Mid 40's and new to the dating scene

[sixtwobaldguy]

Deacon,

No offense dude but women aren't looking to hook up with a Saint lol Stop with the "I was faithful to my wife bit" first off because you shouldn't even be thinking about her but about the women you're with. Pulling out the chair is a bit over the top, too. People don't do that anymore and it makes you seem like you haven't got a chance in hell with any other woman so you're pulling out all the stops.

If someone isn't attracted to you and finds you fun, it doesn't matter how nice you are. NO attraction = friends.. got it? Do you want to be her friend? If not THEN ACT LIKE A MAN FOR GOD's SAKE NOT A WHIMP.

[DinsdalePirahna]

Originally Posted by sixtwobaldguy

Deacon,

No offense dude but women aren't looking to hook up with a Saint lol Stop with the "I was faithful to my wife bit" first off because you shouldn't even be thinking about her but about the women you're with. Pulling out the chair is a bit over the top, too. People don't do that anymore and it makes you seem like you haven't got a chance in hell with any other woman so you're pulling out all the stops.

If someone isn't attracted to you and finds you fun, it doesn't matter how nice you are. NO attraction = friends.. got it? Do you want to be her friend? If not THEN ACT LIKE A MAN FOR GOD's SAKE NOT A WHIMP.

I was kind of giving to the same advice, but not so "eloquently"

Pulling out chairs works for elderly women, wives, dates and friends. Not strangers.

I have never seen anyone get flak for opening or holding a door. There is more to the situation than you are revealing (the eye roll bit is a hint, too).

[HappyDaysCopenhagenSkoal]

Let's see if I can help out here a little.
It seems you are a bit insecure and lonely, etc. Before you can even begin to think about a relationship, you have to get yourself together first. Are you perfect? Probably not. Well, why not concentrate on improving yourself to increase your self-esteem and kill the insecurities. For example: Are you overweight? Could you find a better job? How can you improve your life? Have some respect for yourself. Go for excellence now that you're free. Live your dreams. Don't do it for women - do it for yourself and self-respect. Life is a gift, don't blow it.

It's true what another poster said - women can smell insecurity and desperation a mile away. How would you like to be a woman and realize on the first date that the guy will take anyone who will appreciate him for who he is and/or because he's lonely? I'd feel insulted. What kind of woman wants a guy who says on the first date "I'm great, why don't women love me? Why don't you love me?". What woman wants to be a guy's last resort? She wants a guy who is attracted to HER. That takes a little more time than a first date to figure that out, no? Of course, if you just want to sleep with her and nothing more - than you need to tell us that's your strategy, because then it's a different ballgame.

About pulling out the chair for her at a restaurant? I only do that with women I like! On a date, I have no idea if I like her or not. That's what a date is for! It's hard for me to understand that a guy will behave like he's already in with the girl - yet he really doesn't know her at all.

Opening doors? If it's convenient for you do it - if not, don't. I do it for strangers - if applicable.

A smart and confident woman will use body language to let you know that you can start kissing, etc. with her. They can make it so obvious, that way, you can proceed without feeling like you could be rejected.

Anyways, just get yourself together - there's hope for you in St. Louis. Take care of yourself, and some women will take notice and be attracted to you.

I met my girlfriend through after-work events and activities. I am over 40. So, it can be done.

[sixtwobaldguy]

I think the above post was great except one thing--opening doors. I find opening doors is a good thing to do that's well received just about everytime. The only time someone hasn't seemed appreciative was a disabled person. If a person is disabled, you may want to ask if you can get the door for them. The chair though--CREEP-O-RAMA. Don't put the ***** on a pedastool dude. She's just a woman, until she gives you a reason to like her, the only reason you DO like her is her LOOKS and your DESPERATION

[DinsdalePirahna]

The dude needs to get himself out there. There are plenty of places where to meet nice women.
Churches are a good place to start.

Try some obscure sports (Like the Saint Louis Rowing Club). I know my rowing club on the west coast was a haven for active clear-thinking women.

Rock climbing, Kayak and canoe Clubs, Computer user groups, Social groups all come to mind.

If you get real desperate, just hit up a legion hall in the outer burbs around midnight.

[CarrieNeno]

All of my friends who are single, in their mid to late 30's, have had their best luck locally with online dating on Match.com or whatnot. At least from what they have experienced, it's tough to meet 30+ singles out and about in St. Louis. At least those without MAJOR, MAJOR baggage or a wife at home *roll eyes*. It seems to be a great way to filter people by interests, habits, children, pets, politics, and religion before you waste any time...

[CarrieNeno]

Originally Posted by Deacon328

Thanks Metro, I tell you dating is just plain scary, things have changed so much. I got yelled at for opening a door and then an eye roll for pulling out her chair at the resteraunt. I'm old fashioned and was raised that way but I haven't dated since the 80's so I guess a lot of women don't like that anymore.

Ummm men, note that while women don't want a PUSHOVER... they appreciate a thoughtful, well-manner man!! Do NOT listen to them Deacon. WHile all women may not appreciate it... the bulk like to be treated with respect. That lady was obviously not your match. Open the doors and pull out the chairs if so inclined!!! My hubby does and all of my friends are jealous as their husbands could care less...

[OA 5599]

Originally Posted by CarrieNeno

All of my friends who are single, in their mid to late 30's, have had their best luck locally with online dating on Match.com or whatnot. At least from what they have experienced, it's tough to meet 30+ singles out and about in St. Louis. At least those without MAJOR, MAJOR baggage or a wife at home *roll eyes*. It seems to be a great way to filter people by interests, habits, children, pets, politics, and religion before you waste any time...

I'm personally not a fan of Match.com. If you just want to meet people I suppose it works out fine, but if you end meeting someone from one of those sites it is basically a blind date.

I tried it recently, and canceled my membership. There seems to be a very favorable male-to-female ratio on that site (there seem to be way more women), but many of the profiles reek of desperation. It is also all too easy to "reject" someone online when you have their bio in a bulleted list and see a few things you don't like. You could easily end up filtering out someone you may like, just because they are too short or have different religious/political views.

The bottom line is that while sites like that may work for some, I'm not going to bother with them in the future. I met a few people and found it awkward, to say the least. Real relationships are best made by meeting in person, not over the internet. FWIW, I'm a male in my mid-20's.

[sixtwobaldguy]

Many dating sites are good. Match.com is not. For one thing, they have women paid to go out on dates so guys will hear good things about their site and recommend it to others. Of course the relationship never goes past a couple dates because some of them are PAID to go out on dates with random guys on the site. They were sued, so I am not sure if this practice continues. However, I had dates that were VERY suspecious of this activity and I've never experienced that on any of the other dating sites. Be leary of match.com

As much as the site sucks, I do know 2 people who got married through eharmony lol