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Old 04-14-2018, 06:35 AM
 
Location: New York Area
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My younger son, who is high functioning with autism, came home this weekend from a college specializing in high-functioning disabled children. Early this morning, as he frequently does, he woke up early and laid down in bed between my wife and I, to our sleepy hugs.

That brought me to thinking of a recent dinner where we were out with two other couples. All three of us have high-functioning special needs children, one on the autistic spectrum and the other learning disabled. All are approaching college degrees of varying kinds. I remarked at the dinner that the two things we all had in common was that our children were doing fairly well, all things considered and that we were couples.

The divorce and single-parent rate among parents of special-needs children is some number over 80%. The best "program" it seems to me for such children is intact, loving families.
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Old 04-14-2018, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Middle America
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Unfortunately, the time, energy, and monetary resource constraints that often go hand in hand with raising children with disabilities add very real barriers to family cohesion.

In addition to it often being difficult for parents to prioritize maintaining their bond when parenting children with disabilities, it is also often extremely hard on typically developing siblings to maintain a healthy and balanced dynamic.

Severity of disabling condition obviously plays a huge role as well, re: family impact. A very high functioning child impacts the family in different ways than one for whom a low level of independent living is reality, and whose needs require a higher level of specialized care, and vice versa.
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Old 04-14-2018, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Middle America
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Also, married parents aren't the only route to having a loving family. And not all intact families provide a loving home.
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Old 04-14-2018, 10:30 PM
 
Location: New York Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Unfortunately, the time, energy, and monetary resource constraints that often go hand in hand with raising children with disabilities add very real barriers to family cohesion.

In addition to it often being difficult for parents to prioritize maintaining their bond when parenting children with disabilities, it is also often extremely hard on typically developing siblings to maintain a healthy and balanced dynamic.

Severity of disabling condition obviously plays a huge role as well, re: family impact. A very high functioning child impacts the family in different ways than one for whom a low level of independent living is reality, and whose needs require a higher level of specialized care, and vice versa.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Also, married parents aren't the only route to having a loving family. And not all intact families provide a loving home.
I fear the experimental family arrangements don't work well. And in most cases Daddy leaves for greener pastures, leaving the mother stuck. Not this father.

In any case, as far as non-traditional families I don't know how much fulfillment women get from liberating themselves from the strictures of family life. But someone else pays the price.
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Old 04-15-2018, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Middle America
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I'm not really sure what you are talking about?
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Old 04-19-2018, 01:47 PM
 
Location: D.C.
1,768 posts, read 1,498,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
My younger son, who is high functioning with autism, came home this weekend from a college specializing in high-functioning disabled children. Early this morning, as he frequently does, he woke up early and laid down in bed between my wife and I, to our sleepy hugs.

That brought me to thinking of a recent dinner where we were out with two other couples. All three of us have high-functioning special needs children, one on the autistic spectrum and the other learning disabled. All are approaching college degrees of varying kinds. I remarked at the dinner that the two things we all had in common was that our children were doing fairly well, all things considered and that we were couples.

The divorce and single-parent rate among parents of special-needs children is some number over 80%. The best "program" it seems to me for such children is intact, loving families.
I hope that is indeed the case my friend! We have a 7 year old who is non-verbal autistic. She is a beautiful little girl, as sweet and pure as the first snow flake on Christmas morning. But, a handful as well. We also have a 9 (about to turn 10) year old who is ok but struggling in school. Keeping the family dynamic intact isn't an issue for us, thankfully. But keeping the family balance dynamic intact certainly can be. Parenting, not for the faint at heart. And mix in a few hard challenges, certainly amplifies everything.


Very glad to hear your story! It gives guys like me hope for our future as well!!
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Old 04-19-2018, 01:53 PM
 
Location: D.C.
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One of the things I do to keep the marriage healthy, since travelling by air isn't an option for us and my wife is a stay at home mom, is to almost insist on her taking a week trip somewhere with her best friend or other family members, while I work from home during the week and juggle being mr. mom as well. Last year she went to Scotland and Iceland for a week with my retired parents. Also went to Las Vegas and Myrtle Beach. This year she is going to Hawaii for a week-long cruise! It's usually my Christmas present to her, and lets her get out from the micro-world she lives in and be reminded that she can have a life too. Some might think I am crazy for doing this. But, I have two lives. One is my home/family life, and the other is my work life. She just has home/family. I get breaks while at the office doing what I love to do. Since we can't take those trips together these days, and she loves to travel, I figure more harm in saying no than anything else.


I've traveled a lot in my life already. Have seen much of the globe. She wasn't raised like me (small town NC) but wants to see the world. So, I do my best to let her go see it without bringing the "mom" bag along.
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Old 04-21-2018, 06:12 AM
 
Location: New York Area
13,141 posts, read 5,046,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
I'm not really sure what you are talking about?
I don't know what's hard to understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NC211 View Post
I hope that is indeed the case my friend! We have a 7 year old who is non-verbal autistic. She is a beautiful little girl, as sweet and pure as the first snow flake on Christmas morning. But, a handful as well. We also have a 9 (about to turn 10) year old who is ok but struggling in school. Keeping the family dynamic intact isn't an issue for us, thankfully. But keeping the family balance dynamic intact certainly can be. Parenting, not for the faint at heart. And mix in a few hard challenges, certainly amplifies everything.

Very glad to hear your story! It gives guys like me hope for our future as well!!
I hope things work out as well as possible. The intactness of the home has to help your older son. Your daughter--that will depend on a higher power than any of us.
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Old 04-21-2018, 06:26 AM
 
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Forgive me as I don't have an autistic young adult but is it common to crawl in bed with parents? (FYI- truly not snarky)
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Old 04-22-2018, 09:38 PM
 
Location: New York Area
13,141 posts, read 5,046,467 times
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Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
Forgive me as I don't have an autistic young adult but is it common to crawl in bed with parents? (FYI- truly not snarky)
He does it for fun at "wake-up time." He goes to college away from home and obviously doesn't do that. And he does it maybe one morning a week just to be playful.

That is the kind of home we run; where there's fun as well as work.
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