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I'm a bit anxious in general, and very anxious about when my current 4 year old enters public school. I'm socially awkward, introverted, and not very comfortable with interacting with professional staff like teachers, administrative aides, teachers aides, etc. My wife is also shy, and while she does what she needs to, she is not outgoing and extremely friendly to people she rarely sees and does not know well. My wife and I both work, so we have limited time for being classroom volunteers.
My child's cousin's mother is extroverted and high attuned to the needs of others. She is a big gift giver, a stay at home mom who is quick to volunteer to be room mother or science fair coordinator or booster chair. She likes to maintain a tight relationship with her kids teachers and considers them to be part of her friendship circle.
My question is - does the fact that the cousin's mom is outgoing and personable nature, giver of both time and money, help her child? And does the fact that my wife and I are both socially shy, introverted, work full time and have little time for volunteering in the classroom, hurt my daughters education?
We will make sure to have plenty of time helping with homework and other things like that outside the classroom. It is just in-classroom volunteering that we don't have time for.
Yes. An involved parent can really help the student get more personal attention and get chosen for things. I remember as early as third grade, when I was not selected for the gifted and talented program even though my grades were much higher than my next door neighbor's. But it was because her mother was always involved, would call the teacher, send gifts, do things for the class, and even volunteer at the school, while my mother was a drug addict and wouldn't even show up for parent teacher conferences. I was the better student on paper, but her mother was there to drive the kids to the twice a week program, and to advocate for her child, therefore the involved parent's child got ahead even though she wasn't the better student, she just had the better parent.
This kind of thing seriously depends on the particular district and/or teacher. Some teachers really do not like having the parents of the students that are in their class as volunteers. At the schools here, while they like volunteers, they use many volunteers outside the classroom to do copying or other work. The teachers at my grandson's school have a workroom where they leave things to be done - it can be copying, laminating, cutting things out, etc. If you are shy, this kind of volunteering might be good for you and you can develop a good relationship with your dd's teacher even though you are not volunteering in her class.
If you are shy, this kind of volunteering might be good for you and you can develop a good relationship with your dd's teacher even though you are not volunteering in her class
I work about 55 hours a week. I'm not home until 3pm in the afternoon. Volunteering at school is out of the question.
Most teachers are pretty good at responding to emails and most of us don't mind calling in the evening once in awhile. I've even scheduled even conferences with kind, concerned parents. Not every teacher can be expected to do that, though.
You don't have to volunteer at the school to be an involved parent. As teachers, we want you to instill age appropriate learning at home by reading to your children. Every day. Practice their math facts with them in the car or where ever. As current events come about, discuss them with your children. Tell your children that they not allowed to be disrespectful to an adult at school, but if they feel that they are being mistreated in some way, that they are to tell you because, as their parent, you are their advocate and you can appropriately advocate for them with the other adults at their school should the need arise. (You probably already know all this, but always good to repeat.)
If you read to your child every day, school will be exponentially more easy for them than if you do not.
tiredtired, I'm not a teacher but was a very active parent volunteer when my kids were in elementary and to a somewhat lesser degree in middle school. To answer your question, yes in many cases, depending on the circumstances, having a parent that volunteers at school does help a child. One example of how my volunteering at school helped my son is the fact that I was the art room volunteer in my children's art classroom each week. In the lower grades my son would sometimes get very frustrated when working on his art project when he couldn't get one to turn out like he wanted it to. I would go over to him when this happened and help calm him down so he didn't have a melt down. That made it easier on the teacher, made him a better student (because he didn't have the melt down) and because the teacher had an excellent relationship with me she was more tolerant of my son's behavior on the rare occasion that it was less than ideal. My daughter was always an excellent student, very well behaved, outgoing and respectful with her teachers so I feel my volunteering in her classrooms, while still helpful, was less of a benefit since even if I wasn't there she would have been well liked and successful at school. To answer your other question, the fact that you are introverts and don't have time to volunteer at school, shouldn't by itself hurt your daughter's education. If you help in other ways like make sure your daughter shows up to school well rested and prepared to learn, make sure her homework is done and encourage her to turn it in on time, make sure you fill out forms and return them on time, make sure her Friday folder is returned to school each week, if you are requested to bring in school supplies/tissues/class snack, etc. make sure you send them in by the date requested, make sure your daughter has her gym shoes with her on the day they are needed, make sure she has her snow gear everyday for recess if you live in a snowy area, etc. If you do everything required of a parent except volunteering then she will be just fine. Also, communication is another way to establish a connection with the teacher. Since you say that you don't feel comfortable talking to teachers and other staff then email or send in notes instead. At the beginning of the school year send an email or note to your daughter's teacher introducing yourself, explain that you're sorry but due to your work schedules you aren't available during the school day for volunteering or classroom parties, fill the teacher in on anything you think might be helpful to them to work better with your daughter (she's shy/outgoing, she loves to read/hates to read, she struggles with Math/loves Math, she loves school/doesn't care for school, she struggles with making friends/gets along well with others, she likes to talk so shouldn't be seated next to another talkative student, she has melt downs if she can't get her art project just right, etc.) and then end it with your phone number, email address and name and suggest the teacher contact you should there be anything they wish to discuss with you. Also I recommend that if you can't make it to parent/teacher conferences you also send an email or a note explaining you can't make it, give the teacher some positive feedback (assuming everything is going well) by sharing something that your child has mentioned she really enjoys about school and tell the teacher that if they have any concerns they can call or email to discuss things. If you do these things, then the fact that you can't volunteer at school shouldn't be an issue at all.
Last edited by searching4info; 01-20-2015 at 09:45 AM..
I teach upper elem. I appreciate parents that monitor their child's homework/grades, study with them, and make sure that they are getting work done outside of school. To me, you can be the most introverted person in the world, but if you're great at supporting your child outside of school, that's all that matters. I've had parents that were super outgoing but didn't help their child with any homework let alone care about their grades. Honestly, I don't expect parents to volunteer their time in the classroom- everyone's busy!
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