Are we Crazy to want to come back?? Help (St. Louis: fit in, house)

[Beautifulbrwnbabydoll]

Hello all, my husband has an opportunity to put in a transfer at his job to either Orlando or st.louis. Now my husband and I are both from St.louis and both of our children were born in St.louis. They are now ages 5 and 4. We left St.louis right after my youngest child was born. We left for a number of reasons. One of them was because of better job opportunities for us, and we also felt that st.louis is racist. My family is multi-cultural but I experienced racism from Black people more than white people. Seemed like a lot of black people always had something to say about how light skinned my kids were, or their hair texture. So anyway, we live in California now, we have no problem with diversity because their is a lot of that here. There is a lot of things to do here with the kids, and we always have fun. but on the flip side my hubby is homesick at times and he misses his friends, and it would be a lot cheaper to move back to St.louis. I am really torn, I just don't want to come back there and then end up feeling like why did i ever come back to the Misery state! Any advice?

[aragx6]

I guess I don't really know what you're asking.

From what i can glean, your husband wants to move back to St. Louis and you don't. Am I right?

I think happiness in St. Louis (like everywhere) depends on where you live. Perhaps you can move somewhere more progressive in the metro area and you won't have as bad of an experience.

Oh and for what it's worth, Orlando's economy, well Florida's in general, is rotten. I've known several people who moved down there only to move back once they found they just couldn't make a living there. I would suggest moving wherever you think your husband's job will be more secure. This is a terrible time to be jobless.

[Beautifulbrwnbabydoll]

Originally Posted by aragx6

I guess I don't really know what you're asking.

From what i can glean, your husband wants to move back to St. Louis and you don't. Am I right?

I think happiness in St. Louis (like everywhere) depends on where you live. Perhaps you can move somewhere more progressive in the metro area and you won't have as bad of an experience.

Oh and for what it's worth, Orlando's economy, well Florida's in general, is rotten. I've known several people who moved down there only to move back once they found they just couldn't make a living there. I would suggest moving wherever you think your husband's job will be more secure. This is a terrible time to be jobless.

Thanks for your reply! I haven't been back to St.louis since I left..so I don't know if it has really changed or not. We will visit before we make a final decision and check it out.

[Beautifulbrwnbabydoll]

Originally Posted by Brickmama

STL has changed quite a bit. I would much rather shoot myself than move to Fla instead of STL.

Thanks for your reply! When we lived in St.louis before we lived in Hazelwood. That area was ok for us, but some people have told us that Florissant/hazelwod has really gone down since we left. And if my husband takes the job he would be working in Earth City, so I don't want to live to far from the job.

[ShadowCaver]

Sounds simple, but may help... make a list, putting down the pros & cons of both StL and Orlando... also, include what you like and don't like about current location, use that as a reference - cause its a known location. Gather the info that ya can gleam from the helpful peoples here and on other researches you are doing. After get all that together, have a sit-down with your husband, discuss his thoughts/desires, and review the lists... might each make a list separately, then compare 'em too. At the end of the day, ya both need to be happy w/ the decision. Kids will bounce, esp. that age. Your goals and outside the house activities will vary a lot between StL and Orlando, quite distinct happenings and weather, to just list two large categories. Good luck!

[mc378]

Having lived in St. Louis County for 15 years, I would recommend that you return. The St. Louis area has changed (for the better) significantly over the past decade or so. It is still a great place in which to raise a family of young children. Not such a good place for young singles, though.

Summers are still horrible here, but they're not much better in Orlando.

[Brickmama]

Try looking at Maryland Heights or Creve Couer if you are wanting a surburban environment.

[arch_genesis]

Babydoll, St. Louis hasn't "changed", not in the context in which you want it to. You can avoid certain people but then you wouldn't be embracing the diversity you so love in California. I hope one day St. Louis' racial makeup is as diverse as any city in the US but as it stands now your multi-cultural family will stand out.

That however shouldn't stop you from identifying with families here, it wouldn't stop me from identifying with yours. Your family probably has a lot in common with a lot of families here. Its probably not as unique as you think.

If you only allow yourself to identify with multi-cultural families (cali) and not racially-homogenous ones (st. louis) then, maybe that's saying something about you as well.

My advice, you should visit St. Louis and perhaps allow yourself to change a little and it'll ease your mind. Its not hard to fit in here. You don't have to lock yourself out because you have a multi-cultural family.

[Beautifulbrwnbabydoll]

Originally Posted by arch_genesis

Babydoll, St. Louis hasn't "changed", not in the context in which you want it to. You can avoid certain people but then you wouldn't be embracing the diversity you so love in California. I hope one day St. Louis' racial makeup is as diverse as any city in the US but as it stands now your multi-cultural family will stand out.

That however shouldn't stop you from identifying with families here, it wouldn't stop me from identifying with yours. Your family probably has a lot in common with a lot of families here. Its probably not as unique as you think.

If you only allow yourself to identify with multi-cultural families (cali) and not racially-homogenous ones (st. louis) then, maybe that's saying something about you as well.

My advice, you should visit St. Louis and perhaps allow yourself to change a little and it'll ease your mind. Its not hard to fit in here. You don't have to lock yourself out because you have a multi-cultural family.

Thanks for your reply! I understand what you are saying and I appreciate your honesty. And I just want to say that I have no problem with White, Black, Asian or Hispanic families, ect.... I love everybody! To be honest with you when I lived in st.louis I lived in North County which was a mostly black area in my opinion. I experienced so much racism from my own race, especially when I married my husband. People would try to fight my husband, and call him a wannabe, they would tell him he wasn't black so why is he trying to act black. People would constantly come up to my kids and ask them..What are You? You don't look black. And the list goes on and on. These are some of the main reasons why I don't want to come back there. I'm not trying to offend anybody by saying this, i'm just trying te be honest about my experience there.

But I am planning a trip back there to visit, I do have some family that still lives there and it would be nice to see them. I'm going to be doing some hard thinking about this. Because I really want to do what's beat for my Kids. Thanks again

[aragx6]

I would look into Kirkwood or Webster Groves' schools. Of the top schools, they're two of the most integrated and diverse. Neighborhoods and parts of town, in some of the area, are still fairly segregated so often the elementary schools are more homogenous, but the high schools are big and diverse.

I really like Florissant and actually think it's a great little 'burb. About all of the white flighters have since moved west to Dardenne Prairie and the like and so those who remain seem to value the diversity that surrounds them. I think Florissant is on the way up.

But, Ferg-Flor schools are just not so good, and realistically I wouldn't want my kids to go there at this point. Hazelwood schools are considerably worse though -- esp. east.