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I'm trying to figure out how you would know if the child is just really shy and socially awkward as opposed to having Asbergers. I am quite sure there is a difference, and I was hoping for some specific, real life examples from parents. How did you know there was really something more going on?
He has an extrememly hard time, almost impossible, understanding sarcasm or jokes. So if I say, you're getting on my nerves. He looks at me blankly, and I have to explain what I mean. And I am always surprised when he doesn't get it, because it is so much a part of communication. I never realized how much people talk in metaphors and sarcasm.
He does not make eye contact when talking to you. Especially strangers, but he does it to me too. And he tends to be very fidgety with his hands, you can see the awkwardness he feels in his hand gestures. He tends to pull at his hands and face. Sometimes I want to smack his hands away from his mouth it is so annoying.
He does not make a lot of facial expressions depicting his mood. He is more likely to bounce a little than smile.
When he was in preschool, the teacher told me they (the teachers) call him "the professor". He talks very matter of factly, with very little intonation or inflection. Do you know the visine guy? Better known to me as the Ferris Buelers Day Off teacher, his real name is Ben Stein. Well that is exactly how my son talks - we have laughed about this since he was 3!
He uses words kids do not use. Like instead of house, he says shelter. If he does something right, he doesn't say it's right, he says correct. He uses "big words".
He goes through obsessions with things. It started with dinosaurs. He had enough dino toys that when he put them all in the front yard someone in a car stopped and said it was jurassic park! Then it went to dragons. Now it toads. And I mean obsessed - he knows everything about them! The teachers at school love him to talk about what he likes. They even ask him questions that they didn't know the answer to, they look it up on th internet, and he will be right. And he makes sure it is all he talks about all day! He doesn't like to talk about anything else other then what he is obsessed with. So if you talk to him about something else, he will bring it back to toads. (It doesn't help that he became obsessed with fire belly toads 3 years ago. I told him when we moved he could get some. The neighbor I moved next to just happened to have some! And she gave them to us!)
He likes to line things up, or arrange things. And if you move anything, or a part of something, he will know and he will put it back. And he gets mad when they are moved.
He is uncoordinated. Learning to ride a bike was horrible. He also had a very hard time learning to tie his shoes. He could tell you the steps, but he couldn't do it. So he just has a very hard time with muscle coordination.
And of course, he has no friends, even though he really wants some.
Here's a link with two sets of formal criteria for diagnosing Aspergers: What are the diagnostic criteria of Asperger's Disorder? (http://www.aspergers.com/aspcrit.htm - broken link)
I personally find the second list (Gillberg's) more useful.
Apparent shyness and social awkwardness are part of the diagnostic criteria, so distinguishing "true Aspergers" from them entails looking at the other criteria:
With parents and people the child is comfortable with, does the child talk freely and at length about particular topics of interest, using a level of diction and range of vocabulary that is more advanced than would be expected from a child of that age?
Does the child fail to make eye contact with someone they're speaking with, or adopt postures or body language during conversation that would typically be considered inappropriate?
Does the child fail to recognize verbal and non-verbal cues that someone they're speaking with wants to conclude the conversation or change the subject? If the person they're speaking with does change the subject, does the child ignore this or try to change back?
Does the child have a strong predisposition to routine behaviors, particularly those that seem to have no purpose? Do they tend to arrange objects in a certain order and become upset if that order is disturbed? Do they exhibit "stereotyped behaviors", little gestures or rituals like shaking or flapping fingers or hands, or pacing, or other movements, particularly in stressful situations?
Does the child have a hard time discerning from situations and contexts what behavior is expected of them? Do they become frustrated and upset when they aren't sure what to do, or when they receive conflicting directions from others? Are they particularly concerned with following rules or doing things in same way they've done them before, and do they get upset when others seem to be breaking the rules or doing things the "wrong" way?
Do they have trouble with motor skills, making things like riding a bike, catching/hitting a ball, etc., difficult for them?
The more of those questions that have "yes" for an answer, the more likely it is that the child has Aspergers. I can answer "yes" to every one of them in the case of my twelve-year-old son. His particular topics of interest have changed over the years from Thomas the Tank Engine to Blues Clues to The Wiggles to space exploration to NASCAR, but whichever one he's fascinated by at any time, he's insatiable in his desire to learn and talk about and experience it. He's always had an amazing vocabulary, which in the earliest years I attributed to parental influence , but which I've come to see is part of the Aspergers package. He doesn't look people in the eye when talking and tends to slump or slouch or pace or flap his hands when talking, particularly when he's very energized about the topic or when he's stressed. You have to explicitly tell him that you're through talking about a topic, or that you need to do something else, in order to end a conversation on his favorite topics -- non-verbal cues or verbal non-responsiveness (not saying anything, or only saying "uh-huh" or "I see" don't even slow him down). He's old enough now and aware enough of his tendencies toward ritual arrangement of objects that he will try to downplay them or avoid drawing attention to them, but they're very much still there -- every day,there's a certain diecast NASCAR car on one of the bookshelves in the living room, in a particular spot. Which car varies from day to day based on some logic known only to him, but it's always there -- he changes them out first thing in the morning before anyone else in the house is up. He can't explain why it needs to be there, it just does. If he's not sure if he's allowed to do something, he simply won't do it, at least not without much cajoling and prodding from someone he trusts. If there's a sign up prohibiting some sort of behavior, he will absolutely refuse to even consider violating that prohibition. One of the quickest ways to provoke a meltdown from him is to have different people giving him conflicting instructions about what to do, or to assume that he knows what to do in an unusual or unfamiliar situations and to correct him for doing otherwise. He becomes highly agitated in school situations when he perceives that others aren't following the rules or doing what they're supposed to, at least as he understands it. He's never learned to ride a bike, and after several seasons of trying to play baseball his skills actually began to regress, so we gave that over.
Also, while it's not part of the diagnostic criteria, he has considerable difficulty organizing schoolwork, breaking it down into manageable tasks and executing those tasks in a straightforward way. He also has considerable problems with writing, both the physical act of making marks on paper (motor skills) and with organizing and presenting his thoughts coherently. Like many Aspergers kids, he has a hard time distinguishing main ideas from supporting details from superfluous detail, and with being asked to describe the motives or thoughts of characters in stories when they aren't explicitly described as such.
Despite all that, with the help of an IEP and helpful and understanding teachers, he's done extremely well academically -- straight As except for a B in Spanish last year in sixth grade -- and was even selected as his homeroom teacher's MVP student for the first semester.
Thank you rackensack, I knew I would forget some stuff!
He is obsessed with rules. If some other kid or adult does not conform to the established rules, he will tell you what the rules are. He gets very anxious if it happens a second time, in which he will repeat the rules. If it happens a third time, chances are he will get very upset and quit.
He has horrible handwriting. I sit and watch him write, and he forms the letters strange. Like an S he starts at the bottom and goes up. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, he starts all letters from the bottom. I dread cursive, which will be focused on next year.
He is playing baseball this summer. He can hit really good, but catching is a disaster! It's actually comical. The other kids know he can't catch so they come flying across the field to catch it for him. But they don't want him to quit cause he hits so well. It's the one thing he actually likes to do besides sit and play with his toads - so I'm happy too!
He does have difficulty with stories. Especially inferential stuff. He struggled at first with main ideas and supporting details, but the teacher worked with him all year and he has done great. But once he reads something, he has it memorized! And don't think you can tell him anything and he will forget. He remembers stuff I tld him when he was 3, it's vey annoying!
Not to imply that aspergers kids are not smart. When I took him to the Akron Childrens Developmental Behavioral Hospital to be tested, he scored in the highest category 3 times. And the last time he didn't even get his alotted time. He has also scored in the highest bracket on school standardized tests. Not that I'm saying you should expect a genius either.
He has horrible handwriting. I sit and watch him write, and he forms the letters strange. Like an S he starts at the bottom and goes up. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, he starts all letters from the bottom. I dread cursive, which will be focused on next year.
We got an accommodation for our son to be able to print instead of writing in cursive written into his IEP. He had learned cursive earlier, but by fourth grade it was just slowing him down and frustrating him, and he wasn't getting any better at it. He also has always started forming letters from the bottom, though he has tried making himself start at the top, and when he remembers to do it, it makes a big positive difference. But it's not something we press him on, and he still has to make a conscious effort to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1phwalls
He is playing baseball this summer. He can hit really good, but catching is a disaster! It's actually comical. The other kids know he can't catch so they come flying across the field to catch it for him. But they don't want him to quit cause he hits so well. It's the one thing he actually likes to do besides sit and play with his toads - so I'm happy too!
That's great that he's hitting well. In our case, I think our son was getting so frustrated and upset with other parts of the game that he was unable to relax and do what he knew how to do at the plate. As I said before, he actually was getting worse by the time he stopped. Fortunately, I've been able to interest him in disc golf, which allows him to do things at his own pace instead of having to react to things thrown at him. He still gets frustrated when he doesn't throw as well as he thinks he should, but he doesn't have the pressure of a whole team, or a crowd of parents, watching and criticizing. I think activities like disc golf, or bowling, or archery, anything that involves developing motor skills but not in a reaction-time-dependent, competitive team environment, can be really helpful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1phwalls
He does have difficulty with stories. Especially inferential stuff. He struggled at first with main ideas and supporting details, but the teacher worked with him all year and he has done great. But once he reads something, he has it memorized! And don't think you can tell him anything and he will forget. He remembers stuff I tld him when he was 3, it's vey annoying!
Sounds very familiar, especially the memory part. The challenge for us has always been to help him figure out what bits of all that remembered detail are the important ones, especially in answering those "test your understanding" questions at the end of reading assignments.
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, but which I've come to see is part of the Aspergers package. He doesn't look people in the eye when talking and tends to slump or slouch or pace or flap his hands when talking, particularly when he's very energized about the topic or when he's stressed. You have to explicitly tell him that you're through talking about a topic, or that you need to do something else, in order to end a conversation on his favorite topics -- non-verbal cues or verbal non-responsiveness (not saying anything, or only saying "uh-huh" or "I see" don't even slow him down). He's old enough now and aware enough of his tendencies toward ritual arrangement of objects that he will try to downplay them or avoid drawing attention to them, but they're very much still there -- every day,there's a certain diecast NASCAR car on one of the bookshelves in the living room, in a particular spot. Which car varies from day to day based on some logic known only to him, but it's always there -- he changes them out first thing in the morning before anyone else in the house is up. He can't explain why it needs to be there, it just does. If he's not sure if he's allowed to do something, he simply won't do it, at least not without much cajoling and prodding from someone he trusts. If there's a sign up prohibiting some sort of behavior, he will absolutely refuse to even consider violating that prohibition. One of the quickest ways to provoke a meltdown from him is to have different people giving him conflicting instructions about what to do, or to assume that he knows what to do in an unusual or unfamiliar situations and to correct him for doing otherwise. He becomes highly agitated in school situations when he perceives that others aren't following the rules or doing what they're supposed to, at least as he understands it. He's never learned to ride a bike, and after several seasons of trying to play baseball his skills actually began to regress, so we gave that over. 
