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My 9 y.o. daughter is afraid to use the restroom at school. We have tried all kinds of incentives to get her to go, she holds it in all day and she's miserable. She's in a regular ed class but gets pulled out for resource time and the teacher there takes her to an empty bathroom every day to let her go and she still won't. I don't know what to do, my daughter doesn't want to go to school now.
Stop putting so much pressure on her. I didn't go at school either. Just don't give her a big drink before school or at lunch. Not everything needs to be a big deal. Heck I held it all weekend once in the Girl Scouts lol
Stop putting so much pressure on her. I didn't go at school either. Just don't give her a big drink before school or at lunch. Not everything needs to be a big deal. Heck I held it all weekend once in the Girl Scouts lol
I appreciate your input, but she says it hurts to hold it in, so I want to help her any way I can.
What is she afraid of ? Has any asked her to try to explain her fear ?
The most obvious thing that might frighten her is is if the toilets are self flushers. Those things scare many children. It's a combination of the noise and lack of control over when it will flush itself. If this is the problem, the aide can learn to cover the sensor on it.
Is she afraid of the other stalls in the rest room- a fear someone might be behind a closed door. They may seem too spooky- too scary. Have the aide go in with her and open ever door to show her it's safe.
Is she afraid to be alone in the room - have the aide stay with her.
As with the noisy swoosh of the self flushing toilets or even regular toilets, often other noises bother autistic or PDD children. Noises from faucets, automatic hand dyers, etc. Acoustic in bathrooms can make things louder than a child can tolerate.
If it's toilet noise, she can do what she has to do, then leave the room and let the aide flush. If it's noise from faucets, dryers, the aide can bring paper towels in, have your daughter stand outside , while the aide wets the towels and then has your daughter wet and dry her hands in the hall.
Try to pin down exactly what her fear is- then take it from there. One other thing, does she ever use public toilets or is her only experience with public toilets at school. You might want to try her using public toilets when she is not at school but when mom and or dad are there with her. . Sometimes it's just getting used to the the situation.
What is she afraid of ? Has any asked her to try to explain her fear ?
The most obvious thing that might frighten her is is if the toilets are self flushers. Those things scare many children. It's a combination of the noise and lack of control over when it will flush itself. If this is the problem, the aide can learn to cover the sensor on it.
Is she afraid of the other stalls in the rest room- a fear someone might be behind a closed door. They may seem too spooky- too scary. Have the aide go in with her and open ever door to show her it's safe.
Is she afraid to be alone in the room - have the aide stay with her.
As with the noisy swoosh of the self flushing toilets or even regular toilets, often other noises bother autistic or PDD children. Noises from faucets, automatic hand dyers, etc. Acoustic in bathrooms can make things louder than a child can tolerate.
If it's toilet noise, she can do what she has to do, then leave the room and let the aide flush. If it's noise from faucets, dryers, the aide can bring paper towels in, have your daughter stand outside , while the aide wets the towels and then has your daughter wet and dry her hands in the hall.
Try to pin down exactly what her fear is- then take it from there. One other thing, does she ever use public toilets or is her only experience with public toilets at school. You might want to try her using public toilets when she is not at school but when mom and or dad are there with her. . Sometimes it's just getting used to the the situation.
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Excellent post!
Has she always refused to go to the bathroom at school or is this something new? If it is new try to figure out what has changed, perhaps her class goes as a group instead of one at a time. maybe they use a different bathroom which may be noisier, maybe she was "talked to" by the teacher because she took too long one day, maybe announcement started or there was a fire drill when she was in the bathroom and it startled/scared her.
I agree that you should use opportunities for her to use different bathrooms when she is with Mom (at the shopping mall, church, other people's homes, etc).
Good luck.
PS. I'm a 61 year old woman and the self flushing toilets at one school are so loud that they startle me and I know that the noise is coming. And they always flush before I am done wiping.
Stop putting so much pressure on her. I didn't go at school either. Just don't give her a big drink before school or at lunch. Not everything needs to be a big deal. Heck I held it all weekend once in the Girl Scouts lol
Although, it is somewhat unusual for girls, a surprising amount of boys do "hold it" all day.
Maybe, she could be allowed to use a private bathroom in the nurses office, principals office or even the faculty bathroom until she gets over her fear, esp if the fear is of other people being in the bathroom.
If she used to go in the private kindergarten room bathroom perhaps the teachers would let her use it again for a while. I used to have a 2nd grader come into my special ed room and use our bathroom because he was afraid of the loud echoes. After a couple of weeks he got over his fear and again used the regular student bathrooms.
Sometimes, children don't want to use the bathroom because they are afraid of missing an activity in the classroom or missing part of recess time.
When my daughter was younger she needed her aide to be in the bathroom, but not in the stall. She refused to use the bathroom unless the aide was talking to her, lol. The new toilets really freaked her out. They flushed on their own and water would squirt up on her underside when she was still sitting on the toilet. She was little and just moving slightly on the toilet seat would make the toilet flush. That really freaked her out. If you can, maybe you can go up there one day and go in the bathroom with her and see why she won't go. Who knows, it could be something really simple to fix or accommodate. Could it be too dark in the bathroom for her?
She is 14 now and still needs me to go into the bathroom with her when we are out some where new. Most of the time I can stand outside the bathroom door, but if it is even a little bit dark in the bathroom, I have to go with her. She won't even walk down the hallway of our house unless the hallway light is on, no matter how bad she has to go potty. She has a flashlight on her bedside table for the night. Her bedroom is right next to the bathroom, but she won't go at night unless she has her flashlight. Shee seriously runs to the light switch with her flashlight on, then she will go to the bathroom.
What is she afraid of ? Has any asked her to try to explain her fear ?
The most obvious thing that might frighten her is is if the toilets are self flushers. Those things scare many children. It's a combination of the noise and lack of control over when it will flush itself. If this is the problem, the aide can learn to cover the sensor on it.
Is she afraid of the other stalls in the rest room- a fear someone might be behind a closed door. They may seem too spooky- too scary. Have the aide go in with her and open ever door to show her it's safe.
Is she afraid to be alone in the room - have the aide stay with her.
As with the noisy swoosh of the self flushing toilets or even regular toilets, often other noises bother autistic or PDD children. Noises from faucets, automatic hand dyers, etc. Acoustic in bathrooms can make things louder than a child can tolerate.
If it's toilet noise, she can do what she has to do, then leave the room and let the aide flush. If it's noise from faucets, dryers, the aide can bring paper towels in, have your daughter stand outside , while the aide wets the towels and then has your daughter wet and dry her hands in the hall.
Try to pin down exactly what her fear is- then take it from there. One other thing, does she ever use public toilets or is her only experience with public toilets at school. You might want to try her using public toilets when she is not at school but when mom and or dad are there with her. . Sometimes it's just getting used to the the situation.
She will go in public restrooms just fine. I've asked her many times what bothers her about school bathrooms and she has no response. Her aide offers to stay with her and she refuses.
She will go in public restrooms just fine. I've asked her many times what bothers her about school bathrooms and she has no response. Her aide offers to stay with her and she refuses.
Does she have a problem with the aide? Maybe she just doesn't like the aide, and someone else should go with her?
My son used to hold it in at his previous school because some of the other children would burst in on him or try to do so. Or they would leave the bathroom a mess, and it wasn't cleaned up right away. Then at aftercare, the small children would jack up the bathrooms there, so he and his sister (who attends the same aftercare) don't like using that bathroom. When we got home, everyone used to call dibs on the closest bathroom, lol. Now, at his new school, I don't see that problem.
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