U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Special Needs Children
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-28-2017, 01:45 PM
 
144 posts, read 369,093 times
Reputation: 157

Advertisements

My husband's daughter (will call her M) has a son who turned 18 last fall. Husband has had little contact with M over the years due to family issues and distance, but she moved to our state about 4 years ago. She and the boy lived with my husband for about a year (I was living some distance away, caring for my very elderly mother), then she moved out to live with a boyfriend. Recently, that relationship has gone south due to the boyfriend's alcoholism and abuse. Abuse on the grandson has been both emotional and physical, only emotional toward M. M is staying with friends while job-hunting. The grandson is staying with us for the next month or two while M makes the effort to get the job and find them a place of their own. How soon she'll be able to do that is up in the air ... she lies to us a lot, and she's lazy about things like job-hunting. She's almost 40 and has only worked a couple of jobs (few months here, couple of months there) since moving to this state in 2012. Prior to the move, she had only worked about 10 years total among 4 or 5 jobs.

Here's the situation with the grandson. He is a delightful kid, friendly and outgoing with a ready smile and a cheerful, upbeat nature. Average height, but skinny and looks about 14. And in general he ACTS about 14 although we do see more maturity in him than we saw when he and M were living with my husband. The grandson has been diagnosed with ADD and SLD which we understand to be Specific Learning Disability. We've seen the diagnostic paperwork, he was diagnosed when he was early in his school years. M took him out of school when he was a freshman in high school, because the Special Ed program the school had him in just had him doing things like using a coloring book and he was bored and learning nothing. We have no idea how much M has helped him with any of his past schooling, and we have no idea exactly what he is able to learn and how. He does have short-term memory issues ... for example, if asked to wash dishes and then dry them and put them away, he'll wash and dry but can't remember which cupboard holds the breakfast and soup bowls and it doesn't occur to him to open the cupboards and look until he sees one that holds those type bowls. But he remembers the names of the couple schools he has attended in this area, his memory for names seems to be pretty good (he remembered the name of our parrot who passed away after grandson and M moved out in 2013).

No idea what his IQ may be, but he's not "stupid" -- in many ways he seems very bright. He's also enterprising ... prior to coming to us nearly a week ago, he had frequently been walking 16 miles (one way) from a more rural area to the outskirts of our nearby small city and going door-to-door at businesses and homes looking for work. We live closer to the area he goes to, so twice this week he has walked about 8 miles to do that, and one day earned $20 by doing some weed-hoeing for a lady. He's trying to get a job with a local car wash, has been told to come back in a couple of days and has done that but doesn't have or remember the name of the person he is supposed to see, and he returns here and says he is supposed to wait a couple more days. We don't like him walking those distances along a fairly busy highway, but he's apparently been doing it for the last couple or so years -- he has a cabdriver friend who will give him a ride back to our place in the evening for free in return for grandson cleaning out his cab for him.

I'm sure he would qualify for SSI, but apparently M has not applied for it for him. While he's with us, we want to do as much to help him as we can, but I don't know if we can apply for the SSI for him when we have none of his paperwork. Such as it is, M has all of that.

M never completed high school herself and never got her GED. She tells us that she is working on it now, and she also got GED paperwork for the grandson, but honestly I have no idea whether he could possibly pursue a GED and we would rather not encourage him and give him hope on that if it's going to be beyond his capability.

Can anyone provide some insight and advice about the likelihood of him being able to get a GED, for starters, and I'm sure I will have some other questions seeking some guidance in how best to help him (for example, he's 18 and "can make my own decisions", but shouldn't someone be appointed as his guardian at least ... his mother or someone?).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-28-2017, 02:09 PM
 
12,332 posts, read 17,790,176 times
Reputation: 30116
You haven't written anything that would indicate your grandson would be eligible for SSI. ADD and SLD don't merit a claim. Nor does it sound as though he requires a guardian. Plenty of adults have done well under the same limitations.

If you want to help your grandson, convince him he needs to complete the work for a GED. Then help him look into vocational programs. One of my sons has a SLD, and was diagnosed in 3rd grade. He's a college graduate with a good job now. While he was never diagnosed with ADD, he, similarly to your gs, needed help following instructions of more than 1-2 steps. Fortunately, he got that help, and got it early. But your gs sounds enterprising, and he'll make it. First step is that GED.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 05:53 PM
 
144 posts, read 369,093 times
Reputation: 157
Thanks for the info and encouraging words, Mattie

The thing is that, right now, we don't really know what his limitations have been or currently are, if there are any. We have no clear idea how well he has done in school. His mother doesn't have any of his records. She has referred me to the schools he attended locally since he's been in our state, and to his present doctor. I think what I need to do is take him to each place so he can personally request a copy of his records, so we'll have something in hand to take to Vocational Rehab (which is where I thought we could start, to find out what he can do and what he needs). I recall that his mother showed me paperwork evaluating him as ADD and SLD, but I think that was from his early elementary years and I'm trying to find out if she still has that so I can get a copy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 06:31 PM
 
14,756 posts, read 15,027,565 times
Reputation: 14211
I would say that going to the school and having him request his records is a good first step. But, even if he did not do well grade wise in school, don't give up on having him get his GED. People his age can still make progress and do reasonably well in adult school. Also, note that if he was a special education student, he can go back to school and stay in high school until he is 21. If you can find out what special education services he was eligible for, he might be able to return and get a regular high school diploma.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2017, 06:43 PM
 
144 posts, read 369,093 times
Reputation: 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
I would say that going to the school and having him request his records is a good first step. But, even if he did not do well grade wise in school, don't give up on having him get his GED. People his age can still make progress and do reasonably well in adult school. Also, note that if he was a special education student, he can go back to school and stay in high school until he is 21. If you can find out what special education services he was eligible for, he might be able to return and get a regular high school diploma.
Didn't know that! He expressed willingness to go back to school, he just didn't like sitting in a room with a coloring book which is what the school apparently had him doing. His mother didn't graduate high school, says she was pursuing her GED before moving to this state but she has not done anything re GED in the last 5 years, so we don't feel that education is so much "her thing". Had I been in her shoes, I would have had some talks with the school to get him placed properly as he's obviously capable of more than just coloring. Doesn't seem like she pushed the issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 10:39 AM
 
14,756 posts, read 15,027,565 times
Reputation: 14211
Quote:
Originally Posted by Advocate4 View Post
Didn't know that! He expressed willingness to go back to school, he just didn't like sitting in a room with a coloring book which is what the school apparently had him doing. His mother didn't graduate high school, says she was pursuing her GED before moving to this state but she has not done anything re GED in the last 5 years, so we don't feel that education is so much "her thing". Had I been in her shoes, I would have had some talks with the school to get him placed properly as he's obviously capable of more than just coloring. Doesn't seem like she pushed the issue.
See if you can find out what his reading level is. You may have to do private testing for that. He may need intensive tutoring in reading if he has dyslexia or another reading disability. You should also try to find out his math level as well. It may mean spending some money on private testing though unless the school will cooperate with you. Even if the school is willing, they may not be the best place for such testing because he is 18.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2017, 11:30 AM
 
5,092 posts, read 6,720,476 times
Reputation: 5238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Advocate4 View Post
Didn't know that! He expressed willingness to go back to school, he just didn't like sitting in a room with a coloring book which is what the school apparently had him doing. His mother didn't graduate high school, says she was pursuing her GED before moving to this state but she has not done anything re GED in the last 5 years, so we don't feel that education is so much "her thing". Had I been in her shoes, I would have had some talks with the school to get him placed properly as he's obviously capable of more than just coloring. Doesn't seem like she pushed the issue.
Just be warned it depends on how she exited him from school. I'm not sure I believe the just coloring thing. He's 18 so he can request his records.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2017, 07:11 AM
Status: "Trump's worst is still better than Hill's best!" (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Kansas
17,911 posts, read 11,687,464 times
Reputation: 16830
I think I would take him to the last school that he attended making an appointment to pick up copies of his records and speak with a guidance counselor who might be able to direct you to an agency that might be able to help.

Another thought is to call the Social Services Dept or go to their website online and see what benefits might be available as far as training, etc.

Definitely check with vocational rehab to see if he qualifies and if he doesn't, they may have advice.

Just be bold and ask them all if they can't serve him, can they please suggest to you any other agencies or services that might be able to help. So often there is help out there, but it can be really difficult to connect to it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-03-2017, 12:55 PM
 
144 posts, read 369,093 times
Reputation: 157
Really appreciate all the good advice here, and I/we will be following up on several of the suggestions. Many thanks!

Over the past couple of days, I've had a couple of general conversations with him about his schooling in the past. He says that Yes, the Special Ed class he was in did have him just doing coloring books and he was bored with that, but that he only had 2 more months to go and then would have been re-evaluated. He says he didn't want to leave school, but that his mother just took him out.

Also, he does not think he has ADD or SLD. He says that he did have an ADD or ADHD problem when he was much younger, but says that his more recent problems in school were due to him being too lazy to apply himself and that when it came to tests, he just "blew them off" because he didn't want to do them. But he says he liked school, and that he'd go back if he could.

His mother has apparently "never" helped him at all with homework. His other grandmother -- with whom they lived until she passed away a few years ago -- did sometimes help him, but she was not in good health.

My husband and I are kind of starting to wonder if he is actually ADD and/or SLD *at all*, or if this is simply a case of his mother never bothering or caring much about his schooling so that he has been left with that deficit although he may be fully capable of standard school performance.

This is the other aspect that causes us concern: his mother has her good points of course, but she is lazy and not motivated ... when they first moved to our state (and lived with us for a year), she kept claiming that she had bad PTSD and trying to get on Social Security Disability due to that. The so-called PTSD supposedly stemmed from an incident in which a former boyfriend of hers killed a woman he had been dating after my husband's daughter broke up with him -- then he came by the house with this body in his car and threatened to harm the daughter, her mother and son, if she did not go with him to help him dispose of the body. To appease him, she followed him for a short distance in her own car, then turned around and went home and called the police. He was arrested and is now in prison. Such a situation is, of course, very upsetting and we understand that. But it was several years ago, and she has not been so badly affected that it has put her off going with men who are basically "bums", so we rather doubt she has PTSD. And we think it is quite possible that she has wanted her son to get labeled with a disability so that she has access to any disability income he might be able to qualify for.

These things complicate matters in determining where our grandson stands right now in terms of education to this point, what kinds of jobs he can do, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Special Needs Children
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top