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Old 10-29-2013, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 2,359,630 times
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Everyone here is either living or has experience with special needs children. Whether is be a disability, a hearing/sight problem, a genetic problem or otherwise- without a doubt everyone has been at the end of their rope.I am not at the end of my rope today. Matter of fact I have been before and just tied knots to make the rope longer, but I can see the end again (where I will have to drag another piece of rope and tie it up to make it).
Where do you find your patience when you'v had a particularly exhausting week, or day or month?
I love my DD with all of my being but I am finding parenting her to be very difficult. Differentiating between her disorder (ADHD combined type) and poor behavior/sassy attitude is becoming harder to distinguish. Poor reports from teacher are becoming more frequent and behavior at home relfects that same as the reports.
The defiance, lack of respect, inability to control impulses and poor attention span is really leaving me batting 0 with no players on base. (i'm really horrible with sports if that made any sense). I am running out of mojo and patience. I need a new outlook on where to find some extra patience.

Last edited by LiLShorty4lyfe; 10-29-2013 at 09:14 AM.. Reason: trying to separate into paragraphs!!
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 2,359,630 times
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Holy cow, i have tried 3 times to separate into paragraphs (the way it was typed) and it keeps going back to one big blob.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:20 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,796,869 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLShorty4lyfe View Post
Everyone here is either living or has experience with special needs children. Whether is be a disability, a hearing/sight problem, a genetic problem or otherwise- without a doubt everyone has been at the end of their rope.I am not at the end of my rope today. Matter of fact I have been before and just tied knots to make the rope longer, but I can see the end again (where I will have to drag another piece of rope and tie it up to make it).

Where do you find your patience when you've had a particularly exhausting week, or day or month?
I love my DD with all of my being but I am finding parenting her to be very difficult. Differentiating between her disorder (ADHD combined type) and poor behavior/sassy attitude is becoming harder to distinguish. Poor reports from teacher are becoming more frequent and behavior at home relfects that same as the reports.

The defiance, lack of respect, inability to control impulses and poor attention span is really leaving me batting 0 with no players on base. (i'm really horrible with sports if that made any sense). I am running out of mojo and patience. I need a new outlook on where to find some extra patience.
How old is your daughter? If she is starting puberty, that might be part of the problem. Tweens in general are pretty sassy.

I find that I need to take time out for myself sometimes. If my husband is at home, I will sometimes take off for a walk with the ipod and listen to my music as I walk to calm down. If no one is available and my kids can watch some tv or be on the computer, I will sometimes allow that and veg out on my own.
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Old 10-30-2013, 08:00 AM
 
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For me, I have realized that I run into more problems when I mentally think with sentences that use the word "should." For example, if my daughter is being sassy or taking way too long to do homework, then I'll start thinking, "She should be more respectful, and she should be more organized or less distracted and not take so long." Once I start thinking this way then I begin to start thinking I need to correct this NOW or that "I can't believe MY child is doing this." This type of thinking will usually make things worse. I start scolding her, and she gets defensive, and everything goes downhill.

On my better days, I have been able to let go a little more. If things are going haywire, I may blame it on her physical makeup and don't play the blame game. This helps me be calm and respond better. Thinking long term rather than getting caught up in the moment works the best.

Of course this is easier said than done. One of the best periods I had was actually the months after my daughter received a report with her diagnoses from the psychologist. I remember one day she was having a major meltdown during homework time, and I was as cool as a cucumber because I understood why this was happening and didn't feel like I had to blame her or blame me. This has been a little harder to maintain long term as new problems arise since it is difficult to tell how much is because of legitimate medical problems and how much is just plain bad behavior, but we keep trying. This is not to say we ignore problems--but the key for me is to not get caught up in the bad moments, which is hard, but if I can do that, things are better.
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Old 10-30-2013, 08:07 AM
 
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I have a boy with autism. He struggles greatly with social boundaries particularly in public (unlike the stereotype of the 'closed off' autism, he is extraordinarily 'open', to the point of holding hands with strangers and trying to get them to take him home). I just breathe through the painful moments and remind myself that it is hard for him too, and I have to be his rock.
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Old 10-30-2013, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Texas
634 posts, read 705,083 times
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I don't know your specific situation (do you work outside of home, age of your child, husband support, etc) but this is what works for me.

My situation: three kids, 1.5, 4 and 6 years old; stay at home mom, husband works 7:30-5:00 Monday through Friday but when he gets home and on weekends, he is officially in charge and I am more or less a helper or I disappear - which ever is easier for him (most of the time, it's easier for him when I scram).

First, let me say every mother loses her patience. Some may more than others but it is more common than it is not common for moms to have bad days, bad hours, or even bady minutes on a day to day basis.

What works for me on most days is time management. For me, I am the least patient when I am rushing. So, what I try to do is make sure that there is enough time allotted to get things done without rushing myself or the kids. If that means I get up earlier or the kids do, then that is what I do. But even that-waking up kids can be a battle - so, when they need to be up at 6:30, I start getting them up at 6:00 so that they have 30 minutes to get up. Also, in the morning I always make sure that I am positive no matter what. I don't want to start their day or my day off to a bad start so I do anything and everything to keep things positive, I.e, good breakfast, have their clothes out in a regular place, etc.

Also, when I am with my children I try not to multitask with something that is important (like important call to reconcile a bill, etc.). Why? Because I find also, that is when I tend to be mean and lash out.

I think if you find your weak points in terms of when you are most likely to lose it, and somehow find a way to prevent those times, that is key. It was for me.

BUT above all else, the biggest factor is my husband. He gets that he is not my helper or the "other" parent. He is my partner and does his part everyday. He gets that staying at home is emotionally and mentally exhausting and tiresome like not her job out there.
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Old 10-30-2013, 08:46 AM
 
Location: california
7,291 posts, read 6,875,744 times
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Many parents do not know how to handle children with special problems ,but my dad did.My older brother was born with out a left hand ,and human nature of mothering is to accomodate that peoblem with greater attention. Dad would not allow it, and my brother learned to deal with his designe the way it is .Later in life he recieved a prosthesis (hook )and learned to use it profeciently. Today he is a successful business man about to retire with a fine family and grand children too boot. He had also been growing up a successssful motrotcycle racer and highly skilled mechanic. Parents often baby and excuse behavior because some stupid doctor says he had a problem ;that only amplifies the problem and the child learns to use it to abuse the situation. This too is human nature. Not being a parent and trying to be their friend is mistake No 1. Having a seperate set of rules in the house is hypocracy, either every one abides by the same rulles or there will be disorder through out. mistake No2. Now that the die has been cast repair is far more difficult because shifting gears is not easy. Living this life alone is not how we were designed and God does make a difference,and even now can make a difference in your whole home incuding you daughter.this is the safest gear change I know of because letting God into your life , brings peace you can't get any where else, from any one else. I know that God still does miricals, and healing, obedient to His will. Not talking about a church but a personal comitment to God ,asking Jesus Christ into your life and turning from the "old ways" of self govern, needing God's govern.. There are a lot of things pople do that are a band aid over cancer that only appear to deal with problems but they remain never the less. God does not cover things up with false fronts healing works from the inside out starting from the heart of one's mind the throne of their thinking decisions are cast actions are taken. When a person decides to finally abandon them selves and let God in repairs can begin IF we are truely desperate for His intervention. Ive learned something too, that that desperation is a lifetime mentality I have learned to grasp with both hands, always strengthiening the relationship. When I become casual and take God for granted ,I lead my self into trouble of my own making,till I turn back to Him again. And we work things out. God's guidance is your best solution .IMO
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Old 10-30-2013, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw, NC
1,076 posts, read 2,359,630 times
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Great replies, everyone. I appreciate the words of support. DD is 8, and I am married, and we both work outside the home. DD has karate, and girl scouts currently as her extra curricular activities. I am the Girl Scout leader so it's done in our home, which makes things a bit more manageable.

As it stands, my "get-a-way" is my horse. I go riding on the weekends while DH takes DD to car shows, or out riding bikes etc. He is a huge help with her, as well as around the house. Things are split pretty evenly.

Time management is always a goal at home. I began waking up at 5 to wake DD at 5:30 in order to be on the bus at 6:20. The mornings can be rough... but I guess what my recent issue is that DD doesn't want to discuss and work out the problems she is having- whether it be at home or school. And to top it off, when the issue arises and is plain to see, she denies her responsbility in it. Leaving homework at school 4 days in a row- along with her lunch box, and agenda two of those days and then having every excuse as to why it was left. Which make no sense like "We had just organized our desks." me:ummm, ok so it would have been pretty clear to see it and grab it right?" "Noo mom. I didn't have time to get it! Drop it, ok!"

Thankfully her teacher is a great support, and DD and I made up a song of things she HAS to have in her bag before she leaves the classroom. If I see she is exceptionally emotional or testy I will try to lay with her at bedtime and talk about whats bothering her. I always get the same response "I dont want to taaaalk about this."

Sometimes I ask if she has socks on or has brushed her teeth (the same 2 things missed EVERY SINGLE MORNING) "I dont like people asking me questions!" "Stooop mom!" I could be chipper and positive and it all sounds the same. Her socks are laid out and I have a chart in her bedroom and bathroom of the hygeine chores she has in the morning and evenings.

How can we make improvements if she isn't willing to accept any part of responsibility in it or even talk about it? I just feel like i am banging my head against a wall sometimes.
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Old 11-05-2013, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,695 posts, read 21,855,107 times
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Funny, my cousin once asked me that in the store when she was with me and my son with DS crawled under a clothing rack, among other interesting things he found to do while there. My son is 27 years old now and I swear, I never thought we would be able to keep him alive. He was a daredevil to the max, we had 3 locks on every window and door. He became aggressive to me and, and, and......... Problems with the school systems. I insisted on fighting the school systems and couldn't get anywhere so quit my job and homeschooled him. Now the adult programs are bad and I am trying to fight that but am losing. My son loves being at home with me where he feels safe and secure because he knows he can count on me. We are both stubborn. He is adopted and once we received a call from the agency and were told that the birthmother wanted to let us know that she prayed for us every day so I turned to my husband and said "That has to be how we have survived." Only through my faith in God have I weathered this rough ride.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:38 AM
 
304 posts, read 886,087 times
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Husband and I have found a lot of benefit from meditation. Just ten minutes in a quiet place.

I'm not a woo-woo type, but feeling more balanced and centered really helps me be a better parent.

Think of a 1-10 scale. If I start at a 6 and the kids push me to 9, we're all in trouble.

If I start at 2, and they push me to a 5, it's not a big deal.
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