic, that I have ADHD, mild intellectual/developmental disability, learning disability and severe anxiety but its not like I act out every five seconds. I've done well with my behavior and with interaction.

I'm going to be going to an anime con this weekend and I told her I wanted to be able to be on my own and maybe she could kind of stand by somewhere that she could see me. But she has to be at my side 24/7. She won't let me take a little time on my own to practice social skills or talk with others. I can do things myself while being at an anime con. I know if something bad happens that the event manager will help me.

Yet she treats me like I'm five because she thinks that I can't do things on my own. She has to be right next to me as if I'm on some invisible leash so I don't do anything I'm not supposed to.

Thing is, in places like Wal-mart or the grocery store... she could care less if I go off myself. But at an anime convention she has to stick to me like glue. I don't mind having her support but I just feel like being at this anime con is what helps me gain all of the things I lack... yet she doesn't want to let me try. D:

I've even told her this many times but she INSISTS she has to be with me because I'm not capable of being alone. Why is it so much different than being in wal-mart? I've done well the second year at the anime con without any problems... except for a couple minor crying spells that I had but other than that, I never had any trouble. I'm usually really high-functioning and can do things normally without even needing help. I mean I have trouble with verbal expression but I can still use verbal skills. I say hi to people, talk to people yet having my mom there makes me feel like I'm five and can't go anywhere without her.

How do you think I should convince her? I mean she won't let me show her how I can do this myself.
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Old 09-27-2011, 11:46 PM
 
9,943 posts, read 7,263,678 times
Reputation: 8043
Do you have a job? Do you go to college? How are you preparing to transition to life outside of school?

Do you have any peers who are more independent who might be able to talk to her? Do you have a councilor or therapist who might be able to reason with her?

Does she have a reason to be concerned about this convention? For example, is it loud and very crowded and she thinks that these are problems for you?

Good luck! It is hard for parents to let go of their kids.
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Old 09-28-2011, 03:59 AM
 
681 posts, read 750,786 times
Reputation: 1424
How phenomenal are you!? That's awesome.

Do you have a professional who could talk to your mom on your behalf? A teacher, psychologist, etc.
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
402 posts, read 302,219 times
Reputation: 641
Quote:
Originally Posted by redxfantasy View Post
I'm 22 years old and my mom treats me like I am five. I mean yeah, I know I'm autistic, that I have ADHD, mild intellectual/developmental disability, learning disability and severe anxiety but its not like I act out every five seconds. I've done well with my behavior and with interaction.

I'm going to be going to an anime con this weekend and I told her I wanted to be able to be on my own and maybe she could kind of stand by somewhere that she could see me. But she has to be at my side 24/7. She won't let me take a little time on my own to practice social skills or talk with others. I can do things myself while being at an anime con. I know if something bad happens that the event manager will help me.

Yet she treats me like I'm five because she thinks that I can't do things on my own. She has to be right next to me as if I'm on some invisible leash so I don't do anything I'm not supposed to.

Thing is, in places like Wal-mart or the grocery store... she could care less if I go off myself. But at an anime convention she has to stick to me like glue. I don't mind having her support but I just feel like being at this anime con is what helps me gain all of the things I lack... yet she doesn't want to let me try. D:

I've even told her this many times but she INSISTS she has to be with me because I'm not capable of being alone. Why is it so much different than being in wal-mart? I've done well the second year at the anime con without any problems... except for a couple minor crying spells that I had but other than that, I never had any trouble. I'm usually really high-functioning and can do things normally without even needing help. I mean I have trouble with verbal expression but I can still use verbal skills. I say hi to people, talk to people yet having my mom there makes me feel like I'm five and can't go anywhere without her.

How do you think I should convince her? I mean she won't let me show her how I can do this myself.
Wow, it sounds like you are, in a way, a special needs parents' dream come true, articulate and yearning for independence. Try writing your Mom a letter, much like the one you wrote here, explaining why this is so important to you and what your dreams for your future are, and how you want to make them happen. Gently remind her that it is natural that children generally outlive their parents, and that you want to be prepared for that, and not have to be dependent on someone who may not have your best interests at heart.

Point her to this website. It might help give her a new perspective on all this. www.disabilityisnatural.com.
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
675 posts, read 713,472 times
Reputation: 1069
I don't have an answer, but would like to share my thoughts.

Perhaps your Mom is not overly concerned with your ability and social skills. She may be more concerned about someone taking advantage of you. As a Mom..... this is my worst nightmare. As a Mom.... I am hard-wired to put my childrens safety and well-being before everything else.

I really hope you and your Mom can come to an agreement that you're both comfortable with.
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Old 10-01-2011, 06:41 AM
 
9,270 posts, read 5,269,258 times
Reputation: 9255
Quote:
Originally Posted by redxfantasy View Post
I'm 22 years old and my mom treats me like I am five. I mean yeah, I know I'm autistic, that I have ADHD, mild intellectual/developmental disability, learning disability and severe anxiety but its not like I act out every five seconds. I've done well with my behavior and with interaction.

I'm going to be going to an anime con this weekend and I told her I wanted to be able to be on my own and maybe she could kind of stand by somewhere that she could see me. But she has to be at my side 24/7. She won't let me take a little time on my own to practice social skills or talk with others. I can do things myself while being at an anime con. I know if something bad happens that the event manager will help me.

Yet she treats me like I'm five because she thinks that I can't do things on my own. She has to be right next to me as if I'm on some invisible leash so I don't do anything I'm not supposed to.

Thing is, in places like Wal-mart or the grocery store... she could care less if I go off myself. But at an anime convention she has to stick to me like glue. I don't mind having her support but I just feel like being at this anime con is what helps me gain all of the things I lack... yet she doesn't want to let me try. D:

I've even told her this many times but she INSISTS she has to be with me because I'm not capable of being alone. Why is it so much different than being in wal-mart? I've done well the second year at the anime con without any problems... except for a couple minor crying spells that I had but other than that, I never had any trouble. I'm usually really high-functioning and can do things normally without even needing help. I mean I have trouble with verbal expression but I can still use verbal skills. I say hi to people, talk to people yet having my mom there makes me feel like I'm five and can't go anywhere without her.

How do you think I should convince her? I mean she won't let me show her how I can do this myself.
Maybe instead of the very broad "let me walk around alone" you could sit down together, go over the schedule and pick some things (meet n greets, booths, etc) out that you would like to visit on your own, and put hard beginning and endings on them. That way you mom would get a sense of how long you would be "on your own" and you could still do some of your own thing?
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Old 10-04-2011, 12:58 PM
 
408 posts, read 402,370 times
Reputation: 779
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Maybe instead of the very broad "let me walk around alone" you could sit down together, go over the schedule and pick some things (meet n greets, booths, etc) out that you would like to visit on your own, and put hard beginning and endings on them. That way you mom would get a sense of how long you would be "on your own" and you could still do some of your own thing?
I really like this idea. As a mom, I'll defend your mom by saying it's hard for us to let go. It's hard for us to accept, after being needed MORE and for LONGER than a typical child would need us, it's really really hard to let go. Picking parts of the event to spend with mom, and parts to spend on your own, with very defined time frames, will help you cope with the parts of the con that are overwhelming, and help your mom cope with letting you go.

And you'll find, the more you prove to mom that you can handle it, the easier it will be to let go the next time. Given time, given successes, you'll retrain mom.
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