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Old 06-16-2014, 03:17 PM
 
99 posts, read 95,062 times
Reputation: 91

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Hello all. I would appreciate any honest, heartfelt opinions on my dilemma. I am struggling deeply with moving down to the Clearwater/Palm Harbor/Tampa area. I have friends and relatives in Palm Harbor and visited them last year. We love it down there and we really want to make the move. I've posted some thoughts on other threads, but this is the first time I've explained my entire situation.

My mom is living with my sister and I help her get her out of bed a few times a week after work (she's 82, immobile, and has dementia) and I also "watch" her on weeknights/weekends when they need to go out shopping etc. Although my sister and her husband would probably be able to manage without me, I would feel somewhat guilty leaving. Now on the other hand, the main reason for me wanting to move is that our son has been afflicted with serious seasonal allergies for the past 6 years (since he was 2). He's gotten over the ear infections, but still, every change of season here in Chicago he gets sick. Allegra, Benadryl, Zyrtec, Claritin, Flo-Nase, Nasacort, Nasonex, homeopathic, you name it, he's tried it. Still gets sick. He has had to stay home from school on multiple occasions which meant we had to take off work. Not a problem; we just wish he was healthy. He's fine now that the weather is consistently in the 80's but come fall the vicious cycle will start again. His doctors recommend the consistent temps and sea air for his system and say the move would be very beneficial. My wife can't wait to get out of the rat race here and is chomping at the bit for me to put our house up for sale. We have faith we will both find work based on the fields we're in but another reason I don't want to wait much longer is that I'm 51 (but look and feel 40!) and don't want any potential job openings to start slipping away due to my age. I feel confident though. My boss at my old job just called me up to see if I'm interested in coming back. But I digress...

I don't want this to turn into a "you don't want to move here" or "you better have a job lined up" discussion. Believe me, we've thought this through. Almost too much. We've had it with the Chicago winters, endless potholes that aren't being fixed, highest gas prices in the country (from time to time), Rahm getting ready to kill us with a massive property tax increase next year to fund the pension mess, etc. etc. etc. Good and bad everywhere, but we're willing to take a chance down there. We are ready to move once we put our house up and it sells, except for my dilemma.

I know it's me who has to make the final decision, but I would like to hear what you all have to say. Thanks in advance.
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Old 06-16-2014, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Spring Hill Florida
12,135 posts, read 11,601,248 times
Reputation: 5988
Life is short. The physical and mental well being of you and your family are most important.

You should be well funded when you make the move.


Quote:
Originally Posted by moviefan View Post
Hello all. I would appreciate any honest, heartfelt opinions on my dilemma. I am struggling deeply with moving down to the Clearwater/Palm Harbor/Tampa area. I have friends and relatives in Palm Harbor and visited them last year. We love it down there and we really want to make the move. I've posted some thoughts on other threads, but this is the first time I've explained my entire situation.

My mom is living with my sister and I help her get her out of bed a few times a week after work (she's 82, immobile, and has dementia) and I also "watch" her on weeknights/weekends when they need to go out shopping etc. Although my sister and her husband would probably be able to manage without me, I would feel somewhat guilty leaving. Now on the other hand, the main reason for me wanting to move is that our son has been afflicted with serious seasonal allergies for the past 6 years (since he was 2). He's gotten over the ear infections, but still, every change of season here in Chicago he gets sick. Allegra, Benadryl, Zyrtec, Claritin, Flo-Nase, Nasacort, Nasonex, homeopathic, you name it, he's tried it. Still gets sick. He has had to stay home from school on multiple occasions which meant we had to take off work. Not a problem; we just wish he was healthy. He's fine now that the weather is consistently in the 80's but come fall the vicious cycle will start again. His doctors recommend the consistent temps and sea air for his system and say the move would be very beneficial. My wife can't wait to get out of the rat race here and is chomping at the bit for me to put our house up for sale. We have faith we will both find work based on the fields we're in but another reason I don't want to wait much longer is that I'm 51 (but look and feel 40!) and don't want any potential job openings to start slipping away due to my age. I feel confident though. My boss at my old job just called me up to see if I'm interested in coming back. But I digress...

I don't want this to turn into a "you don't want to move here" or "you better have a job lined up" discussion. Believe me, we've thought this through. Almost too much. We've had it with the Chicago winters, endless potholes that aren't being fixed, highest gas prices in the country (from time to time), Rahm getting ready to kill us with a massive property tax increase next year to fund the pension mess, etc. etc. etc. Good and bad everywhere, but we're willing to take a chance down there. We are ready to move once we put our house up and it sells, except for my dilemma.

I know it's me who has to make the final decision, but I would like to hear what you all have to say. Thanks in advance.
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Old 06-16-2014, 03:27 PM
 
102 posts, read 93,038 times
Reputation: 130
If I am reading this correctly, the only reason you don't want to move is because you will leave your sister and her husband with the entire "job" of taking care of your mother. I do think that you should help them, but I also think you should move to Florida based on everything your wrote and how sure you feel. Can you hire someone to come in to take care of your mother a couple nights a week, with you paying the expenses? Can you move somewhere where you can keep your mother with you several months out of the year?
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Old 06-16-2014, 03:39 PM
 
2,611 posts, read 3,876,281 times
Reputation: 2154
Quote:
Originally Posted by moviefan View Post
Hello all. I would appreciate any honest, heartfelt opinions on my dilemma. I am struggling deeply with moving down to the Clearwater/Palm Harbor/Tampa area. I have friends and relatives in Palm Harbor and visited them last year. We love it down there and we really want to make the move. I've posted some thoughts on other threads, but this is the first time I've explained my entire situation.

My mom is living with my sister and I help her get her out of bed a few times a week after work (she's 82, immobile, and has dementia) and I also "watch" her on weeknights/weekends when they need to go out shopping etc. Although my sister and her husband would probably be able to manage without me, I would feel somewhat guilty leaving. Now on the other hand, the main reason for me wanting to move is that our son has been afflicted with serious seasonal allergies for the past 6 years (since he was 2). He's gotten over the ear infections, but still, every change of season here in Chicago he gets sick. Allegra, Benadryl, Zyrtec, Claritin, Flo-Nase, Nasacort, Nasonex, homeopathic, you name it, he's tried it. Still gets sick. He has had to stay home from school on multiple occasions which meant we had to take off work. Not a problem; we just wish he was healthy. He's fine now that the weather is consistently in the 80's but come fall the vicious cycle will start again. His doctors recommend the consistent temps and sea air for his system and say the move would be very beneficial. My wife can't wait to get out of the rat race here and is chomping at the bit for me to put our house up for sale. We have faith we will both find work based on the fields we're in but another reason I don't want to wait much longer is that I'm 51 (but look and feel 40!) and don't want any potential job openings to start slipping away due to my age. I feel confident though. My boss at my old job just called me up to see if I'm interested in coming back. But I digress...

I don't want this to turn into a "you don't want to move here" or "you better have a job lined up" discussion. Believe me, we've thought this through. Almost too much. We've had it with the Chicago winters, endless potholes that aren't being fixed, highest gas prices in the country (from time to time), Rahm getting ready to kill us with a massive property tax increase next year to fund the pension mess, etc. etc. etc. Good and bad everywhere, but we're willing to take a chance down there. We are ready to move once we put our house up and it sells, except for my dilemma.

I know it's me who has to make the final decision, but I would like to hear what you all have to say. Thanks in advance.
So, what do you want us to tell you?

I agree with the previous poster that if you pay for somebody to do what you are doing to your mom, that's covered there.

Allergy relief to your son after moving here is not a guarantee. I have a son with some allergy/asthma issue and pretty much pass through what you described.

Property tax are here too and then some insurance..

Other than that come on down...You are welcome to relocate!

Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2014, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Historic Gulfport
464 posts, read 454,390 times
Reputation: 408
We were merrily living outside of Guadalajara for the previous 5 years. In those 5 years, my wonderful father-in-law went from a healthy, hearty, still-driving his own car, 85 year old to an aging 90 year old with dementia issues who can no longer manage his own medication dosage, meals, etc. Our 3 trips a year from Mexico to see him in DC were no longer 'enough.' But we are also aging....both of us in our early 60's and healthy, but those flights and time zones from MX (and/or our 2nd home in Arizona) took their toll on our bodies (and our bank account).

So, time for a Plan B.

We sold the house in Mexico (quickly, thankfully) and looked at our options to be 'nearer' to my FIL, without moving back to DC (where we lived/worked for 30 years). We felt that a combination of increasing his home care-givers' hours and us visiting him every 6 weeks for a week (giving the care-giver that week off) was the best solution. We researched and found that there are numerous flights (and inexpensive compared to Mexico or AZ) non-stop Tampa to DCA. And under 2 hours, so easier on us, no time zone change, customs to clear, etc. Earlier this year, we bought a house in Gulfport, an easy 25 minute drive to TPA.

So, that's our solution....for now, it's working and we are happy, my FIL is happy and the care-giver is happy.

Hopefully everyone with elder-care and child-care issues finds a middle ground that leaves their ethics, conscience and quality of life, intact.

Last edited by gulfporter; 06-16-2014 at 03:58 PM..
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Old 06-17-2014, 10:39 AM
 
99 posts, read 95,062 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pragmaticus View Post
So, what do you want us to tell you?

I agree with the previous poster that if you pay for somebody to do what you are doing to your mom, that's covered there.

Allergy relief to your son after moving here is not a guarantee. I have a son with some allergy/asthma issue and pretty much pass through what you described.

Property tax are here too and then some insurance..

Other than that come on down...You are welcome to relocate!

Good luck!
I know it's not a guarantee, but he was getting sick when we were heading down there a couple years ago and during the week we were there, he got better, not worse. As a matter of fact, he was without symptoms the day we left. Coincidence? Not sure.

Thanks for kind words! I hope we're able to relocate!
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Old 06-17-2014, 10:42 AM
 
99 posts, read 95,062 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyGal View Post
If I am reading this correctly, the only reason you don't want to move is because you will leave your sister and her husband with the entire "job" of taking care of your mother. I do think that you should help them, but I also think you should move to Florida based on everything your wrote and how sure you feel. Can you hire someone to come in to take care of your mother a couple nights a week, with you paying the expenses? Can you move somewhere where you can keep your mother with you several months out of the year?
Well truth be told they do about 95% of taking care of her now since she lives with them so no need to ever hire someone. Unless they have to go somewhere together and in that case, we have a good amount of relatives up here who would possibly help in those occasions. Worst case, they do hire a "sitter" for a few hours. I'm sure they would be ok without my small, yet convenient contributions from time to time. I think I'm starting to answer my own question…...
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Old 06-17-2014, 10:44 AM
 
99 posts, read 95,062 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Hillian View Post
Life is short. The physical and mental well being of you and your family are most important.

You should be well funded when you make the move.
Thanks. I've been saying that to myself a lot lately. Life is too short.
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Old 06-17-2014, 03:22 PM
 
30,896 posts, read 35,063,437 times
Reputation: 25514
Quote:
Originally Posted by moviefan View Post
Hello all. I would appreciate any honest, heartfelt opinions on my dilemma. I am struggling deeply with moving down to the Clearwater/Palm Harbor/Tampa area. I have friends and relatives in Palm Harbor and visited them last year. We love it down there and we really want to make the move. I've posted some thoughts on other threads, but this is the first time I've explained my entire situation.

My mom is living with my sister and I help her get her out of bed a few times a week after work (she's 82, immobile, and has dementia) and I also "watch" her on weeknights/weekends when they need to go out shopping etc. Although my sister and her husband would probably be able to manage without me, I would feel somewhat guilty leaving. Now on the other hand, the main reason for me wanting to move is that our son has been afflicted with serious seasonal allergies for the past 6 years (since he was 2). He's gotten over the ear infections, but still, every change of season here in Chicago he gets sick. Allegra, Benadryl, Zyrtec, Claritin, Flo-Nase, Nasacort, Nasonex, homeopathic, you name it, he's tried it. Still gets sick. He has had to stay home from school on multiple occasions which meant we had to take off work. Not a problem; we just wish he was healthy. He's fine now that the weather is consistently in the 80's but come fall the vicious cycle will start again. His doctors recommend the consistent temps and sea air for his system and say the move would be very beneficial. My wife can't wait to get out of the rat race here and is chomping at the bit for me to put our house up for sale. We have faith we will both find work based on the fields we're in but another reason I don't want to wait much longer is that I'm 51 (but look and feel 40!) and don't want any potential job openings to start slipping away due to my age. I feel confident though. My boss at my old job just called me up to see if I'm interested in coming back. But I digress...

I don't want this to turn into a "you don't want to move here" or "you better have a job lined up" discussion. Believe me, we've thought this through. Almost too much. We've had it with the Chicago winters, endless potholes that aren't being fixed, highest gas prices in the country (from time to time), Rahm getting ready to kill us with a massive property tax increase next year to fund the pension mess, etc. etc. etc. Good and bad everywhere, but we're willing to take a chance down there. We are ready to move once we put our house up and it sells, except for my dilemma.

I know it's me who has to make the final decision, but I would like to hear what you all have to say. Thanks in advance.
If where you are at now is a major problem and you think Florida is the answer then by all means make that move, maybe you could bring Mom along.
Its not like you would be locked into Florida as trips back to Chicago are a 20 hour drive away and family can always come visit you in Fla,(In fact count on it) And if it doesnt work you can always move back up north.
Florida= beaches,no more winters,a veritable paradise,What could possibly go wrong.
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Old 06-17-2014, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Historic Gulfport
464 posts, read 454,390 times
Reputation: 408
TPA to ORD, non-stop is only $254; just 2 1/2 hours. Make the trip every other month for a long weekend to see your mother and give your brother a well-deserved break.
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