What are the downsides to living in St. Louis? (Ferguson: crime, neighborhood)

[glamatomic]

I have been back in the St. Louis for 3 years now- the first time was as a working, single girl, this time it is as a stay at home mother and wife, so I've kind of got a mixed perspective.

I'm going to say with 100% honesty that I still absolutely love it here. The dampener for me though is that my husband HATES it. He doesn't "get it". Anyway...

The upsides for me are:
• The amount of free or affordable cultural attractions to take my 3 children to (Zoo, Science Center, Museum, Galleries, etc). I have 3 children under 3, but all of these places have something for everyone!
• Friendly people- I've never had a problem making friends here
• Super low cost of living and housing
• Great interstate system
• Great location to other cities for weekend trips
• Wonderful history and architecture
• Lots of interesting and unique places to eat

The Downsides (mostly from my husband's POV)
• Crime
• The amount of poverty / urban decay
• The public schools in the city and parts of the county
• Racial tensions in some areas
• The amount of sprawl away from the city proper

[Chicago76]

Originally Posted by glamatomic

I have been back in the St. Louis for 3 years now- the first time was as a working, single girl, this time it is as a stay at home mother and wife, so I've kind of got a mixed perspective.

I'm going to say with 100% honesty that I still absolutely love it here. The dampener for me though is that my husband HATES it. He doesn't "get it". Anyway...

The upsides for me are:
• The amount of free or affordable cultural attractions to take my 3 children to (Zoo, Science Center, Museum, Galleries, etc). I have 3 children under 3, but all of these places have something for everyone!
• Friendly people- I've never had a problem making friends here
• Super low cost of living and housing
• Great interstate system
• Great location to other cities for weekend trips
• Wonderful history and architecture
• Lots of interesting and unique places to eat

The Downsides (mostly from my husband's POV)
• Crime
• The amount of poverty / urban decay
• The public schools in the city and parts of the county
• Racial tensions in some areas
• The amount of sprawl away from the city proper

I think your husband "gets it". It seems like he places more value on issues that highlight the city's shortcomings while you seem to value the things that are its strengths. Overall, I'd say collectively, this is a pretty fair reflection of the city. My experience here is that there doesn't seem to be an in between. The things I love (your pros) I really love and the things I don't (your husbands cons) I really hate.

One of the other things I love about here are the little bits of cultural weirdness that make the city feel like a real city. Venice Park cafe, little arts organizations, bizarre stores, and such. Personally, I don't find the city close enough to other places if want to go. That's actually one of my gripes. Sure, it's closer to things than KC, but not compared to most of the Midwest and Northeast.

I would also agree that people are generally nice and friendly, if not a bit provincial and socially entrenched with lifelong friends. That makes it a bit more difficult for a transplant IMO. It's also probably the wife and I are closest to other transplants. I was in college the first time through town and came back much later married with kids, so I know nothing about dating here as a professional. Friends seem to say it is tough. I get the feeling that people say this everywhere. Still, I found it interesting that the OP said Raleigh was tough. Raleigh-Durham is a place loaded with people not from the area. I'd think that aspect would be much easier there than in a place like STL...unless it being so suburban makes things too isolating.

[PDF]

Originally Posted by Chicago76

Still, I found it interesting that the OP said Raleigh was tough. Raleigh-Durham is a place loaded with people not from the area. I'd think that aspect would be much easier there than in a place like STL...unless it being so suburban makes things too isolating.

I am actually doing really well socially in Raleigh. However, that is only because I am making 10x more effort than I would have to in other places I have lived. Also, I live right outside of Downtown in a walkable area. Raleigh is very suburban, yes, and those types of places are typically more family friendly. There are very few areas in Raleigh/the Triangle that are not sprawly. I do have a car here, but I cannot live in a suburb-type area. I like Raleigh and where I live now, but it's definitely not as urban as somewhere like STL. If I wasn't living in the area of Raleigh I do now, I can imagine things having been wildly different for me.

[gypsyjudy]

If you have to make 10x the effort in Raleigh to make friends then you will have to make 20x more effort here in SL. Like I said, I have lived in a lot of places and never had a shortage of friends until here.

Ever think of Madison, WI? Expensive but absolutely a fabulous place!

[Chicago76]

Originally Posted by PDF

I am actually doing really well socially in Raleigh. However, that is only because I am making 10x more effort than I would have to in other places I have lived. Also, I live right outside of Downtown in a walkable area. Raleigh is very suburban, yes, and those types of places are typically more family friendly. There are very few areas in Raleigh/the Triangle that are not sprawly. I do have a car here, but I cannot live in a suburb-type area. I like Raleigh and where I live now, but it's definitely not as urban as somewhere like STL. If I wasn't living in the area of Raleigh I do now, I can imagine things having been wildly different for me.

Where did you live before where dating is easier? Did you grow up in these places/go to college there/where they your first jumping off point after college?

Dating people your age right out of school is generally easier because everyone has no responsibilities and has more of a devil may care attitude.

I'd be surprised if most cities in the Midwest like a Cincy, STL, Milwaukee, KC are going to be easier dating grounds than an urban area of the Triangle.

[PDF]

Originally Posted by Chicago76

Where did you live before where dating is easier? Did you grow up I these places/go to college there/where they your first jumping off point after college?

Tampa, Los Angeles, and Australia. I'm not complaining about Raleigh, just stating the facts. There's a reason I'm seriously contemplating buying property here this year.

[Chicago76]

Originally Posted by PDF

Tampa, Los Angeles, and Australia. I'm not complaining about Raleigh, just stating the facts. There's a reason I'm seriously contemplating buying property here this year.

Your points of reference are why you think it takes so much effort there. I dated an Australian in my early 20s. In general they're really open people. I'd imagine in Australia, as an American, you wouldn't find dating complicated there at all. Same with LA. There might be a fakeness there (a friend and sister in law complain about it), but there are so many people moving out there with no one all the time. It's easier. I know nothing about Tampa although my parents now live in Orlando. Still, lots of people going down to Florida all the time with no roots/connections means people are open.

North of the Mason Dixon between the East Coast and Denver, Chicago is probably the only fairly easy dating market for the same reasons. Don't get me wrong. St Louis is a great place and people find people all the time. Your best bet here would be the urban neighborhoods in and around the city with some walkabilty. It took me about a year to adjust to generally seeing so few people on a daily basis when I moved here. I was accustomed to seeing so many people and having so many random conversations with strangers because I was in a really dense neighborhood with so much going on right outside my window.

The good news for people here is that there are a ton of things going on that do tend to draw the young urban professional set together. Museum nights, farmers markets, bars (obviously), live music, soccer and kickball leagues. It's also really easy to get involved in the local neighborhood politics/community compared to my experience in Chicago. Chicago was more of a street fest scene, but there are lots of events here. Random things like a pigs and pints fest I'm going to held by one of the local breweries here. Honestly, you should make a point of coming up here to check out a few of the neighborhoods if you are even remotely considering it. It's not an anxious destination, but if you like Cincinnati, you'd probably fall in love with many of the neighborhoods here.

[glamatomic]

Out of all of the places I've lived, I found the dating scene in Australia to be the hardest. Hahaha.

Mind you, being an Australian, I didn't have any novelty value. As an Australian in America, dating was a breeze everywhere (before settling down).

[RisingAurvandil]

Originally Posted by northoceanbeach

south central LA is a part of a city and not a whole city. It is also easier to avoid then the patchwork of ghettos that is St. Louis.

And the dangerous parts of StL aren't the "whole city" either. Not even close. Certainly not a patchwork.

Stay south of Delmar. And avoid Dutchtown.

That's it. It's that simple.

[PDF]

Originally Posted by Chicago76

The good news for people here is that there are a ton of things going on that do tend to draw the young urban professional set together. Museum nights, farmers markets, bars (obviously), live music, soccer and kickball leagues. It's also really easy to get involved in the local neighborhood politics/community compared to my experience in Chicago. Chicago was more of a street fest scene, but there are lots of events here. Random things like a pigs and pints fest I'm going to held by one of the local breweries here. Honestly, you should make a point of coming up here to check out a few of the neighborhoods if you are even remotely considering it. It's not an anxious destination, but if you like Cincinnati, you'd probably fall in love with many of the neighborhoods here.

Yeah I do like Cincinnati, but from what everyone is saying about STL in this thread, it sounds like they would be on the same level in these areas.