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My Aspie is 27 years old. We just got his diagnosis this year, but have always known something was not quite right.
One thing I really want to share is something my son and I have been discussing in length just recently. Aspie's do NOT try to get in trouble, it is NOT something they do to be spiteful or mean, or to retaliate for anything. Often they have NO CLUE as to even why they are in trouble. Matt reminded me of the many times he got in trouble (both at school and at home) when he would ask, "What did I do?", and someone always told him, "You know what you did." However, he did NOT KNOW what he'd done wrong and therefore the problem was never corrected and the same behavior was repeated.
So, if your child asks, "What did I do?" try to explain to them what the problem is and how to avoid it in the future. They really don't know and a simple answer can go a long way.
I wish I had known all this 20 years ago.
Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
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I am a 27 yr old Aspie. Probably the hardest thing for me as a child was anytime my routine was unexpectedly upset - such as a relative coming over and talking loudly past the time I usually went to bed, not being able to eat what I had planned, etc. I think it's important to strike a balance btw being compassionate and understanding when you're AS child's routine is upset while at the same time trying to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them.
I am a 27 yr old Aspie. Probably the hardest thing for me as a child was anytime my routine was unexpectedly upset - such as a relative coming over and talking loudly past the time I usually went to bed, not being able to eat what I had planned, etc. I think it's important to strike a balance btw being compassionate and understanding when you're AS child's routine is upset while at the same time trying to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them.
Very good advice.
Do you still have routines?
I ask because my 27 year old does. Some things he just has to do in certain ways. Now that I am learning more about Asperger's, I am learning this is all normal behavior for him.
Your last sentence is really important for any parent to know; I wish I had known about the Asperger's when he was a child. Maybe then I would have understood why he always felt this way and why I always had to correct him and tell him that the world did not revolve around him. It took forever for this one to sink in his head, but he finally got it after years of struggle. I admit to my anger because I thought he was just being a smart arse.
We are learning about Asperger's together and everything we learn brings on an "ah ha" moment about his childhood.
It's quite a journey.
Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
11,974 posts, read 25,462,489 times
Reputation: 12187
^ One more point I might add is that it isn't necessarily out of pure selfishness that autistic people get upset about routines being upset, rather we feel that we aren't being show the same respect we show others. The problem is often we are so different that our expectations are unrealistic in the real world. An example is (as young children) having other children come over and play with our toys. An autistic child who doesn't socialize much doesn't go to another child's house and interfere with their routine, therefore we don't understand why it's fair for them to come over and do that to us. Obviously that may seem logical except that socialization and sharing are regular things most children have to do to function well in society!
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